Chapter Thirteen
Blade
It was odd watching over someone else when Wyatt’s safety had been all I’d thought about for a week. But it wasn’t like I hadn’t done this a hundred times—moved on to a new person. Try to learn their little habits and idiosyncrasies. The lady I was doing security for now, Lydia Brown, only needed me during the day. She was the heiress to a chocolate company, and she didn’t like people getting too close. Her life wasn’t in danger. I was just around to make her feel safe in a crowd.
Fortunately, Lydia wasn’t an early riser. That worked out since I spent most mornings hugging my toilet before I went over to her place. I was getting used to the routine of showering, puking, brushing my teeth and then puking again after a light breakfast. I assumed all was normal with the baby, but it did concern me that my pants were getting looser. I’d assumed the opposite would happen.
When I got home one evening, Wyatt’s car was already in the driveway. I was so tired I could barely get out of the car. When I unlocked the front door, Wyatt was in the kitchen whistling a cheery tune. I stamped down my grudging smile and closed the door behind me.
“Asshole, I’m home.” I smirked as I walked into the kitchen.
He snorted and continued peeling potatoes. “I thought I felt evil descending.”
I wanted a cold beer so much I’d considered stopping at a bar on the way home. I knew Wyatt would be annoyed if I had one in front of him. If I cracked a bottle open, he’d be all over me; It’s not good for the baby. He’d become a downright nag about what I could and couldn’t do because it wasn’t good for the baby. Meanwhile, he got to live his life just like always.
I went into my room and changed into shorts and a T-shirt. It was an unusually warm evening, considering it was spring. When I came out of my room, he was still chopping vegetables. I went back into the kitchen and grabbed a bottled iced tea from the fridge. He gave me a frown.
“I don’t want to hear that caffeine isn’t good for the baby. It’s either this or a beer.” I twisted off the top and tossed it into the trash.
“I didn’t say anything.”
I drank from the bottle, and the cold liquid felt amazing sliding down my throat. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and I leaned on the counter. “What’s for dinner?”
“Ginger chicken stir fry.”
“Still trying to get some ginger in me?” I laughed wryly.
“Well, not that I don’t love waking up every morning to the sound of you puking, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.”
I scowled. “I’m sorry. Is my morning sickness a problem for you?”
“Not at all.” He flicked his glance to my tea. “You know they make decaf iced tea.”
I gave an exasperated sigh. “I’ve done research too, and caffeine in small amounts won’t hurt the baby.” He was worse than his mother, and she was bad enough. She called me almost every day to see how I was feeling and to give me tips on how to have a healthy baby. I couldn’t wait for these three months to be over. Then I could go back to my quiet life without all these distractions.
Unless me and Wyatt raise the baby together.
I still hadn’t made any decisions about that. Wyatt hadn’t even broached the subject again, which seemed odd. He was usually more confrontational than that. I wasn’t sure if he was just trying not to pressure me, or if he didn’t like the idea of me being a part of the baby’s life. Maybe he preferred the scenario where I just dumped the baby on him and his mom and he didn’t have to ever really even talk to me again. I had no doubt he was just being nice to me right now because it served his purposes.
I watched him slicing an onion. His long tanned fingers moved deftly, and the memory of them on my body made my pulse skitter. We hadn’t done anything sexual since that day in my kitchen a few weeks ago when he’d given me the best blow job of my life. I licked my lips remembering the feel of his hot mouth on me. But I wasn’t going to make a move on him. I felt strangely shy about the thought of doing that. I’d never had a problem approaching women. Did I hesitate because he was the alpha and I felt like he should make the first move?
He glanced up and caught me staring. I looked away quickly, but I knew my cheeks were red because of my lusty thoughts.
“Not counting the morning sickness, how are you feeling overall?” His tone was curious, concerned. If I hadn’t known him better I’d have suspected he actually cared.
“I’m really tired.”
