Twenty-Four

Every bit of oxygen I’d had in my lungs left in one puff of air.

“What?” Hunter looked at me with a question mark on his face. I turned away from him.

“He’s up for parole. There’s a hearing in a couple of weeks.”

“But he has two more years.”

“I know, but you know how it works. He got the date almost two months ago, but they forgot to let us know.”

“They can’t let him out,” I whispered.

“They could.”

“Can we go?”

“We should be able to, since we’re both victims. They should have called you, too.” I’d had a call earlier, but I’d let it go to voicemail since I didn’t know the number. What a moron.

“What’s wrong? You’re shaking.” Hunter put his hands on my shoulders.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I shrieked. 

“Taylor! Don’t freak out. It will be fine. They’re not going to let him out. Where are you?” Tawny said.

“Camden.”

“What are you doing there?”

“Not important.”

“Okay, well I want you to go back to your apartment and stay there. Is there someone to stay with you?”

“Uh huh.” Hunter didn’t touch me, but started packing up our stuff.

“It’s Hunter, isn’t it? Have you told him yet?” Tawny said.

“No.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“NO!”

“I’m not going to tell him. Just let me talk to him.”

“She wants to talk to you.” I handed him the phone. Nothing after she’d said the thing about Travis had seemed real.

“Hi, Tawny, what’s up?” His voice was clipped. He walked away from me and listened, then responded in a hushed tone. “Okay, we’re going.”

I didn’t move. I wasn’t sure if I could.

“We were supposed to have two more years. Then I was going to leave and go where he couldn’t find me,” I said to whoever would listen.

“Come on, we need to get you home,” Hunter said. My legs wouldn’t work. “All right, baby, I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

“No, I can do it.” I reached out for his hand, and he pulled me to my feet.

“You don’t always have to do everything yourself,” he said, taking my arm with one hand and carrying his guitar with the other.

 I stumbled like I was drunk back to Hunter’s car. I didn’t want him touching me, but then I knew I wouldn’t have gotten back to the car by myself. 

Hunter didn’t ask for details as he drove as fast as he could down the windy road back down the mountain.

“Slow down,” I said.

“I’m getting you home.”

“Well, I’d like to get there in one piece.”

“Fine.”

“Did Tawny tell you?”

“No. She said you would. All she told me was that I should get you home and stay there.”

“Nothing else?”

“No. I wished she would have.”

“So I’m guessing you’re waiting on an explanation.” My shock was thawing a little having him there.

“I’ve wanted one ever since I met you. You’ve got secret written all over you. But I’m one to talk about that. I just wish you’d trust me with it. I know it can’t be easy for you to carry.”

“It’s not.” I was not going to cry.

“I’d like to help you. Telling you about my parents made it better, not worse. Outside of family, you’re the only one I’ve ever really told, and it was scary as hell, but it felt good after. The truth will set you free and all that.”

“I’m afraid of what you’ll say.”

“Missy girl, there isn’t anything you could tell me that would make you think any different.”

Oh, but there was. It had the power to change everything. Especially now.

“I wish I could believe that.”

“Then do. Believe it. Believe me.”

I wanted to. More than anything.

I sat back in my seat and tried to calm my racing heart. I turned on The Head and the Heart again. I found the folky, slightly blue-grassy melodies soothing.

“Can you hand me my phone?” he said when we got back to the entrance of the park. He stopped the car, but left it running. I handed him his phone, and he hit the speed dial.

“Hey, Mase. I need a favor. Can you take Dare for the night? I need some time with Taylor. Yes. Uh huh. Thanks, man. Yes, I know I owe you. Thanks. Bye.”

He hit dial on another number.

“Hey, Ne. Can you do me a favor? Taylor and I, um, need another night. Yes. No. I will. Don’t worry. See you tomorrow. Bye.” 

He tossed the phone in his cup holder.

“I thought you wouldn’t want a bunch of people around bugging you.” He knew me far too well. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Okay.” All the fight had gone out of me. My mind was already picturing Travis getting out of jail and then fulfilling the promise he made to me that night. 

I didn’t talk for the next half hour as Hunter drove as fast as he could while still driving safely. I kept hearing him counting under his breath.

One, two, three, four, five.

