As I buttoned my shirt, I looked down at Bandit who was standing at attention and listening to me ramble.
“You might have technically humped your sister, you know. Aren’t dogs inbred all of the time?”
“Ruff!”
“You’re fine, though, right? It wasn’t the end of the world. Nobody judges dogs. Why should they judge me?”
He just stared at me, panting with his tongue hanging out.
“It still seems a little fucked up. Shouldn’t I feel differently about her, Bandit? Knowing what I know? But I don’t. I want her. In some ways, I don’t even want to know the truth. And I certainly can’t stand back and bear witness to her moving on with her life. I want her with me.” Spraying on some cologne, I looked over at him. “What do you think about a move to Europe? I heard incest is not as frowned upon there. We can all be happy there: you and your inbred ass, me, Bianca, and our two-headed baby. What do you say?”
“Ruff!”
When I realized I was running significantly late for my dinner with Jelani, I quickly fastened my watch.
“Be a good boy,” I said before heading to the door.
Since he hadn’t been feeling too well, I opted to take Jelani out to a restaurant in Brooklyn, so he could be close to his house if he felt he suddenly needed to go home.
After I’d ordered four different family-sized platters at the Italian restaurant, my gaunt-looking friend said, “I didn’t realize we were expecting an army.”
The waitress had set down large portions of chicken and eggplant Parmesan, lobster ravioli, and vegetable lasagna.
“You need something that sticks to your bones. And you’re taking the leftovers home with you, too.”
I let Jelani do most of the talking. My mind was elsewhere as he told some stories from Kenya and spoke about whether or not to renew his spot at the flea market for the upcoming year.
At one point, he raised his voice and interrupted my thoughts. “Dex, I’ve been talking to you for a half hour, and you’ve been staring off into space half of the time.”
Shaking my head quickly, I said, “I’m sorry. I’m just feeling very anxious tonight.”
“About the test…”
“Yes. My father finally agreed to do it, but only after he returns from his vacation in Turks.”
“Well, at least he agreed to cooperate. That was half the battle, wasn’t it?”
I sighed. “Yep. So, it’s going to happen in about a week.”
Twiddling my thumbs and bouncing my knees up and down, I looked around the restaurant.
Jelani sat in front of me with his arms crossed, and I stopped my fidgeting long enough to realize he’d been quietly observing me.
“Dex…”
“Yeah?”
“Go to her.”
“What?”
“Your mind is not here. Stop wasting time here in this restaurant trying to get skinny old me to eat. Go to her and spend the rest of the night with her. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since getting sick, it’s that each day is precious. If things don’t end up in your favor, at least you’ll have these days. Don’t waste them. Live in ignorant bliss for a little while longer.”
There truly wasn’t anything I wanted more in that moment than to go to Bianca.
“You sure you don’t mind?”
“Of course not. Life is good. We’ve been here long enough, and I have food for the entire week.”
“You’d better eat it.”
Jelani chuckled. “Thanks for looking out for me, Dex. You’re a good man.”
It was a full moon out tonight. After I dropped him back home, I had Sam head straight to Bianca’s. I hadn’t thought to call or text first, so I was disappointed to find that she wasn’t home. Still, I thought better of chasing her down. She might have been with her sister, still dealing with the after effects of dropping that bomb.
Rather than text to ask her whereabouts, I opted to go back to my place and change out of my clothes.
Back home, I’d just gotten my pants off when there was a knock at the door. Bandit started to bark like crazy. The only person who was allowed to bypass the doorman was Bianca. My heartbeat accelerated.
When I opened the door, my breath caught. She looked so incredibly beautiful, dressed casually in jeans and a fitted, leather jacket. Bianca’s hair was damp from the drizzle outside. Her eyeballs moved back and forth as she looked at me, seeming like she’d been searching for something and had finally found it.
Then she practically fell into my arms. I embraced her tightly for the longest time, cherishing the feel of her heart pounding against mine. It was confirmation that her feelings for me remained unchanged.
Whispering into her hair, I said, “I went by your place. You weren’t there.”
“I was with Alex. Brian watched the girls so that we could have dinner out and talk.”
I pulled back to look at her face. “And you came straight here after?”
“Yeah. My sister could tell my mind was on you the entire night. She told me to just go see you.”
“That’s funny. Jelani did the same thing to me, told me to go to you. I guess we’re both pretty transparent, huh?”
Bianca’s eyes trailed down the length of my body. It was then I realized I was still shirtless, dressed only in my underwear. Desire pooled in her eyes as she continued to stare at my half-naked physique. Knowing full well what she was thinking, my abs clenched and my cock stiffened.
My words came out in a hoarse whisper, “It’s okay to want me.” Brushing my hand against her cheek, I added, “Lord knows, I want you so fucking badly.”
“I’m learning that you really can’t fight what comes naturally. And that bothers me, because what if the news isn’t in our favor, and I still can’t shake it? What, then?”
“Then, we move to Europe,” I said without hesitation.
“What?”
I placed my hand on her cheek. “I’m kidding.” Sort of. “Look,” I said. “People can tell us how to think, but they can’t tell us how to feel. Nothing has ever proven that fact to me like this situation has. You want me right now just as much as I want you, and it’s killing me.”
As was usual around Bianca, my body was beginning to betray me. My erection grew harder with every second that her eyes remained fixed on my body. I couldn’t even be certain whether I could have stopped myself if Bianca told me she didn’t care about the repercussions. If she told me to fuck her then and there, I honestly didn’t know how I would have reacted. That was how desperate I felt.
I led her over to the couch. As I lay back, she reached out and hesitantly placed her hand on my abs. Even though she looked reluctant, it was clear that she’d been dying to do it.