A sensual spark went through his brown eyes. “Maybe later I can give you a full body massage. And anything else you desire.”
I swallowed loudly, and my cock twitched with interest. God, the thought of lying naked and at his mercy was tempting. So tempting.
“It might help you relax so you can sleep better,” he cooed.
He was probably right. Sex would definitely calm me and help me sleep deeper. But he sounded so self-assured it annoyed me. I knew that made little sense, considering I’d been staring at him with my tongue practically hanging out a minute ago. But my emotions jumped around a lot lately, and while I wanted him, I didn’t need his pity.
“I don’t need sexual favors from you,” I snapped.
He looked taken aback at my surly response. “Okay. You don’t have to bite my head off.”
I was usually more even tempered. I assumed it was the pregnancy hormones flooding my body that had me happy one minute and pissed off the next. “It’s enough that you cook.”
“I’m trying to be helpful to you in many ways. I know you’re not sleeping well.” His eyes roamed my body. “And you’re losing weight.” It wasn’t a question.
“I throw up a lot. It’s not rocket science why that would be happening.” It was hard not to feel judged when his mom and he kept acting like I was purposely sabotaging my pregnancy.
He set the knife down, and he stepped closer. His green gaze was warm but guarded. “This month is especially important in the healthy development of the fetus.”
“I know. I’m not trying to lose weight,” I muttered.
“Well, you need to take steps.” He chewed his lower lip.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know.” He sounded frustrated. “But you can’t not sleep and get skinny and think the baby will be healthy.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to do.”
His face tensed and I knew he was nervous about saying what he wanted to say. “Maybe we should go to the mountains now.”
I widened my eyes. “I can’t. You know I can’t just bail on my job for three months.”
He hardened his mouth. “What’s more important here, Blade? Your job or the life of our baby?”
Our baby.
Those two words sent a little shock wave through me. Any time I thought about it too closely, it made me feel warm, strange, and connected so intimately to Wyatt. “I’m doing my best.”
He grimaced. “I know. But maybe if we went away you could just relax and focus on being healthy.”
“It’s not where I am that’s making this hard. It’s not my job or my house. It’s the baby inside me that is sucking the life from me,” I grumbled. “The baby is making me sick. The baby is making me skinny. Going to the mountains won’t change that.”
“But all you’d have to think about was the baby.”
I looked at him mortified. “You think that’s a good thing? I’d be bored out of my mind.”
“This isn’t about you right now.”
See, when he said shit like that, it made me certain he was only being nice because of the damn baby. “Uh, yeah. It’s still about me too.”
He captured his lower lip with his teeth, a line between his brows. “Yes. It’s about both of you being safe.”
I huffed and left the kitchen to sit on the back patio. I needed some air. I sat on a lounge chair and stared out at the jagged mountains in the distance. I’d always enjoyed this view; now even the hills reminded me of the baby.
After a moment he followed me outside. He sat beside me, and the metal chair squeaked under his weight. “Look, I’m sorry.”
I didn’t respond. I wouldn’t have been able to say anything nice, that was for sure. It wasn’t okay that I was being treated like the fucking ice chest to this life growing inside of me. I was still a person with a life to live too. I hadn’t asked to get knocked up and to have my entire existence screwed with.
“Are you mad at me?” His voice was hushed.
“I’m sure as hell not happy with you.” I stretched my legs out and rested my head against the back of my chair.
“You must know I’m worried about you too.”
“Excuse me, but you just made it very clear exactly how little I matter in the equation.”
“I was reacting to you saying you would be bored in the mountains. What I should have said was it’s not about you being bored. Of course I want you safe.” He swallowed and when he continued he sounded breathless. “You’re my omega, Blade.”
He’d never said anything that possessive to me. Even though I liked to consider myself a more enlightened omega, it was hard to ignore how his words excited me and took my breath away. In the past this would have been a big moment, but in modern times it had become less important for an omega to seek the protection of an alpha.