I listened to him, and it lulled me into a weird sort of waking shock. It was like that feeling when you stare off into space. Only it didn’t end. 

By the time we got back to the apartment, Renee and Darah were already gone. They’d left us a little surprise in the form of a heart made of cupcakes.

“Look at me,” Hunter said, as we walked in the door. Rationally, I knew that there was no way Travis was there, but my head still went there.

“No one is going to hurt you. You’re not a weak girl. You kicked me in the balls within hours of meeting me. You’re not afraid of anyone,” he said.

I was just afraid of one person.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Go take a shower and I’ll make some dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Sorry, but Tawny told me to make you eat.” That was something she’d say. She used to force me when we were younger, too.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Okay.”

He went to the fridge and started assembling ingredients.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Okay, then.” He smiled and shook his head.

I slowly pushed the door to my bedroom open with my foot. I waited a second before reaching in and turning on the light. I slowly walked in, my heart pounding the whole time. I glanced in every corner before I completely entered the room.

I grabbed my clothes and shower stuff as quickly as I could and rushed to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, jumping at every single noise. I remembered this feeling well. I’d lived years of my life like this, but it had dulled in the last few. Now it was back full-force, and I was twelve again and throwing up out of fear every day. I’d almost given myself an ulcer. That was when the therapy had started.

I came out and Hunter was busy with tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.

“I made the margherita ones you like, along with the avocado,” he said.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’re going to eat a damn sandwich and a bowl of soup even if I have to kiss you into submission. Got it?”

“Please don’t touch me.”

“Then eat.”

“I hate you.”

“Nice try. I’m not going anywhere.” He put a sandwich on a plate, cutting it crossways so I could see the mozzarella cheese oozing out. Normally I would have devoured the thing and burned my mouth, but I didn’t want to eat ever again.

He poured a bowl of soup. He’d even added milk to make it creamy.

“Why don’t we have a tray? We need to get a tray,” he muttered.

 I had no idea what he was talking about. I finger-combed my hair and waited for him to be done. 

“Go sit on the couch.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” I didn’t want him treating me like an invalid. Worse, I didn’t want him treating me like he had to take care of me. That I was some sort of burden. A person he was obligated to take care of.

I went and sat on the recliner instead of the couch and turned the television on, flipping from one channel to the next, not even noticing what was one before I changed it.

“Here we go.” He set a plate and bowl down on the table, pulling it close to the recliner. He handed me a spoon and a napkin.

“I would suggest you eat, but I’m not telling you what to do. Because you don’t want me to,” he said.

“That’s right.”

He got his dinner and sat down on the opposite end of the couch, as far away from me as he could get and still be sitting in the living room.

I found a marathon of romantic comedies, starting with Pretty Woman. Score.

“She has way too many teeth. And no hooker has ever looked like that, I can guarantee you,” Hunter said, sitting back and munching his sandwich.

I ignored him and tried to watch the movie, but I kept jumping at every little sound. My brain had convinced itself that Travis was going to burst through the door any moment. I kind of wished I had a sharp object, but I’d have to settle for my spoon or the remote. Or Hunter. He’d probably do as a weapon in a pinch.

“Can I get you something?” he said. How about a gun? I’d feel a lot better if I had one. Why oh why hadn’t I gone to the shooting range yet? “Taylor?” 

“What?”

“Can I get you anything?” he repeated.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why don’t you just leave me alone?” I snapped.

“Maybe if you would tell me what has got you like this, I will. Until then, I’m watching you like a hawk.” I didn’t like his intense watching but I also didn’t want to be alone. So I was fifty-fifty on having him there.

“I’m fine.”

“Sure.” He got up to take my bowl, and I flinched away from him.

“Aw, Miss. I wish you’d tell me.”

I shook my head, clamping my lips shut.

“You stubborn, stubborn girl.” He took our dishes to the sink and started washing them, humming the dishes song he’d written. I tried to keep my eyes glued to the movie.

I had a habit of getting really cold when I was freaking out and I started shivering uncontrollably, my teeth chattering. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep myself from flying into a million pieces. I’d thought this was over. I never saw the day that he would get out actually coming, but maybe they wouldn’t let him out. Maybe they’d send him back to prison to serve the rest of his time.

