What was she feeling? What was she thinking?
One minute I thought I knew, and the next I didn’t have a damn clue. I knew she wasn’t purposefully trying to send me mixed signals, but I’d never felt so confused in my goddamned life. One second she was looking at me in that way, saying things, doing things . . . and the next she was turning her back and glancing at me like I was just another one of the seven billion occupants of the planet.
The snorkeling thing had been unexpected. Awesome, but not exactly what I thought I’d find her doing an hour after finding out about what I’d done, and hours before Jacob would be here. Maybe that was why she was acting so all over the place—because she was in shock or something. God knew people had been traumatized by less.
She still hadn’t brought up anything about Jacob or what she wanted to tell him. It was just past noon, which meant we had a few hours to decide how we were going to play this. The ball was in her court, and I’d play the game by her rules. Once I found out what those rules were.
“That was fun,” she said as we plodded into the hotel with dripping hair and salty skin. She’d asked me if I’d walk her in, and like the hopeless sucker I was for her, of course I said yes.
Okay, so she still wasn’t ready to talk about Jacob. Not that I was in a hurry either.
“You did good out there. You’re a strong swimmer.”
“I did learn from the best.” She smiled at me, her eyes dropping to where I’d cinched a beach towel tightly around my new beach attire. “Though for a swimmer, I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so squeamish about wearing a Speedo.”
I nudged her as I walked her toward the elevators. “A Speedo is what one wears for swimming practice or an event. It contains more fabric, offers more coverage, and doesn’t typically come in python print. This”—I motioned at the area below my navel—“is what one wears when auditioning for Snake on Snake Action.”
When she laughed, it spread throughout the whole foyer. Man, that laugh. Cora used to laugh like that a lot when we were kids, but things had changed. Now her laughs were more of the measured, rehearsed variety.
When we made it to the row of elevators, she didn’t hit the up button. She looked like she was struggling to say something, and I guessed I knew what it had to do with.
“If you want, you can call me later when you decide,” I said, leaning into the wall in front of her. “I’ll keep my phone on me, so just let me know what you want to tell Jacob.” I patted the pocket of my slacks bunched in my arm and waited.
I knew it was time for me to leave, but I wasn’t ready. Something inside me knew that when I left Cora this time, it might be months before I saw her again. Maybe years. That was how I guessed it would have to be for her to put the last twenty-four hours behind her. She might have been content for the last couple of hours to forget about what I’d done, but I knew that wouldn’t last. Her anger would come back, evolve into disgust, transition into loathing, and turn into god only knew what before hopefully, one day, she’d be able to look at me and remember me for the person I’d been the thousands of days before this past one.
“Would you come up with me?” she asked quietly, like she was afraid of saying it too loudly. “Would you mind walking me to my room?”
No. Say no, Matt. You don’t need to fuck this up any more than you’ve already fucked it.
“Sure.” The word was out of my mouth instantly, my palm already pressing into the up button.
At the same time Cora looked relieved, she appeared just as shocked.
We didn’t say anything on the elevator ride up. I noticed that she hadn’t gone with the penthouse like Jacob had originally planned. Instead, the elevator stopped somewhere in the middle of the tall tower. As we moved down the hall, I felt hyperaware of every wet strand of hair winding down her back, every freckle dotted across her shoulders, every breath she seemed to labor over.
When she stopped in front of a door, she dug a card key out of her beach bag and struggled to get it slid in and out with the way her hand was trembling.
“Let me.” I took the card from her and unlocked the door. When I held the card out for her as she stepped into the room, I realized she was crying. Or she was about to. I slid her hair away from her face so I could see her eyes better. “Cora?”
When her eyes lifted to mine, the first tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m scared.”
A lump lodged in my throat from seeing her like this, hearing those words come from her. “What are you scared of?”
I had a few guesses, of course, but I wanted to hear it from her.
When she shook her head and sealed her lips, I stepped closer. “Afraid of what Jacob’s going to do? Afraid of what he’ll say?”
Her eyes stayed closed as a few more tears chased down her cheeks. “Yeah, I guess I’m nervous about Jacob and what’s going to happen when we see each other this afternoon.”
My brows pulled together. What else besides Jacob was she scared of? “Anything else?”
She was quiet for such a stretch of time that I didn’t think she was going to answer me. Then her eyes opened, and she forced them to meet mine. “I’m scared of you.” She looked like she was working up a measure of courage to say whatever she needed to next.
“Scared of me?” My head shook because I didn’t understand. She had nothing to be scared of when it came to me. Whatever she needed from me, whatever lies she needed me to corroborate, whatever truths she needed me to bury, I was hers.
She sucked in a breath. “I’m scared of the feelings I have for you.”
An impact. That was the sensation I felt upon hearing those words come from her. Harmless words were somehow capable of making me feel like I’d just been wrecked and gutted at the same time.
