I pull my comforter up to my chin and roll over, facing Mason’s side of the bed. The alarm is going to go off in about thirty minutes, but I’ve been awake for over an hour, tossing and turning, trying desperately to find some way to shut my mind off. Every time I close my eyes, yesterday morning replays in slow motion, all scenes that I’m having a hard time forgetting.
Yesterday marks the first time I’ve seen a man naked, aside from Mason, and I couldn’t look away. I didn’t even try. I think I knew deep down he was in there. Subconsciously, my mind heard the water running and shut off when my hand reached for the doorknob and opened it. I don’t know if I was meant to find him like that, but I certainly wasn’t going to leave, not this time.
The night of the show, the song, those words; they tore through me. I was so jealous of Josie while I sat there listening to Liam sing words that I was sure were meant for her. I wanted them, even though I don’t deserve them. The only thing I deserve is to see Harrison on the arm of some bimbo groupie because I can’t make up my mind. I’m so hot and cold with him, yet he sticks around, patiently waiting for me.
I told Harrison I’m going to try, and I am. Each day that I wake up will be a new day with a new adventure. I’m not trying to forget Mason or replace him, but make room in my life for something different, someone different. Dr. Brooks told me that it’s okay to date, and that’s what I’m going to do, not that I know a thing about dating.
Yet, I have fear in my heart. I don’t want the girls to get attached. They already like Harrison and expect him to be around because he lives in Beaumont and is in the band, but what if we stay together for a while only to break up, what then? I know I’m getting ahead of myself. He may not want me after a month or two and I’ll be back to square one.
Today will be an obstacle and one I haven’t really considered or thought would be necessary, but it is. I need to tell Mr. Powell my decision to start dating. I don’t know how he’s going to take it, with it only being a year after Mason’s death, and for him that might not be enough time. I’m not sure if it is for me, but I need to take a chance that these feelings I have for Harrison are real and not just because he shows me attention. He’s bringing out sensations that I didn’t know existed.
I close my eyes in a last-ditch effort to get some sleep. Harrison’s there right before my eyes. His body is dripping with water. The droplets pebble and roll down his torso. My mouth falls open as I take in almost everything I’ve been wondering about. Quinn is etched across his heart. There are others, but this one stands out because I know how much he means to Harrison. I don’t know where to put my eyes. If I look down, I see him, more than I ever thought I would, but looking at his chest isn’t much of a difference. The silver ring hanging from his nipple sends a shiver down my spine. I’ve never seen one up close. I clench my fist to keep myself from reaching out and touching it.
Everything is moving in slow motion. My body temperature is rising steadily. I know I should leave, but I can’t. Even if I wanted to, my body is being a traitor. I’m cemented to the floor. I feel antsy, excited. I need to do something, anything. He looks at me, his eyes hooded. He knows I’m staring, taking him all in.
Words are exchanged. I’m mortified. I don’t turn away, but watch him as he steps into a pair of worn out gray sweatpants. He comes toward me. He looks dangerous. Sexy. He reaches behind me and shuts the door. The telltale click of the lock turning into place doesn’t scare me.
Harrison rests against the counter, pulling me to him. It’s now or never. I want to touch him. I need to feel him under my fingertips to know if this is real or not. I stand between his legs. My knees are pressed against the cabinets below. I give in and let my hands roam up his chest. I purposely avoid his nipple ring. I want to savor the moment when I can pull it in my mouth. I finally push the offending towel off his head. He closes his eyes as my fingers delve into his hair. I’ve been aching to see him without a hat, and now that I have, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get enough. His dark hair is soft to the touch and showing a hint of curl. Each pass-through rewards me with a new thought. What does he look like with longer hair? Shorter? Does he ever shave it off, or does he keep it this length? Most importantly, will he allow me to touch him freely whenever I feel the need because right now, I can’t get enough. The wait has been too long to only touch once. He keeps his hair covered for security, why? Who’s he protecting himself from? I want him to let me in and teach me how to be the security we both need. Everything about his man is turning me on when I thought that wouldn’t be possible, but standing here, pressed against him, I know that I have to try, that I owe it to myself to see if we’re capable of being together.
