I finally admitted to myself that I was more afraid not to take a chance than I was of getting hurt again. Sometimes the reward is worth the risk.
I looked into Dex’s eyes. “You’ll always be honest with me?”
“I swear on it.”
I bit my bottom lip. The truth was, I couldn’t imagine never seeing this man again. He was right. Something was there between us. Something I’d never experienced before. Our connection was so strong; it was impossible to move on. “Okay.”
Dex’s face lit up, like I’d just flicked the lights on Christmas morning and he’d found a room full of presents. It was really adorable. “Okay? As in you’re giving me another chance?”
I needed to be serious, but couldn’t help but smile at how happy he seemed. “Yes. But…we need to slow down. I want to start over.”
“I can do that.”
“Starting over means dating. Getting to know each other. I want to know the real Dexter Truitt.”
He inched closer to me on the couch. “I’m an open book.”
“Good. We should probably start with a date.”
“I’d like that.” He inched closer again so that our knees were now touching. I was wearing a skirt and when his hand went to my bare knee, I felt it all over. His thumb gently rubbed at my skin.
Goosebumps were prickling from his touch, yet I managed to say, “I don’t have sex on the first date.”
He leaned in. “What do you do on the first date?”
My mind may have wanted to slow things down, but my body had other ideas when he began to wind my long hair around his hand. “Not much.”
He spoke over my lips. “How about kiss. Do you kiss on the first date?”
There was nothing more than I wanted than to kiss him again. Well, maybe there were other things I wanted even more, but that was definitely going to have to wait, too. I abruptly stood.
“I need to go.”
Dex stood. “Because you don’t trust yourself to stay here in my apartment with me?”
“I don’t and you know it. You know I’m attracted to you physically, and I can see that you’re going to make it very difficult for me if I stay. So I’m going to remove myself from this situation. Because we’re going to take it slow.”
He didn’t hide his disappointment. “When will I see you again?”
“Friday night. You can take me out on a proper date as Dexter Truitt. I think a public place is safest for now.”
Dex’s grin was wolfish. “If you think being in public with me will keep me from mauling you, then I suppose you need this date to get to know me better.”
I rolled my eyes, even though I secretly loved him admitting he couldn’t control himself around me, either. “Goodnight, Dex.”
“Goodnight, Georgy Girl.”
I had the worst first-date jitters I’d ever had—which may have had something to do with the fact that it wasn’t really our first date. I’d just discarded the third dress I’d tried on and was now sitting on my bed in only a bra and panties taking a minute to relax. Eyes shut, I took a few cleansing breaths and started to focus on the sound of my meditation balls humming as I massaged them in the palm of my hand. I rolled my neck a few times, loosening up my posture, and just when I began to find my calm, the doorbell buzzed.
Shit. I grabbed for my phone and was shocked to realize that it was already ten minutes to seven. I must have wasted almost an hour trying on clothes and attempting to meditate, when I’d thought it was more like fifteen minutes.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Covering myself with a bathrobe, I went to the door and pressed the button for the intercom.
“Dex?”
“The one and only.”
I buzzed him up. There wasn’t time for me to get dressed, but I quickly ran to the bathroom mirror to fix myself. Even though I’d done my hair earlier, changing in and out of dresses had made a mess of it.
When I was done, I unlocked the door and waited. Dex stepped off the elevator, and I watched as he walked down the long hall to my apartment door. God, he was really handsome. He wore a dark sportsjacket with dark slacks and a gray dress shirt, sans tie. But it was the way he strutted toward my door full of swagger and confidence that made my pulse race. There was actually a little flutter in my stomach as he neared my door.
Dex took my face into one hand and gave me a chaste kiss. After, he spoke over my lips, “I thought you wanted to go slow?”
“I do.”
“Answering the door in that robe and looking at me like that isn’t exactly the way to go about doing slow.”
I shook my head, hoping to wake up my brain. “Sorry. I lost track of time. Come in. I just need a few minutes.” I opened the door and went inside my apartment, but turning back, I found that Dex hadn’t followed me in. He was standing inside my open doorway.
“I think I should wait out here.”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous. Come inside.”
