CHAPTER 2
Ha! They’ll never prove me guilty, I tell myself as spectators clamber into the courtroom where I’m being tried for Snow White’s murder. I bet every fairy-tale freak in the world is here. Giants. Gnomes. Ogres. Trolls. You name it. It’s a circus. And I’m the star.
Chained to a wooden chair that’s bolted to the floor, I laugh silently as the freaks make a beeline for the best seats. Sitting here, at least, beats being holed up in that cold, mirrorless dungeon for a month. Reporters from the Fairytale Tattler are lined up, falling over each other to get a good look at me. I plaster a charming smile on my face. Trust me, I’m going to give them a great story. With a happy ending.
The judge, a big fat woman, with spiky hair the color of a blood orange and a small gold crown, strolls up to her bench like a queen to her throne. “Order in the Court!” she roars in a deep, husky voice. She pounds her gavel. The room shakes. Obviously, she’s got a big fat temper too.
She calls the first witness. The Huntsman. As he lumbers up to the stand, rage and regret consume me. I should have never trusted the spineless twit. I should have done him in when he brought me back some beast’s heart, pretending it was Snow White’s. I should have ripped out his heart. Yes, that’s what I should have done.
I cringe as he confesses everything…how I bribed him to take Snow White into the forest and kill her…threatened his life. So, he brought a boar’s heart back. The wuss!
His forest green eyes stay riveted on me as a tear trickles down his thick dark beard. “I just couldn’t bring myself to harm that sweet, beautiful girl.”
Beautiful? My blood curdles. I want to sink my teeth into him like a mad dog.
The Huntsman faces the judge. “Your honor, Jane needs help.” His voice wavers. “Before she does more evil.”
How dare he call me by my first name! And how the hell does he know it?
The judge turns her jowly face toward me. I count her chins. Three!
“So, what do you have to say for yourself?” she asks.
I quickly compose myself. Time for a little self-defense. Rising, I tell the court, in my calmest voice, that what The Huntsman said is all a bunch of lies. To get back at me for firing him. And with Snow White dead, he can’t prove a thing. “There’s not an evil bone in my body,” I add, almost with a laugh.
Okay. I lied. I’m going to destroy this insolent traitor and those damn dwarfs as soon as soon as I’m free.
The judge looks back at The Huntsman and presses her heart-shaped lips into a hard, grim line. My heart hammers.
“Dismissed!” she thunders with a bang of her gavel.
Inwardly, I breathe a sigh of relief.
The Huntsman plods out of the courtroom, not once taking his eyes off me.
I sit back down. Score one for me.
“Next witness,” hollers the judge.
The Seven Dwarfs march into the court with a vengeance. They’re in their grungy work clothes. Good. That’s not going to help with their credibility.
“Do you recognize this woman?” asks the judge.
Fourteen eyes lay rest on me.
My body doesn’t move a muscle. But inside my heart is racing. Stay calm. Just stay calm.
The dwarfs study my face, then shake their heads in unison.
“We’ve never seen her before,” says the one wearing spectacles.
Ha! I’m out of here. Not so fast. The dwarf at the end of the lineup bashfully comes forward. I hold my breath.
“The woman who poisoned our beloved Snow White was a witch, not a beauty.”
How sweet of him to say! I purse my lips and blow the runt a kiss. He blushes.
The tiniest one with the big ears opens his mouth, but the judge bangs her gavel before he can utter a word.
“Dismissed!” she shouts, rolling her eyes with impatience.
The little suckers file out of the courtroom, and I breathe another deep sigh of relief. Smart thing I tossed my disguise into that river. There’s no evidence to prove I killed Snow White. In no time, I’ll be free to go back to my castle and lay it on the line with my magic mirror. “Let’s get one thing straight, smart one. I’m the fairest one of all.”
The judge’s thunderous voice catapults me back to reality. “Will the last witness please step forward?”
My eyes flicker around the courtroom. Who the hell is she talking about? There are no other witnesses. Well, except for that snake which I’m sure won’t be slithering in here anytime soon.
There’s a loud, collective gasp as the witness enters the courtroom. My mouth drops to the floor. It can’t be! But it is! Snow White!
Wearing the same puff-sleeve rag she’s always worn and that same revolting red velvet bow, she waltzes toward the stand.
My eyes fix on her face. Her lips are as red as blood, her hair as black as ebony, and her skin as white as snow. In fact, her skin is fairer than ever. Damn it! There’s nothing like a deep sleep to make your complexion glow. My body shakes with envy.
Facing the stunned courtroom, she tells the judge how the dwarfs kept her preserved in a glass coffin. The “sweeties” just couldn’t bear to part with her.
I don’t get it. She was dwarf-proof dead.
“So, how exactly did you get here?” snaps the judge, her interest piqued.
“This morning, a handsome prince rode by and woke me with a kiss,” she says dreamily.
With nothing but a kiss? Rage is shooting through me like a thousand crossbows. I paid a fortune for that evil potion. I deserve a refund.
“We’re getting married,” she beams.
What! She’s going to live happily ever after? I’m close to imploding as the courtroom erupts into raucous cheers and applause.
“Order in the court!” roars the judge, jiggling her layers of jowls.
As the courtroom quiets, Snow White’s eyes meet mine. Tears stream down her cheeks. “I feel for you,” she says.
I feel for her too. An unbearable hatred that makes me want to jump out of my skin. I want to kill her! I want her dead!
The judge reaches down under her bench and holds up something as if it were a dead rat.
My hag rag! It must have washed up on shore. My heart leaps to my throat. I’m doomed!
“Miss White, do you recognize this?” asks the judge, puckering her lips in disgust.
Terror washes over Snow White’s porcelain face.
“Yes, the woman who gave me the apple was wearing that,” she says, her voice trembling.
The judge shoots me a contemptuous look and then bangs her gavel. “Off with her head!” she roars.
I’m numb. My life is over!
“Your Honor, please be lenient on her,” pleads Snow White. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“Yes, I do deserve a second chance—this time to get it right and destroy you once and for all, Snow White!” My stepdaughter blanches, her snow-white skin turning whiter than ever. The judge fires me another dirty look and slams her gavel once more.
“I hereby sentence The Evil Queen to one hundred years in prison!”
One hundred years! The words reverberate in my head. One hundred years! What will I look like when I come out? That is, if I come out. The headline in tomorrow’s Fairytale Tattler flashes through my head: “Evil Queen’s Fairest Days are Over!”