Chapter Twenty-Eight
Nick
“I bet you’re surprised to see me here,” I say aloud, the breeze gently blowing warm July air. “I’m pretty damn surprised myself, if I’m being honest.”
I glance down at the marble stone, the moonlight reflecting off the name.
Joshua David Harrison
“I know we weren’t exactly friends, but I always knew you were a good guy. You’ve left some pretty big shoes to fill, and I’m not really sure I’ll ever be able to step inside them. Not that I’m trying, though. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to do, honestly,” I say to the stone, crouching down and touching the grass with my fingers. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I fell in love with her, but you probably already knew that.” I feel the wind pick up and blow my tie. “I fell so fucking hard I’m not sure I’ll ever remember what it feels like to not love her.”
I glance up and let the breeze just wash over my face. “But I fucked it up. I told her tonight, and she wasn’t ready to hear it. She seems to think she’s unlovable for some reason, but you and I both know that’s far from the truth. If anyone knows how easy it is to love that woman, it’s you.
“So I guess that’s why I’m here. I thought maybe you should hear it from me, in person. But now I just feel silly because I’m here, talking to you, instead of continuing my search for her.
“Her dad told me she took his car. He also assured me that she’ll be fine. I hope to God he’s right because I’m not sure what I’d do if something happened to her. She has quickly become my everything.”
Looking down at his name and the two dates below it, I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I’m scared she’ll think I don’t love her as much as you did.” The words are out of my mouth before I have time to consider their meaning. I’ve never really thought about it before, but that doesn’t make them any less true. “I’m terrified that I’ll never be enough for her because you’ve shown her just how amazing life can be with someone you love.
“I’m not asking her to stop loving you. In fact, what I’m asking of her is the opposite. I’m asking for a little room in that big, beautiful heart of hers, you know? I want to share it with her, and you, because you were a part of her life for so many years. You were her future. But if given the chance, I want to be a part of that future, and show her that there’s so much yet to live for. That she’s worthy. I want to show her how much I love her, if she finds me worthy too.”
Headlights reflect off of the trees and stones, drawing my attention to the drive that winds through the cemetery. I watch as the car draws near, eventually stopping behind mine. I recognize it immediately, and the sense of relief that washes over me is almost staggering.
Standing up, I turn and watch her exit the car. The headlights turn off after she walks a few feet in my direction. As she approaches, I see her smile. It’s small and tentative, but it’s there nonetheless, and I feel its power clear down to my toes.
“Hi,” Meghan says as she approaches me.
“Hey.” I have no idea what to say.
“I’m a little surprised to see you here,” she confesses, glancing down at the stone beside me.
“I’m sure you weren’t the only one,” I suggest, making her laugh. She shrugs her shoulders and offers me a slightly bigger smile.
“I’m glad you’re here, actually,” she says stepping up beside me and facing Josh’s headstone.
“You are?”
“I am,” she replies, reaching for my hand and intertwining her fingers with mine. “I have something to say. To both of you.”
Swallowing hard, I nod. “Okay.”
She steps right up to the stone, but doesn’t let go of my hand, forcing me to take a step closer with her. “Hey, Josh,” she says, softly, reaching down with her left hand and touching the top of his stone. “I see you’ve met Nick,” she adds, glancing over her shoulder and giving me a smile.
“Technically, we already knew each other.”
“You did,” she says with a nod. When she turns serious, I decide to keep my mouth shut and follow her lead. “I went to see your mom and dad tonight. It’s been a while, which I’m sure you know too. The thought of seeing them without you has been almost unbearable, so I stayed away. Funny thing is your mom said pretty much the same thing to me.
“I told her how I’ve blamed myself for your accident,” she says, and my entire body tenses. “And before you get all pissy with me and start to argue, I know now that it wasn’t my fault. I think I’ve always known, but needed to focus all of my energy on something, on someone, so I chose me. But you know your mom, she wasn’t having it,” she adds with a chuckle.
“She let me have it and said a lot of stuff that made sense. We actually had a really nice talk. I needed it. I needed her.” I hear her take a deep breath before she continues.
“We also talked about Nick,” she says, which has me tensing all over again. She talked to Josh’s mom about me? “She told me how happy she was that I had found someone who was able to look past my pain and hurt, someone who makes me smile and laugh again, someone who loves me. You can imagine how uncomfortable it got right then, but you know your mom. She wasn’t letting me go without digging for the details.
“But do you know what? She made me realize so much too, Josh. She made me realize that I was in love with him too, but so terrified of getting hurt again that I pushed him away.”
Wait. She loves me?