They weren’t just any words. They were the very ones I’d been waiting to hear from her for years. She had some kind of feelings for me.
“What kind of feelings?” I rasped, knowing better than to hope. I had a decade of experience proving why hope was pointless where Cora and I were concerned.
“You know what kind of feelings,” she whispered.
Shit, Matt. Do the right thing. The right thing . . .
What the fuck is the right thing?
“Just stop and think about what you’re saying for a minute. The past couple of days have been . . . a lot’s happened.” I was trying to put my thoughts together, but none of the pieces seemed to fit. I knew what I had to say, but it was the opposite of how I felt. The result was me sounding like a blundering idiot. “Yesterday, the things I did, I did in the heat of the moment. Maybe if I’d stopped to think, paused to question if I was doing the right thing, none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t be in the situation you are right now.”
Cora’s hand had slipped into mine, and she was guiding me into her room. I didn’t realize I’d let go of the door until I heard it slam closed.
“Instead I’d be in the situation of being humiliated in front of hundreds of guests at the wedding my fiancé failed to show up to? The situation of being alone and sad and scared?”
“But you’re scared right now,” I argued, reminding myself why I had to do the right thing when it came to Cora.
“Have you ever noticed how the more you do or admit or talk about whatever it is that scares you, the less it actually does?” The card key fell out of my hand when Cora’s other hand molded around my shoulder. “Like today, I was terrified to get in that water and snorkel, but once I decided I was going to do it no matter what, once I started to, I wasn’t scared anymore. I felt brave instead.”
My heart was hammering against my sternum, echoing in my eardrums. I nodded.
“I’m tired of being scared. I want to be brave, not frightened.” She moved closer, until the cloth from her towel was scratching against my chest. Her eyes dropped to my mouth. “Be brave with me.”
The right thing.
Do the right thing.
That was the chant going through my head when her mouth covered mine, her arms winding around my neck as she fitted her body against mine.
Whatever the right thing was, I couldn’t remember it, especially with the way she was kissing me. But this felt pretty damn right.
Fuck it.
I’d already made love to her four times in a day. What was once more?
“We have to talk,” I managed to get out.
“We will,” she whispered against my lips. “I promise. We’ll talk about everything. Until we’ve figured it all out.”
My mouth responded, claiming hers with my tongue, drawing a sound from deep inside her. My hands formed around her backside, lifting her off of the ground so her legs could tangle around me. When our laps collided, I rocked myself into her, desperate for her to feel my need for her. Desperate for her to know the depth of my need was as limitless as my love for her was.
“Matt,” she breathed against my mouth, making every nerve in my body come alive.
“Say it again.” I leaned back so I could watch my name form on her lips.
Her back bowed when I pressed myself against her again, my fingers digging deeper into her backside.
“Matt,” she breathed once more, her eyes meeting mine as she pitched against me.
I couldn’t wait. As much as I wanted to prolong this and draw it out into the next decade, I couldn’t wait.
“Next time you say it, I’m going to be inside you.” Grabbing her towel, I yanked it free and tossed it onto the floor. She worked at my towel, slipping her hand inside to stroke me a few times. “Wait, I’m too close. I need to be inside you. I need to feel you when I come.”
Cora reached between us and slid aside the material of her swimsuit. A moment later, she freed me from the confines of my own suit. She pressed herself against me, sliding up and down my aching length so I could feel how ready she was to take me. How much she wanted me.
Me. Matt.
Not Jacob.
Not me pretending to be Jacob.
Me.
Matt Adams.
The man who’d loved her for so long, I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t. Loving her had become a part of me. The defining part of me.
“Matt,” she sighed, her hands curling into fists. “Please.”
Hearing my name, listening to her practically beg—I knew better, but I couldn’t do better. Not with Cora. Not when it was her asking something of me. This, perhaps more than anything else, proved why I was so weak where she was concerned.
Shoving off the wall, I moved until my knees hit the mattress. Caging my arms around her back, I lowered her onto the bed, crashing my mouth into hers the moment her head hit the pillow. With her help, I finished tearing out of that god-awful swimsuit and kicked it to the floor. When I ground myself between her legs, her head rolled back, her mouth fell open, and a sound that drove me wild tumbled from her lips.
I was making her feel those things. Responsible for the sounds she was making for me. God, acknowledging that made me feel drunk with power.
“Please, Matt,” she whimpered again, shimmying out of her swimsuit bottoms.
“Don’t stop saying my name.” My jaw ground when she slid aside her top, revealing her breasts. “Don’t stop saying it.”
She nodded, biting her lip as I continued to rock my hips into her, trying to hold off for one last moment before I took her. I knew once I felt her, it would all be over. I probably should have been embarrassed by how quickly I came whenever I sank into her, but I wasn’t. Not the slightest bit of shame. She was everything I’d ever dreamed of, my proverbial fantasy in human form.