“You don’t really believe that,” I muttered, ignoring how much I’d loved hearing him say I was his. I needed to keep my senses about me. After all, only weeks ago we’d loathed each other. Yes, things were a little different now, but I wasn’t sure if any of my emotions, or his, were real or just a gut reaction brought on by my carrying his child.
“I do so believe it.”
“You’re old-fashioned.”
He curled his lip. “I know you push me away because you’re afraid.”
“I’m not.”
“Of course you are. This is a huge thing that has happened.”
I pulled my gaze from his and lifted my chin.
“I give you a lot of leeway because I understand this situation is overwhelming.” He leaned toward me, his eyes a luminous yellow green. “But you’re carrying my child, and what isn’t negotiable is that you’re my omega. I’ll let you snarl and fight me to an extent, Blade. But ultimately you’re mine, and that will never change.”
His words seemed to physically dig into my flesh. A lusty prickle filled my gut, just like the night he’d claimed my body. There was a connection and a bond between us that pulled me to him. Even when I was mad at him, all he had to do was call me his omega and suddenly I wanted him so bad my entire body ached.
“I think you’re confused by this baby.” My voice wobbled.
“The child is important to me.”
“You and I have never exactly been fond of one another. To think we would belong to one another because of one night of lust is crazy.”
“We’ve been better about fighting all the time.”
“A little.” We’d actually been getting along really well the past weeks. Way better than I’d ever have imagined.
“You don’t annoy me as much.”
I gave a brusque laugh. “Wow. Thanks.”
He shrugged. “I think subconsciously I’ve always wanted you to submit to me. And when you didn’t, it pissed off the alpha in me. It made it easier to just dismiss you as a punk.”
I narrowed my gaze. “I don’t need an alpha.”
“Maybe so.” He flared his nostrils. “But you want one. I can smell your arousal from here.”
“That’s just lust. Lust is illogical.”
“True.”
I shifted to face him. “What is it you truly want? When you say I’m your omega, what do you think that means?”
He paused, and I became aware that we were on the cusp of something. This was the first time I’d asked him exactly what he wanted from me, and it made things intimate and more meaningful than maybe I’d even expected.
“I want to take care of you.”
“Because of the baby.”
He wrinkled his brow as if confused. “It started because of the baby.” He flicked his confused gaze to mine. “What about you?”
I sucked in a steadying breath and decided to be honest. “I don’t know what I want. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I think I want to raise this baby with you. Sometimes I love the idea of someone caring for me and giving a shit if I live or die. But then other times the concept of that makes me scared and suffocated.”
His eyes glittered as he listened, but he didn’t try and interrupt me.
I licked my lips. “I liked it when you took me that night. It felt right.” I pressed my clenched fist to my chest. “But it also made me feel terrified that I’d lose myself if I gave you too much. Because you’re an alpha and you can’t help but take and take.”
His lips parted as if surprised by my candor. “Okay,” he said softly. “So where does that leave us?”
I swallowed against my fear. “I have no idea. I don’t want you to go, but I’m terrified of you staying.”
He hung his head as if considering my words. When he looked up, his expression was gentle. “I’m not going anywhere. You need me right now, even if it scares you.”
I nodded almost unwillingly. “Yeah, I think I do.”
He sighed and he held his hand out to me. I hesitated, but then I took it. “We have two and a half months for you to figure out what you want. But at the end of that time, I’ll need some sort of decision, Blade.”
The feel of his fingers wrapped around mine soothed me. It was an inexplicable calm that seeped into my pores. “Yes. By then I should know what’s in my heart.”
“Okay.” He let go of my hand, and he went back inside.
****
Darcy studied me with his hands clasped on the desk. “What’s up with you lately?”
“Nothing.” I held his gaze, hoping I didn’t look nervous.
“You sure about that?”
I scowled. “Yes. Why?”
He waved his hand at me. “The last month and a half you just seem… blah.”