But I’d still have to see him. That was what scared me more than anything. That was the thing that I didn’t want to tell anyone. For all my anger and confidence, I was really just a scared twelve-year-old girl inside.

“Here,” Hunter said, coming behind me and putting a blanket over me.

“Don’t touch me.”

“I’m just tucking a blanket in. Get a grip.”

“I said, don’t touch me.”

He came around front, ignoring me and trying to get the blanket all around me.

“Stop it!” I thrashed, but he wouldn’t let go of me. He tried to pick me up, but I was ready for him, landing punches and kicks right and left. His face was blank. Somehow he got me to my feet, and the blanket fell away.  

It was like I’d unleashed something dark and violent that had been stirring inside me since that night eight years ago.

“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” I pounded on his chest. I slapped his face and I kicked him. I kept going until my lungs were heaving and my arms were sore and a strangled sob had escaped my mouth.

He stood with his arms at his sides. His face was red from me slapping him.

My knees caved, and he caught me before I went down, picking me up and putting me on the couch.

“Don’t touch me.”

He didn’t answer, but wrapped his arms around me as I started sobbing. I never cried, but there I was, salty tears streaming down my face, being held by Hunter, the guy I’d just beat the shit out of. 

He rocked me, his strong arms encircling me tightly. 

He started humming, but I was too wrecked to recognize the tune. 

My throat hurt from crying, and my tears were dripping everywhere, but I didn’t care.

I started hyperventilating, and Hunter had to tell me to breathe slowly so I wouldn’t pass out. That had happened before, but he didn’t know that. I’d had episodes like this before, only those times it was Mom and Tawny taking care of me.

Hunter waited until I had mostly cried myself out and was just sniffing. Luckily, he had a spare napkin and I blew my nose.

“Are you okay?” I said.

“That’s my line.”

“I’m sorry for beating you up.”

“It’s okay. You needed to get it out.”

“I haven’t done that in a long time.” I felt his lips on my temple.

“You scared me,” he said.

“Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I’ll be fine.”

“But I won’t.”

He inhaled slowly. “When my parents died, I used to have these freak outs were I’d go nuts and break everything I could. My mother had this collection of crystal animals that was worth thousands of dollars. I smashed every single one. Joe was furious, but what could he do? They ended up taking everything breakable out of the house and moving me to Hope and John’s as soon as possible. They Hunter-proofed the house, but I still found things to break.”

It was my turn.

“They used to have to restrain me so I wouldn’t hurt myself. My mom didn’t have a straitjacket, but she and Tawny used to hold me down,” I said. There was a pause and he started stroking my hair. I settled against his chest. His arms were like cables, holding me in one place. I wasn’t shivering anymore.

I took a deep breath.

“Tawny was supposed to be babysitting. That was before my parents split up, so they were out on a date night. I was twelve, but they didn’t want me staying alone at night for some reason. I can’t remember why. The rule was that she wasn’t supposed to have anyone over, but she invited her boyfriend, Travis, to hang out.” Saying his name was like running razor blades over my tongue, but I had to do this.

“She’d only been dating him for a few weeks, and my parents didn’t like him. It wasn’t that he had a motorcycle or he got in trouble or any of that. He just rubbed them the wrong way, especially my mom. He was older and he had a temper, but he kept it in check most of the time. He was pissed about something that night. Once again, I don’t remember what. Tawny was different around him. When it was just us, we’d do movies and have fun, but when Travis was over, she’d make me go to bed so they could make out on the couch. I got mad at her that night about sending me to bed early, but she yelled at me and Travis backed her up, so I had no choice.”

I took another deep breath. Hunter kept stroking my hair.

“As I was walking back to my bedroom, I saw something sparkly on the floor. It was one of my mother’s peacock earrings. Tawny had borrowed them without asking, and I knew she was wearing one. The other must have fallen out. I was jealous, because I’d never been allowed to wear them, so I went to my room and put it on. I stayed up reading for a while, but then I heard a noise. I got up, and I heard it again. Then there was a scream.”

Hunter’s arms tightened around me, and I gripped onto his shirt.

