Bianca’s eyes widened when she saw me standing there.
This was a mistake.
But I needed to see her.
Her eyes looked tired, like maybe she’d been crying.
Fuck.
I’d hurt her.
That’s why I came; I needed to know she was okay.
“Jay? What are you doing here?”
Instead of answering her, I wrapped my palms around her cheeks and pulled her into a deep kiss, desperately letting out all of the painful frustration that had built up inside of me after our earlier conversation.
It was Jay’s mouth she thought she was moaning into, but every part of me was kissing her as Dex.
I’m so sorry, Georgy Girl.
My dick was hard as a rock as I fervently tasted her. She panted into my mouth as my erection pressed into her abdomen. She tasted like toothpaste. Her braless, supple breasts were pressed against my chest. I could have easily taken her right there in the middle of her living room.
Bianca’s heart was pounding so hard against mine, and I took that as my cue to kiss her harder. She grasped the back of my neck, pulling me closer. I suddenly got the urge to lift her up. So, I did. She wrapped her legs around me as I continued to kiss her harder than I’d probably ever kissed anyone.
Adrenaline was rushing through me. It was mixed with a little bit of rage because of the fact that she’d so easily let “Jay” take advantage of her. After our conversation tonight, I was more certain than ever that her heart belonged to me—to Dex. Yet, she still managed to let me—Jay—do this. Was she that weak? It made me mad.
I ached to fuck her, to express physically all of the emotions I’d been forced to bottle up tonight.
Finally pulling back and slowly lowering her to the floor, I said, “That was probably the best welcome I’ve ever received.”
She kept her arms around my neck. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to ever see you again, to be honest.”
I was finding it harder and harder to look her in the eyes as Jay. Staring down at the floor, I said, “I need to apologize for not getting my shit together lately. It has nothing to do with a lack of desire to see you. Things have been crazy at work, and I haven’t been able to get here until now.”
Fucking liar.
“I needed this sanity check tonight,” she said.
“Why?” I swallowed. “What happened?”
“Nothing. It’s too much to get into. I’m pretty sure I almost lost my mind earlier. It’s just…really good to see you.”
No. No. No.
You didn’t lose your mind.
You’re right on target.
Jay needs to go—he just needed to touch you one last time.
“Everything okay now?”
“Now that you’re here, yes.” She smiled.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be up.”
“I don’t think I would have been able to sleep tonight anyway.”
Me, neither.
“What happened exactly to upset you?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay. It has to do with work.”
The fuck it does. Speaking of those white lies we talked about earlier…
Rubbing my hands along the tops of her arms, I said, “Look, I really can’t stay. I just…”
Needed to make sure you were okay.
Needed to see you.
Needed to touch you.
I continued, “I just wanted to say hello, to let you know I was thinking about you.”
And to say goodbye.
She looked panicked. “When will I see you again?”
“I’m not sure. Work has been crazy.”
And Jay needs to die.
Bianca hesitated for a while before she finally said, “I really don’t want to be alone tonight. Will you lie with me?” When I didn’t respond, she leaned in and gently kissed me, then said, “Please?”
There was nothing else in the world I wanted more.
Unable to come up with a legitimate reason to refuse, I nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”
Bianca led me to her bedroom. It felt surreal. A yellow legal pad sat atop the nightstand. I suspected that was the side of the bed where she lay whenever she was chatting with Dex. It took everything in me not to lean over to try to see what was written down. I figured there might have been some obscenities from earlier tonight.
Bianca got into bed, and I slipped in behind her. Several minutes passed as we just lay there together. My mouth was against her back, and I let the sound of her breathing soothe me. It was as if I could feel her thoughts through each breath. I knew in my heart that despite the fact that she was enjoying the warmth of Jay’s body, she was thinking about the real me, about Dex.
It all seemed innocent enough until she backed her soft ass into my dick. She intentionally rubbed against me, causing a raging hard on. After a few more times, I realized she was doing it to egg me on. Fuck, it was working. I continued to let her slowly grind against me. There was a word for this in high school: dry humping. I should have known that there was no way I could innocently sleep next to this woman.
