- Sebastian -
wanted to kiss her. God, how I wanted to kiss her.
I was desperate to know if she tasted as sweet as I remembered, if our chemistry was as explosive as it was all those years ago… Or if my imagination and scorned heart had simply magnified what we had.
Then again, based on how it felt to lift her hand to my lips, I knew I hadn’t imagined any of it.
And I could see by the shine in her eyes that she would’ve let me kiss her, too, that she might’ve even kissed me back. That haunting thought alone— the thought that I’d failed to seize the first chance I’d had in years to show her I still cared— made me ache all the way home in places I didn’t even know could hurt.
But I couldn’t do it.
Not when Tiffany was still sulking around my apartment, crying over her hangover. I wasn’t about to kiss another woman until she and I were on the same page. After all, not only would it be unfair to her, but the last thing I wanted was for my relationship with Lily to grow from a place of dishonesty.
She deserved better than that.
Not that she’d given me any reason to think I might be able to rekindle what we had. Hell, she hadn’t given me much at all. At times, she was almost catlike in her movements and expressions. I couldn’t tell if her coyness was affected or if there was a genuine shyness there, a shyness that was as sexy as it was unfamiliar.
Her behavior made me wonder what her last few years had been like.
Her confidence was still intact, but there was a sadness to her, too, a sadness that seemed to come on immediately following any moment in which she realized she was having a good time.
I unlocked the door to my place and pushed it open. Tiffany was sitting on the couch in skimpy pajamas with her feet up on the coffee table and her laptop in front of her.
“What adjective would you use to describe a backless dress?”
I dropped my keys on the side table and went to join her on the couch. “I don’t know. Provocative, maybe? Alluring?”
She twisted her bare lips.
“Depends on how trashy the dress is.”
I sat down next to her and looked at the picture on the screen. “Short and backless, huh? Skanky might be more accurate.”
She rolled her eyes, and I couldn’t help but notice how pretty they were when they didn’t have to fight against five pounds of false eyelashes to move around.
“We need to talk, Tiff.”
She set her computer on the couch beside her and turned towards me. “Look, I know I was out of line on Friday, and it won’t happen again.”
“I hope not,” I said. “For your sake, but—”
“Where were you just now?” She eyed me skeptically.
“I met an old friend for drinks.”
“You smell like tacos.”
“And tacos.”
She squinted. “Does your old friend have a vagina?”
“Last I checked.”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, yeah. She’s a woman. That’s what you’re asking, isn’t it?”
“Should I be worried?”
I raised my eyebrows. “About…?”
“Us.”
“Yes and no.”
She folded her arms.
“No because there is no us.”
Her face paled.
“And yes because you need to move out.”
She laughed.
“This isn’t a joke. I’m done.”
“This is exactly what Amber’s boyfriend did right before he proposed. Got all distant. Made her doubt the relationship. Please don’t fuck with me like that.”
“I’m not fucking with you. Seriously. Ever again. Literally not fucking with you.”
“Is it the coke?”
“It’s partly the coke.”
“I’ll stop.”
I shook my head.
“You should be with someone who loves you, Tiff. Someone who has similar…energy levels.”
“But we have so much in common.”
“The fact that we both like Bob’s Burgers and sweet potato fries is not enough to keep us going.”
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“I don’t care,” I said. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I have no more fucks left to give.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“Thank you for taking this so well.”
“I have nowhere to go, Sebastian.”
“I’ll give you a week.”
“Even if I found a place, I have no money.”
“Don’t lie to me. I know you got paid on Thursday.”
“That money’s gone.”
I craned my neck forward. “Gone where?”
Her eyes told me everything I needed to know before she even broke the news. “I gave it to Bobby.”
My stomach dropped. “You gave that guy two grand for blow? Bobby’s not even his real name!”
“It was going to last me for ages,” she said. “And Tracey said she’d buy half of it off me.”
“Where were you going to keep all this shit when he gave it to you?”
She looked down at her lap.
“Is there any here right now?”
She bit the inside of her lip.
“Tiffany. If there’s a bunch of fucking coke in my apartment, I have a right to know about it.”
“There’s not,” she said, meeting my gaze. “Not a bunch, anyway.”
“Where?”
“In the closet.”
“Which closet?”
“In the bedroom.”
“Where in the closet?”
“In my Chanel.”
I sprang up from the couch and bolted, pushing her off me when she latched on to my arm.
“Please don’t, Sebastian. I’ll take it somewhere else right now, and I promise I won’t bring it back.”
“You’re really letting yourself down right now.” I pulled a clear sandwich bag from her purse that contained more coke than I’d ever seen at once. Christ. How could she have this much already and turn around and spend her entire paycheck on more? “You’re lucky you even have a septum,” I said, dropping her purse and heading to the bathroom.
“Please, Sebastian, no!”
I turned the bag over and dumped the lot in the toilet.
She looked like she was going to pull her hair out.
I flushed it down and waited for the bowl to refill. Then I flushed it again.
“This is so fucked up,” she said, her palms plastered to her forehead.
“Tell me about it,” I said, trying not to think about my dad as I grabbed the squirt bottle of bleach behind the toilet, drizzled it around the bowl, and flushed it again.
“Stop okay? It’s gone. Fuck.” She fell against the doorframe. “Fuck!”
“You must think I’m an idiot,” I mumbled, pushing my way past her and heading to the bedroom.
“Only because selling that was my only shot at making the money I need to move out of here.”
I sighed and spun around, my fingers poised on the buttons of my shirt. At least she wasn’t making this more dramatic than it needed to be by saying she still cared about me.
“I still love you, ya know?”
I groaned and dropped my head back. “I think you should stay the night at Tracey’s.”
“I can’t.”
“Because…?”
“She just moved in with her boyfriend.”
“Where are you going to go then?” I asked.
“I told you. I have nowhere to go.”
I threw my dress shirt on the edge of the bed and pulled a worn T-shirt from my dresser. “You have a problem, Tiffany. You need real help.”
“I know,” she said, quietly.
“If you don’t stop snorting that shit, you’re going to destroy all the good opportunities you’ve worked so hard for.”
She shrugged, and her shoulders looked so slight I hardly recognized her. All I recognized was that she was vulnerable. And desperate.
I clenched my jaw and exhaled through my nose. “You can stay on one condition.”
She pressed her lips together.
“And not as my girlfriend.”
She nodded.
“You have to get help. Every day. Starting tomorrow.”
She played with the bottom edge of her tank top.
“That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.”
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay, thanks.”
I fixed my eyes on hers. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m sorry, Sebastian. I don’t know how things got this crazy.”
“Get whatever you need from my room,” I said, gesturing behind me. “I’ll make up the pullout in the office.”