CHAPTER 23
Ari
Dr. Harold Zimmer’s office was what you would expect of a top Manhattan psychiatrist. Located in a venerable building on upper Fifth Avenue, it overlooked Central Park and that in and out of itself was calming. The spacious office was likewise soothing, decorated in muted shades of beige with sleek furnishings that included a large mid-century teak desk. His numerous degrees and awards dotted the walls along with framed photos of his family. In practice for almost forty years, he had been a classmate of my father’s at Penn State and had remained good friends with him until his untimely death. Having grown up with him my entire life, he was like a surrogate father. After the Cassandra incident, I’d been seeing him regularly to deal with my issues—my overbearing need to protect Ben and my fear of commitment. He knew everything about my life, including my business dealings, meaningless hook-ups, and the love-hate relationship with my sister. He did not, however, know about the new force in my life: Sarah.
Sitting in a club chair angled toward me while I sat on the cushy couch, the good doctor adjusted his steel frame eyeglasses and eased into our weekly session. After some small talk about the weather and our families, he asked me what I wanted to talk about.
I shifted in my spot and fidgeted my fingers. “I met someone.”
Dr. Zimmer cocked a brow. “A woman?”
I nodded.
“It’s about time. What’s her name?”
“Sarah.”
My shrink smiled. “A beautiful name. The same as one of my granddaughters.”
Dr. Zimmer had three grown daughters and ten grandchildren he adored. Sometimes I envied the fact that he and his wife Leah had so much nachas—good fortune—in their lives while my parents had been gypped. Ben was my mother’s only grandchild and would likely remain so as my career-driven sister and her husband didn’t want to have children.
“How did you meet?” he continued.
“On the train…on the way home from Philly.” I hesitated to tell him more and then I just blurted it out. “I fucked her.”
Regrettably, I should have said “seduced her,” but it was too late. If Dr. Zimmer was shocked, he didn’t show it. Instead he chuckled.
“Sounds like you had to have her.”
I flashed a diffident half-smile. “Yeah. That’s a good way of putting it.”
“And you’ve seen her again?”
I told him yes and that I’d invited her to my apartment for Ben’s birthday.
“That’s quite a breakthrough…bringing a woman to your home and introducing her to your son and your family.”
Feeling comfortable and proud of my breakthrough, I then told him about our weekend in the Hamptons, leaving out the sexual details.
“So, did you have sex with her again?”
“Yes, but I haven’t technically slept with her.”
“You mean spent the night with her.”
“Yes.”
My shrink was well aware of the major problem I had sharing my bed with a woman. Since my divorce, not one had been allowed in it. Dr. Zimmer continued to interrogate me, his voice calm and non-judgmental.
“And how does Ben feel about her?”
“He really seems to like her. And the feeling is mutual. Sarah is really comfortable around him.”
Dr. Zimmer clasped his hands, his face brightening. “That’s excellent.”
I squirmed again and felt my chest tightening. A wave of anxiety washed over me. “Doc, I’m freaking out.”
“Why? Because you like her?”
“I more than like her. I fantasize about her all day. And when I see her, I’m happy. She’s smart, easy to talk to, and she makes me laugh. And the sex is great.” Off the charts great.
“So what’s wrong with that?”
“She’s not my type.”
Dr. Zimmer furrowed his bushy brows. “Your type? Can you please elaborate?”
“You know, supermodel blonde. Sophisticated. Glamorous.”
My therapist lifted his glasses atop his balding head and looked straight at me with his penetrating steel gray eyes. “Ari, what you described is not your type. It’s your poison.”
I didn’t respond. He was right. I was describing Cassandra, my psycho bitch ex. Taking a deep breath, I continued.
“Doc, she does crazy things to me. Makes me do things I’ve never done with another woman.” I refrained from telling him all the kinky things. “Over the weekend, I was at a party and I saw another guy hitting on her and I…punched him out. I may have knocked out a few teeth.”
Dr. Zimmer grinned. “A jealous streak?”
“Yeah, I was fucking jealous. I swear that if he comes near her again, I’m going to rip his head off. And that’s just for starters.”
“You wouldn’t really kill him, but I do believe you might do some serious damage.” He paused. “Do you know what’s wrong with you, Ari?”
Majorly fucked up? I shook my head, my stomach twisting into a giant knot.
Grinning, he raised a knowing finger. “It’s simple. You’ve fallen in love.”
Love? The four-letter word echoed in my head. “B-but I’ve known her for less than a week.”
His grin broadened. “Have you ever heard of love at first sight?”
“If that’s what I had with Cassandra, I don’t want anything more to do with Sarah.”
Dr. Zimmer knitted his brows again, a look of frustration washing over his face. “Ari, that’s not what you had with Cassandra. We’ve been over this. What you had was lust. You were young and infatuated with her. You had the need to conquer her…possess her. Make her yours. What you’re describing with Sarah sounds different. You have feelings for her that go beyond the sexual. You enjoy and respect her as a person.”
Silently, I digested what he was saying as he continued.
“Ari, I will be honest with you…Ben needs a mother. You can’t shelter him from other women for the rest of his life. The fact that he has embraced Sarah and enjoys being with the both of you is fantastic. You can’t live a life of just meaningless hook ups. It’s unhealthy for you and for Ben. That’s not what being a good role model entails. It’s a well-known fact that sons of fathers, who enjoyed healthy, stable, passionate relationships with their wives, go on to live much happier, more productive lives and are better husbands and fathers themselves. The upbringing you had with your loving parents has made you a fantastic father.”
“But I failed as a husband.” I bowed my head, casting my eyes downward in shame.
“No, Ari. Cassandra failed you as a wife. And as a mother. She was mentally ill.”
That horrific last night together flashed in my head—the white-hot pain, Ben’s wails, Cassandra’s shrieks, the blaring sirens—and sent a tremor through me.
“Look at me,” I heard Dr. Zimmer order, his voice soft but authoritative.
Slowly, I lifted my head and met his compassionate gaze.
“Let go of the past, Ari.”
“I’m afraid.”
“Why?”
“I’m afraid of getting hurt. Gwen thinks Sarah’s all wrong for me. That she’s too young and inexperienced…that’s she’s incapable of taking on the duties that come with being my wife and a mother to Ben. She’s positive Sarah is after my money and wants me to stop seeing her.”
Dr. Zimmer narrowed his eyes. He knew my controlling, opinionated sister well as one of his daughters had gone to Wellesley with her and was still one of her best friends.
“Since when does your sister rule your life?”
I laughed despite myself. “Since forever. I should have listened to her when it came to Cassandra. She always thought she was bad news.”
“Well, let me tell you something, young man. Maybe you made one mistake, but you’ve done just fine on your own. You single-handedly built an empire and have given back to those in need. And no matter what she thinks or you think, she can’t rule your heart.”
I processed his words as he glanced down at his vintage leather-band watch. “Our time is almost up for today, Ari. Is there anything else you want to ask me?”
I pondered his question and then replied. “Should I ask Sarah to the Meds Without Borders gala?”
Dr. Zimmer laughed. “You needn’t have asked that question. Of course! My wife and I look forward to seeing you both there. And I’ll see you here next week.”
Five minutes later, I was in my limo with Andre, heading downtown. My heart beat rapidly and my cock twitched with anticipation. I was looking forward to my dinner date with Sarah more than ever. And maybe, just maybe, it would end up with an après dinner drink at my apartment. For starters.