Kat

Anxious, I remove my cell phone from my bag and flip through the notifications. I frown when it sinks in that none of them are from Dean. Again. If I didn’t want this internship to turn into a full-time position, I would have packed up my shit and went home for the day. But I am not a quitter, no matter how much I want to throw in the towel.

My moods shift from happy to sad in an instant. Even I am sick of being around myself, let alone my brothers, who were happy to leave for college and hockey. I was a raging bitch for most of the summer, especially after Dean left.

Becca, my former roommate and now co-worker, taps me on the shoulder, forcing me to look up from my cell phone. “Did you hear from your boyfriend?”

I shake my head and set the phone on the table next to me. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

She shrugs. “You know what I mean.”

“Nope, I haven’t heard from him.”

Even though it has been four months since I last saw Dean, we either talk or text every day. Except for the last three days. What is he doing? I should text him, but I don’t want to interrupt him. Not like Dean would answer anyway since he’s supposed to be at practice.

Having been through this with my family, I tried to tell Dean that a relationship would be hard on both of us. If you can even call what we have a relationship anymore. Despite my better judgment, I told Dean I would give this a shot. But the pain of being alone all the time is killing me, ripping me to shreds from the inside out.

With my hormones out of whack, it’s even harder on me to go for long periods of time without hearing from Dean. I still haven’t told him about the baby because I thought we would have more time together. He should hear the news in person. But that seems less likely by the day. Most days, I’m lucky if I get to talk to him for ten minutes before he has to hang up.

“How are you feeling?” Becca tips her head toward my stomach. “Have you told your dad yet?”

“No, I’m not sure how to tell him.”

“Call him on the phone and say, I’m pregnant, and then hang up.” She laughs. “I’m joking, but in all seriousness, that might be easier than what you’ve been doing.”

“I see my dad so little that I haven’t found the right time, you know. I’m his only daughter. I feel like a massive disappointment.”

She leans back in her chair and glances around the lunchroom. “I still can’t believe it took until you started showing to tell me. I thought we were homies.”

I laugh. “You’re the first and only person I told. Consider yourself part of my inner circle.”

“What about your baby daddy?”

I shake my head from side to side. “No, I think it will be better this way.”

I have become the kind of person I hate—a liar. Anymore, all I do is lie to the people I care about, all because I don’t want to tell anyone about the baby. He’s coming whether I plan or not, yet I keep pushing off telling everyone.

“Your son should have a father.”

“Easier said than done, Bec. I tried to tell him a million times, and I can’t do it. Nothing comes out. I freeze up.”

“You should tell Dean.”

I clear my throat, choking on my soda. “No.”

“You used to tell him everything. What happened to you guys?”

Everything. Too much. A baby.

“We’re growing apart,” I confess, saddened by the shift in our relationship. “Dean has hockey. I have this baby and an internship.”

“I always thought you two would end up together, especially after you guys hooked up.”

“We had bad timing and too much distance between us.”

“You two would have made a cute couple.”

I smile to hide the pain on the inside.

For most of my life, I’ve held everything in, out of fear of bothering someone with my problems. With my older brothers having to raise the twins and me, they had enough to deal with when we were kids. My dad could hardly function, other than to play hockey after my mom died. We are finally moving on with our lives. The last thing I want to do is throw another curveball their way. But I have to come clean.

“Thanksgiving is next month. You should tell everyone before you’re sitting down for dinner, ready to pop out a baby.”

“I still have some time after Thanksgiving.”

“Not much.” She tugs on my arm. “Stop being so stubborn and tell someone other than me. All this stress cannot be good for the baby.”

“You’re right. The doctor said my heart rate was a little high when I went for my last checkup.”

“You are depriving your child of a father. He should have the chance to see his son. You should send him the other copy of the sonogram.”

“His birthday is next week,” I joke, even though it’s the truth. Dean will be twenty-three next Tuesday. “I don’t think Dean would be too thrilled about my surprise.”

“Isn’t Dean’s birthday around Halloween?”