“It’s okay. Touch me. We won’t take it any further. Just touch me.”
She ran her hand along every inch of my chest as I closed my eyes and relished her touch. She then lowered her head and lay down on my heaving chest. I was sure she could feel my heart beating right into her eardrum.
“I don’t want to give you up,” she whispered over my skin.
Running my fingers through her beautiful dark hair, I said, “Can I tell you a secret?”
Her voice was barely audible. “Yes.”
“I have to tell this to you now because the way I see it…anything I say now could be construed as okay since we don’t know the truth yet.”
She lifted her head and sat up to look at me. I was glad she did because this was important.
I took the opportunity to return that focused attention as I stared deeply into her eyes. “I won’t ever stop loving you. Even if it turns out we’re blood-related, I will still love you. I may not be able to admit it to you anymore then, and I may not be able to express it to you physically, but I won’t stop loving you. I need you to know that. You will move on eventually. You will meet someone new, but I will still never stop loving you. I might meet someone and marry eventually, but when she’s walking down the aisle, make no mistake, I’m going to be thinking of you and wishing things were different. Because I will never stop loving you. And whether you’re my lover or my sister…you will still be the most amazing woman I have ever met. No matter what, Bianca, you are the love of my life. No one will ever replace you.”
Her face was covered in tears. “I love you so much, Dex.”
The need to feel her mouth on mine was unbearable. “I really need to kiss you right now.”
“Kiss me. Please…kiss me,” she breathed.
And so I did. With the same intensity with which she’d begged for it, I kissed her harder and with more passion than I ever had before. If it was wrong, I didn’t want it to be right. Like Jelani said, ignorance was bliss. My compromise was that I wouldn’t sleep with her, but I was going to damn well kiss her. Maybe it would have seemed more salacious if we hadn’t done it countless times before. But it felt so natural, so familiar. Like breathing. If I was going to hell for continuing to do what felt natural, then so be it.
In fact, I’d turn myself in.
I hated that Bianca had to leave.
The next afternoon, she’d flown out for an assignment down in Virginia. I’d lightly suggested that she reschedule the interview, but Bianca had said she needed to work to make the time pass or she’d go crazy. I could understand that, but I hated that she would be sitting in a hotel room hundreds of miles away for two nights, thinking the worst was going to happen. Not to mention that two nights away from her seemed like an eternity. And while we spoke on the phone every morning and evening, I felt her slipping away from me again. Physical distance made her overthink things. Her voice was sad when I called to check in on her that afternoon.
“How did your interview go? Did you get everything you needed?” I asked.
“I think so.” She sighed. “To be honest, I don’t have any idea. Thankfully, I grabbed my recorder at the last minute before I left—something I never really use—because I’m pretty sure everything he said went in one ear and out the other.”
“It’s to be expected. You’re under a lot of stress.”
“You want to know something funny?”
“I could use funny right about now, yes.” I leaned back into my office chair.
“I woke up in the middle of the night with a mini panic attack. I couldn’t fall back asleep right away, so I got out my Baoding balls while my mind was racing over everything from the last week.”
“I might have laid in bed last night playing with my own stress balls and thinking of you, too. Let me ask you, have you ever tried inserting them and wiggling around? I think that might go a long way toward stress reduction.”
I heard the smile in her voice. “You’re such a pervert. And I wasn’t done with my story, you know.”
“Go on. I’m curious to see if your ball massage session finished off as well as mine did.”
“Anyway,” she continued, “I massaged my stress balls for a while and still couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to turn on the television. Take a guess what was on at three in the morning?”
“What?”
“Cleopatra.”
As insane as the entire situation was, I was glad the two of us could still laugh at our own expense. Although Bianca’s voice was more serious when she spoke next. “My sister went to the lab you set up for us today.”
“Oh yeah? How’d everything go?” I’d arranged for my father to go to the same chain lab facility in Florida the day he got back from his vacation. Bianca and her sister only had to give their case number when they went in for a quick swab. I didn’t want either one of them to have to go through explaining everything at the lab.
“Brian went with her, and my mom took the kids so they could have a night alone.”
“That’s good,” I said.
“It’s the least my mother can do.”
“Did you make an appointment yet?”
“Tomorrow afternoon. Three o’clock.” I heard the dread in her voice.
I’d been tossing around bringing up something that was on my mind for the last two days, but now that her appointment was tomorrow, we didn’t have much time left…
“What time does your flight land tonight?”
“A few minutes after eight, I think.”
“I’ll pick you up at the airport.”
“Are you sure? I can just grab an Uber.”
“I’m sure. I miss you. And I want to talk to you before tomorrow anyway.”
“Oh God. The last few times you had something to talk to me about, you admitted you were Jay, told me my mother was a cheater, and then told me we could be siblings. I’m not sure I want to have any more talks with you.” She was teasing. Well, sort of.
“I have no more bad news. I promise.”
“Then why did you sound so serious?”
“I just think we should talk. In person. Tonight.”
“Dexter Truitt. I’m going to get kicked off the plane for screaming at the top of my lungs and chiming my balls if you don’t tell me what’s on your mind right now. I can’t travel home wondering what you’re going to spring on me next.”
Shit. I should’ve just told her that I’d missed her and left it at that.
“I just want to talk about you getting your DNA test done.”
“What about my test?”
She wasn’t going to stop until I said what was on my mind. I’d be making her head spin whether I told her or not. “I’ve been thinking…what if you didn’t get the test done?”
“Tomorrow? I can go another day if you need me for something.”
“No. I meant…what if we didn’t find out at all?”