- Sebastian -
watched her walk away, feeling as small as I had all those years ago when I first realized that I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did, that she had a life outside our private happiness.
That she didn’t need me like I needed her.
I stared at the curved white column of her dress as she drifted across the floor and disappeared into the crowd, trying with everything to convince myself her words hadn’t been true.
But I wasn’t as naïve as I used to be. Too trusting, yes. Obviously. Especially when it came to women. But I wasn’t naïve.
I knew there were women who could be bought. In my professional circle, it was surprisingly common. Hell, I worked with guys whose entire marriages seemed built on a foundation of mutually beneficial cash transactions.
But that wasn’t what Lily was involved in.
I tried to put the pieces together, rearranging the information in my mind in the hope that it might start to make sense…
She was here with Hugh, pretending to be with him, in exchange for payment. If that was true, it meant she was an escort. Like she said. An escort.
My throat closed up, and my chest tightened like it was in a vise as I tried to keep my mind from running away with the idea, from drawing conclusions I didn’t want to draw, but it was no use.
She slept with people for money. Maybe not all the time. But it had happened. It must’ve. To believe anything else would be to bury my head in the sand.
Granted, I wanted to believe she’d never taken it that far, that she never could’ve sunk so low as to let a man pay for the right to touch her. But the bitter taste in my mouth rising up from my guts suggested otherwise.
And the signs were all there. The clothes, for example. No call center worker with student debt could possibly afford any of the outfits I’d seen her in. And the Lotus Center? It was one of the most reputable care facilities in the state. It must’ve cost a few thousand dollars a month to keep Paige there. Why hadn’t I questioned that?
But of course I knew.
It was because I was seeing what I wanted to see, which was the Lily underneath the façade, the Lily that lay behind what she presented to the world. And I knew now that I’d made a terrible mistake. Because sometimes the masks we choose to wear say more about us than the fact that we choose to wear them.
“I got you a double,” Tiffany said, holding up a glass of golden liquid. “Since I’ve never seen you that color before.”
I tore my eyes from the place where Lily had disappeared into the crowd and knocked half of it back.
“You okay?”
“No,” I said. “I think I’m going to go home.”
Her thin eyebrows lifted. “What? But we just got here. I’ve only given out five cards.”
“You can stay,” I said, dying to get out of the suit that was suddenly strangling me from head to toe.
“What happened?” she asked. “Was it that woman? Did she do something to upset you?”
I laughed at the understatement.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” I said. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t have the words.”
“Sebastian, look at me.”
I found her clear blue eyes and was surprised at how calm they looked.
“Take a deep breath.”
I did as I was told.
“Maybe take a few more since you still look absolutely murderous.”
I held her gaze and took three more uncomfortably large breaths.
“Better?”
I nodded.
She gripped one of my shoulders and kept her eyes on mine. “Be the duck’s back.”
I furrowed my brow. “What?”
“The duck’s back doesn’t absorb the bullshit that surrounds it. It lets it roll on by.”
“Is this the kind of shit your counselor says to you?”
“Would you rather be a mirror?” she asked.
I cocked my head. “A mirror?”
“A mirror merely reflects what’s in front of it, but it does not become ugly simply because it reflects ugliness.”
“Does this bull actually help you?”
“Sometimes.”
“When?”
“When my ex proceeds to have a meltdown at his annual Fourth of July work party.”
I pushed her arm off my shoulder. “I’m not having a meltdown.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“But that doesn’t mean I’m staying here.”
“Sebastian, please. I need you to stay. You’re my rock.”
“I can’t be your rock right now, Tiff.”
Her face fell.
“I know what this event means to you, but there will be others. I’ll bring you to something else another time.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Because I need to leave if you do,” she said. “Three people already offered me stuff, and I don’t want to fall off the wagon when I’ve been working so hard.”
“Jeez, really?”
She shrugged.
“How come no one ever offers me shit?”
“Because everyone knows you’re a narc.”
My lips thinned.
“Just kidding. I don’t know why.”
I sighed and knocked back the rest of my drink. “Are you ready to go?”
“Is that really the only thing that would cheer you up?”
I imagined the sound a piano might make falling on Hugh’s head. “Unfortunately.”
“In that case, let me give my information to the raffle lady, and we’ll get out of here.”
I groaned.
“Relax. It’ll only take a second, and I have a lucky feeling about the cruise.”
“Fine. I’ll wait in the lobby.”
Tiffany walked towards the raffle table with a quickness I appreciated, and I kept my eyes on the exit until I reached the doors. Then I turned and looked over my shoulder one last time, scanning the room for Lily.
When I found her, she was standing next to Hugh again, smiling at him while he entertained a small group of traders. I squinted hard, trying to differentiate whether her eyes were smiling, too. Was she actually enjoying herself?
“Okay,” Tiffany said. “They’ll call us if we win.”
“Wait here,” I said, keeping my eyes on Lily. “I’ll be back in one second.” I strode across the room, making a concerted effort not to clench my fists. When I reached the circle of socializers she was in, I touched her lightly on the arm. “Can I have a quick word?”
She forced a smile and raised a pointer finger at Hugh before stepping over to the side of the room with me.
I looked around before fixing my eyes on hers and lowering my voice. “Whatever he’s paying you, I’ll double it if you leave with me right now.”
I expected her face to light up, but the edges of her almond-shaped eyes drooped.
“Please take that back,” she whispered. “I don’t want your money.”
“I’ll triple it.”
“I’ve never wanted your money, Sebastian.”
“Tell me what the hell you want then.”
Her eyes watered. “Right now I’d settle for your forgiveness.”
“Are you coming with me or not?”
She shook her head.
My heart shattered.