I startle awake. Looking at the clock, it’s time to get up. My body is on edge, racked with nerves and anxious to see him again. I don’t know if I should call him or maybe show up at his house. We don’t have plans to see each other and I’m afraid to admit that it scares me that we don’t. I refuse to allow myself to think he has plans with someone else, but the truth is, I don’t know. I can’t help but second-guess everything and I know I need to stop.
When I enter the living room, the twins are sitting on the couch together sharing a bowl of dry cheerios and watching cartoons. This was Mason’s way of making them wait until I woke up before we had breakfast. Breakfast together on the weekends – that’s how things are in the Powell household. Knowing that they’re content, I sneak off to the bathroom. I rest against the closed door and think about Harrison and everything that happened yesterday comes flashing back. If men can get away with a cold shower, what can women do?
"PaPa, PaPa,” both girls yell as soon as they are out of the car. My father-in-law, Michael Powell, steps out onto his wrap-around porch. He bends down and embraces both of them, rocking them back and forth. They are all he has left of Mason and his wife, Susan. I don’t really count. I was just his daughter-in-law, but those girls… they are his link to the two most important people in his life. I know he loves me, though. We’ve shared a bond from the first day I stepped into his house.
“Dad,” Mason yells through his house. He drops his football bag on the living room floor and strides down the hall. I stand at the door with my back pressed against the wall. I straighten out my skirt. It’s long, just below my knees and flowing. I feel stupid wearing this today, but my mother insisted. She said a young girl doesn’t meet parents in shorts or jeans. I’m surprised she let me ride in Mason’s truck and let me come over. I’ve seen her watching us from the window when we’re swimming and he’s sneaking kisses. I tell him not to kiss me in the swimming pool, but he doesn’t listen.
“Katelyn?” I look up from the floor and grin at Mason. He’s so cute and hot, definitely one of the cutest boys in school. I like that he’s my age, but it scares me that I’m not his first girlfriend. I try not to think about what will happen when school starts. I know he’s going to dump me for someone else. I’m just his summer fling because we have a pool, that’s what my mom says.
But right now, I’m enjoying it when he’s kissing me, encouraging me to touch him when we do. I felt his chest yesterday and I liked it. I don’t know if he liked it though, and that worries me. What if I’m not doing things right?
“Katelyn,” Mason steps forward and pulls my hand into his. His fingers interlock with mine and swallow my hand. “This is my dad, Michael Powell. Dad,” Mason looks at me, he smiles so big that I can count his teeth if I wanted. “This is my Katelyn.” Mason squeezes my hand. I try not to let my body react, but my heart is beating so fast that I think it’s going to jump out of my chest. He said ‘my Katelyn’.
Mr. Powell steps forward and offers his hand for me to shake. I let go of Mason’s hand and place it in his. I know Mason’s parents. I’ve told him this, but Mason said it’s different when you introduce the girl you’re seeing to your parents.
“It’s good to meet you, Katie.” I hate that name. My mother uses it and I purposely ignore her when she does. It’s not my name, but Mr. Powell has always called me ‘Katie’ and I’m too polite to correct him now.
“Hello, Mr. Powell. This feels funny, don’t you think?”
“A little, but Mason says it’s necessary.”
“Yes he does.” I poke him in the ribs only for him to take my hand back into his.
“Well if you’ll excuse me, I’m cooking dinner.” Mr. Powell excuses himself from the living room, leaving us standing there. It feels a bit awkward and I don’t really know what to do. I swing our arms back and forth and look around the room, anywhere but at Mason.
“Want a tour?”