His eyes dropped down to point to my breasts. I was fully covered, but my silky robe wasn’t doing a damn thing to hide my pert nipples. They were poking through the lace of my bra and thin cover up, looking as anxious and excited as I felt. I folded my arms across my chest. “That’s your fault.”
“My fault?”
“Yes. If you weren’t all...” I waved my hand up and down. “…all dark and sexy looking, they wouldn’t be saluting you. And you kissed me. What do you expect?”
He grinned. “Dark and sexy looking?”
I rolled my eyes. “Just come in and sit down.”
“Okay. But I can’t guarantee I won’t be all sexy looking.”
I disappeared into my bedroom and left Dex sitting in the kitchen. After another rummage through my closet, I finally settled on a red dress that I loved. It was one of those colors that turned heads, and the only time I’d ever worn it was when I went out to a bar with my friends from work. I’d attracted more attention than I’d ever had that night. So much so, that I never wore it again. But tonight I was feeling greedy and wanted Dex to be unable to keep his eyes off of me the same way I seemed to be unable to keep mine off of him.
The look on Dex’s face told me I’d made the right decision when I walked into the kitchen. He was looking at some pictures of my nieces that I had hanging on the refrigerator and turned when he saw me.
“You look…” he trailed off. Then made a face. “Maybe you should change?”
I frowned. “You don’t like my dress?”
“I fucking love the dress.”
“I don’t understand.”
Dex walked to me. “You look beautiful. Red is definitely your color. But that dress…I’m going to get myself into trouble tonight, and I know it.”
Dex had taken me to one of the most exclusive spots on the Upper West Side. The Chapel restaurant was an old church converted into a high-end eatery. Featuring original stained glass windows, it was popular not only for the ambience but for its eclectic fusion cuisine. It took weeks, if not months, to get into this place.
Unfolding my cloth napkin, I said, “I’d ask how you managed a reservation, but I assume you can pretty much get whatever you want in this city.”
“Well, if that isn’t the most ironic statement of the year. I most certainly cannot get whatever I want. If that were true, I’d be underneath this table right now with my head between your legs.”
I clenched my muscles. “You’re such a horny bastard.”
He played with his watch. “I’ve never tried to hide that fact from you. And your face is turning redder than that gorgeous dress. You know you love the thought of my head buried beneath your skirt, my mouth getting you off. Admit it.”
I did.
“It’s a pleasurable thought, yes.”
“You’ve learned through the course of our talks that I’m damn good at what I do for a living, but what you haven’t yet realized is how damn good I am with my tongue. That’s not something I could have described in an interview, of course. It’s just something I’ll have to show you when the time is right.”
Dex had an unbelievable ability to appear so composed when he was talking dirty in public places. I would bet anyone watching him from afar could have easily assumed we were just talking business. I, on the other hand, was squirming in my seat.
He wiggled his brows. “By the way, I brought you something.”
“Oh?” I grinned.
He took it out of his inside pocket. It appeared to be another little wooden animal. Unlike the last one that he’d given me—that Jay had given me—this one was far from perfectly carved.
“I made this for you,” he said proudly.
“What is it?”
“It’s a goat. You can’t tell?”
“Oh, I see,” I lied. I couldn’t tell what it was. “This is all your handiwork?”
“Yes. I’ve been taking lessons from a master whittler. By the time he’s through with me, I plan to whittle you the world, baby.”
“That’s really not necessary. Why do you feel the need to continue that part of your façade?”
“It’s not about that…at all. I think I accidentally developed respect for an art I’d originally made a mockery of. And now, I truly enjoy trying my hand at it. I’m also in a very disturbing, one-sided competition with a ten-year-old YouTuber.” He cracked a smile. “Is that weird?”
“Yes.” I laughed. “But you’re a little eccentric and weird yourself… in a good way. So, it fits.” I looked down at the barely recognizable goat. “This is precious, though. I’ll cherish it even more than the first one, because it’s really yours.”
“Good.” He winked.
After we finished our meal, my attention turned to a couple who’d just arrived. They were sitting diagonally across from us. The woman was tall and gorgeous and much younger than the man. Her blonde hair was parted to the side and pulled back into a low bun. A thin strand of pearls lay atop her champagne-colored, satin, sleeveless top. A bright red Birkin bag that I knew must have cost in the tens of thousands sat on the ground next to her seat.
