Dean

On my birthday, Kat moved into my luxury apartment that overlooks the Camden Waterfront. The transition was not easy for either of us. Even after two months of living together, our relationship is still so strained that we move past each other like strangers in the subway. But we try to make it work for our son. Every time I get angry with Kat, I pull the sonogram from my wallet and remind myself that Noah is my focus.

“Will you at least look at me when I talk to you?” Kat says from behind me.

I turn around to face her, my eyes landing on her stomach. Her belly is hard to miss now that she’s so close to having Noah. She only has a few more days until the doctor induces her.

“Dean, c’mon.” Kat steps forward and grabs my wrists with her hands. “Can we please go back to the way things were between us?”

“We’re friends. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“By now, I thought we would be more. I love you, Dean.”

“I love you, too, Kitten.”

“I mean I’m in love with you. I want to be with you again.”

I shake my hands from hers and hop up onto the kitchen counter. “I need time. I told you that already. We can’t repair the damage overnight.”

“You’ve had months.” She moves between my legs and her stomach brushes against my thighs. “Is that not enough to see that I’m still the same person you fell in love with?”

I stroke her jaw with my thumb, and she leans her face into my hand. “You are the mother of my child, Kitten. No one can take that away from you. But if you want more from me, I need time.”

She lets out the puff of air that she was holding. “Maybe I should move back to Chicago after Noah is born.”

I drop my hand from her face, my teeth clenched in anger. “Don’t even think about it. You two are staying here with me. If you want to go back home for the summer, then I will come with you. Until then, we are living in this apartment as a family.”

“I never thought you could be so cold,” she spits back.

“And I never thought you would lie to me. Consider us even.”

“I hate you,” she yells, smacking me on the arm. “You’re such an asshole anymore.”

I grab her hand before she can smack me again and hold her in place. “As much as you want to hate me, I know you love me. It’s your hormones talking.”

She shakes her head, frowning. “No, I can’t do this with you anymore. I thought I was moving here to give our son a better life. What kind of life will he have if all his parents do is fight? All this negativity is bad for Noah.”

“Look, Kitten, I’m sorry. I am trying to do right by you and Noah. I want this to work for us.”

“Then, why won’t you touch me?”

“I’m touching you right now.”

“You know what I mean. Sex, Dean, I want to have sex with you. I’m so fucking horny, and you keep walking around the apartment naked all the time.”

I wiggle my eyebrows at her. “I thought you liked Dirty Dean.”

She laughs, and her smile reaches up to her bright blue eyes. “Only when I get to play with him.”

“Is that what you want?” I release her hands to fumble with my belt. “A hate fuck from me.”

“You don’t hate me,” she coos, stopping me from removing my belt.

“Maybe not, but I’m still angry. And I don’t want to hurt Noah.”

“You can’t hurt him, you idiot.” She rolls her eyes at me.

“Whatever. Wait until after Noah is born, and then, we’ll see how things go. Okay?”

Kat tugs at the buckle and flips open the top button on my jeans. “Let me take care of you, Dean. It doesn’t have to be this way. I can make you feel better.”

“Don’t.” I cover her hand with mine.

“Why not? When was the last time you had sex?”

“With you. Back in the summer at your house.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “Really? You haven’t slept with anyone else.”

“Why does that surprise you? If anyone would know that I’m not the sleazeball everyone thinks, it should be you. Isn’t that why you wanted me to fuck you without a condom in the first place?”

“You don’t have to be so crass.”

“That’s what we did.” I dip down to brush my lips against the shell of her ear. “You wanted me to fuck your tight pussy. You wanted me to know how good you feel so that I would fall in love with you. Wasn’t that part of your plan, Kitten?”

“Dean,” she whispers, closing her eyes. “Please. Stop tormenting me.”

I move my lips to her neck and plant kisses on her skin. She stills between my legs, sucking in deep breaths that turn to soft moans. “You want me to make you come, Kitten? You want me to reach between your legs and finger the tension from your body?”

“Yes,” she hisses.

I sit back and place my hands on my thighs. “Well, we can’t always get what we want.”

“You dickhead,” she screams. “Stop doing this to me.”

