Dean

My heart plummets into my stomach when I see the look on Kat’s face as she walks into the waiting room. She flashes a fake smile in my direction, but I know her well enough to tell something is wrong. I get up from the chair, filling the space between us within seconds.

Hooking my arm around her back, I pull Kat into my chest. “What did the doctor say?”

She holds her hands up to her face, begins to sob, and leans her head on my shoulder.

I cradle her head and kiss her hair. “Why are you crying? Do you have Celiacs? Talk to me, Kitten.”

My words only cause her to cry harder. She doesn’t respond, so I whisper in her ear that it will be okay. For once, I have no idea what to say. Our relationship has been so strained that I am at a loss for words.

After a few minutes, her body stops convulsing, and she peels her face from my shoulder. My shirt is soaked in her tears.

I push the hair from her damp cheeks and wipe away her tears with my thumbs. “It’s okay, Kitten. A gluten allergy is not the end of the world. I will help you research what foods to avoid. You shouldn’t be eating carbs anyway.”

The carb comment provokes a tiny smile from Kat. “I guess you don’t need that deep dish pizza after all.”

“I can make exceptions,” I say with a wink.

“You always know the right things to say when I need to hear them.”

“At least you’re smiling.” I run my thumb along her bottom lip, my expression mirroring hers. “Everything will work out, Kitten. It always does.”

“Thanks, Dean.” She threads her fingers between mine. “Let’s get out of here. I have to go back to the dorm and pack.”

“I can’t believe we graduate tomorrow. I’m gonna miss you this summer.”

“I will miss you, too,” she says under her breath.

Steering her through the lobby and out of the building, I cling to her for dear life. The finality about tomorrow knots my stomach, making it hard for me to think of anything other than our final goodbyes. Maybe some distance will do us good. That seemed to help Kat come back around. But a small part of me is terrified I will lose her forever once we part ways.

By the time I walk Kat to her room, her tears have dried up, replaced by a sullen look on her beautiful face. It kills me to see her like this.

Kat drops onto her bed and pulls me down with her. “I need you, Dean. Hold me while I sleep.” She rolls onto her side with her back facing me.

I get comfortable with Kat and wrap my arm around her stomach. She slips her fingers between mine and holds my hand against her skin. We haven’t been this close to each other since the morning that everything fell apart. If only I could turn back time and hit the reset button.

“I wish I could be with you over the summer, Kitten. Who will hold you when I’m gone?”

She shrugs against my chest. “Austin or Duke will lay with me like they always do. We usually fall asleep watching Netflix together anyway.”

“You Baldwins have some weird habits,” I say.

“To you, maybe, but to us, our rituals are normal. If you had brothers, you would get it. With me being the only girl, things were always different. Duke and Austin babied me to death and watched over me as if I would break in half. They still do.”

“Duke is a little too overprotective of you.”

“I remind him of our mom, and he was super close to her. He promised her that he would look after me.”

“He’s not like that purely out of obligation to your mom.”

“I guess not, but I know that has something to do with why he’s up my ass about everything. Duke worries about me. So does Austin.”

“Theo and Tucker do, too. They talk about you all the time. For the last few weeks, they have been worried about you. They swore that I was the reason you weren’t around and that I did something to hurt you. We even got into it one night when we had too much to drink.”

“Sorry about that.” She squeezes my hand. “I needed time to think things through.”

“I figured as much. That’s why I gave you some space. But I missed you like crazy the entire time.”

“Same here. Now that we’re graduating tomorrow and going back home, I wish I hadn’t created this divide between us. We should have spent our last few weeks together, not apart.”

“I promise to come out to Chicago and stay with you after the NHL Draft, even if it’s only for a few days or a week. My mom needs my help around the house. I don’t want to leave her by herself for too long when I had to do it all year for school.”

“There’s nothing more important than family,” she says. “I completely understand.”

“I hope I get picked up by a team,” I admit.

“You’re one of the best centers the NHL will ever find. It’s not a matter of getting a spot on a team; it’s where you will end up.”

“I’d like to be as close to you as possible.”

“You hate the Blackhawks. Could you play for my home team?” She laughs and leans back enough to dig her ass into my thigh, reminding me of our night together.

It’s hard not to think about Kat in that way after being inside her. I miss that part of our relationship, too. But what we had wasn’t just sex. It was so much more. At least it was to me.

“I would play for any team that wants me. My professional career has nothing to do with my personal feelings.”

“If you could choose any team in the league, we both know you would go with Tampa Bay.”

“That’s my home team. Of course, I would.”

She sighs. “Florida feels so far away from Chicago.”

“It’s only a plane ride away,” I tell her, stroking her hair. “No matter where I go or which team picks me up, I will still be here for you.”

“I know, Dean.” She lets out an exaggerated sigh. “I have to tell you something before we leave campus tomorrow.”

“What is it?” Her words cause my stomach to turn from the anxiety that brews from within.