My mouth skimmed down her neck, my tongue leaving a wet trail. She arched closer the lower I went, and when I got to the heavy crest of her breast, I couldn’t help myself. I sucked on her skin hard, desperate to mark this exact spot on her body. Desperate to mark every spot of her body.
“Matt,” she whimpered, squirming as I worked at that perfect patch of skin.
When I pulled back, I grinned at what I’d done. Inside, my inner animal roared. A large red mark was starting to blossom at the top of her breast, and it looked so fucking perfect on her, I wanted to give the other one a mark to match.
Before I got there, the hotel phone rang. Below me, Cora jolted like she’d just been shaken out of a dream.
“It’s okay. Let it ring.” My mouth dropped to her neck again, loving the taste of the salty ocean on her skin.
“The front desk said they’d call to check to make sure I liked my room, or find out if I’d want to move.”
“The front desk can wait.” My fingers scrolled down her side, making her shiver. Between my legs, a growing ache was building. I wasn’t sure I could delay much longer.
“It’ll only take a second.” She smiled at me as she shimmied over to where the phone was ringing on the nightstand. “Overeager much?”
“Where you’re concerned?” My brow lifted. “Overeager always.”
She laughed softly then lifted her index finger as she grabbed the phone. While she did that, I reached between my legs to give my balls a squeeze because damn, they were not known for their patience.
“Hello?” she said, trying to sound natural, but she sounded breathless and excited, like she’d totally been getting laid. Or about to.
Immediately, her face went blank. And white. Her body froze at the same time.
“Jacob?” She swallowed, her eyes connecting with mine for one beat before she looked away.
My heart had managed to lodge itself in my throat when I heard her say his name. There I was, naked and hovering above his girl, while he was on the other end of the phone with her.
This was seriously messed up.
“Yeah, Matt found me. He told me you’re flying in later.” Her lips moved, but that was all. Everything else looked paralyzed in fear. Or something like it.
I wanted her to shake her head when I crawled off of her. I wanted her hand to reach for mine when I pulled away. I wanted her to drape her arms around me again and hold me close, so I knew. So I knew she wanted me to stay. She wanted me close.
But she didn’t want me close. She didn’t want me to stay. She didn’t make any move to stop me when I lifted away from her and crawled off of the bed.
“No, I’m in another room. Not the penthouse, no—” Cora sat up in bed, throwing the downy comforter over her body like we were a couple of kids again and I’d accidently walked in on her changing or something. “Listen, Jacob, a lot has happened, and I’m not going to sit here and explain it all to you over the phone—”
He must have cut her off again. Jacob had been cutting her off and interrupting her forever. For some reason, this time, I wanted to figure out a way to reach through that phone and wrap my hands around his neck.
Things had changed between Cora and me. We’d slept together. We’d shared things. I might not have had any claim to her, but I wanted one. I wanted to be able to say she was my girl and use whatever means necessary to protect her, even if it meant driving my fist into my brother’s jaw if he kept interrupting her and using that raised voice I could hear from across the room.
“I’m not having this conversation with you right now. I’m not doing it.” Cora seemed to have forgotten about me completely.
I was plenty used to that. When Jacob was involved, I was there one minute, invisible the next.
I was such a fool. Such a goddamn idiot.
She didn’t want me. She wanted him. She always had and nothing was going to change that—least of all me confessing the way I felt about her.
Anger seeped into my blood, making me feel like I could tear apart this entire hotel, one crumbled fistful at a time. I tuned out whatever Cora was saying as I snagged one of the towels off the floor and cinched it back around my waist.
She never looked up. Her attention never diverted from the phone and who was on the other end of it.
As I started for the door, something stopped me. Exhaling, I turned so I was facing her, waiting for a chance to get her attention. It didn’t take as long as I expected.
When her eyes connected with mine, I saw a dozen emotions playing in them. She was scared, nervous, unsure. At the same time, she looked relieved, happy, and almost peaceful.
“Are you okay?” I mouthed, waiting. I couldn’t leave her if she needed me, but there had been few times in life when Cora had needed me over Jacob. I hoped this might be one of those times, but I knew it wasn’t.
She took a moment, her throat moving when she swallowed. Then she pulled the covers tighter around her and nodded. After that, her gaze left me and her whole focus shifted back to the phone. Even from here, I could still hear Jacob’s raised voice as he fired questions and accusations at her, pausing half a second before popping off the next.
What did she see in my brother? What did she see in him that she didn’t when she looked at me?
I guessed the answer to that was everything, because Jacob was everything I wasn’t, just like I was everything he wasn’t. We were twins, two halves of what had started as a whole, but life and experience had turned us into totally different people.
As I pulled the door open, I heard Cora get in a few words. “Okay, yeah. I’ll see you soon.” A pause, just long enough for my heart to feel as though it were turning to stone. “I love you too.”