I nod, unable to find my voice. He leads me through the house, stopping and talking again with his dad. When we reach his room, the jitters are in full-force. I know I’m not allowed in a boy’s room, but curiosity gets the best of me. I step over the threshold and look around. His room is a little messy, not spic and span like mine, but it looks comfortable. I walk around, touching his trophies that sit on his shelf and the ribbons that hang along the wall. I pick up a picture of him and Liam Westbury and study it. It’s of them in their football uniforms from the fall. Josie and I went to a few of their games this past fall. I’d like to think I’ll be going to more as Mason’s girl, but I’m not getting my hopes up.
The creak of the bed gets my attention. I turn and see Mason sitting on the edge, watching me. He’s quiet, reserved. Does he not want me here? I’ve heard so many things about him from other girls that I know he’s experienced. He’s probably brought me here for sex. I’m not ready for that at all.
“Come here,” he says. He doesn’t pat the bed and offer me a place the sit. Do I sit next to him anyway? I smile softly and walk toward him. He places his hands on my hips when I’m close enough for him to touch. Even when he’s sitting, he’s taller than me. His hands move up and down, over my hips. “I wish you weren’t wearing a skirt.”
“Why?”
“Because I like the way your legs feel against my hands.”
My throat feels tight. Would he really want to have sex with his dad downstairs?
“My mom says a lady wears a dress when meeting parents for the first time.” I close my eyes and wish I could crawl in a hole and die. Did I really just say that?
“You’ve met my dad before, Katelyn.”
I shrug. “I guess this was different.”
“Why, because you’re my girlfriend?”
My heart stops beating when he says the word ‘girlfriend’. I want to smile, but my mom warned me that boys say things to get into girls’ panties.
“Girlfriend?” I squeak out.
“Yeah, I mean unless you want to date around or something. I just thought…”
“Okay,” I blurt out.
“Okay,” he says. He kisses me softly. Small, sweet pecks. “Can I try something?”
“I guess.”
He doesn’t tell me what he’s going to try, but he kisses me again. This time, I feel his tongue on my lips. I pull back and look at him.
“You’ll like it, I promise.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know, Mason. I’m not like those other girl’s you’ve been with.”
“What girls?” he asks as his hands start roaming again.
“I’ve heard the rumors.”
Mason sits back a little. He looks at me and shakes his head. “Katelyn, I promise you, I’ve done nothing but kiss a few girls.”
“You’re not having sex?”
“No,” he laughs and leans forward placing his hands back on my hips. “Now let me kiss you good and proper.”
“What are you thinking about?” Mr. Powell shakes me from my daydream. I have to shake my head to clear out the cobwebs. So much has happened in this house, so many memories.
“Thinking about the day I met you, officially.”
“That was such a long time ago.” He pulls me into a hug. I want to remind him that it wasn’t really that long, that our connection was just taken from us far too soon.
We walk up the steps, his arm around me as he ushers the twins inside. Nothing has changed since the first time I was here, except for minor cosmetic things.
The girls run up the stairs and put their stuff in Mason’s old room. I haven’t been up there since before Mason died and have no intention on going up there now. There are far too many memories of the two of us in that room.
“Can we talk?” I motion for us to sit down. He follows, taking the cushion next to me. He’s my second father. I could tell him everything and not worry about him judging me, but now? Now I’m not so sure he won’t judge.
“What’s going on, Katie?”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. When I open them, he’s not looking at me. His face is pensive. I know he’s missing Susan and Mason. “I’ve met someone.”
He bites his lip and looks even farther away from me. “Are you taking the girls away from me?”
“What? No! Why would you ask that?” I pull on his arm so he’ll look at me. When he does, my heart breaks for him. His eyes are glistening. I shake my head and fight back the tears. “I’d never take them from you, ever.”
“Who is it?”
I swallow hard. “Harrison James.”
“Liam’s friend?”
I nod, biting my finger. The pain it causes me is nothing compared to the pain in my heart.
“Are you ready?”
