Chapter Twenty-Two
Luke
My house was like a minefield. The wrong move and I’d be blown to bits.
I stepped in and every nerve in my body went to full alert. Mom and Grandma stood there with their arms folded as they stared daggers into my soul. Even Nellie glanced at me as if I had really screwed up this time. I swear the dog shook her head in disappointment as she walked away.
“What?” I demanded of my mom. I knew perfectly well what they were upset about but I was starting to get angry with the whole idea of everyone questioning my judgment. I will admit it hadn’t always been the best. But in this instance, I knew I was right.
“How could you?” Grandma said with a shake of her head. Mom nodded, obviously upset with me that I had hurt Jenny.
I shook my head and looked at Mom, “If it had been Dad, would you have let anyone tell you to ignore the love between you?”
Her jaw dropped as the realization hit home.
“No, I didn’t think so,” I said as I pushed past her and Grandma.
Both of them turned to follow me but I knew that I’d pushed home a killer point and there wasn’t much they could say about it.
When I got to Jenny’s door, I knocked and said, “Jenny, it's me.”
“Go away,” she yelled and I knew her jaw was clenched as tight as a bank safe.
“Grow up,” I said as I opened her door and stepped in.
She sat up in bed and stared at me like she wanted to strangle me with piano wire. Preferably long and hard.
I stared back at her. This was my sister, the one person who had stood with me when every other person on the planet thought I was lower than dirt. The one person who had loved me unconditionally. And I had ruined it.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to calm down before we said something either of us would regret for the rest of our lives.
“Don’t blame Amy,” I said. “This is all my fault.”
Her eyes grew narrow, “What? You forced her to fall in love with you?”
I laughed sarcastically, “No of course not. It’s just that I am so perfect she couldn’t help herself.”
Jenny rolled her eyes but I saw her lips almost crack into a smile.
“How could you guys do this to me?” she said and my insides relaxed just a little, she was moving beyond the accusations and hate to the need to understand. It was progress.
“We didn’t do this to you. In all honesty, the last thing either of us would ever want to do was hurt you. We actually pushed it away. Denied the truth. But eventually. Sometimes things just overwhelm a person and there is no denying the truth.”
Her eyes softened just a little. She was a girl. The idea of soul mates and undeniable love was supposed to be what they wanted. A good romance story was too hard to ignore.
“What I don’t understand?” she said with a shake of her head, “is , what does she see in you? I mean, come on.”
I laughed, “Believe me, I wonder the same thing about two dozen times a day. But she does. And as for what I see in her. Come on, this is Amy Jensen. Can you think of any better person in the world for me to fall in love with? It shows I have some sense, and you know what kind of person she is. There is no one sweeter and kinder on this planet.”
Jenny nodded just a little. I could see it working in the back of her mind. She cared about both Amy and me. Deep down, she didn’t want either one of us to get hurt.
“You can hate me,” I continued, “but don’t hate Amy. She doesn’t deserve it.”
“I don’t hate you,” Jenny said with a heavy sigh. “I just don’t understand.”
I laughed. “Well, when you figure it out, let me know. In the meantime, please don’t be mean to Amy. Because I will have to take her side and that will ruin you and me, and the last thing I want to do is tear this family apart.”
“See, that’s the problem,” she said. “You will take her side and she will take yours. That right there is the whole reason why this is wrong.”
I could see the anger building again. Her face had taken on that blotchy red appearance it got when she was about to attack. And one thing I had learned was that I did not want to be on the receiving end of a Jenny Prescot attack.
“Not always,” I said. “Like that whole Chip thing.”
“What Chip thing?”
“You know. I was going to morph into offended Big Brother. It was my job to scare Chip away. That macho stuff that says my little sister is too good for any guy. Amy was the one who talked me out of it. Who pointed out how I should be happy that it was Chip and not some guy like Willie Dawson.”
Jenny shuddered as I mentioned Willie then her brow narrowed as she processed what I had said about Amy.
“See, maybe there might be a benefit to having Amy as my girlfriend. You two can work together to keep me on a straight course.” I knew I was speaking crap but if it worked then fine.
She continued to frown then slowly shook her head. “That doesn’t excuse you guys keeping it from me.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay, does that mean you’re going to tell me everything about you and Chip?”
Suddenly, her cheeks grew red again, this time with an embarrassed blush.
“Thought so,” I said as I turned to leave. “You’re going to have to deal with Amy and me. You can be mad and hate us both. But it isn’t going to change anything. So, you might as well get over it. The sooner you do the sooner we can all enjoy life again. Think about it,” I said over my shoulder as I closed the door behind me.
I wondered what she would do. Like I said, it didn’t matter in the long run. But I hoped she wised up soon so I could put this drama behind me.
.o0o.
Amy
Mom was pouring herself a cup of coffee when I walked into the kitchen. She was dressed in an old set of silk pajamas. I remembered her wearing them the last Christmas we spent together three years earlier. Had dad kept them when we moved or had she kept them all this time. They seemed sort of out of place for a commune.
