Chapter Twenty-Four
Nick
We’re walking side-by-side, her eyes lighting up in that way I haven’t seen in so very long. When she smiles, her entire face illuminates and I feel almost invincible. Like I can do anything – will do anything – for this woman.
Suddenly, we’re walking down an alley.
Where are we?
Meghan is still talking and smiling, but something feels…off to me.
Suddenly, she’s pulling away. I try to hang on to her hand, but it’s no use. I just can’t keep my grip on her.
She spins around, looking, searching for me. “Nick?” she panics, the whites of her eyes visible, even in the darkness.
“I’m here,” I reassure her, trying frantically to find her hand once more.
Our eyes connect, and all feels right again. But suddenly, she looks fearful once more. “Josh? Josh? No, Josh! Don’t leave!” she hollers into the darkness, my heart breaking from her angst, her tears.
I glance around and spy the familiar light in my room, and suddenly realize where I am. The sheet is tugged against my naked body. Meghan is there, thrashing in her sleep, calling out for the man who is no longer here.
“Josh!”
Taking her in my arms, I pull her close, trying to gently wake her from her dreams. I swear you can hear my heart pounding in my chest for miles. “Shhhhh,” I whisper, placing a tender kiss on her temple. “You’re having a dream,” I tell her, feeling the moment she wakes with a start.
“Nick?” she asks, gasping for air.
“It’s me, honey. I’m here.” My heart cracks open, bleeding a little bit for her – and for me. But I try to push aside the hurt I feel at her calling out someone else’s name, and focus on helping her breathe deep and calm down.
She’s silent for what feels like an hour, even though in reality, it’s only a couple of minutes. Her gasps slowly even out, but her hold on me doesn’t loosen. Her hands are around my arms, her body tucked against mine. Every so often she snuggles in closer, like she just can’t get close enough.
“I have dreams,” she finally says in the darkness. I try to remain relaxed, but I know my body tenses. I can’t help it.
“Do you want to talk about them?” I ask, gently rubbing her hair and swiping it away from her sweaty forehead.
She takes a deep breath. “I’ve never talked about them.”
Releasing my own breath, I kiss her temple. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
She lies beside me for several long seconds before speaking again. “It’s always the same dream. Most nights. I’ve had it since he died.”
Again, I remain quiet, not really sure if she’s ready to tell me about it. Honestly, not really sure I’m ready to hear it.
“It’s the hospital. Every night, I’m right back in the hospital, where my dad is walking me down the hallway and into the ER.” I feel the tears fall on my arm and chest before I hear the sniffle. “He’s lying on the gurney. There’s so much blood and he’s so swollen that I can hardly recognize him.” She chokes on her sob, gripping my arms so tight I’m sure I’ll have bruised nail marks from her hold, but I don’t care.
I pull her even closer, her arms wrapping around my body. She’s shaking, but I’m not sure if it’s from the crying or the memories.
“He was in and out of consciousness, but when I walked in, he held out his hand. There was so much defeat in his eyes. He slowly brought it to his lips, which were cracked open, and he said… he…” She pulls away and looks directly into my eyes. “He said I was the love of his life.” Her bottom lip trembles, and all I want to do is hold her until the pain stops. I want to take every ounce of hurt she feels and carry it as if it were my own.
She takes a deep breath. “He said I was the love of his life, but…that he wasn’t mine.” Her voice drops almost to the point I can’t hear her.
“He knew he was going to die, didn’t he?” she asks, begging for me to answer.
“I don’t know, honey. Maybe. He wanted you to know that if he didn’t survive the accident, that you were the best part of his life. That you were the one he loved most in this world.” I can’t help it, tears well up in my own eyes.
“He knew and was telling me goodbye. He made me promise him that I’d live. It was the hardest promise I’ve ever made.”
I nod, not really able to say words. She falls back onto my chest and cries.
“I didn’t go visit him Sunday. I always go on Sunday afternoons to the cemetery, but I missed it.”
“Because of the babies coming.”
“Yeah. But do you know what? I didn’t even realize it until now that I didn’t go. It was like…life just moved forward without me even noticing. Does that make me a horrible person?”
“Hell no, it doesn’t. It means you’re moving forward, one step at a time. They always say there’s no timeline for grief and we all process and deal with it in different ways.”
“Yeah,” she says, exhaling against my chest.
“Did I ever tell you that I talked to him right before he died?” I ask softly, this particular memory coming back to me suddenly. I’m not sure if I’m right in telling her or not, but there’s no going back now.
I feel her shake her head against my chest as she pushes up once more, her eyes meeting mine. “You didn’t.”
“It was that Friday; the day before the accident. I remember because he came to the office to take you to lunch. You were wrapping up with a patient, so he hung around, by the back room. I saw him there and went over to say hello. We chatted about the severe storms that were supposed to be coming in that weekend and it was one of your sisters’ nights.
