My phone rings, startling me. The pile of cheap pasta I piled onto my fork falls back into the bowl, splashing the hot chicken flavored sauce everywhere. Okay, it’s not a lot, but still. I glance down at my phone and Peyton’s smiling face stares back at me. I haven’t spoken to her since my birthday, which now that I think about it, is a bit odd. Normally, we’ve been the once a week type friends who check in with each other. I guess after what happened with Elle, I sort of checked out, which isn’t really fair to Peyton.

“Well, hello,” I say as I answer the phone.

Peyton giggles. “You’re cheery.”

“I’m eating. What man isn’t happy when he’s stuffing food into his mouth?”

“Touché. So what’re you up to?” she asks. I can already tell she’s fishing, but what I don’t know is if it’s for Elle or for herself. It could be that Quinn hasn’t seen me around and said something to Peyton. I suppose he could say something to Elle, but I’m not sure he would, given he’s been upset with her over her partying.

“You’re going to be a reporter, and that’s what you lead with?”

“Ha! I’m going to be a sideline reporter or sitting at a desk where everything will be typed out for me on the teleprompter. However, if you were one of the players I’m interviewing, I’d lead with: tell me, Ben, you’ve disappeared. Where have you gone?”

I sigh, pick up my bowl and carry it to the sink. What’s left of my lunch is now slipping down the drain, much like my life had been. “I’m in New York.”

“Visiting your mom?”

Crap, I forgot to call my mom. I make a mental note to do that when I get off the phone with Peyton if time allows. Glancing quickly at the clock, I don’t think I’ll have much time, given that my lunch hour is nearly up, but I do need to call her and ask if she’d like to visit. “No, I’m working. I was offered an internship at Omni, and I took it.”

“Does Elle know?”

I shake my head, wishing Peyton could at least feel my phone moving back and forth. One of my co-workers walks in, and I say hi, hoping Peyton doesn’t mind that I’m ignoring her question. Deep down, I’m hoping she forgets and asks me something else, but I’m only kidding myself thinking she would. The twins remember everything.

“Ben, can you talk right now?”

I look at the clock again and know I can’t, but I don’t want to have this conversation later either. “Hold on one second,” I tell Peyton as I walk back toward my desk. Talia is there and gives me a smile that has so much meaning behind it. We’ve been growing closer for the past week or so, even though I’m not sure I’m ready to pursue anything with her. I’m tempted, but I don’t want to ruin our working relationship. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about her writhing underneath me. Of course, her face always ends up with Elle’s by the time my little fantasy plays out.

“Talia, I have to go take this call. I’ll be in the conference room if anyone needs me.”

She eyes me cautiously. Taking time away from our desks, while allowed, is sort of frowned upon. Our lunches are short because we’re expected to be ready for our manager at any given time. I’d probably be the same way if Talia were to say this to me. “Okay, Ben.”

I walk away, and when I turn to look over my shoulder, she’s staring at me. I’d be an idiot not to pursue something with her. Talia’s beautiful, smart, kind and makes me laugh. We’re stuck in a work situation and both facing graduation when we return to our normal lives. I don’t want to start something we’ll both regret later. Yet, I do, because I want to get over Elle, even though I don’t imagine I ever will, but using Talia to do it, isn’t right and I don’t want to hurt her.

I take a deep breath and say, “Okay, I have a bit more privacy.”

“Ben, what’s going on?”

“It’s a long story, Peyton. But, uh… before the quarter ended, I was offered a coveted spot in New York with this firm, and I took it.”

“I’m not talking about New York. I’m talking about why you didn’t tell Elle?”

The conference room has floor to ceiling windows, much like most of the high rise buildings in New York. From this vantage point, I can see the Statue of Liberty, the greenish woman who greeted millions of immigrants into America, and who represents freedom. Except, I don’t feel free because I still feel like Elle is everywhere, trying to invade this tiny bit of solitude I’ve made for myself, even though it has a looming expiration date. The return to California is going to happen whether I want it to or not, and the lie I’ve been living will come to a halt.

“Ben?”

“I’m here, Peyton.”

“Listen, Elle told me something while we were in Aruba—”

“You went to Aruba?” I ask, interrupting her.

“We did, for spring break. We needed to get away, and we did some wedding planning.”

What did Elle need to get away from? Me? Her life? Did she even realize I was gone? “I see,” I say as if I’m hurt, and maybe I am even though I have no right to be. I left and told no one. I can’t honestly expect the twins and Quinn to include me in everything. Knowing they didn’t, really hits home. Coming here was the right thing to do. I need the separation from the Powell-James family, even if it kills me. “What did Elle say?”