“There you go again, polluting our son with your potty mouth.” I smile at Kat just to taunt her. We play this game so often that I can’t stop myself. She mind fucked me for months. Maybe I’m being an immature asshole for doing it back to her, but part of me feels as though she deserves my hostility.

Our son needs a father. That doesn’t entitle Kat to have a sexual relationship with me. One day, I will give in, because I want her, too. I have to get over my anger before I can forgive her. But I will. I could never stay mad at Kat.

“You have some nerve with all the cursing you do around him.” She turns around so that her back is facing me and bends over to reach into the refrigerator.

I lean forward to smack her firm ass.

She jumps and then turns around with two bottles of water in her hands. “You don’t get to touch my ass if you’re not gonna play with me.”

I slide off the counter, take the bottles from her hands, and set them down behind me. “I kept a secret from you, too,” I confess.

“Seriously? What happened to coming clean with each other?”

“It’s not the kind of secret you kept from me.” Cupping her face in my hands, I gaze into her eyes. “I’ve thought of having sex with you, trust me I have. But I can’t go through with it.”

She gives me a pained look. “Because you’re not attracted to me anymore?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. You are beautiful. I love seeing you pregnant and with my baby inside you. How I feel about you will never change. The attraction has never been an issue for me.”

“Stop being so cryptic, Dean. Why have you been torturing me?”

“Because I think of you differently now.”

She lowers her head and sighs.

“It’s not what you think, though. Every time I as much as think about being inside you, I can’t help but think of Noah.”

Kat peeks up at me, confused. “You make no sense.”

“Okay, don’t laugh at me, but I feel like he’s watching us.”

She laughs. “Now, I know you are insane.”

“That came out wrong. What I meant to say is that having sex with you while Noah is in your belly freaks me out. I thought maybe I could take you up on your offer for that blowjob I have been dying for the past few months. But I still can’t do it.”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Dean. You can’t have sex with me because you think Noah can see what we are doing? I highly doubt that.”

“Kinda.” I shrug. “It just feels weird, okay? And I don’t want to do anything to hurt him.”

She presses her stomach into my chest and breathes against my lips. “Can you go through with it after Noah is born?”

My lips crash into hers. After months of fighting my feelings for Kat, I need to connect with her again. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I missed her so fucking much. She grips my hair between her fingers, tugging hard as she pulls me closer to deepen the kiss. Our passion for one another intensifies with each second that passes.

I sink so far beneath her skin that I get lost inside my Kitten, allowing our bodies to do the talking. Until I feel a gush of liquid on my feet. I peel my lips from hers, and Kat raises her hand to her mouth.

“That was my water,” she speaks between her fingers, before lowering her hand to her side. “Or at least I think my water broke.”

I smile and rest my forehead against hers for a few seconds before taking a step back. “Either that or you pissed on my shoes.”

“I was supposed to have a few more days.” She waves her hand in front of her face to fan herself. “I’m not ready for him.”

“Listen to me, Kitten,” I say, gripping her by the arms. “We’ve planned for this day for months. You can do this, okay? You got this.”

“Right,” she breathes. “I can do this.”

“I will be here if you need an assist.” I wink, and she returns my smile.

“There’s no one else I would want to do this with than you, Dean.” She kisses my cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I release her from my grasp. “We need to get you to the hospital.”

“I have to take a shower first.”

“Of course, you do,” I deadpan.

“I don’t want to be all gross. I am covered in fluid. Help me into the shower, and then we can leave.”

A mixture of panic and excitement stirs in my chest, as I walk Kat to the bathroom. My son is almost here. Having a baby at twenty-three was the last thing I’d ever planned, but now that I’m about to become a father, all the missing pieces in my life are falling into place.

* * *

After spending months preparing for Noah, he’s almost here. Noah’s birth is the complete opposite of what I’d imagined. Standing at Kat’s side, as she squeezes my hand for dear life, I tell her to breathe.

She glances up at me, with her teeth clenched in either pain or anger. It’s hard to tell with all the yelling she has done since the doctor told her to start pushing. Her hair is a mess, with little bits of blonde matted to her face, and her cheeks and chest breaking out in blotches.

