I touched her.
She let me touch her.
And I stopped.
Why did I stop?
I have no idea.
My steps are heavy. My ears pound as I walk away from her. Every fiber in my being is telling me to go back. Go back into that room and hold her hand. A simple graze of my fingers against hers would suffice. I’m not asking for much.
Although I know I am.
She’s not ready.
She may never be ready.
Is that something I can live with? Maybe, I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way. All I know is that touching her for that one brief moment, having her hair glide along my knuckles and the look in her eyes when I did it; I felt like I could do anything, all because she didn’t move away, she didn’t look away. She stayed and allowed me one solitary piece of herself and now that moment will burn into my memory until I can do it again.
Liam is pacing when I find him.
“What the hell was that?” I ask him. I don’t like the way he spoke to Katelyn. Yes, being on tour is stressful, but this time it’s supposed to be for fun. We are supposed to be showing our families what our lives are like away from home. Treating Katelyn like she did something wrong is going to make her want to quit, and I can’t have that.
Liam looks up at me with impatience and a self-accusing look. He shakes his head, rubbing his hands over his face before he lets out a frustrated scream. The only thing preventing everyone from hearing him is the fact that DeVon is on stage performing.
“I can’t believe I yelled at Katelyn like that.”
“What was that?”
“Sam all over again.”
“I figured, but this isn’t Katelyn’s fault. She doesn’t know about the things Sam used to do and if she did, she surely wouldn’t do them without asking us.”
“I know.” Liam moves toward the wall and leans back. “Remember that first gig we had? God we opened the door and they were there, every square inch was covered.”
“I remember.”
“What’s all this?” I stand behind Liam and JD, surveying the room. We knew when we signed with Moreno Entertainment that we’d get the star treatment, but this may be over the top. “Did we ask for this?”
Liam turns and looks at us, we both shake our heads. I’m a guy. Simple things amuse me. I definitely don’t need a room full of roses… so many in fact that you can’t see the furnishings.
“Sam thought it would be a nice touch,” Mr. Moreno says. He’s a short, pudgy man. He sort of reminds me of a gangster, always wearing a fedora that covers his balding head. He’s never without a cigar hanging out of his mouth, even though I’ve never actually seen him light it. He looks at Liam and winks.
“I don’t think we like it,” Liam says and JD and I nod. I’m not a flower guy. I mean I’ll send them to my mom, but can’t say I want them stinking up my place. The room looks like a funeral home – a red one to boot. Red roses cover every available inch, leaving barely a space for us to sit down.
“Can we go someplace else, Mr. Moreno? This isn’t us,” I say.
Mr. Moreno rubs his portly belly. “But my Sam did this for you, Liam. She said you’d like it.”
I hear Liam sigh. He pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. “4225 West doesn’t need or want this. Can we please have it cleaned out or go to a different room?”
Mr. Moreno pats Liam on the back. He doesn’t pay attention to us. I mean why should he? Liam is the talent behind the band. I’m just a lowly house-band drummer that he asked to come play with him when he got signed and JD joined after answering an ad in the paper. For Moreno Entertainment – Liam is their prize.
“My Sam did this especially for you, Liam, I think you’d want to accept her gift.”
“Mr. Moreno, with all due respect to you and Sam, this room is supposed to be a place for us to relax before going out to perform. I know for me, and I’m assuming for Harrison and JD as well, we can’t center ourselves in this room when the over-powering scent of flowers is trying to kill us.”
Mr. Moreno chuckles, his belly bouncing up down as his menacing laugh carries on. Liam looks at us, we both shrug. We don’t know what’s going on, but from the sound of Mr. Moreno, we aren’t going to like the result.
“Liam, you’re young and new to all of this. It’s best you let me decide what you like and don’t like. Sam is merely trying to show her appreciation and make you feel comfortable. I suggest you repay her in kind.”
Mr. Moreno walks out, leaving us in the middle of the red funeral room. There isn’t any place for us to sit down, let alone hang our coats.
JD starts walking around, pulling the cards from each bouquet.
“Good Luck, Liam. Love, Sam.”
“You’re the best, Liam. Love, Sam.”
“You’ll be amazing, Liam. Love, Sam.”
“Dude, did you sleep with her?” I ask. Liam shakes his head.
“No, and maybe that’s the problem. I’ve rebuffed her advances. I just want to keep things professional and earn our way to the top.”
“Yeah, well, I think Sam is making it very clear that the way to the top is by shagging her.” JD says as he drops the cards on the floor.
Liam starts picking up the vases and moving them into the corner. He stacks them on top of each other, breaking the flowers underneath. JD and I follow and soon enough we have a minimal amount of space to sit down.
“I’ll take care of it.” That’s the last thing Liam says before we start going over the set list.
We’ve been down this path before in the early stages, just after we signed with Moreno Entertainment. Liam and I were so new to this side of the industry we didn’t know what to expect. JD said his dad was a total diva when it came to his dressing room, but never to this extreme.
Who does that? Oh right, Sam does because she’s completely unhinged.
“Katelyn is your friend and you know her better than I do, but what happened back there, you can’t let her see that type of anger. She has no clue what she’s done wrong. She’s learning the ropes here. We hired her without any experience so-”
“I’ll take care of it.”
The last time Liam said that, Sam got worse.
I kiss Quinn on the forehead and ruffle Noah’s hair. Elle looks up at me with her big brown eyes identical to her mother’s, and smiles. Since her nightmare, she’s followed me around. I’m not complaining. Any man would love to have a gorgeous brunette on his tail all the time. I wish it was her mother, but I’m not picky. I’m not sure what to do with Elle. Kissing her on the forehead is out of the question and ruffling her hair is a boy thing, but from her expression, she’s expecting something. I step forward and kneel down in front of her.