“I went back to Tawny’s bedroom, and she was screaming while I heard a slapping noise and Travis telling her to shut up. She screamed some more and then I heard him punch her. She was pleading with him. I didn’t know what to do. The door was cracked just a little, and I looked in. He was on top of her and her shirt was torn. He was unzipping his pants and telling her that he’d waited long enough. She was crying and struggling to get out from under him. He slapped her again, and her head flew to the side. We locked eyes and she whispered something. Travis saw her looking, and I couldn’t close the door fast enough.”

I started shaking again, but Hunter wasn’t going to let me go.

“He chased me down the hall and grabbed me. He screamed at me for interrupting them and then said that maybe I wanted some, too. He started ripping at my pants, and I couldn’t breathe because he was so heavy and he was on top of me, and I thought I was going to die. He ripped at my shirt and scratched my chest. I was only wearing leggings, so he tore those and my underwear and went for his pants again, telling me if I ever told anyone about any of it, he’d come and find me and kill me. I prayed for someone to save me and that was when Tawny hit him as hard as she could with her softball bat that she kept under her bed. He collapsed on me, and Tawny had to roll him off. We tied him up with a couple of my jump ropes and some tape and called the police. 

There was a trial. He was convicted and got ten years. He’s supposed to be in for two more, but Tawny called and said he’s up for parole.”

I sniffed again, and he handed me the napkin.

“So there. Now you know. The only other person I’ve ever told was Megan. Everyone in my town knew about it. I got labeled a whore in school, and when I started getting angry and fighting, no one wanted anything to do with me. I made a pact with myself that I would never date, never have a boyfriend. I’d be alone, because the only person I can trust is me. Everyone will let you down. I’d never told Tawny that, but she apologized for years. I think she’s still apologizing, even though she was a victim, too. My parents felt so guilty about leaving that they broke up. I mean, that wasn’t the entire reason, but it had a lot to do with it. Everything just kind of fell apart after that one night. And now you know why I have the peacock obsession. Tawny was wearing one earring and I was wearing the other. Those earrings saved our lives.”

Hunter thought for a moment, and I could almost hear him trying to pick the right words. 

“I wish I could kill him in the most slow, painful way possible,” he said.

“Me too.” I’d imagined it more times than I would ever admit.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Now you know why I’m so fucked up.”

“You’re not, that’s the thing. You’ve been through something most people can’t imagine. Don’t be ashamed of the way that you cope with it.”

“I’m not coping with it, according to my therapists. There have been many.”

“Fuck them. If breaking things and punching people every now and then helps you, I’ll be your punching bag and we can get you some stuff to throw off the roof. Deal?”

“Okay.”

“So he’s up for parole?”

“Yeah, there’s a hearing. My lawyer called.”

“But you get to go to it, right? Make a statement?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then. We’ll just have to get you ready to make a really good statement.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I can’t face him again.” Harder even than telling him the story was telling him that. That I was a coward.

“Yes, you can. You just don’t think you can. There’s a difference.”

“But I couldn’t face him then. He was raping my sister, and I did nothing. I could have gotten the phone; I could have run in and hit him with something. I could have done something,” I said.

“You were a child.”

I tried to shake my head, but he wouldn’t let me. 

“I should have done something.”

“I let my father shoot my mother and then himself. If anyone should have done something, it’s me.”

“He had a gun.”

“He had your sister.”

“It’s not the same.”

He sighed. “Taylor, we can what if ourselves to death, but it won’t do anything. The only thing we can do is keep moving, even when it feels like you’re walking through a pit of cement.”

“With cinderblocks on your shoulders.”

“Exactly.”

“The only difference is that your demon has a human form.” His hand traveled up and down my arm in a soothing motion.

“I’m still sorry I beat you,” I said, touching his perfect face.

“How’s my face looking?”

 I glanced up. He was going to look quite pretty tomorrow. 

“A little battered.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just tell everyone I was in a bar fight.”

“What, you’re ashamed to say you were hit by a girl?”

“No, but I’m worried you’ll get hauled in for domestic violence,” he said with a smile.

“Okay, fine.”

“Feel better?”

“I guess. I’ll let you know.”

“It’s okay to be scared.”

“I hate being scared.”

“I know. But you don’t have to be scared of him. He’s locked up right now, and you’re not alone. I want you to remember that. You. Are. Not. Alone.”