“Almost there,” I say under my breath, echoing the doctor’s words. “You’re doing great, Kitten.”

A few more minutes pass, with the curses flying out of her mouth like a sailor. She can say whatever she wants to me when she’s about to bring my baby boy into this world.

“Push,” the doctor says, and Kat squeezes my hand with her superhuman strength, forcing my eyes shut.

A few seconds later, Noah’s screams fill the room, and Dr. Walcott announces, “It’s a boy.”

But we already knew that.

I smile like a fool as my gaze travels between Noah and Kat. Dr. Walcott holds Noah up to show him to us, before passing him to the nurse.

The nurse asks me if I want to cut the umbilical cord, and I nod, nervous. What if I screw this up?

I know I can’t hurt Noah, but still, I am terrified. After the doctor and nurse make their preparations, the nurse hands me the scissors, as I stand over my son, freaking out. He’s tiny and beautiful, a mini version of me. My eyes fill with tears that I blink away.

Kat deprived me of months of her pregnancy, but she gave me this moment. Cutting into the cord is weird, sort of like slicing through a thick, wet rope. But I feel more bonded to Noah. His mother got to carry and nurture him, but this is something I get to do. It all hits me at once. I have a son.

After I finish, the nurse takes Noah to clean him up, and I stand next to Kat, my hands still trembling. I sweep the hair off her forehead and bend down to kiss her slick, salty skin, telling her how much I love her.

I follow her line of sight to the nurse who is holding our baby.

“We make cute kids, huh?” Kat asks, unable to peel her eyes away.

“He takes after his dad.”

She turns to face me, her smile reaching up to her watery blue eyes that have tears of joy in them. “He sure does.” Kat presses her palm to my cheek. “I can’t wait to take Noah home and start my family with you.”

I kiss her fingers that brush my lips. “Me, too, Kitten.”

“You should let everyone know that we’re okay and that Noah is healthy.”

“I’m not leaving your side.”

She tips her head toward the door. “Stop being weird. Go ahead. We will be fine. My dad, brothers, and your mom are probably worried sick.”

“I still don’t like Duke,” I admit.

“You will always be the man who knocked up his baby sister, so I would say the feeling is mutual. You guys are family now. Both of you will have to put aside your differences for Noah and me.”

I bring her hand up to my lips and plant a kiss on her soft skin. “I’ve been an asshole lately, but I would do anything for you and our son.”

“I know that, Dean. Now, go. Let everyone know they can come see the baby and me.”

I release her hand, not wanting to leave the room. “I’ll be right back.”

As I walk into the waiting area, the entire Baldwin clan comes to a standing. Theo and Tucker speed walk over to me, with Austin and Duke in tow. Nick helps my mom up from the chair and hooks his arm through hers.

“Did Kat have the baby?” Theo asks, smiling.

“The nurses are cleaning him up now.”

“Congratulations, bro,” Theo says, slapping me on the back, followed by Tucker.

“Thanks.”

“I guess this makes you an official member of the family,” Tucker says.

I laugh. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Now, we can actually call you our brother and it will be legit,” Theo says.

I smile at his words. “Do you guys want to see Noah?”

“Yeah,” they both say, excited about meeting their nephew.

After the news broke about Kat’s pregnancy, it took the twins a while before they would talk to me on the phone. Ever since, we have slowly repaired our friendship. Austin, always the more friendly and civil of the brothers, holds out his hand for me to shake. Duke frowns at me, his angry look slowly changing to a closed-mouth smile. He mutters his congratulations.

My mom is a sobbing mess, held up by Nick, with his bulky frame and strong arms. She hugs me and chokes out, “Congrats, baby. I can’t believe my baby has a baby, and I’m a grandmother.”

I kiss her on the cheek. “Thanks, Mom. You are an amazing mother. You’ll be an even better grandmother. Noah will love you just as much as I do.”

She smiles. “I guess it’s about time I leave Florida. My boys need me.”

I nod. “We do.”

When Nick hugs me and welcomes me into their family, the feeling is surreal. For most of my life, I looked up to Nick Baldwin. He was my childhood idol and now the grandfather of my child. The reality of the situation still needs to sink in before I can process all the changes.

The biggest change, I am a father.