CHAPTER 13
Ari
“Goodnight comb.”
“And goodnight brush.”
“Goodnight nobody.”
“Goodnight…”
Waiting for Ben to shout out “mush,” the next word of his favorite book, one of our bedtime rituals, I realized he was sound asleep. A small smile spread on my lips. I stared at my beautiful little boy, feeling so blessed to have him in my life. A shudder ran through me at the thought that I had almost lost him—on more than one occasion. Yes, that hellish night, but that wasn’t the first time. There was the incident right before that one as well as another in the Hamptons. And I almost lost him right from the onset. Eight months into her pregnancy, fucking Cassandra, who was high on something, fell down the stairs of our Upper East Side duplex and had to be rushed to the hospital. In the ambulance, she went into premature labor, requiring an emergency C-section to be performed. After two hours of surgery, Ben was born at a mere four pounds with a life or death condition known as PDA (patent ductus arteriosus)—an opening between two major blood vessels leading to his heart which could result in heart failure. While Cassandra recovered quickly from the fall and the surgery—at least physically—poor Ben, who almost didn’t make it, had to remain in the hospital for two months on ventilators and IVs until the heart defect closed—that is, if it closed up. Every morning and night, I visited my tiny, brave boy and prayed for him to get well. The bitch, on the other hand, didn’t visit him once, and spent her days in bed, strung out on a cocktail of vodka and Valium, with an endless pile of fashion magazines that featured her on the cover or in spreads inside. As little Ben’s heart defect healed, after a couple life-threatening setbacks, mine began to fall apart. I went into a state of denial—thinking that this nightmare would go away. That once Ben got better, Cassandra would come out of her depression and we’d be that family that fairy tales were made of. But that never happened. Cassandra fell deeper into her depression and wanted nothing to do with our son. As my love for him never wavered and grew every day, I began to wonder—had she deliberately fallen down the stairs in an attempt to end our unborn baby’s life?
To this day, I didn’t know the answer to that disquieting question. But what I did know was I couldn’t live without Ben. He was a miracle baby, the gift of life, and the only bright light in my years of darkness with Cassandra. Knowing what he’d been through, each birthday was more special to me than the one before. Loving him with all my heart and soul, I gave my precious son a kiss on his forehead and, then after putting the book on his nightstand, headed to my bedroom to call it a night.
I did a little bit of last minute packing for tomorrow’s trip, performed my normal bedtime routine, and then got into my pajama bottoms. While I used to love to go to sleep in the raw, I no longer did that in case Ben woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare. I couldn’t waste a second getting to my son whenever that happened. Checking the two-way monitor on my night table, which would let me know if he was having one, I crawled into my king-size bed and hoped there wouldn’t be a repeat of last night. While he was having his nightmares less and less frequently, they were never easier to deal with. And I sure didn’t want him to end his perfect birthday with one.
Both my mind and body were restless. While darkness bathed me, the uncanny events of the day whirled around in my head. Sarah’s presence at Ben’s birthday dinner had made me forget about Cassandra, who had wreaked havoc on my mind all afternoon after Lisa had mentioned her name. While toe-fucking Sarah, I had banished the thought of my ex being back in town. It was impossible. Thanks to my sister, the lawyer, we had a heavy-duty agreement that forbid her from ever setting foot in New York again or for returning to this country for that matter. My worries subsided as thoughts of Sarah filled my mind, and I became aware of my raging boner beneath the covers.
Sarah totally turned me on. The more time I spent with her, the more I liked her. And the more amazing I found her. I was impressed by the way she wasn’t intimidated by my snide, in-your-face sister, who I wanted to smack a couple times, and was blown away by the way she kept her cool while I made her come under the table. Most of all, I was astounded by how well she and Ben connected. My little boy seemed to take a strong liking to her and vice versa, and this more than anything turned me on the most.
I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was (no pun intended) for me not to ravage her in the elevator. While I fucked her luscious mouth with my tongue, all I could think about was fucking my Cinderella up against the wall. Hoisting up that pretty dress of hers and ramming my dick right into her delicious pussy. Banging her until she saw stars and I don’t mean the ones in the sky. With the way she submitted to me, I thought she wanted it too. Damn, a missed opportunity—something that, as a shrewd businessman, drove me crazy. The sublime taste and scent of her invaded my senses as I slipped my hand under my pajama bottoms and curled my fingers around my enormous aching erection. I needed relief if I expected to get any sleep. Imagining one of her exquisite talented hands wrapped around the girth, I closed my eyes and began to jerk myself off, fantasizing that her luscious mouth was sucking me off in tandem. My breathing grew ragged as I stroked myself faster, more furiously and imagined what it would be like to come in her mouth. Within a few minutes, I exploded with a loud grunt, my release spreading all over my hand. I kept my hand there as my breathing calmed down.
I snapped open my eyes and reached my free hand across the firm mattress. For the first time ever, I felt lonely in this big empty bed. An unexpected sadness and longing swept over me. I wanted Sarah’s soft body in my arms. But was I ready? Was I capable of feeling again?
This weekend I was going to find out.
I was tired of saying, “Goodnight, nobody.”