“I’ve always been alone. Old habits die hard.”

“Yes, they do.” He laughed a little. “Are you tired?”

“Not really.”

“Then do you mind if I just hold you like this? It’s very nice.”

“Yes, it is.” I shifted so I could wrap my legs with his, like we had that night we’d spent together.

“Well, that’s even nicer.”

“Hunter.”

“Sorry, Miss.”

“Every time I think about being physical with someone, all I can remember are his hands and his face above mine, and not being able to breathe. I know I shouldn’t associate those things, but I do and I can’t seem to change it. Every time I think about sex, that’s what I think about. That’s why I’ve never been with anyone. Well, part of the reason. I just never met anyone who I’d wanted to even attempt it with.”

“Until me? Please say until me.”

“Until you.” I reached up and touched a spot that was starting to turn purple on his cheek. “But I’m a freak. You wouldn’t want me.”

“I don’t want anyone but you.”

“You’re just going to have to be patient with me,” I said, tracing his face with one finger. He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“I’ll do my best. Not making any promises.”

“How about this?” I said, having an idea. “We have a word that I can say if I start freaking out.”

“Like a safe word? Baby, you’ve been reading too many sketchy romance novels, haven’t you? I saw them on your e-reader.”

“Whatever. Okay, so what should my safe word be?”

“How about stop?”

“Boring.” I went through a bunch of words. 

“Mistake,” Hunter said, smiling.

“Perfect.” He held my hand in front of his face, turning it back and forth, as if he was fascinated.

“You have such tiny hands,” he said.

“Uh, thank you?”

“They’re cute and feminine. I like them.”

“I think I’ll keep them. I don’t have my receipt for the hand store so I can’t trade them in.”

 He laughed, his chest moving under me in a wonderful way. He stared down at me and smiled, bringing my hand to his lips. He kissed each of my fingers and then the back of my hand. He turned my palm over and kissed that. He took his time, as if waiting for me to say the safe word. I didn’t.

Hunter kissed down my arm, all the way into the inside of my elbow, which was surprisingly sensitive. He waited before putting one hand under my chin and tipping my face up. He moved so close our noses touched before he tentatively kissed my lips. Pulling back, he waited for me to tell him to stop. I didn’t.

He reached for my lips again, this time lingering. I kissed him back, moving my mouth so it fit against his. How was it we fit so well together? Hunter pulled back again, and I opened my eyes.

“I’m going to kiss you now, and I’m not going to stop.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Okay, then.” He brought my face toward his again and opened his mouth as I opened mine to deepen the kiss. At that moment, I wanted to crawl inside him and hide. His tongue entered my mouth, and I let him. I couldn’t really use the safe word because my mouth was occupied. I didn’t want to use it anyway.

Hunter pulled me closer, twisting our fingers together as he nipped at my bottom lip.

For a moment, he pulled away so we could both breathe.

“Want me to stop?” he said.

“Nope.”

“Then I suggest we move this to our bedroom. Your bed or mine?”

“Mine,” I said.

He wiggled out from under me and picked me up, kissing my lips as he did so.

“No kissing and walking. I don’t want to hurt you,” he said while he carried me back to our room. He nearly tripped on a few t-shirts, but he got me on the bed and then his lips were back on mine. I moved over so he could climb on. Damn those tiny beds.

Before he continued, he held my face in his hands.

“Are you sure?”

“Right now, yes.” I didn’t know if I’d change my mind. Kissing was nice and well and good, but once clothes started coming off, and other areas started getting explored, I wasn’t sure if the ugly shadow of that horrible night would swallow me up again.

In response, he kissed me again, and then sat up, pulling at the hem of his shirt.

“I want to do it,” I said, propping myself on my elbows.

“Your wish is my command, princess.”

I’d never taken a shirt off a guy before, but guy’s shirts weren’t that different from girl’s shirts, right? They had armholes and were made of cotton and all that. How hard could it be? I started pulling up, and he put his arms up. I got it kind of stuck on his nose, but he moved it so he could get his head through before he chucked it on the floor.

“We’ll have to practice that one,” he said, coming back for another kiss. He moved down to my ear, which made me giggle, and then down to my neck, which made me sigh. I ran my hands up and down his chest, tracing his tattoos. I wondered what they tasted like.