“It’s on Halloween. Don’t you remember all the parties he threw at his house to celebrate?”

She chuckles. “That was how Dirty Dean was born. I miss those parties already. Real life sucks.”

“Tell me about it. What I wouldn’t give to turn back the clock and go back to college for another month.”

“I can’t believe Dean is the father.” She leans forward and puts her elbows on the table, holding me with her gaze.

I look away from her, ashamed.

She lowers her voice to a whisper. “Cheer up, Kat. Dean Crawford is your baby daddy. You sure know how to pick them.”

I hold my finger up to my mouth, turning in her direction. “Shh…”

“What? It’s not like I would tell anyone.”

“We work for a sports magazine. No one can know about this, okay?”

“So, that’s why you’ve been so tight-lipped about the situation.”

“Yes. I don’t want my personal life to interfere with this internship.”

“Someone will find out eventually, don’t you think? A baby is not an easy secret to keep. Once he’s born, people will start asking more questions.”

“Well, that’s the benefit of not having a massive belly and living in a city that’s cold. I can get away with a lot of bulky sweaters and oversized clothes.”

“I still can’t believe your dad hasn’t noticed. You live in the same house.”

“He’s only home once a week, and when we hang out, he’s not staring at my stomach. Even if he noticed my weight gain, he would never say a word.”

“But you are on his insurance plan. Doesn’t he see the bills from the doctor?”

“No, they go to his accountant for him to pay.”

“Still, I think you should tell him. And Dean.” She shakes her head. “I can’t believe Dean is the father. After all those years of you two being just friends, he gets you pregnant. That baby is going to be a looker. I’m sure he’ll turn heads just like his daddy.”

I smile at the thought of Dean and his handsome face. “I miss him,” I choke out, doing my best to hold back my tears. “I should have told Dean when he was here this summer. I was too afraid of losing him, even though he was the one who wanted more.”

“I would have given him whatever he wanted,” Becca says with laughter in her voice. “Dean is one hunky hockey player.”

“Tell me about it.” The corners of my mouth turn up slightly. “I miss having him in my life. It’s been hard without him.”

“Why don’t you go see him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Well, then uncomplicate it. If you want to be with Dean and you want him to have a role in your baby’s life, then you need to make the next move.”

“First, I need to tell my dad and brothers about the baby. I want to see how they react before I tell Dean. Maybe I’ll fly out to Philly and surprise him for his birthday.”

“This time, you have to tell him. Don’t worry about how he will react. If you have to write it inside his birthday card, then do that. It would be better than not telling him at all.”

“Thanks, Bec. I guess all I needed was a kick in the ass.”

She flashes a wicked grin at me. “I will gladly kick you in the ass. Bend over and assume the position.”

I laugh. “I feel so much better talking to you instead of holding it all inside.”

“I can only imagine. You will feel a million times better once you tell your family and Dean. Go make a reservation for a plane ticket and schedule a call with your brothers.”

“I wish I didn’t have to do it over the phone.” I sigh. “Duke is going to have a stroke when I tell him.”

Becca pats me on the shoulder. “Good luck. Duke has one hell of a temper. I wouldn’t want to see it if I were Dean.”

“He likes Dean, even though he gives him shit. All my brothers do. My dad adores him.”

“Yeah, but how will they feel about him once they know he got you pregnant and then went off to play hockey in another city?”

“It’s not his fault. I never told him.”

“True but look at it from your dad and brother’s point of view. They will assume that he knew since Dean is your best friend.”

“It will look like he abandoned me,” I mutter, deflated.

“Uh-huh.”

“But Dean would never do that.”

Becca gets up from her chair and grabs both of our lunch trays. “We know that but do your brothers?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

As she walks away from our table to dispose of the trash, I wonder if she has a point. My family might not see things the same as me. The twins will feel betrayed by Dean. Duke will be angry that I proved him right. Austin will be upset that I was too afraid to tell him. But my dad will be the most disappointed of all.

Can I do this? Do I have the strength? I held off on making this decision for a reason. But was it even a good one? I guess it’s time to do the right thing.