“I don’t know, but I’m willing to try.”
“It’s only been a year.”
I nod. “I know. Believe me, I know. But I’m not sure there’s a pre-determined time frame. We’ve been seeing Dr. Brooks and he thinks it’s okay to date and that’s all I’m doing, dating. Nothing more.”
“Do the girls like him?”
“They do, especially Elle. He’s very good with them. Peyton doesn’t like many people right now, except Noah and Liam, but she’s nice to Harrison and his son, Quinn.”
“He has a boy?”
“Yes, he’s just a few years older than the girls.”
“And they get along?”
“They do. They’re all in school together.”
“Can I meet him and his son?”
“Of course you can.” This elates me. If things were to work out between us, I’d want Mr. Powell to accept Harrison and Quinn.
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Whatever you want?”
“Can you please stop calling me Mr. Powell?”
“Never,” I say as I lean forward to kiss him on the cheek. He laughs, but knows I’ll never stop calling him Mr. Powell. I like it, and secretly, he does too. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have fun with the girls.” I get up off the couch and start toward the stairs.
“I will and Katelyn?” I stop and look at him. “Thank you,” he says. I smile at him and nod. I don’t know what he’s thanking me for, but I’m going to assume it’s because I’m here and so are the girls and that we aren’t going anywhere.
My house is quiet. Too quiet for me, but the break is a relief. Everything in me is telling me to call Harrison, but I don’t want to interrupt his time with Quinn or make it seem like I need to see him, even though I do. It’s just hard to admit and take the step of picking up the phone.
I’m not there yet. I hope to be, someday. I’m just not sure how to get to that point, but I’m hoping Harrison is persistent and shows me the way to make it happen.
I walk around the house, picking up the girls’ toys and backpacks. We’re a month into school and so far so good. I’m concerned about Peyton, though and think that extra sessions with Dr. Brooks will be required. I feel like a failure of a parent. Both girls should’ve been the same. Once they gravitated toward one of us we allowed it to continue. Elle is too much like me and Peyton, she’s all Mason. Of course, neither of us thought we wouldn’t be here to watch the girls grow up. We were naïve, and now Peyton is struggling and I feel powerless to help her. I can’t keep pawning her off on Liam.
I’m pleasantly surprised when I walk into their room and find it clean. Yes, I’m that bored that I’d actually clean their room. I decide to call Josie or maybe Jenna. Wedding plans need to be discussed and I could use a bottle of wine.
The roar of an engine catches my attention. I walk faster than normal to get back to the living room. There’s a knock at my door before I can look out to see who it is. I swing the door open and am taken aback by the man standing at my door. The one I’ve been fighting my affections for, for so long. I smile as he opens the screen door and steps in. He’s dressed in his normal Harrison attire of cargo shorts and combat boots.
I want to reach up and kiss him, but I hold myself back. I’m not sure what I should be doing around him right now.
“Hi.” The way he says hi makes my knees weak. I can admit that now. “I was in the neighborhood,” he adds. I want to say thank God for that. Instead, I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from embarrassing myself.
“Come on in,” I say, stupidly. He’s already in the house. It’s not like I can kick him out now.
He sets his helmet down and takes off his sweatshirt. It doesn’t escape my notice that his hair is covered again. I want to rip the doo rag off his head and run my fingers through his hair.
“Where’s Quinn?”
“He’s at Liam’s for the night.”
I pretend like that doesn’t faze me, but it does. Not that I’m looking to spend the night with Harrison, but I wouldn’t mind a little more kissing.
“Where are the girls?”
“At their grandpa’s.”
Harrison steps toward me, placing his hands on my hips. His hand slides under my shirt. His fingers press into my skin as his lips come down on mine. There’s no urgency in his kiss, he’s taking his time.
“Can I take you somewhere?”
I can’t think enough to form a coherent thought, so I nod and realize I have no idea what I’ve just agreed to.