“I want to see you,” he said into my neck. “Roll with me.” He got his arms around me and we rolled, somehow not coming off the bed, so I was on top of him. He reached for the hem of my shirt, never taking his eyes off mine and waiting for me to say the word. I put my arms up.

He got the shirt off with more grace than I had, but he’d had practice.

“Show-off,” I said as he stared at me. I only had a bra on, and it wasn’t a very sexy one.

“A belly ring? Christ, you are trying to kill me. How did I not know about that?” His finger dipped into my belly button, and I had to bite my lip.

“It’s my little secret.”

 He stared at me for a few more seconds before he reached for me so we could roll back the other way.

“You’re so pretty it hurts.” He ran his hands over my royal blue bra. At least it had a little lace on it, but it had seen better days.

He moved his head down and kissed his way across my chest, my skin shivering in anticipation. When he got to my bellybutton he kissed that too, and I moaned a little. I wasn’t thinking about anything else but me and him. We were in our bubble again.

His hands were all over me, covering every inch of my skin with a light touch, setting my skin aflame. I touched him as well, and he made a sound in response.

“Too fast?” he said, stopping.

“No.”

I kissed him again; this time his hands roamed the rest of me, going lower and setting a fire there as well. I ran my hands across his back and grabbed his ass. I’d wanted to touch it for a very long time.

It was well worth the wait.

“I need to get something. Damn I should have thought of this ahead of time.” He glanced over to his dresser, which was several feet away. “You’re coming with me.” He got up and picked me up again, walking with me to the dresser where he grabbed a foil packet from his sock drawer. My chest was pressed to his, and I only wanted to be closer, closer, closer.

“Wrap it before you tap it,” he said, holding the package in his fist before taking us back to my bed. I laughed as we made our way back to my bed.

It was happening. It was really happening. 

Hunter set me back down and made sure the packet was in easy reach for when he needed it.

“Not yet,” he said.

“Not yet,” I agreed.

We kissed some more, and he ran his hands all over me. I decided that clothes were highly overrated. They were between me and him, and I did not like them at the moment. I started tugging at his boxers, mad at them for separating us.

“No way, you first,” he said.

 It wasn’t really fair that he would be completely naked, and me not so much at all, so I leaned up so he could undo the clasp of my bra. Of course he got it with one hand.

“I’ve had practice,” he said as he slid the straps down my arms and removed it. Well, there I was.

He smiled and kissed my lips before moving his mouth lower and kissing my nipples. My breath hissed out from between my teeth and my back arched. Hunter laughed, which tickled in the best way, making things even worse.

“My turn,” I said, trying to push him so I could kiss his chest. He settled for lying on his side while I was on mine. I kissed his tattoos, one by one. His eyes closed, and he made a contented sound. That made me smile. I kissed my way across his chest as he moved his hands through my hair and all over my back.

We moved our lips back together, and he rolled back above me. I moved my hands down to his boxers, insistent again.

“Taylor, if you touch me there, I’m not going to be able to make it. Just warning you.”

“Okay,” I said, moving my hands away from that particular area. He pushed against me, and I could feel that he was ready. Was I?

“I want to touch you,” he said.

“You are.”

“Everywhere.”

I didn’t hesitate. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.” Oh, it was more than okay.

His hands made their way down my stomach and into my shorts. Holy crappity fuck. I’d never felt that before. 

 Doing it yourself was one thing, but having a man with slightly calloused hands touch you there was something else entirely. It was like he’d taken a class and gotten an A.

I’d had orgasms before, I mean, who hadn’t? Renee had dragged me to a sex toy party last year, and I’d bought a few things, but nothing worked better than Hunter Zaccadelli’s hands.

My back arched and I bit my lip so I wouldn’t be too loud.

“We’re alone; you be as loud as you want, Missy. I plan for this to be a regular thing,” he said, kissing me. His hand continued to work, torturing me again. 

I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. On my own my record was three. I was coming up on number two in a very short span of time.

“I want you so bad right now.”

“Okay,” I said as another one hit me. That time I made a lot of noise. Hunter kissed me again, and decided that he’d had enough of clothes, too.