Meghan glances at me for a moment, tears swimming in her eyes, before turning back to the stone. “She reminded me that loving someone is the greatest gift in life, and I’d be doing myself a huge injustice if I didn’t live. That I’d be doing your memory an even bigger injustice by not living the life you wanted for me. She told me you would want me to live, and yes, love again.
“Hearing her say those words brought it back to me. That night. When you told me I was the love of your life, but that you were not mine. You begged me to live.
“Well, I think you were wrong. You were the love of my life – my first love. But maybe you’re not my last. Maybe I’m meant to love someone else,” she says, squeezing my hand so hard I begin to lose circulation to my fingers. But I don’t care. I don’t move. I barely breathe.
“There is enough room in my heart for two. There’s you, Josh. My first love. The man who taught me just how truly wonderful love can be,” she says, before glancing at me. “And then there’s Nick. My last love. The man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my days with.” She chuckles, sniffling her nose and frantically wiping at tears with her left hand.
I turn her to face me.
“That is, if I didn’t already fuck it up when I ran away from him,” she says, her green eyes so bright in the moonlight.
“You didn’t fuck it up. Actually, I was here telling Josh how badly I fucked it up,” I say, catching a few tears with the pads of my thumbs.
“No,” she says, anxiously shaking her head. “You spoke the truth, right?”
I nod.
“Then you didn’t fuck anything up. I did,” she insists.
“No, honey, you didn’t. You were scared. I know that. But you don’t have to be afraid anymore. You don’t have to run from me. I want to help you. I want to stand with you when times get tough. I want to be your friend and your lover, who carries the burden when it gets too much. I want to be by your side,” I tell her, wrapping my arm around her back and pulling her close.
“I want that too, and do you know why?” she asks, gazing up at me with big, wide eyes.
“Why?”
“Because I love you.” I’ve never heard sweeter words in my life than having this woman in my arms, staring into my eyes, and saying them directly to me for the first time.
“I love you too,” I reply, dipping my head down and kissing her soft lips. I link my fingers with hers and notice the change right away.
Pulling my lips from hers, I glance down and notice her left hand. Or more accurately, the fact that her hand is now ringless. “You took it off?” I ask, my heart pounding against my breastbone.
“Yeah,” she says softly. “It was time. When I was visiting with Josh’s mom, I realized that the only way to fully move forward was to let go of the past.”
“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her before taking her lips in another searing kiss.
Realization sets in all too quickly, and I slowly pull back. It’s as if we both know it at the same time. She gives me a sad smile before turning and facing Josh’s stone.
“Thank you, Josh, for loving me. I’ll never forget you,” she whispers, closing her eyes and tilting her head up to the sky. “I’ll always love you.”
Just then, a light breeze picks up again. Her hair gently blows against my face, and I see her smile. I feel her smile, all the way down to the bottom of my heart. My heart that beats just for her.
When she’s ready, we turn and walk toward the cars. Our hands are still linked as I walk her to the car parked behind mine. My hand immediately goes to her face, brushing the hair from her forehead and tracing the gentle curve of her jaw. “What do you think?”
“I think I’m ready to go.”
“Do you want to go to my place?” I ask, not wanting to assume we’ll be going anywhere together, but damn sure hoping.
“Actually, I was kinda hoping we’d go to my place. I have a few things to put away.” I can see her resolve reflecting in her eyes.
“Are you sure? We don’t have to do this tonight,” I offer.
“No, I’m sure. I’m ready,” she says with conviction, giving me a decisive nod.
“I’ll follow you,” I reply, pulling her into my chest and placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Actually, I’ll follow you,” she sasses as she opens the driver’s door.
“I’ll meet you there,” I tell her before turning and heading to my own vehicle.
Before I climb in, I glance back at her. She has one foot inside the car, but she’s facing Josh’s final resting place. I almost turn and go back to her when she says, “Goodbye, Josh.”
She offers a smile before sliding down into the car and starting the engine. I do the same, and together, we slowly make our way out of the cemetery.
Toward her house.
Toward our future.
* * *
We step through her front door, the light above the sink, as well as the moonlight filtering through the big picture window. She releases my hand and drops her purse on the table before awarding me with one of her killer smiles.
I don’t say anything. I can tell she has something on her mind, a resolve in her posture and determination in her eyes that tells me to just stand aside and watch.
Meghan reaches for the shoes sitting beside the door. She takes them in her hands and seems to gaze lovingly down at the pair of runners before bringing them to her chest in a hug. She smiles a small, sad grin as she opens the closet door and sets them inside. She slowly closes the door, her green eyes on mine.
I’m not sure if I should say anything or not, but I know how big this moment is.
No words are spoken as she reaches for me, offering so much more than just her hand. She’s offering me her heart, the greatest gift ever.
I will forever cherish it.
And her.