- Lily -
didn’t know what to say. All I knew was that I couldn’t go with him.
I wanted to. Of course I wanted to. But if he ever thought for one second that I wanted his money—or his custom—I would die inside.
“Please forgive me,” I whispered.
His red eyes looked up from the floor, and I was shocked at how defeated he looked.
I watched him take a deep breath and tear his eyes from me, like he couldn’t bear the sight of me for even one more second. And as he walked away, I tried to figure out whether I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life or if it didn’t even matter anymore.
After all, he knew what I’d become. Whether he could accept it or love me in spite of myself was something I had no control over.
“Everything okay?” Hugh asked, sliding his hand around the back of my arm.
A chill went up my spine. “Absolutely. Just a misunderstanding. Nothing to worry about.”
He looked across the room towards the exit in time to see Sebastian disappear through the door. “Terribly sad when a man wants what he can’t have, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I agreed. “Though there’s one thing that’s even sadder.”
Hugh raised his bushy brows. “And what’s that?”
“When a man no longer wants what he absolutely can have.”
He craned his neck back. “You sure you’re all right?”
“Of course,” I said, forcing a smile. “Just a little thirsty. Can I get you something from the bar?”
He turned towards me and draped his hands around my waist, but it was all for show. Not only did his touch feel empty and meaningless, but it made me feel empty and meaningless.
“I’d love a gin and tonic,” he said. “Make sure they use good tonic, though. I can’t stand the cheap stuff.”
“Certainly.” I stepped back, letting his arms fall away from my waist.
“Don’t keep me waiting,” he said, giving me a dirty wink.
I turned on my heels and headed towards the closest bar, doing my best to dodge the waiters dressed like Uncle Sam who were passing out fancy hors d’oeuvres.
“Would you like a pig in a blanket?” one asked as he came to a stop in front of me.
He had a young face that looked like it struggled to grow anything apart from peach fuzz.
“I’d love one,” I said, taking an extra-crispy parcel. “Though God knows it won’t be my first.”
He cocked an eyebrow like he didn’t get the joke.
“Are you having a nice time?” I asked, taking another for the road.
“Of course. This is so much better than getting drunk and watching the fireworks with my friends.”
“If it’s any consolation, half of the people here would rather be doing the same thing.”
“I apologize,” he said. “That was extremely unprofessional. I don’t know why I said that.”
“I do.”
He looked surprised.
“Because sometimes it feels good to tell the truth.”
“Thanks for your understanding.”
“Thanks for the chat. First one I’ve enjoyed tonight.”
“I’m on salmon puffs next round. Maybe we’ll meet again.”
“I’d like that,” I said. “Since I have a feeling we’re both in for the longest night of our lives.”
He bowed his head and smiled.
My heart lifted at the realization that there was at least one person at the party I hadn’t let down, but it was short lived. No amount of forced farce could change the fact that my life had come undone at the seams only moments ago when Sebastian walked out of here with disdain for me on his heels.
As I waited for two G and Ts, I tried to wrap my head around all the ways I’d let him down, but the list got so long so fast I had to stop myself from pressing the subject, knowing an air of despondency wasn’t going to earn me a tip.
And as much as I wished I didn’t care about the money, it was the only thing about the entire evening that still might go to plan.
I leaned against the bar and looked around at the bevy of glamorous female guests, wondering if any of them might understand what I was going through, if any of them had ever known the kind of joy I’d known with Sebastian.
“Are you all right?” the handsome bartender asked as he set two clear drinks down in front of me. “You look like someone just ran over your puppy.”
“Someone probably would if I had one.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You want a shot or something?”
“Actually, I’m—”
“Let me guess. A tequila girl?”
I glanced over my shoulder towards Hugh. His arms were stretched in the air in the exact same position as when he’d told a fishing story an hour ago.
“I’ll do one with you,” he said, filling two shooters. “If anyone asks, you insisted.”
I rolled my eyes.
He set them on the counter.
I took one before he’d even had a chance to pass the salt. “Thanks,” I said, grateful for the burn in my throat. At least it was proof that I could feel something besides shame, something besides heartache.
Without a word, he slid the second one my way.
I looked around, but as usual, no one was paying attention to anyone else. Everyone was too busy sucking in their stomach and trying to figure out how the next words out of their mouth might steer the focus of the conversation back to them.
I knocked the shot back and accepted the slice of lemon he held out.
“I’m impressed,” he said.
“Don’t be.”
“You know where to find me if that doesn’t do the trick.”
“Thanks,” I said, smiling as the burn reached my belly. I was about to walk off when he spoke again.
“Don’t forget your drinks,” he said.
“Right.” I forced a smile and lifted them off the high counter. “Happy Fourth.”
“God bless America,” he said, nodding at me with kindness in his eyes before turning to serve the next guest.
Land of the free, I thought, crossing the dance floor carefully. And home of the brave.
Funny.
Too bad I felt neither.