- Lily -
e still hasn’t called, huh?”
I looked up from my phone and leaned against the kitchen counter. “No.”
Vivian’s mouth turned down at the corners. “I’m sorry, Lil. I feel personally responsible for getting you into this mess.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It sort of is, though,” she said. “I’m the one who got you into the business. I’m the one who begged you to take that last job.”
“You didn’t make me do any of those things.” I set my phone down.
“Would you do it all again?” she asked. “If you knew you’d run into him again someday? If you knew he’d be at the party?”
“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that it happened, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to be able to forgive me for any of it.”
She twisted her mouth and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl.
“Why did you make that face?”
“No reason.”
“Vivian.”
“Maybe it’s not meant to be.”
A heart attack couldn’t have caused a sharper pain in my chest. “Sorry?”
“Well, I’ve never been in love so I’m no expert, but I thought a real soulmate could forgive anything.”
I furrowed my brow.
“Like, if true love is unconditional and he loves you as much as you thought, shouldn’t he be able to get over this?”
I cocked my head.
“Honestly. So you slept with some guys for money? It’s not like you killed anyone.”
I cast my eyes down at the counter.
“Everyone makes questionable choices when they’re young.”
“Not everyone.”
“Fine. Everyone who grows up to be an even mildly interesting adult.”
“I think you’re just desensitized to what we do, Viv. I think most normal men would be absolutely horrified to find out the woman they love worked as an escort.”
“I think a strong enough man could handle it,” she said, sticking her thumbnail through the orange peel. “Obviously I have to believe that so I don’t get despondent about my future, but still. Either a man loves you or he doesn’t, and if he does, I don’t see why he shouldn’t be able to forgive your mistakes.”
“I can see the benefit of that attitude, but I can’t get him to take my calls so I’m thinking forgiveness is out of the question.”
“Then forget him.”
“I don’t want to,” I whispered, remembering how we’d joked about getting married as teens, how we’d laughed about getting fat and old and slow together while we raised dark-haired babies with big black lashes.
“Then don’t stop calling him. For all we know, he’s one of the strong ones. Maybe that’s why you’re having such a hard time wearing him down.”
“All the men in his family are stubborn. It’s actually kind of cute when you’re not on the wrong end of it.”
She held out a palm full of orange slices.
I took one and let the juices burst against my tongue. “Mmm. That’s perfect.”
She extended her palm again, encouraging me to take another. “It’s a sign.”
I grabbed another wedge. “What?”
“That you should call.”
I squinted at her. “Because the orange is ripe?”
“Trust me. It’s a thing. A ripe orange is a good sign.”
“Of global warming?”
“No, of good things to come.”
I took another slice. “I have a job interview tomorrow.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. It’s for a P.A. role.”
“That beats a call center,” she said. “At least the people you phone will want to hear from you.”
“Hopefully.”
“It’s funny you mentioned that because I found an apartment online this morning that I think we should look at.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Did you?”
“I know we’d both rather stay here, but it might be better to start fresh, ya know? New jobs, new digs.”
“I like that idea.”
“Thought you might,” she said. “So now that you believe me about the lucky orange…” She nodded towards the phone.
“He’s not going to pick up,” I said, dialing his number and lifting the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Sebastian?”
“No, it’s Javier.”
That explains why I got through. “Is Sebastian around?”
“He just went to the bathroom. We’re actually at the hospital.”
My eyes widened. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.”
I crushed my ear against the phone.
“My dad had a heart attack this morning, but he’s stable and making jokes and being a genuine pain in the ass again so—”
“I’m so glad he’s okay.”
“Why don’t you come tell him yourself?” he asked. “I’m sure he’d love to see you.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“If I didn’t know it was, I wouldn’t have suggested it.”
I squeezed the back of my neck. “I’m not sure a man who’s just had a heart attack is in any condition to see a ghost.”
He laughed. “Don’t be silly. He’d be delighted to see you. So would my mother.”
I swallowed.
“In fact, you’d be doing us all a favor if you showed up and distracted us from the tubes coming out of his face.”
“Surely he needs his rest.”
“Lily.”
“What?”
“As your brother, I am asking you to come visit my dad in the hospital.”
My tear ducts twitched.
Vivian studied my face and reached for another orange.
“Sebastian doesn’t want to see me, Javi.”
“Fuck, Sebastian. Do it for my old man.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t want to catch up now either.”
“Hey Dad. Lily’s in the neighborhood. Would you like it if she came by?”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Yeah, that’s the one… Okay, never mind. Bad idea.”
I craned my neck so far forward I was surprised it didn’t snap.
“Just kidding! He said that’s why he had the heart attack in the first place. Just so you would feel obligated to pay him a visit!”
“Javi—”
“Lily.”
“Your brother and I aren’t on good terms right now. The last thing I want is to piss him off.”
He scoffed. “So instead you’re going to piss off a disabled guy and an elderly man in a hospital bed?”
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
“Okay, fine. Don’t stay. But at least bring us some food that hasn’t been pounded into a square or processed to the point where teeth are no longer required to eat it.”
Shit. Saying no to a visit was one thing. Thinking it was my job to keep Mama Rod from having to feed her family hospital food was quite another.
“Can I take that silence as the sound of you putting your shoes on and walking out the door?”
“Fine. I’ll bring food and say hi, but I’m not staying. I’m not family.”
“Since when?” he asked.
Since your dad told me to get lost? Since your brother stopped taking my calls? Since I left. Because I left. Because I didn’t fight harder.
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re the prodigal daughter about to return home.”
“You’re an obnoxious person.”
“And yet you love me anyway,” he said. “’Cause that’s how family works.”
And in that moment, the comment struck me. I mean, obviously Javi wasn’t an obnoxious person, but even if I really thought that, I probably would love him anyway. I loved my father, after all, and he was a veritable monster.
So maybe Sebastian could still love me. Maybe Vivian was right. Maybe what I’d done wasn’t that horrible. Maybe it was simply misguided, desperate, and immature.
Maybe against all odds, he would forgive me.
If only he understood. If only I could make him see that my mistakes had nothing to do with him. If only he believed I was truly ready to change.
For all the right reasons.
Forever.