Ready to explode in my jeans, I said, “Stop.”
She turned around and whispered over my lips, “You don’t want me?”
My body was in turmoil. She wanted to fuck me. And I wanted to be inside of her more than anything. But I just couldn’t. I could never consider sleeping with her until she knew the truth.
I got up and ran my hand through my hair. “I need to leave.”
She hopped up from the bed. “I’m sorry. I got carried away. It’s been a long time. I thought you wanted it, figured that’s why you came here so late. So, I wanted to let you know that it would be okay…if you wanted to. But it’s fine.”
My voice was louder than I intended. “I do want to…God, I do. But you really need to be careful, Bianca. You don’t even really know me.”
She let out a bitter laugh, “You’re warning me against you?”
“No.”
Fuck yes, I am.
I continued, “I just don’t want to move too fast with you. And I just think we…should get to know each other better first.”
Even though I know almost everything there is to know about you.
Letting out a deep breath, I went on. “But since I really can’t resist you, I think the best thing for me to do is to go home tonight, then take you out again properly. You’re not some booty call to me, Bianca.”
She placed her hands over her face and spoke into them. “You’re right. I was just…feeling like I needed it tonight.”
I know.
Because of me.
My chest hurt. I needed to get out of here before I admitted everything. She wasn’t in the right state of mind for the truth tonight.
Kissing her softly on the forehead, I said, “I’ll call you soon, okay?”
She simply nodded before walking me to the door.
Try to whittle your way out of this one, douchebag.
Feeling like an absolute asshole, I drove home in my Jeep vowing that after tonight, Jay was dead.
The next morning at the office, I was distracted, to say the least. Cancelling all my meetings for the day, I did something I almost never did. I went home and did nothing.
Sitting on my couch, I watched the clock, anxious for my chat with Bianca later. Only nine more hours to go. Dread filled me.
Should I tell her tonight?
I picked up the phone and decided to dial the one person who I knew could relate to what I was going through right now.
He picked up. “Hello, son.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Not bad. Just came in from a walk. About to make a tuna sandwich.”
“How’s the weather down there?”
“It’s Florida. Hot with a chance of rain pretty much all of the time.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“To what do I owe this phone call?”
“I actually need your advice.”
“That’s not something you often seek.”
“Well, this is one circumstance where I think you can actually be of some help. It involves lying. I’ve gotten myself into some deep shit.”
“Ah. Now, this is making sense.”
“I know you didn’t exactly hide your affairs from Mother very well. But essentially, you always seemed to be able to get back into her good graces…”
He interrupted, “Are you having an affair on someone?”
“No, I’m not a cheater, Dad. But I lied about my identity. The woman I’m dating thinks I’m someone else.”
“Are you ashamed of yourself or something?”
“It’s a long story. I thought she had some preconceived notions about rich and powerful men. I made a bad judgment call. Basically, I’m going to come clean to her soon and need to own up to my mistake. I just wondered if there was a trick to admitting a lie in a way that it would result in the least amount of damage.”
He chuckled. “Your mother was way too good to me, far too forgiving. She shouldn’t have been. There is no trick, Dex. If you’re lucky, this woman will see who you really are and forgive you. If you’re not lucky, I’m afraid there is nothing you can do to convince someone you’ve hurt that they should give you a second chance. That’s the price we pay for dishonesty. If she’s got it in her mind that you’re untrustworthy, there may be no turning back from that. I’ve learned that the hard way.”
My chest constricted. “Alright.”
He added, “I’ve lost good people in my lifetime who were right in their decision not to trust me.”
“Well, I was hoping this conversation would make me feel better, but I actually feel worse now.”
“Sorry, son. I’m just trying to be honest.”
“Oh, the irony.”
We both got a good laugh out of that. It felt weird to be laughing with Dexter Sr., bonding over our mutual indiscretions.
