Chapter Seven
Blade
I was numb with shock. I’d let Wyatt Smith fuck me. And I’d wanted him as much as he’d wanted me. While I was surprised that I was apparently sexually drawn to men, the real zinger was that I could be attracted to an asshole like Wyatt.
After my nausea had finally passed, Wyatt tried to get me to eat dinner, but I was unable to even stomach the idea let alone the food. I was nonplussed at how much it had bothered him that I’d been sick. He’d never struck me as a nurturing kind of guy, but he’d hovered so much I’d finally had to tell him to go away.
Traumatized by my poor taste in men or not, Wyatt was my job responsibility, so while he ate the beef Stroganoff, I sat in silence pretending to watch TV. I got the feeling Wyatt wanted to talk, but I just wanted to pretend it had never happened and go back to how it had been.
After about an hour, he finally muted the TV and faced me. “Do you still feel nauseous?”
“Nope.” I kept my gaze on the silent screen.
He narrowed his gaze. “Would you tell me if you did?”
“Maybe.”
“I think you should come in with me tomorrow when we go by my mom’s house.”
I scowled at him. “Why?”
“Don’t worry. Not because I’m going to announce our engagement.”
My face warmed, but I ignored his sarcasm. “I already told you I don’t want to see your mom. That was before we had our little tumble in the hay. Now I’m for sure not going in. You can just run in and grab your wallet.” I frowned. “Did you even call your mom to be sure it’s there? I don’t want to drive all the way over there and it’s under your bed this whole time.”
“I texted her and she said it’s on her table.”
“Jesus, how do you even do your job if you can’t keep track of your wallet?” I grumbled.
“Never said I was perfect.”
I chuffed. “Uh, yeah. Actually you did.”
He sighed as if trying to hold on to his patience. “Look, I know what happened was nuts. I’m embarrassed just like you.” He swallowed. “Did I hurt you?”
My face was hot as I shot him an angry glance. “Can we just not talk about it, please?” My ass was definitely sore, but that wasn’t something we were going to discuss.
His jaw clenched. “We should talk. We had sex. It isn’t like we shared a damn salad.”
I kept my gaze fixed on the TV. “It was just fucking.”
“It felt like more and you know it.”
I shifted uneasily. “Bisexuality is common among our kind. Just drop it.”
“Have you ever been attracted to men before?” When I didn’t respond, he said softly, “Because I haven’t. Not ever.”
I slid my wary gaze to his. His expression wasn’t judgmental like I’d expected. He looked open and curious. I shook my head. “No.”
“This is why I think talking with Mom would be good for us. She knows all this wolf shit.” He moved and sat beside me, and I stiffened. “Relax. I’m not going to touch you.”
The way my pulse sped up at his close proximity annoyed me. “If you even breathe one word to her about what we did, I will fucking murder you.”
His irritation was palpable. “Wow, you’re like a child.”
“Says the man who wants his mommy to help him figure this out,” I growled.
He gave a hard laugh. “I’m trying to be mature about this.”
I crossed my arms. “Good for you. I’m putting it behind me. It’s about as important to me as getting drunk and banging some chick in a gas station bathroom.”
“Yeah, only we weren’t drunk.”
I lifted my chin and stayed quiet.
“Jesus, Blade. Aren’t you worried at all? I didn’t even use a condom.”
My face got even hotter. The memory of him inside me filled my brain, and the intense pleasure I’d felt buzzed through me. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I snapped. “How many times do I have to say that?”
“We’re just supposed to pretend it didn’t happen?”
“Why not?” I gave him an angry glance.
He chewed his lower lip. “What are you afraid of?”
I puffed my chest out. “Nothing. I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Liar.” He sighed. “I know you’re a brave son of a bitch, and I realize nothing in the physical world scares you.” He leaned toward me. “But feelings seem to be the one thing you can’t deal with.”
I screwed my face in disgust. “I hope you’re not trying to insinuate I have feelings for you?”
“Isn’t that what really has you worried? That you and I might actually have feelings for each other?” His gaze was unrelenting. “Emotions are the one thing that frightens you.”
I glared at him. “You should talk. When was the last time you had a meaningful relationship with anyone other than your mom?”
His face hardened. “I was engaged. The longest relationship you’ve probably ever had was with your cleaning lady.”
“I don’t have a cleaning lady.”
“Well, then, you’re even more pathetic than I thought.” He crossed his arms and stared across the room. The clock on my bookshelf was the only sound in the room for a few minutes. Then he shifted, and he faced me. “We’ve known each other a long time. It’s not inconceivable we might have some kind of bond.”
“A bond of hate?”
“No.”
I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “You’re barking up the wrong tree. There are no hidden feelings. Hell, just the sound of your voice annoys me.”
“You can go on denying there’s a connection all you want, buddy. But you begged me to fuck you. You begged me, Blade.” His sounded frustrated. “And I liked it just as much as you did. So pretend all you want for now, but eventually you’re going to have to face the fact that you and I had an intimate moment with each other.”
I curled my lip in distaste. “See, that’s the difference between you older wolves and my generation. Fucking means nothing to us. You guys always want it to mean something.”
“You do realize that we’re the same generation, right?”
I shrugged. “I guess you just seem way older.”
“It’s called emotional maturity. You should try it sometime.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah? Why? What has it ever gotten you?”
“The ability to have a civil conversation about things that are difficult.” He sighed. “Obviously you and I don’t like each other on many levels. But I wonder if that isn’t because we got off on the wrong foot maybe?”
“Or we just don’t like each other.” I scowled. “Why does what happened have to mean anything? We don’t have to be friends. We don’t have to keep in touch after this assignment ends. We fucked. So what? Move on, old man, that ship has sailed.”
