Chapter Twenty-Six
Nick
The evening is about perfect. The weather, the dinner, the ambiance. It’s all setting the stage for an epic, memorable night. I can feel it in my bones.
I take her hand in mine and lead her down the stairs to the beach. Music wafts from the deck above as we walk toward the water. The wind blows her hair, making my fingers twitch to touch it. She’s wearing a dark blue dress that hits just below her knees and dips dangerously low at her chest. When she opened the door tonight, I almost swallowed my tongue. Not to mention almost begged her to follow me inside so I could make her scream three ways to Sunday.
“It’s a beautiful night,” she says, gazing out as the waves crash on the shore.
“Stunning,” I reply, though I’m not referring to the night, as much as I am the woman.
“Tonight was perfect. I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
“It should be a beautiful day,” I add, keeping her hand tucked in mine.
“You’re sure you don’t mind sitting with the guys behind my dad and grandparents?” she asks.
“I’ll sit where ever you want me to sit,” I tell her, bringing her hand to my lips. “Just as long as I get to dance with you afterward.”
She stops and turns to gaze up at me. Her eyes are smiling, along with her seductive pink lips. Lips that I crave more than air itself. As the breeze gently blows her air, I take her in my arms, my lips finally meeting hers. There’s a fire within that kiss, an unbridled passion that erupts whenever she’s near. My tongue teases and tastes her, my arms feeling complete as they wrap around and draw her body near.
The kiss is almost magical. Yeah, I said it. Standing there, on the beach, with the water washing over my shoes and tickling her bare feet, I let go of everything and just…feel. Feel the wind, feel the water, feel her body, and feel her lips. And most importantly, feel the happiness and love that only she delivers. I’ve been in love before – once with a college girlfriend, and years later with Collette. But this? This is…
Magical.
Suddenly, I need to tell her. This overwhelming desire to share everything with her fills my being. It’s not just the night or the kiss. It’s the fact that I love this woman more than I’ve ever loved anyone – that I see her so completely standing by my side, much the way Sawyer referred to AJ tonight. I see her so vividly that the idea of her not being there only makes my heart ache and my soul cry.
That prospect steals my breath almost as much as this very kiss does.
Pulling back, I stare down at Meghan. Her lips are wet and bee-stung and her eyes sparkling. “Wow,” she whispers, a soft smiling teasing her lips.
“It’s you,” I reply, running my hand along her hairline and pushing those little fly-aways from her forehead.
“What’s me?” she asks, her arms resting comfortably on my hips.
“Everything. Everything is you.” I know I should stop, but I can’t. I can’t. I have two months worth of feelings for this woman that are suddenly bubbling to the surface, dying to get out. So, I take a deep breath and start.
“I’ve always respected and enjoyed you. First, as my employee and friend, and now as the woman I’m in a relationship with. This thing between us,” I continue, waving my hand between her chest and mine, “has transpired into something I wasn’t expecting. I wasn’t expecting…you.”
Her eyes glisten, but I don’t stop talking. “I wasn’t expecting to need you as much as I do or love you as much as I do. I wasn’t expecting to…fall in love with you.” Those tears in her eyes fall, and that smile drops from her face. “I love you, Meghan.”
There.
Said it.
The weight on my chest lifts and my heart starts to calm.
I’ve told her how I feel, how much she means to me.
What I wasn’t expecting was her reply.
“You can’t love me,” she says, those tears ripping though my chest and stabbing at my heart. “Please don’t love me, Nick. People who love me die.”
What?
“Wait, what?”
“You can’t love me!” she says, louder and with more conviction. “Loving me is bad, very bad. And I don’t want that for you, Nick,” she adds, stepping back out of my arms.
“Meghan,” I start, at a loss for words suddenly.
“No!” she demands, adamantly shaking her head. “You don’t love me!” she insists, those fucking tears ripping me to shreds.
“I do,” I assure, taking a step toward her and reaching for her hand.
But she pulls away, shaking. “People who love me die. I’m tainted. I don’t want that for you, Nick. You deserve to love someone who’s capable of loving you back.”
“You’re not capable?” I ask gently, taking another small step in her direction.
“No. I’m not able to love. I loved once and he left. I killed him,” she whispers, her eyes turning dark and hard.
“Honey, you didn’t do that. You had nothing to do with what happened to Josh,” I reassure.
She growls, frustrated, and turns away. “Everything was fine, Nick. Everything was great. Why did you have to say it?”
Her back is to me, but I still feel the weight of her words. “Because it’s true. I said it because I’m in love with you. Have been for weeks now, if not much longer.”
She shakes her head. Turning and facing me, she looks me straight in the eye. “Then this is over.”
My heart pounds in my chest so loud I’m sure they can hear it at the party over the music and laughter. Over the happiness. “Meghan, just because my feelings for you are the way they are doesn’t mean we have to stop seeing each other. In fact, it doesn’t mean anything has to change at all,” I softly declare.
“Everything has changed,” she states, her eyes hard with tears. “If you love me, something will happen. Something bad, and I can’t, Nick. I can’t…go through that again. It hurts too much, and if I lost you, I don’t think I’d survive it.”
This time, her slow tears turn into agonizing sobs. I move toward her, wrapping my arms around her and drawing her close. She’s shaking and crying, her tears quickly soaking through my dress shirt. I keep one hand on her back and the other I run down the back of her head, trying to convey as much comfort and support as humanly possible through just a touch.
She’s been hurt so badly already – and I’m the stupid idiot who didn’t think about that before declaring his undying love. The last man she loved is no longer here, and the thought of someone else loving her is terrifying.
I get it.
But it doesn’t stop my feelings.
Suddenly, she pushes back and swipes harshly at her cheeks. “No, it’s over. I don’t love you, Nick. I can’t.”
Before I can even open my mouth to reply, she turns and runs up the beach, leaving me standing at the shore. I watch her go until she disappears around the side of the restaurant. What the fuck just happened? One minute I’m confessing my love and spilling my feelings, and the next she’s breaking everything off and running away.
I’m the biggest fucking idiot on the planet.
Not for loving her. No, there’s nothing wrong with loving that woman. She owns my heart already, even after only a few months. But for just blurting it out the way I did, without even thinking about how it would make her feel.
My feet start to move through the sand as I run toward the party. I fly up the stairs and begin frantically searching for Meghan. Jaime and Payton each give me a look, one that lets me know they can tell something’s wrong, but I don’t go to them. I don’t have time. I need to find Meghan.
Before it’s too late.