The next thing I knew we were both naked, and his entire body was pressed on mine. 

“This is going to hurt. If you want me to stop, just say the word and I will. There are plenty of other things we can do,” he said with a smirk. “But I don’t want this to be a bad memory. I want this to be a good one.”

He kissed me again, and I reveled in the feeling of his warm skin against mine. Hunter pulled away to rip open the wrapper and roll the condom on.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.” I was. This was my choice. My body. My Hunter.

He pushed into me, and I tried not to cry out in pain. It hurt.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry.” He kissed me, and I held onto him until he was all the way in. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He stayed still for a few seconds, and my body started to adjust. It was a strange sensation, but I didn’t want it to stop.

“Taylor?” Hunter said, brushing my hair back from my face. “I love you.”

“I love you,” I said without even hesitating. In that moment, as we were joined together as one person, I did. He pulled out and thrust in again. It hurt again, but not as bad. 

“Again?” he asked, his muscles trembling.

“Again.”

He started going faster, and the pleasure started overwhelming the pain. I moved my hips up to meet him, and he kissed me hard. He groaned a little while later, and I felt him come. He fell against me, exhausted. Hunter tried to pull out, but I wrapped my legs around him so he wouldn’t.

“Not yet,” I said. I wanted to keep this moment for as long as I could.

“I love you,” he said, kissing me as he rolled us both onto our sides. We were both sweaty and still a little out of breath, but it didn’t matter. “More than the stars.”

“I love you, too,” I said, holding him close.

“I believe you.”

We stayed connected as long as we could, but then he had to pull out and toss the condom. When he came back we lay naked for a while, touching each other softly and trying to figure out what we could say that would make sense.

“Did I hurt you?” he said.

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter.”

“I wish I hadn’t.”

“Don’t un-wish it. It was perfect.”

“Perfectly -imperfect.”

“Like us,” I said.

“Just like us.” He kissed my nose. “More?”

“More what?”

“I have a whole repertoire that I want to use on you. It’s one of my many talents. It’s my goal to satisfy.”

“And I appreciate that. Must be those fingers,” I said, bringing them to my mouth and kissing them. I rubbed them across my lips.

“Must be.”

I wasn’t a virgin anymore.

“I know I should be freaking out right now, but I’m not,” I said.

“Good.” He ran his finger between my breasts and flicked my belly ring. “I have to say that I enjoy that, very much.”

“I didn’t get it with you in mind.”

“Why did you get it?”

I propped my head on my hand. “I always thought they looked pretty, and it seemed daring.”

“I like it on you.” He leaned forward and kissed my belly. I sighed again. God, that felt so good. He felt good.

“Shit,” he said, pointing to my comforter. I’d sort of forgotten about the bleeding part in the heat of the moment.

“Aw, crap. Guess I’m due for a new one.” My face went red, and I stuffed my face into my pillow.

“It’s okay; we’ll just stay in mine tonight.”

“I should get cleaned up.”

He raised one eyebrow. “Can I help?” I was about to say hell no, but then I thought of all the times I’d thought about bathing with Hunter. They were too numerous to count.

“To the shower,” I said, raising my arm. He took the opportunity to tickle me under my armpit as he climbed over me so he could pick me up. 

“We can soak that in the tub later,” he said about my comforter.  

There was something absolutely weird about being completely naked with another person and not caring.

He turned the shower on and made sure it was the right temperature before he let me get in. 

We spent most of the time kissing, with me trying not to drown under the water and him laughing at me. My hair kept getting in the way. I had way too much of it. 

We soaped each other up and had a little too much fun washing special parts. He made me come a few more times, and I had to hold onto him because my legs wouldn’t support me. 

“You are really good at that,” I said after another one.

“You’re easy.” I smacked his chest with a wet slap. “You know what I mean. All those years of not doing anything and you’re all pent up. All I have to do is push the button.” He pushed said button and I cried out, falling against him.

“I told you I was a virgin, not a nun. I know how to make it happen. It’s just better when you do it.”

“I knew girls did that. Most of the ones I’ve been with denied it.”

“Not as much as boys, but we have needs, too.”

“Needy, needy, girl.” He kissed my mouth and moved me so the water pounded on my back. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around him.

I loved him.