He curled his fists into tight balls. “Jesus, you’re a punk.”
I sucked in a shaky breath. I was so damn irritable my skin hurt, and that was partly why I was being so unreasonably mean to him. I rubbed my face roughly with both hands, trying to get a grip on my anger. “Why can’t you just drop it?”
His expression was confused as he lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know.”
His sincerity got to me a little. “Look, whatever that was that had us in its grasp seems to have passed.” I still felt attracted to him, but that aching need was gone for now. “I say we just put it behind us and go back to the way it was.”
He hung his head. “I’m not sure I can.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I feel protective of you now.” He glanced up and his gaze was puzzled. “I always knew you were an omega and I never really thought much about it. But now… I feel our roles so clearly.”
I bristled. “If you think I’m one of those weak omegas who need an alpha to watch over me, think again.”
“It’s not like that. I don’t think you’re feeble.”
“Good, because I’m not.” I’d been on my own since I was fifteen. I sure as hell didn’t need anyone stepping in now to look out for me.
He gave a gruff laugh. “These feelings aren’t logical. This is all probably instinctual.”
“Meaning what?”
“I’m forty. I’m the last of my line. There’s a lot of pressure on me to continue my line.”
“Okay. But how does that work when we’re both guys?”
He grimaced. “I don’t know. But it’s in my blood to mate with an omega and then protect that mate. And in the past you’d have wanted that. All the omegas needed an alpha to provide and keep them safe.”
“Says who?”
“My mom. I grew up hearing her stories about alphas and omegas coupling and staying together for the protection of the omega. Male and female.”
“Well, thank goodness that nonsense is past. How archaic.”
“Just because you think you don’t need anyone doesn’t mean everyone is that way. And it also doesn’t mean your way is best.”
I squinted at him. “Since when do you give a shit about needing someone?”
He frowned. “I’m not looking for it, but I’m not against it either.”
“Well, I am.” My stomach gave a sharp jab of pain and I winced.
“You okay?”
“Right as rain,” I lied. I felt like I needed to go puke some more, but I didn’t want to look like a wuss.
He twisted his lips as if he didn’t believe me, but he dropped it. “Have you ever had a serious relationship?”
My face felt warm as I struggled to answer honestly. “Not really.”
“Then how is it you’re so against them?”
“I just don’t feel the need.” My stomach growled ominously, and I shifted uneasily. “Besides, this job isn’t easy on anyone who likes to actually see their significant other.”
“True.”
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of the couch as I struggled with the nausea that had returned.
“You okay? You look a little green.”
I licked my lips. “I never get sick. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“That quiche you made last night was pretty bad.”
I scowled, but I kept my eyes closed. “Shut up.”
“I’m serious. It was terrible.” He sounded like he was holding back laughter.
“You’re a piece of work, Wyatt. Picking on me when I feel like death.”
“Sorry.” He touched my arm and I jumped. “Relax. I’m showing compassion.”
“I didn’t recognize it.”
“You want me to carry you to bed and tuck you in?” He laughed.
I opened one eye. “Nope.” His smile made my pulse pick up. “I can’t go to bed till you do.”
“You’re so tightly wound it’s absurd. I mean, what’s the difference if you’re puking your brains out or in bed while I’m in here watching TV? Either way, if my Russian friend comes calling, you’re not going to be much use.”
“I’m not going to bed until you do.”
“You know, I’m more than capable of handling myself. I’m not some clueless civilian.”
“Please stop arguing. You’re making this worse.”
“God, you’re stubborn.”
Another wave of nausea rolled through me, and I sat up, feeling alarmed. “Fuck.” I scrambled to my feet, and he stood too and followed me into my bedroom. I waved at him weakly. “Go away.”
He ignored me and when I slammed into the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, he hovered near the sink. My gut heaved and I threw up for what felt like an hour. I didn’t have anything in my stomach so it was mostly just a lot of dry heaving, which was agony. I jumped when Wyatt pressed a cool washcloth against the back of my neck.
“Sorry.” I clung to the toilet like it was my best friend. “I’ll be fine in just a minute.”
He sighed. “Be quiet. Just relax and do what you need to do.”
As he finished speaking, another wave of nausea hit me and I spent the next ten minutes repeating the dry heaving from earlier. By the time I felt slightly better, I was weak and sweaty. He wiped my face and gave me some mouthwash to spit into the toilet. Then he helped me to my feet, and we stumbled toward my bed.
I sat on the edge of the bed while he stripped me like I was a mindless toddler. Once I was down to my underwear, he helped me scoot under the covers and tucked me in. I closed my eyes, exhausted and shaking. I expected him to leave me, but he stayed with me on the other side of the bed. I had my back to him, and he stroked my hair softly as I shivered next to him.
“If this keeps up, I’m driving you to the emergency room.” His voice was husky.
“No way,” I groaned. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit. You were puking blood at the end there.”
I grimaced. “That’s just because it went on so long.” My voice was weak, and I rolled slowly toward him. “You don’t have to worry. I’m fine.”
I couldn’t see his features well in the dim room, but the light from the bathroom cast just enough that I could see he was frowning. “You don’t think this is connected to… to what happened, do you?” His voice was hushed.
“You mean the sex?” I grimaced.
“Yeah.”
Even though I felt like shit, I snorted a laugh. “Uh, no I don’t. There’s no way I’m dying and having ‘fucked to death by Wyatt Smith’ on my tombstone.”
He gave a grudging laugh and patted my shoulder. “Leave it to you to turn even you dying into a battle of wills, Blade.”
I smirked, closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.