“Yeah.” He sighed.
“I’ll let you get back to your lunch, old man.”
“Keep in touch.”
“I will.”
I was about to hang up when he said, “Dex?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you for trying to be a better man than me. I hope you get out of this mess, hope you get the girl.”
“Not exactly the tongue I want to taste.” Using the back of my hand, I wiped Bandit’s slobber from my mouth. It was the third day in a row I’d come to take my new buddy for a walk. Jay was officially dead, and Dex was too big of a pansy ass to come clean to Bianca, so the only connection I had to Georgy Girl was a hundred-pound, shit machine whose breath smelled like ass. Sadly, he was the best friend I had at the moment.
“What are we gonna do, buddy?” I was sitting on the park bench again, and Bandit sat down facing me. Perhaps I was losing my sanity, but when he quirked one ear up, I could have sworn he was listening—wanted to help me solve my woman problems. “Have you ever lost your shit over a woman? Done something really stupid that you couldn’t figure out how to make it right? I don’t know…maybe take a bitch’s bone and bury it when she wasn’t looking?”
Bandit lifted his paw and swatted my knee. I took that as a yes. Bandit was a bone thief. “You did, huh? Did you come clean and win her heart in the end?”
Bandit opened his mouth and let out a big yawn, then rested his long face on my lap.
“I’m even boring a dog with my life.” I scratched his head and sighed. “I just don’t know what to do. How do I explain why I kept up the charade for so long? Admit that I was afraid she wouldn’t like me if I was who I really am? Or admit that I really am the asshole she thought I was and that she probably wouldn’t like me much if we’d met under other circumstances?” The truth was, that was what I was really afraid of—that once she got to know the real me, she’d smarten up and find herself an honest bike messenger.
It was almost eight, and I was already an hour later than I should have been getting to the office, so I walked my new best friend back to the shelter. Suzette wasn’t around when I’d arrived an hour ago but was now working the counter. “Mr. Truitt. I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to let you know that Bandit is getting relocated to our farm upstate at the end of this week.”
“A farm?”
She offered an unconvincing smile. “We can only keep dogs in the shelter here in the city for so long—after three months they go upstate for retirement if they aren’t adopted.”
“Upstate? A farm? Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I’d had a dog that went to the so-called farm once when I was a kid. I remember the day I’d told my friend that Buster had gone to have a better life on a farm. He’d set me straight on what the farm really meant.
Suzette’s smile was real. “God, no. It’s not like that. Our farm is a nice place. A woman named Allison runs it—she’s pretty amazing, actually. The only downside is the animals don’t get as much interaction with people as they do here in the city where we get lots of volunteers. But it’s a nice farm, and the dogs have room to run during the day.”
When I looked down at Bandit, he was staring up at me. Don’t give me those sad eyes. It’s a real farm. Not the proverbial farm parents used to make naïve children feel better. Didn’t you hear the woman? I kneeled down and rubbed the top of his head. “You take care of yourself. Okay, buddy?” For some reason, it felt like I was saying goodbye to the last part of Bianca I was holding on to. After a few minutes, I stood and offered Suzette the leash.
When she took it, Bandit refused to move from my side.
Suzette made kissy sounds. “Come on, Bandit. Time for Mr. Truitt to go.”
The damn dog didn’t budge, even when Suzette gave the collar a light tug.
“I’m sorry. They bond very quickly. Let me go grab his favorite toy.”
She disappeared and came back a few minutes later squeaking a toy bone. That got his attention. “Come on, Bandit.” Squeak. Squeak. “Say goodbye to Mr. Truitt.”
I looked down at my trusty friend—my keeper of secrets—to say goodbye. But instead it wasn’t what I said at all. I wasn’t even sure who put the fucking words in my mouth that I vomited out. All I know is that I wasn’t ready to let go of the last piece of Bianca just yet. And…I’d lost what was left of my mind.
“I’d like to adopt Bandit.”