When the woman’s date got up from the table, her eyes locked with mine before she started to type something.
Dex’s phone suddenly vibrated, prompting him to look down and check it. He then turned around and looked straight at the blonde. She was now smiling directly at us.
What the hell?
“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.
“That woman just texted you?”
He gritted his teeth. “That’s Caroline.”
Caroline.
My stomach sank. Suddenly, the woman who had seemed attractive seconds ago became ten times more gorgeous in my mind—more threatening. I realized the mouth that was curved up in a smile was the same one that had been habitually wrapped around his “beautiful cock.”
Riddled with jealousy, I asked, “What did she just text you?”
Dex knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with hiding it, so he simply handed me the phone.
Caroline: So, this is the reason you won’t fuck me anymore…
I gave it back to him.
Caroline noticed that he’d shown me the text and began typing again.
When his phone buzzed, I asked, “What does it say?”
He reluctantly turned the screen toward me.
Caroline: Make sure you tell her that you like anal play.
A rush of adrenaline hit me. “Oh, really?” I huffed. “Good to know.”
Dex looked like he was getting angry. “She’s fucking with you, Bianca, because she sees you checking my phone.”
When Caroline’s date returned to the table, the texting stopped, and her attention turned back toward the older man who was wining and dining her.
“I’m sorry,” Dex said.
“It’s fine. We can’t change anything that happened before we met.”
He could clearly see that I wasn’t really okay when he said, “Let’s get out of here.”
“No. Then she’ll know she upset me. I don’t want to give her that satisfaction.”
“Yeah, well, the alternative…staying….is making you miserable. I’m not going to accept that.” Dex placed a wad of cash on the table to cover our bill and signaled for me to follow him.
I forced my eyes away from Caroline as we passed her table and exited the restaurant.
We made our way into the Town Car, and Dex instructed Sam to just drive around for a while until we knew where we wanted to go next.
Dex took my hand in his. “I’m really sorry about that.”
“You don’t need to apologize again.”
“I’m glad we at least got to eat before she showed up.”
I stared out the window for a bit before I said, “I’ve never been a jealous person. I wish it didn’t upset me so much.” It was hard to admit how I felt, but seeing her—especially how beautiful she was—really did catch me off guard. In a weird way, it made me want him more because I suddenly felt insecure and possessive.
“I think it’s adorable that you’re jealous. And it’s also a bit of a relief, because it shows me that you care about me at a time when I really need that reassurance.”
“I’m the one feeling self-conscious right now. She was absolutely stunning.”
“She’s physically beautiful. But so are a lot of women. It takes more than a pretty face to get me to the point of obsession. That’s where I am with you, Bianca. Not only are you the only woman I care to be with physically right now, but I fell for your mind long before my dick became impossible to control.” He squeezed my hand. “And you want to talk about jealousy? Do you have any idea what a wreck I was every single second you were out on that date? But it’s good to be open about this kind of stuff. We should be honest about our feelings, especially when it helps us determine where we stand with each other.”
Speaking of honesty, something had been really gnawing away at me for some time now. It was the one secret I’d kept hidden from the get-go. I’d given him grief about his deception when I was hiding something of my own. It felt like the right time to confess what brought me to him in the first place.
My palms felt sweaty. “I have to tell you something.”
Seeming concerned by my tone, he loosened his grip on my hand. “Alright…”
Here goes.
“I’ve knocked you for your dishonesty. But I haven’t been completely truthful with you about something. There’s a piece of information I’ve been keeping from you since the day we met.”
“Tell me this doesn’t have to do with another man.”
“No.”
“Thank fuck.”
“Well…not in the way you might think.”
“What are you talking about?”
“There was a reason I volunteered to interview you. It wasn’t just for curiosity’s sake.”
“Okay…what was it, then?”
“Your father was the reason.”
“My father…”
“Yes.”
“What about my father?”
“My mother used to work for him.”
“Your mother…worked for my father? What did she do at Montague?”
“She was his secretary for a time.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No.”
