It was starting to feel like I was being blown off. After I returned home from my business trip, I’d texted Jay to let him know I was back, and though we’d exchanged messages for a while, he didn’t attempt to nail me down for our next date either. Perhaps he was just busy at work, and I was reading too much into things.
While I was a bit disappointed about it since I thought the chemistry we had on our date was off the charts, there was a part of me that also felt a bit conflicted about my conversations with Dex. Mister Moneybags had grown on me. And unless I was misreading things, he was also interested in me. My trip out of town gave me the opportunity to pull together my story about the elusive Dexter Truitt, and I’d also done some deeper research. Tonight, I had some questions about his father that I thought might be difficult, but would definitely shed more light on the mysterious man.
Promptly at eleven, the chat window on my laptop popped up. My pathetic heart started to accelerate seeing that Dex was already typing to me.
Dex: Hello, Bianca.
Was it weird that I heard him say my name in a deep, sexy voice. Hello, Bianca.
Bianca: Hello, Mr. Truitt.
Dex: I thought we’d moved past the formalities.
I’d nervously typed that without thinking. He was right; we weren’t Mr. Truitt and Ms. George anymore.
Bianca: Sorry. Habit.
Dex: How was your week? Did you miss me?
Yes.
Bianca: I did think about you a lot.
Dex: Tell me more about that.
Bianca: Well, I was writing your story and that had me thinking about you.
I left off the fact that I’d saved the candid photo he’d sent me during our first chat and was staring at his abs while I was writing his story all weekend. That might have had something to do with why he was so difficult to get out of my head this week.
Dex: It seems that since I’m not writing a story about you, I have no excuse for thinking about you. No professional excuse, that is.
I smiled at the screen.
Bianca: Are you saying your thoughts of me are not professional?
I chewed my nail watching the screen as Dex typed back.
Dex: My thoughts were definitely more of a personal nature.
Bianca: Interesting.
Dex: They certainly were…
Great, I was going to get all hot and bothered at the beginning of the interview. Suddenly, I had no idea what to type in response. Turned out that was okay.
Dex: So how’d my story come out?
I was relieved he’d brought us back around to a work discussion.
Bianca: I think people are going to enjoy it. I just have a few more questions.
Dex: Shoot.
There wasn’t really a way to soften what I needed to find out, so I went with the direct approach.
Bianca: What happened between your father and you?
He was silent for a minute.
I knew from personal experience what a horrible person Dexter’s father was. I specifically chose not to divulge that to Dex. In the end, it didn’t matter anymore. My need to get even with Dexter Truitt Sr. seemed less important the more I’d gotten to know his son. They were simply not cut from the same cloth.
Dex: As I’ve divulged before, my father was a liar and a cheat for most of his life. He cheated on my mother for the majority of their marriage and cheated business partners out of money. As a kid, I didn’t really understand what type of a person my father was. I’d idolized him, in fact, even though my time with him had always been limited. By the time I was a teenager, he was all over the news for his alleged involvement in some crooked deals. Even though he was somehow always cleared of anything technically illegal, there was nothing he could do to hide the truth about himself from me anymore. So, our relationship was strained for many years because I didn’t want to be associated with his bad behavior. As I’ve told you before, my decision to stay out of the public eye has a lot to do with not wanting to repeat my father’s mistakes. I alienated myself from him for a long time, which was wise from a business standpoint.
Bianca: And from a personal standpoint?
Dex: Well, the guy is still my father. It’s not easy to be on bad terms with the person who helped give you life. We’ve been working on our relationship more over the past few years. He’s joined a church down in Florida—thinks he’s found Jesus. He also had a skin cancer scare. I think he’s starting to realize that life is too short to live it like a piece of shit.
Bianca: So, you are slowly learning to forgive him.
Dex: I’m trying, yes. It’s more about accepting the things I can’t change and moving forward. I can’t change the fact that he wasn’t a very good father to me as a kid. But he wants to be more involved in my adult life now, so that’s an opportunity I can choose to take or leave. I don’t want to have any regrets, and I know he won’t be around forever.
Bianca: I think the ability to forgive is an admirable trait.
He took a particularly long time to respond this time.
Dex: What do you consider worthy of forgiveness?
Bianca: What do you mean?
Dex: You said once that you don’t like liars. Would you forgive someone who lied to you?
Bianca: It depends on the reason for the lie.
Dex: Give me an example.
Bianca: If someone lies to protect another person, then I find that forgivable. Like my mother. She lied to me to protect me. My father was having affairs and she would make up stories to make him look good. In the end, it turned out his indiscretions were what ended their marriage. So, while I don’t condone lying, in the case of my mother, I’m able to forgive her because she lied to keep me from being hurt about what my father had done.
Once again, his response was delayed.
Dex: Are there any other situations in which you might forgive someone for lying?
I had to think about that. In general, there was really no excuse for lying, in my book. But I couldn’t say I hadn’t told some white ones in my life.
Bianca: I don’t know. I guess it would just have to depend on the individual scenario.
Dex: You don’t think it’s black and white. Fair enough.
Bianca: How has the spotlight once again turned on me?
Dex: I think we’re beyond the point where there are any rules in this process, Bianca.
Bianca: That’s true. Come to think of it, I’ve pretty much broken every journalism ethics rule during this entire experience.
Dex: I won’t tell anyone if you don’t. The published product will be the same in the end. We’ve just had more fun along the way than most people do.