“That you guys slept together, and I don’t mean taking a nap on her couch, Ben. Did you?”

I close my eyes and images of Elle, throwing her head back as I entered her come rushing back. I’ve tried to block them out, but it never happens. For as long as I live, I’ll be haunted by that night.

“Ben?”

“I’m here.”

“Help me understand, Ben, because I don’t. I know you love my sister so if you were finally together, why are you hiding in New York?”

“I’m not hiding, Peyton. I didn’t tell you or Quinn because I didn’t want Elle to know. That night… everything changed.”

“But this is what you wanted. I’m confused, Ben.”

“Because she didn’t remember, Peyton.” My teeth clench together. I pinch the bridge of my nose to try to calm down. I’m on the verge of having every emotion come out of me from anger to tears. “She didn’t remember,” I say again, this time more quietly.

“Oh, Ben,” her voice breaks. I’m tempted to hang up now because I don’t want to hear the pity in her voice. “Elle remembers. The details are fuzzy, but she knows, and she’s been trying to be a better person. She doesn’t understand why you lied to her.”

“Because I went to kiss her in the morning and she shunned me, asking me what had happened between us. I felt like I had to lie to save face.”

Now that I’m on the phone with Peyton, what if I made a mistake by not telling Elle? What if things could’ve been different if she knew the truth? Or worse. Elle could’ve easily stopped talking to me, but she didn’t. She’s tried every day, up until I told her I had a girlfriend, which she accepted and has since kept her distance. Truth is, I miss her and her stupid text messages.

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I know I can’t make excuses for my sister and what happened that morning, but I think you really need to talk to her.”

“I can’t, Peyton. The rejection—”

“I know. I’ve been there, remember?”

I do, all too clearly. When Peyton finally thought she and Noah were going to be together, a bombed dropped on their little bubble of happiness. It about destroyed Peyton, but also brought us closer. We shared a common theme, being in love with someone who can’t or doesn’t love you back. I confided in her, things I haven’t even told my brother.

“It’s too late, Peyton. I took a chance when I knew I shouldn’t, and it backfired, in the worst possible way.”

“Ben—”

“Listen, I’d appreciate it if you kept my whereabouts to yourself. I don’t want Elle to know where I am or what I’m doing. It’s best we go our separate ways with graduation coming up and… I just think it’s best. Goodbye, Peyton.” I hang up before she has a chance to try to change my mind. Exasperated, I pull out one of the executive chairs and sit down, welcoming the expensive leather and well-cushioned padding.

When the door opens, I swing around to find Talia standing there. “Don’t get up on my account,” she says, laughing. I can’t help but smile back, despite the way I’m feeling. Taking the call from Peyton was the last thing I should’ve done, especially while at work.

“Just testing things out,” I say, standing up. Talia steps into the conference room and closes the door behind her.

“I see that. Is everything okay?”

For some reason, I hold up my phone and shake it back and forth, as if it’s a clue to what’s bothering me. “Just a call from a hometown friend.”

“I thought you weren’t from one specific place?”

I did tell her and the rest of the team that one night after a round of drinks, mostly because I didn’t want people to put two and two together and come up with me having lived in the same town as 4225 West. “We all come from somewhere, right?”

“Yes, we do, but you—”

“I know,” I say, hoping she’ll stop asking. So far, I’ve been able to keep my association with the band away from work, even though I had fully intended to use them if need be, at least for advice on my proposal. However, after spending so much time with them over the years and listening to Elle go on about how she’s going to be a different manager, I knew what Eo needed in order to get back in the game.

I open the door and motion for Talia to walk ahead of me. My phone vibrates in my hand. I flip it over to see Elle’s face and my heart sinks. It’s not a coincidence she’s calling right after I hung up with her sister, but I’m confident Peyton didn’t tell her where I was either. My steps falter as I stare at her picture. I took it the day before Peyton’s accident. We had been surfing most of the day, and she decided to go out and do another run. I stayed back and watched; wishing things were different between us. A plan started forming while I watched her surf. I was going to take her out to dinner and open my heart to her. When she came out of the water, the sun was shining perfectly behind her. With a little zoom, I was able to capture her beauty.

The next day, everything changed. While we were in Chicago, I tried to show her I wanted more, but she was closed off and unreceptive. There was a time during the stay at the hospital I thought she was seeing someone. Elle would disappear for hours and come back acting as if she hadn’t been gone. I played it off, not wanting to know what she was doing.

The words should’ve come out of my mouth then. Faced with losing Peyton and all fearing what life was going to be like, I knew what I wanted. I just had to open my mouth and tell her. I think if I had, things would be different right now and my thumb wouldn’t be hovering over the Decline button.