Chapter Eighteen
Luke
It was taking every bit of self-control to keep from just pulling her into my arms. This secret stuff was killing me. I had this burning need raging inside of me and I couldn’t acknowledge it. This desire and want that filled my every thought.
My mind couldn’t wrap itself around anything but Amy.
Of course, I wasn’t a complete lost cause. I got my school work done. I somehow got the farm chores completed on time and done correctly. I put in the hours for Mr. Parker. No, I wasn’t a complete idiot.
But inside, things were different. The world looked different. The way I felt about myself was different. I mean, Like, if someone like Amy could find me worthwhile. Who was I to question that? Maybe she was right.
But, like I said, this secret keeping was killing me.
It didn’t bother me about keeping it from Jenny. In truth, I didn’t care if she was mad at me because I liked her friend and her friend liked me. There were bigger issues to worry about. No, what bothered me was that I couldn’t treat Amy the way she deserved to be treated. I couldn’t smile at her. I couldn’t hold her hand and let the world know we were together.
I couldn’t kiss her. That was what was really killing me. That and the fact that I saw the way guys looked at her. With hungry eyes, and they didn’t even have the good sense to do it behind my back.
But why would they? To them, she was a beautiful girl without a boyfriend. What did they have to worry about? The sexist pigs, each one of them. The only thing that stopped me from pounding their faces into pulp was the fact that Amy wouldn’t approve.
Laughing at myself, I turned the corner in time to catch Willie Dawson pushing off the far wall and walking towards Amy as she pulled up at her locker. The guy had been waiting for her. Like a shark at the edge of the reef. Just waiting for her to cross over onto his side.
My fist clenched as I hurried towards them. He got there first, leaning up against the locker and saying something to her. Her shoulders were stiff and she refused to look at him. My gut tightened up as a red rage began to build inside of me.
Amy looked up as I got there, our eyes met. I saw her shoulders relax just a little as she shot me a quick glance to tell me to slow down, she could handle it.
She turned to him and smiled sweetly as she gently shook her head and said, “I’m sorry, but my dad has a rule. I’m not allowed to date drug dealers. I know, he’s sort of old-fashioned that way.”
Willie looked as if someone had slipped a knife between his ribs. His face drained of all color as he stammered trying to think of some kind of come back.
Amy closed her locker door then smiled at me as she held out her backpack.
“Can you carry this for me?” she asked. “Thank you.”
I swear the girl was a master. She’d deflected Willie, and sent a message at the same time. All without being blatant about it.
But I saw the look in his eyes and my insides tightened up. This wasn’t over. Like I said, the man didn’t like being told no.
I shot him my best glare and shook my head at him as I turned to follow Amy. I could feel his eyes boring into us as we left him there dumbfounded and confused.
“You’re sexy when you’re mean,” I said in a whisper. “But then you are sexy all the time.”
Her cheeks grew pink for a second as she focused on making her way through the crowd.
“You be careful around him,” I continued, “if he gives you any problem you let me know.”
Amy frowned as she looked up at me. “You stay away from him. I don’t need you getting in trouble right now. They’d lock you up and throw away the key. This is not a good time. I get my cast off in a few days and we’re going to the dance. Don’t screw that up. I bought a dress and everything.”
I laughed. “Hey, at least our ‘Jenny’ problem would be solved.”
She glared at me. “I’m serious,” she said as she came to a halt right there in the middle of the hall. She continued to stare at me, obviously wanting to know if I was going to do what I was told.
“Yes, mam,” I joked as my insides relaxed. We were good and in the real world, that was all that mattered.
The first day I saw her without her cast was sort of special. She wore tight jeans that looked like they’d been painted on. A cute, flowy type top and hoop earrings. Her long chocolate hair cascaded down her back.
The girl was pure sexy. Every curve, every flash of her sparkling eyes, all of it worked to drive me mad.
“Hey, welcome back to the world of normal people,” I said as I leaned up against the lockers. She shot me a quick smile, pushed her hair behind her ear, and gently brushed her hand against mine before quickly pulling it away.
“How’d it go?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Fine, fully healed. It seems the big lug who saved me did a pretty good job with the splints.”
“Yeah, well he sort of had to if he was going to keep you there all alone for the night.”
She blushed as once again she brushed my hand, keeping it there for more than a few seconds. The two of us stared into each other’s eyes and became lost until the first bell rang. Amy jumped back as reality rushed in between us.
“Where’s Jenny?” she asked.
My heart fell as our moment was broken. Was it always going to be like this? I didn’t know how much more I could take.
“She said something about waiting for Chip. I swear, she spent half of last night talking to him on the phone and now she can’t start her day without seeing him in person.”
“I sort of know the feeling,” Amy said as she quickly looked down at her feet.
I reached out and gently rubbed her shoulder. “This can’t go on. It’s killing me. And I’m afraid it is going to ruin ‘us.’
She frowned as she slowly nodded. “Let’s get through the dance and then I will tell her. She is so looking forward to going with Chip. Her life is finally back to the way it should be and I am going to ruin it.”
I sighed heavily then nodded. A few more days. I could do it for a few more days if it made Amy happy.
“So, you’ve come to realize that this … thing between us is real. You’re not going to change your mind next week.”
She sighed as her shoulders slumped. “Yes,” she said without looking up at me. “It’s real.”
My heart soared. I hadn’t realized that in the back of my mind I had been secretly worrying that Amy was going to change her mind. That the idea of upsetting her friend would outweigh her feelings for me.
Either that. Or she would wake up and realize how stupid it was for her to get mixed up with a guy like me.
She finally looked up and smiled sweetly. I swear she could read the thoughts running through my head.
“I can’t pretend anymore either,” she said. “You are too important to me.”
I smiled down at her and started to lean in to kiss her when I remembered where we were. A hundred kids were streaming by. And each one of them would love to have a juicy story.
Pulling back, I sighed. Amy smiled sadly then turned and left, her shoulders tight and her head down as if she had the weight of the world resting there.
My stomach loosened up, after the dance, I told myself. Or at least within a few days after. Then Amy and I could be together.
And what then? I wondered. What was our future? I mean, this was Amy we were talking about. She was going places. Her father would make sure of that. She was destined for big things. And what about me?
Where would I be next year at this time? A farmer? The place wasn’t big enough. Not really. The taxes alone ate any profits. We either had to grow or sink. But was that what I wanted?
And if that, a farmer. Amy wouldn’t be a part of that. She would be off at college, learning new things. Experiencing an entirely different world. A world without me in it.
Suddenly, my hope and happiness crashed down around me as I realized just how bad things could be.
No, I told myself. Do not worry about the future. At least not yet. No. I was going to enjoy this moment. I was going to take a chunk of happiness for myself before it disappeared forever.