“Blah?” I frowned. He was lucky I hadn’t puked on his shoes, the ungrateful bastard. I’d busted my ass to make sure my job performance was spot-on the last month. I was determined to not let my work lapse because of the pregnancy. I wasn’t late ever, I worked overtime without complaint, and still he had a problem?
“Yeah. You used to have a spark and an enthusiasm for the job. Now you seem all mopey.”
My face warmed. “I’m not even close to mopey. What are you talking about?”
He sighed. “Never mind.” He held up a paper. “The merge is finally official.”
To be honest, I’d forgotten about it because he’d never mentioned it again. That and I seemed to forget shit a lot lately. “Oh, great.”
“You’ll be seeing more of your buddy Wyatt.” He smirked. “I was pleasantly surprised you two didn’t kill each other when you were on his detail.”
I shrugged, praying my face wasn’t flushed. “He’s not so bad.”
He bugged his eyes. “Excuse me? You gave me crap for putting you on that detail.”
“I know. But then he turned out to be… slightly less of an asshole than I thought.” I kept my eyes pinned on his gun calendar over his head. “We’ve actually hung out a lot since.”
“Okay. That’s a surprising development.”
“Do you want me to be mad at him? I thought you were the one who was always telling me to suck it up?”
“I was. I just didn’t think you’d ever do it.” He flipped through some papers on his desk. “Tork was going to break news of the merger to his guys today. I’ve already told everyone on my end.”
“How will this change things?”
“There shouldn’t be too many obvious differences for you guys. Tork and I will have to merge our scheduling and office procedures, but you guys will just do business as usual. We’re keeping the name Shield. It looks better on a T-shirt.”
“And that is the most important thing.”
He leaned forward. “Listen, we all want this transition to go smoothly, and that’s up to all of you guys. Tork and I know how to play nice, but you field types like to hold grudges.”
“I have no grudges. I’m just glad to still have a job.”
He looked pleased. “That’s the spirit.”
I cleared my throat. “Since you’re in such a good mood, I thought I’d go ahead and put in my request for a vacation.”
“Sure. When?” He seemed distracted as he riffled through papers.
I gave an uneasy laugh. “I need all of June off.”
He looked up. “Excuse me?”
“I uh… I planned a hiking trip, and it’s like this whole monthlong thing.” Sweat broke out on my upper lip, and I hoped he couldn’t tell. I was usually really good at staying calm under pressure, but lately my hormones had been off-the-charts nuts.
“Who the fuck asks for a month off?”
“I have that much time owed me.” My voice wobbled.
“Sure, lots of the guys do. But nobody takes it all at once.” He narrowed his gaze. “Does this have anything to do with the whole blah thing you have going on?”
I bristled. “I’m not blah and I need that time off.” I grimaced and made up a lie. “My deposit is nonrefundable.”
“June is in two weeks. You sure didn’t give me much warning.”
“I meant to ask sooner. I was distracted.”
“You had no business booking a trip like that without checking if it was cool with me first.” His eyes snapped with irritation.
“You’re acting like this place won’t survive without me or something.”
“No. It’s just not normal to ask for a whole month off.” He shook his head. “Whatever. Fine. Yes you can have June off.” He grimaced. “I can’t even believe I just said that.”
“Thank you.” I was relieved. That was one less thing to have to worry about.
He pushed a file across the desk. “Here’s your next client: Riley West. He’s in a rock band, and he likes having security when he goes home to show off to his family.”
“So he’s not in any danger?”
“Nah, just wants the people who were rude to him in high school to see what hot shit he is these days.”
Sounded like something I could probably handle. “Okay.”
“It’s a two-day trip.” He was looking down, so he didn’t notice my grimace.
“You got it,” I said agreeably as I stood and headed to the door. It was going to be harder to hide my morning sickness when I was staying overnight in an adjacent suite.
Darcy called after me, “Don’t come back with a tattoo or a Mohawk.”
“I’ll do my best, boss.”