Where did she sleep last night I wondered? No, my father wasn’t that dumb. She had stayed in the guest room. My stomach churned as a dozen different feeling flowed through me, fighting for dominance. Anger won.
“So, how long are you staying?” I asked as I took the coffee pot from its holder to pour my own cup.
She flinched at the roughness of my question then her eyebrows rose when she realized I was now drinking coffee. I lifted the cup, silently saluting her, letting her know that a lot of things had changed in the last two years.
Taking that first sip I let the warm tonic of life fill me enough so that I could face the day.
“I don’t know for sure, Christmas at least, maybe through New Year’s.”
“What? Your boyfriend doesn’t mind you being gone that long? I thought those cults kept tight tabs on their people.”
Her shoulders slumped as she realized I was no longer a nice person, especially when it came to her. My stomach turned over with guilt but still, my anger held the highest position. I knew I was wrong, but I also knew I couldn’t make it go away just by wishing it so.
“It’s not like that,” she said with a deep resignation.
I stared at her and said, “Then why? Why did you leave?”
She looked down for a long moment while she tried to gather her thoughts. “You wouldn’t understand. I am sorry though.”
I snorted and shook my head. “Try me, I’m not a complete idiot. I really want to understand.”
She looked up from the ground and sighed heavily. “I don’t know. It was a ton of things. But I guess it all boils down to seeing my life slip away. I was living everybody’s idea of the life I should live but it wasn’t me.”
Holding my breath, I waited for more. Would I finally be able to answer the question that had been tearing my guts out for the last two years?
She saw my doubt and continued on. “I was Doctor Jensen’s wife, Amy Jensen’s mother.”
“Was that such a bad thing?” I asked.
“No,” she said with a sad smile. “Especially being your mother. No, but was it enough? What happened when you left for college? What then? Where did I find my happiness then?”
My gut tightened up. “I’m sorry we weren’t enough for you.”
“Oh honey, you were never the problem. Even your father wasn’t the problem. Not really. It was something else. Something inside of me that was searching for more. For meaning.”
“And did you find it? The meaning? The happiness? Was it worth it?”
She started to bring her coffee cup to her mouth then froze as my question hit home. Slowly, she shook her head and said, “I don’t know. Probably not.”
My world wobbled. Had she really said that? Had she put my father and myself through all this pain. All this self-doubt for nothing? Somehow, that almost made it seem worse.
“Well, don’t look for meaning around here.” I snapped. “We’re not the same people we were before you left. We aren’t here to make you feel better about yourself. I refuse to be pulled into that trap.”
She sighed heavily as my words sank home. “Okay, message received.”
My emotions were flickering all over the place. This was my mom. A bond that couldn’t be broken no matter what she did. Yet things had changed, I realized. She was her own person. Did I really have a right to be such a witch about things? Couldn’t I just let it go?
Of course, my mind drifted to Luke. What would he say? I could well imagine him telling me to just go with the flow and see how things worked out. Then he would pull me into a hug and I would know the world was good again.
“So, the dance? Did you have fun?” My mother asked as if I could easily share my innermost fears and issues. And then I realized that I wanted to. I really wanted to share my troubles with Jenny and Willie Dawson and of course, the feelings for Luke. Everything he made me feel and wish and hope for.
But, being the smart girl that I am, I opened with the safe topic of Jenny. I told her about falling for my best friend’s brother and him falling for me and Jenny discovering us kissing.
Mom winced and bit her lip. I knew that look, that was her look she gave me when I had done something dumb.
“What?” I demanded. “Should I deny my feelings? Should I just do what makes Jenny feel good and go through life miserable.”
She slowly shook her head, “No, of course not.”
My stomach turned over when I realized how similar our problems where. But they weren’t the same. Jenny wasn’t my daughter.
“So, this Luke,” she said. “It must be pretty serious if you risked your friendship.”
My stomach fluttered as I sighed heavily and started to tell her about Luke. About how he saved me in the forest. About his history. How kind and gentle he could be, yet firm and strong at the same time. How he made me laugh and made me feel special.
She looked on, a secret smile pulling at her lips as she occasionally nodded, urging me to tell her more. And I did. I found myself babbling. As if a thousand thoughts had to be let out before they choked me to death.
When I was finished, I took a deep breath and looked at her from under my brow.
She smiled softly and said, “He sounds like a combination of Prince Charming and the Beast. A very dangerous mix. Especially for a girl like you.”
“What do you mean a girl like me?”
Mom took another sip of coffee. “An intelligent, kind, beautiful girl who likes a challenge. In my entire life, you have never taken the easy way. And believe me, A boy like this will never be easy.”
“It won’t be boring,” I snapped.
She smiled as she nodded, “There is that.”
My insides turned over. Was she right? Was this overwhelming attraction to Luke just a matter of my wanting a challenge? And if so, where was the obstacle to be overcome? Luke was already perfect. No, she was wrong. There was more to it than that. Much more.