“I…” She hesitates, choking on her words a few more times, before she says, “I—”

“It’s okay, Kitten. You don’t have to be nervous with me.”

“I’m not sure how to say this,” she mutters. “I’m…” She stops herself again, but this time, she begins to cry.

Her sobs are low, and as I clutch Kat tighter, her body trembles from how hard she cries. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that the Blackhawks select me in the NHL Draft. Kat needs me just as much as I need her.

* * *

I scraped together enough money from working at the pizza shop off campus to fly my mom to Philadelphia for my graduation. The smile on her face as I held the fake diploma in my hand made the last four years worth it. Everything she sacrificed to get me to this point has finally come full circle.

After I find Kat, who was seated a few rows in front of me, we make our way onto the lawn out front of the event center at Strickland University. The guests shuffle out in waves, the sheer number of people making it impossible to see through the crowd.

Kat had sent my mom the light pink sundress she’s wearing, which makes it easier for us to spot her. My mom has the graduation program in her hand and the camera around her wrist. I call out to her to get her attention, and she holds her hand up to her forehead to block the sun from her eyes. She smiles once she spots us, and I move forward to fill the distance between us.

“Dean,” she says, wrapping her arms around my middle. “I am so proud of you, baby.” She leans her head on my chest for a few seconds, before I release my hold on her.

“None of this would have been possible without you, Mom.” I kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you. For everything.”

She cups the side of my face with her hand. “No need to thank me. It was all part of my job.”

“You did an amazing job.” I wink and give my mom one more kiss before I release her from my grip.

A few loud voices block out my mother’s next words, drawing my attention to the men behind us. I glance over my shoulder, about to tell them to shut up, when I spot Duke and Austin lifting Kat up off the ground. They hoist her onto their shoulders.

Kat covers her face with her hands when they start to parade her around the lawn, chanting something I can’t even make out over Kat yelling at them. The Baldwins have the strangest traditions. This must be another one of them. Her dad joins in on their victory dance, accompanied by Theo and Tucker.

“We should go save Kat,” I tell my mom.

She smiles up at me. “Go ahead, baby. I’ll be right behind you.”

“I’m not leaving you behind to get trampled on.” I thread my fingers through hers and drag my mom alongside me to catch up with Kat and her family.

Once Nick notices my mom and me, he tells the boys to stop bothering Kat and comes over to us. “Emma,” he says, touching my mother on the shoulder with a smile. “How are you?” She leans in to hug Kat’s dad.

I saw Nick before the ceremony, so I walk away from them, as they exchange pleasantries, to say my goodbye to Kat. My stomach knots as I walk toward her. I have been dreading this moment all week. What will happen once Kat goes home? We both have to work, even though Kat doesn’t need the money.

When we lock eyes, Kat steps away from her brothers and strolls over to me, throwing herself into my arms. “I am going to miss you.” She whispers the words against my neck.

“I doubt as much as I will miss you, Kitten.”

Kat peels her face from my neck and looks up at me with a smile. “I hate goodbyes.”

“Me, too, but this isn’t goodbye.”

She nods. “Right, I will see you in two months.”

“The Draft will be here in no time.”

“And we’ll all be there to cheer you on.” Kat motions to her family, who will be present for the NHL Draft.

Moving her hand up to my face, she leans in, as if she’s about to kiss me on the lips. My entire body stills because of the people watching around us. But she moves to the left of my mouth and kisses me on the cheek. “Take care of yourself, Dean. I’ll see you soon.” Her words come out muffled as if she’s trying to hide her tears.

For the past few years, we have repeated the same goodbye on the front lawn. But this one feels different. This goodbye has a palpable finality to it. Our college lives are over now that we are one step closer to moving on with our careers.

I brush the hair from her face and plant a kiss on her forehead. “Call me when you get home. Okay?”

Her eyes are glassy, but the tears have yet to spill down her face. Maybe it was best that we did this in public because we would both be a mess right now if we were alone. I wouldn’t have the strength to let her go if we did this in one of our bedrooms. Kat has been my world for so long that not having her part of my daily life will be hard.

“I’ll call you as soon as my plane lands,” she says.

“How about tonight instead? I promised my mom I would take her to dinner when we get home. She hasn’t had anything good to eat, other than food from the diner, in a long time.”

“Of course. Have fun with your mom. We can talk before bed.”

The thought of Kat in bed makes me think of how she looked in mine. We will never be able to erase what we did in the past. Some part of me will always think of Kat romantically, especially after sharing that part of myself with her. It wasn’t just sex for me, even though I led Kat to believe that it was for a long time. Maybe that was my mistake, one I will have to live with forever.

“Text me when you land, and I’ll do the same.”

She forces a smile to hide the pain, mirroring my expression.

“This isn’t goodbye, Kitten, remember that.”

While my words say one thing, her face says another. For Kat, this is goodbye. I have to show her that our story is not over. Everything will change for the better if the NHL drafts me. Having enough money to take care of my mom and move around the country will allow me to see Kat more often. It will also give us a chance to become more than friends.