“Are you going to watch the show?”
“Uh huh, on the big TV.” Elle points the TV that the boys are playing on. I hope that Quinn and Noah turn the game off for just a bit so the girls can watch the concert.
“When I throw my drumstick in the air, that will be the sign that I’m thinking about you, okay? I don’t want to mess up your pretty hair like I did with Noah.”
“Don’t you want to give me a kiss, here?” She taps her forehead. I nod and lean in placing a quick kiss where her finger is. She giggles, which reverberates right through my heart.
“What about me?” Peyton asks.
I place my index finger of my upper lip and pretend to think. “When I bang my sticks together – that’s when I’m thinking about you.”
“Whatever,” she says as she gets up. Both Elle and I watch her as she sits down next to Noah, who moves slightly closer to her. She’s lucky she has Noah because right now, I think he and Liam are her favorite people.
“She’s so mean,” Elle whispers.
“She’s just upset, sweetie. It will get better.”
I stand and leave the kids’ room. I don’t worry so much about Quinn, but the others aren’t used to hanging out in a room for a few hours by themselves. I know Josie and Katelyn, plus our security staff, will check on them, but Peyton concerns me. If Noah isn’t paying attention to her, who’s to say she’ll stay where’s she’s supposed to?
The crowd is loud, chanting West. Liam and JD are standing at the stage opening, waiting for me. I’m always the last to arrive – never wanting to leave Quinn before I have to. I stand behind them while we watch our road crew tune our instruments, making sure everything is perfect. This is the best part, the anticipation. The crowd is getting wild because they know it’s time.
I find an opening in the curtain and peek out. This venue is small; an old coliseum left standing when a bigger one was built for larger capacity crowds, but perfect for small shows like ours.
I thought when Liam moved to Beaumont that band life was going to be different and honestly, I didn’t want that. Yes, I wanted a more normal life for Quinn, but I wasn’t willing to give up my passion. Thankfully, Liam felt the same way. I strive for this. I need this.
She’s behind me. I can feel her. If I lean back, we’ll be touching. I wonder if she realizes how close she is to me. I’m tempted to let my hand fall to my side and seek out her fingers, if anything, just to brush ours together to give me enough of a jolt to last me though my set.
The lights go down and that’s our cue. I’m to go out first, but I’m not budging. I don’t want to leave the shared space with Katelyn. Liam puts his head back and rolls his neck. He’s ready. I know I must move.
“Good luck, Harrison,” she says. I’m not sure how I can hear her over the crowd, but I do. I feel the smallest of pressure on my back. I turn slightly and look at her. She allows us the briefest of eye contact before turning away. That’s enough to spur me into action. I brush past JD and Liam, who both slap me on the back, and turn left and count my steps. One, two, three, four and turn right. Another five and I’m sitting on my stool. I spin once before pulling my drumsticks out of my back pocket.
I hit the cymbal and the crowd roars. Even through the darkness I know JD and Liam are on stage waiting for me to get things started. I raise my arms above my head and bang my sticks together for a count of five. My sticks slam down on my drums and the lights come on. The fans scream just as Liam and JD starts their riffs.
It’s pure magic.
My arms are sore. My t-shirt drenched in sweat. My feet kick the dozen or so water bottles that clutter the floor around my drums. The fans continue to chant, even though we’ve done three encores. I’m the last to leave the stage. I don’t acknowledge the crowd the way Liam and JD do. I slip out as quietly as I can. I’m seconds behind the curtains when the lights come on. The groan of the crowd is loud and I can’t help but internally fist pump. Even without Moreno Entertainment, we still have it.
I swing open the door to the kids’ room and Quinn jumps into my arms. A piece of me will die when he’s too big to do this. Right now, I wrap my arms around my boy and hug the shit out of him because he still wants this.
“You were awesome, Dad.”
“Thanks, buddy.” I set him down, but he doesn’t leave my side. He’s tired. I can tell. It takes a while to adjust to our longer nights. I’m thankful we are doing this tour during the summer because I’m ready for him to experience school the way I did, except for the parts that I didn’t like.
Cold hands clamp around my leg. I look down to find Elle looking up at me. I smile at her, only to be rewarded with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. Who knew after one sleepless night that we’d be friends? I crouch down so that I’m level with her. Quinn stands tall, my hand set on the back of his leg so he can more or less hold me up. I’m too exhausted to trust myself not to fall over.
“I saw you throw your sticks lots a times.”
“You did? Did you remember that I was doing it for you?”
Elle nods. “Peyton didn’t care though. She didn’t watch the show.”
“It’s okay. Maybe she’ll watch next time.” I look over at Peyton, who is standing in the corner with arms crossed over her chest. She looks up, her face stoic, when the door opens again. Noah runs up to Liam and Josie, and Elle waves at her mom. It doesn’t go unnoticed that neither girl is running to her. I can see the heartbreak roll over her face. I want to pull her into my arms and tell her that everything will be okay, but that would be crossing so many lines that I know she’s not ready for.
Instead, I do the only thing I know I have a little bit of power over. “I think your mom missed you. Maybe you should go see her,” I whisper into Elle’s ear.
Elle looks at Katelyn and says, “You think?”
I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”
Elle takes off and launches herself into Katelyn’s arms. I stand, pulling Quinn’s hand into mine and look at Katelyn, offering her my sincerest apologies. I want to help her, but I’m not sure if I can.