“God, he went through so many secretaries. How long did she work for him?”
“I’m not sure. Several years.”
“Well, that’s certainly longer than most.”
“I know. Your dad fired her, though, and that led to some serious money problems for my family because we were dependent on that paycheck. Dexter Sr. apparently paid very well. We’d become accustomed to having that security.”
“What happened after that?”
“Well, I was too young to remember but from what my mother told me, my dad’s company downsized around the same time, and he lost a good portion of his income. That was sort of the point where my parents’ marital problems really started. My father had an affair around that time. So my mother losing her job was really the beginning of the end.”
“And you associate all of this bad stuff happening with what my father did. That was sort of the catalyst.”
“Yes. I realize it wasn’t directly his fault, but it made me want to somehow get back at him by conducting the interview with you. I had originally planned to make it difficult for you. But that never happened, of course, because I soon realized that you were nothing like your father.”
“I can’t believe you kept this from me.”
“Well, I think you can understand the need to hide an uncomfortable truth.”
He nodded. “I certainly can, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to admit your original intentions. I just wish you had opened up to me about it sooner. I wouldn’t have held it against you. You didn’t know me then, and honestly, my father was a shitty human being, so you had every reason to want retribution.”
“I would never want to do anything to hurt you now, Dex. Please believe that. I feel so foolish thinking back to that time.”
“You know what I think?”
“What?”
“We’ve both made mistakes—especially me. I think we’ve done enough lying to each other and enough apologizing. Why don’t we stop dwelling on the past. Let’s stop letting other people get in the way of our happiness, too, whether that’s fictional Jay, Caroline, or my father. Let’s just move on.” He kissed my forehead. “Unless you have anything else to confess?”
“I don’t.” I smiled. “Thank you for understanding. And you’re right. No more focusing on the past.”
“You could’ve told me something far worse, and, honestly, at this point, Bianca, I’d have let it slide because I want you too damn much. I can’t go back. You could’ve told me you murdered someone, and the next thing I’d know, I’d be harboring a fugitive.”
“You’re crazy, Dex.”
“I know you have trust issues, and I know I’ve contributed to them. But I really do want to help undo some of the damage.”
“It goes far beyond what happened with us. My father’s affair, his leaving us when I was so very young, really made me an untrustworthy person, in general. There’s no man a girl is supposed to trust more than her father. His betraying my mother when times got rough conditioned me to always wait for the other shoe to drop. I won’t let you take all the blame for my hesitation with you. It goes far beyond you or…Jay.”
“Okay, then we’ve established that we both have the same fear.”
“The same?”
“Yes. You fear that I’ll turn out like our fathers, and that’s exactly my own fear. I worry that even though I know right from wrong, that I’m somehow genetically predisposed to being a bad person. Honestly, the Jay facade made me wonder more than ever. The fact that I was capable of pulling that off—of deceiving you—served as evidence in my own mind that my fear is warranted. How much control do I really have over my actions if I was able to make a split-second decision like that? So, I worry, too. But at some point we just have to let go and see what happens.”
He was right.
I happened to look down at that moment and noticed that he looked like he was packing a snake in his trousers. “Oh, my God. Are you hard?”
“Yes.”
“How can you have gotten an erection when we were in the middle of a serious conversation?”
“Do you really have to ask that? When am I not hard around you?” He pointed to his skull. “I’ve been talking to you with this head. My other one downstairs has a mind of its own.”
“Too bad you’re not really Jay,” I joked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if that relationship were real, we would’ve been dating for a while by now. We’d probably be home participating in all the things you are imagining at the moment,” I teased.
“That’s just cruel. I already hate that guy enough as it is.” He placed his hand around the back of my head and brought my face into his, speaking over my mouth. “Let me ask you this. What can I get away with tonight?”
“Well, I don’t trust myself to be alone with your ‘beautiful cock,’ so we’re not going back to your place or mine.”
“Okay…so then where can I have my limited way with you?”
“Honestly, the only place I’d probably trust myself to let you touch me is a crowded theater. At least there, I would know it could only go so far with other people around.”
Without hesitation, he called the driver. “Sam, head to the Lincoln Square Loews Cinema.”