Bianca: You’re right. It really hasn’t seemed like work at all.
Dex: I would even venture to say I’ll miss these 11PM chats when we’re finished.
“Miss” wasn’t the right term for how I felt about the interview process nearing an end. I’d become addicted to talking to Dex. Obsessed. It was as if my entire day revolved around just getting to eleven.
Bianca: I will, too.
We’d come to a break in the conversation. It was obvious that our interview had really run its course. I had so much information on this man that I didn’t know what to do with it; it couldn’t possibly all fit into a four-page article. There wasn’t really a need to continue communicating. But I found him fascinating and would continue our chats for as long as I could get away with. He didn’t need to know that I was virtually finished with the piece.
His next message threw me for a loop.
Dex: What happened to that guy you were dating?
That’s a good question. I didn’t know what had happened with Jay.
Bianca: We haven’t made plans in a while.
Dex: Why not?
Bianca: I think he’s been busy. We’ve been in touch but just haven’t nailed down any dates to go out.
Dex: You don’t sound too devastated.
Bianca: Honestly, between my trip and working on the feature, I haven’t had much time to dwell on it.
Dex: You’ve been too focused on me.
Bianca: You can look at it that way, yes.
Dex: I choose to. ;-)
Bianca: What about you? What’s your excuse? Why are you never cancelling on me? You must have a bevy of women waiting in the wings.
Dex: Not a bevy, but yes, I don’t have to beg for dates.
Bianca: You don’t say…
Dex: Want to know the truth, though?
Bianca: Always.
Dex: Lately, I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone but you.
I let his words sink in. A flash of heat permeated my body. How was it possible to be so taken with someone I had never even met? I really wanted to see him—more than I’d ever wanted anything. I impulsively typed.
Bianca: How about right now? I want to see you tonight.
I closed my eyes and cringed at my assertiveness. My heart was pounding as I waited for a reply. It took him a while to respond.
Dex: Not tonight. We agreed to meet at the end, remember?
My emotional state went from hot to cold real fast. He’d implied before that he wanted to date me, yet he keeps avoiding actually meeting me. I needed to call him out.
Bianca: I have a feeling there will always be an excuse.
The spaces of time between his responses were getting longer and longer.
Dex: I just need to be prepared.
Prepared for what?
Bianca: Prepared?
Dex: Yes. This time with you has been different from anything I’ve ever experienced. You know more about me than most people. And I probably know more about you than any of the women I’ve dated, and yet, I can’t seem to get enough. I’ve exposed myself to you—in more ways than one, practically. This is new for me. Meeting you in person will be intense. And then there’s the risk of disappointing you. I think that’s my biggest apprehension.
Bianca: How can you possibly disappoint me if I know almost everything about you already?
Dex: You may not like what you see.
Bianca: Let me at least hear your voice then.
Dex: Not yet.
Bianca: Why not?
Dex: You’ll hear me soon enough.
Bianca: Do you sound like Mickey Mouse or something?
Dex: No, I can assure you I don’t. My testosterone levels are good. I suspect you’ll like my voice, actually. LOL. I can’t believe you just asked me that.
Bianca: I have to explore all possible reasons why you are hiding. And quite honestly, at this point, you’re making me a little self-conscious, Mr. Truitt.
Dex: We’re back to formalities now? Don’t call me that anymore. We’re beyond that. And tell me why you’re feeling self-conscious when you have absolutely no reason to be.
Because I was starting to think that his apprehension was really about me.
Bianca: There are multiple reasons. I sometimes worry that, despite our online chemistry, you don’t really have any intention of meeting me at all. I also worry that our chats have become like a game to you. And sometimes, this is the worst one, I worry that I’m being catfished, that maybe I haven’t really been speaking to Dexter Truitt at all.
Dex: I swear to God, it’s me. I would NEVER do that to you, Bianca. It’s me.
I believed him. It was low of me to assert that. That thought had rarely crossed my mind, but deep down, I didn’t actually believe it.
Bianca: Okay. I believe you. I’m sorry. I’m overreacting. I just feel like I’ve gotten in a little deep when I shouldn’t have. This is all so unprofessional.
Dex: Fuck professional! Understand something: I do have concerns about meeting you, but NONE of them have to do with YOU. They ALL have to do with your impression of ME.
Bianca: Do you think I’m shallow? Is it your face you’re afraid of me seeing?
Dex: No. I know you’re not shallow and it has a little to do with my face, yes.
Well, now I was just totally confused. He thinks he’s ugly? Honestly, with a body like that, I’m pretty sure I could overlook it. More than that, it was him I wanted first and foremost, not his body nor his face.
Bianca: I’m sorry. I should have never mentioned seeing you. You already agreed to meet with me. I guess I just need to trust that and be patient.
Dex: I promise we will meet, Bianca. Don’t ever be sorry about asking for what you want, either.
I needed to end the chat before I said anything else I would regret.
Bianca: I’m going to turn in for the night, if you don’t mind.
Dex: I upset you.
Bianca: No. I’m fine. I think I just need to rest.
Dex: Okay.
When I didn’t reply, he sent another message.
Dex: Tomorrow night. Same time?
Bianca: Yes. Goodnight, Dex.
Dex: Sweet dreams, Bianca.
I shut my laptop and closed my eyes. Feeling completely defeated, I checked my cell phone for any texts from Jay. There were none.
But twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door.