* * *

With my entire family living in different cities, I had no choice but to schedule a meeting with them over the phone. When I was younger, we did this all the time. It was my father’s way of keeping up with our lives when he was on the road.

I sit on my bed, lift the receiver with a shaky hand, and call Austin first since his voice puts me at ease. Like Dean, Austin always knows the right things to say. Then, I conference in Theo and Tucker, who scream into the phone, followed by Duke and my dad. I saved them for last because telling them terrifies me the most. In some ways, I see Duke as an extension of my dad.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dad yells into the phone as if he’s trying to talk over a crowd. “What’s up? I’m on the air in about thirty minutes.”

“I need to tell you all something important. Are you sitting down?”

“What did you do?” Duke growls.

“Why would you assume I did something wrong, Denny?”

He blows into the receiver, annoyed because he hates that I use his real name. “Sorry.”

“What I want to tell you guys is hard for me to say. Can you just let me get it off my chest without interrupting me?”

They all agree.

I suck in a deep breath and let it out. Nervous energy shoots through my body in waves, setting my skin on fire. Becca was right. The stress is bad for the baby. The more anxious I get, the more I notice him kicking me. It’s as if he can sense my moods and is upset along with me.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.

Relief washes over me now that I have gotten my secret off my chest.

“You’re what?” Dad says. “Did you say you are pregnant, Kat?”

“Yes, Dad. I am pregnant. I wanted to tell all of you in person, but our schedules never line up.”

“Are you sure? Did you go to the doctor?” Dad asks.

“Yeah, Dad. I’m having a boy.”

“How long have you known?”

“Seven months,” I admit.

“Honey, why would you keep something like this from us?” He hesitates for a second, this time with excitement in his voice. “You’re having a boy? I will be a grandfather.”

What is he not angry with me?

“I’m sorry, Dad. I should have told you.”

He doesn’t answer, or at least not that I can hear over my brothers.

“I’m coming home to see you, Kat,” Austin says. “I can take you to your appointments.”

That was always Austin’s job. What I wouldn’t give to have him home with me now. Always the calm and level-headed one, Austin is the brother I should have told over the summer. But he would never keep a secret from our father. It would have eaten him alive. He was always a terrible liar.

“Who is the father?” Duke says with anger in his tone. He sounds like Bruce Banner getting ready to turn into the Hulk.

“Yeah, who’s the father?” The twins say in unison.

“Do you guys promise not to flip out?”

“No,” Duke says.

“Okay,” the twins add.

“I haven’t told him yet.”

“Kat, who is the father?” Austin says. “Just tell us. We won’t get mad.”

“Dean,” I say. My voice is almost a whisper.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Duke sounds as though he’s grinding his teeth as he speaks. “All this time you tried to convince me that you weren’t fucking that asshole and then he knocked you up and leaves you to deal with a baby by yourself?”

“He didn’t leave me, Denny. Dean doesn’t even know.”

“You and Dean?” Theo sounds confused.

“Really?” Tucker adds. “So, you guys were together that whole time?”

“Are you two that fucking clueless?” Duke yells so loud my eardrum hurts.

“Knock it off, Duke.” Now, Dad is pissed off. “Don’t talk to your sister and brothers like that.”

“Sorry, Dad, but this is bullshit.”

“Kat, I will be home in a few days,” Dad says.

“Me, too,” Austin says. “I can stay overnight on Saturday.”

“Please don’t say anything to Dean. Any of you. I haven’t had a chance to tell him yet.”

“I don’t even want to talk to him,” Tucker says with anger in his tone.

“Me neither,” Theo says. “I can’t believe he did this to you. To us. What a dick.”

“He didn’t do anything to any of you. This is between Dean and me. Okay? Just let me handle it.”

“He’s dead the next time I see him,” Duke says.

“Denny, please don’t do anything.”

“I can’t make that promise right now, Kat.”

I lay my head back on the stack of pillows on my bed and close my eyes. Maybe they just need to time to process everything. It had taken me months to come to terms with my new life. Now, I have to muster the courage to tell Dean.