“I don’t even remember how we got on the subject, but he thanked me for giving you a steady job and being a good boss and friend. I tried to brush him off when he stepped forward, kinda close so that no one could hear.” I swallow over the lump that has formed in my throat, but I keep my eyes trained on her misty ones.
“He made me promise him that I’d always be there for you. At first I thought it was a little odd and maybe a touch dramatic, but now? I don’t know. Maybe he was just making sure you had a big enough circle of friends to help catch you if you fall.”
She sniffles, and keeps her eyes trained on mine. “He was a good person. The best.”
I nod in agreement. “He was. And he loved you completely.”
“I loved him too,” she whispers.
“And that’s okay, honey. You’re allowed to still love him. I just want you to keep that heart open, okay? Share it with anyone and everyone. You’re an amazing woman, and you deserve the world.”
The tears fall once more, but I can see the smile on her lips moments before they meet mine. The kiss is slow and gentle. I let her set the pace this time. Her sweet lips coax mine open, and her tongue slides inside my mouth, tasting and tempting me. I slide my hands around and grab her ass as she climbs on top of me, straddling my waist. My cock is already rigid and ready to play, but I keep control over myself and hold as still as possible.
Her hands explore my chest, my sides, my hips. She slides her pussy against my cock, leaving a trail of wetness behind. I can’t help it. I groan.
Meghan kisses me again, this one more urgent and a bit frantic, like she can’t get close enough or…well, just enough. I know the feeling all too well. My hands come up to her head, threading into her long hair. The kiss becomes one of necessity, like air or sleep. It’s vital to our survival.
“Make love to me, Nick,” she whispers tenderly against my lips.
Who am I to deny her?
Reaching for my nightstand drawer, she stops my hand. “I’m clean. I promise. You’re the only one I’ve been with since…Josh.”
My heart pounds in my chest. “I’m clean too.”
“I trust you.”
She raises up, shifting her hips until she’s directly above my cock. Taking it in her hand, she slowly starts to lower herself on my dick, stealing my breath and my sanity. “Fuck,” I moan, trying to bite back the desire threatening to take over, as my cock is completely engulfed in her warm, wet heat.
Meghan gasps when she’s fully seated, her eyes wide and she looks down at me. My body is begging me to move, but I hold out. I don’t move until she’s ready. And when she moves? Holy shit, does she move. She slowly moves up before sliding back down. It’s a torturously slow pace, but the feelings that transpire punch me square in the gut. Her eyes are so trusting, so alive, so free.
“You feel so good,” she whispers as she keeps up her agonizingly deliberate pace.
My body is tense, taut like an electric wire, as she seductively moves and grinds on me. “You’re killing me,” I mumble, moving my hands from her hips to her hands, holding them to give her leverage.
She starts to move with a bit more urgency now. Up and down, rocking her hips and grinding against my pelvis. I can feel her starting to tighten around me, gripping my cock firmly. Meghan becomes more vocal as she takes what she wants, and the view – the sound – is spectacular.
When she finally lets go, all I can do is lie there and watch. Lie there and fall deeper in love with her. It’s euphoric and addictive, and I haven’t even gotten off yet.
Instead of letting myself go with her, I roll her over and position myself between her thighs. “My turn,” I growl just before burying myself to the hilt. She pulses around me, driving me wild, and digs her nails into my back.
“Yes,” she moans, tilting her hips upward and giving me perfect access.
My pace is a bit faster than hers as I chase my release. Needing to touch her, I take her hands in my own, I hold them above her head, our fingers linked. Her breasts bounce with each thrust as I feel that familiar tingle at the base of my spine. I’m so close, and when my eyes connect with hers, I can tell she is too.
I’m determined now.
She’s coming again.
I tilt my pelvis and thrust hard, grinding against her. She tightens around me a second time, gripping me from within. My eyes connect with hers and I feel it. I feel it clear down to my soul. She’s the one I’m supposed to love. She’s my forever everything.
And maybe, just maybe, I’m meant to be hers.
I hold her gaze as she lets go for a second time, riding out the waves of pleasure that filter across her face. My own release is imminent, there’s no stopping it. Her name spills from my lips as my orgasm rips through my body, but I never take my eyes off hers. I can’t. I’m lost in a trance. I’m lost in her.
My limbs start to shake and practically give out on me, and I cover her body with my own. We’re both warm and sweaty, but I could get used to the way she feels against my skin for the rest of my life.
I want to say something, but this moment doesn’t call for words. We just expressed ourselves with our bodies. No, she may not be in love with me, but she trusts me to cherish and protect her, and honestly, that’s about all I can ask for right now.
Someday, maybe we’ll be more – maybe I’ll be able to tell her how much I love her.
But right now? I’m not taking the risk of sending her running the other way. She’s here – in my arms – and that’s right where I want her. So if that other stuff has to wait until she’s ready, then it’s a damn good thing I’m a patient man.
She’s worth the wait.