CHAPTER ELEVEN

Samira

Uncle Dom spent hours at the house gawking at me like he’d never seen a girl with tits and ass in a cheer uniform before. I wanted to change clothes but I was scared I’d see him peeping through my bedroom door. I knew for a fact that Santana would break his jaw if he caught him doing something stupid like that but Uncle Dom had a gun on him at all times. I knew that before I knew what Papa’s business really was.

“I’m sorry about my uncle crashing the afternoon,” I sighed, as I drove Erin back home. We’d planned to work together on her moves for the charity event but never got close.

“It’s cool,” she shrugged in the passenger seat. “At least I got to look at Santana. He is so damn fine.” She swooned with her hands clutching her chest like her heart might pop out any moment.

I tried not to turn possessive but it was hard. I faked a smile and said, “So, we’ll try this again tomorrow. At least it’ll be Saturday.”

“This is true,” she grinned. “Will your brother be home? I need to know how low-cut my shirt should be.”

“I don’t know. He’ll probably be at the restaurant. So, I was thinking that on the breakdown part it’ll be easier if I slow down the…”

“Does Santana have a girlfriend?” Erin blurted, cutting me off. I narrowed my gaze and turned to look at her once I came to a stop behind a red light.

“Why?” I asked through gritted teeth. A dull thrum started at the base of my neck and radiated up to my skull.

“I’m gonna try to work my magic on him.” She pulled down the mirror and reapplied her lip gloss. Irritation plucked every nerve in my body. I wrung the steering wheel in my hands in order to not snap on my friend.

I didn’t want to rip her a new one but the way she was sniffing around Santana pissed me off. “Don’t work anything on him.” I turned down Erin’s street and scanned the houses for hers. I wanted her out of my car before my territorial ego became too big to reel in.

“Stop being so overprotective of your brother, Sam,” she laughed. I wasn’t laughing though. I also cringed a little inside when she called him my brother. Ever since we started fucking around, he became something different.

I pulled into her driveway and hit the brakes hard on purpose so that her head jerked forward. Her silver hoops clanked as she braced herself against the dashboard. “Shit, Sam. Are you okay?” Erin’s brows pulled together creating a line down the space in the middle.

“Oh, I’m fine. Let’s meet up tomorrow and practice.”

“O…kay,” she blinked a few times to pull herself together then grabbed her bags and got out. “Tell your fine brother I’ll see him tomorrow.” Her giggle made me want to vomit but also in the back of my mind was a deep dark pulse that told me to put my fist through her face.

What the fuck was that about?

I was no stranger to evil streaks and I could definitely be catty when the need arose but I’d never felt so…violent before. I had to get the fuck away from Erin before I did or said something I’d regret. I had a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn’t really regret anything that I did though.

I revved the engine before speeding out of the driveway and down the street. What was wrong with me? I’d never been so possessive over a guy before. Santana wasn’t just any guy though. He was every-fucking-thing.

I loved him.

When I got home, I was glad to see that Dom left. I didn’t want to have to give him another hug because he held on for too long and slid his hand too fucking low. I wanted to chop them off at the wrists.

“Did Papa call you?” I asked Santana when I walked in.

“No. He sent me a text though. He’ll be home in an hour. I want to talk to him about Dom. I don’t like him gawking and drooling all over you. It was so hard not to kill him.”

“Ugh, I know. I wanted to strangle Erin on the way back to her house,” I confessed, heading into my room. “She kept talking about how fine you are.”  I pulled off my uniform and stood there wearing only my bra and panties. Santana’s angry scowl melted and a look of fractured desire replaced it.

He was turned on but something else was tugging his thoughts in another direction. In the next blink, I knew what it was. I moved around him and grabbed a dress from the closet to put on.

“I shouldn’t have told you I loved you, Santana. Not that way. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.” I nibbled on my bottom lip and Santana looked at me. I mean he really took in every inch of me from the messy ponytail down to my pink painted toes.

I wore a simple white dress but he made me feel naked. His ebony stare burned the threads from my curves, leaving me bare. I fidgeted in his presence.

“Sammie, you didn’t make anything awkward.” In one step, he closed the gap of space between us. His fingers brushed wisps of hair behind my ear and goosebumps blanketed my shoulders.

“You’re torn though. I can see it in your eyes.” I touched the sides of his warm face and rested my lips against his. Touching him grounded me to the earth. I felt like if I didn’t touch him, I would float away.

Santana made me feel something.

He made me feel like myself and for the first time ever, I knew what that meant.

“I’m not torn. Fuck that. Look at me, princess…” He smiled a little, knowing how much I hated when he called me that. It was one thing for Papa to call me that but it crawled under my skin when Santana did it.

“Yes, Daddy?” I retorted. It was enough to make his eyebrow jerk up to his hairline with intrigue.

“Do more of that shit later.” He sat on my bed then pulled me on top of him. I sat with my knees pressed together because I didn’t trust myself to straddle him. I always wanted him inside of me.

“Seriously though, I think somewhere deep inside of me, I’ve always known you were for me. We’re too much alike. Only, I’m not afraid to let my dark side out. You still struggle with yours.

I don’t think after making love to you…” He dotted my neck with kisses. “And filling you up every chance I got…” More hot kisses. “That I could do anything but love you. You’re so fucking special. You’re the only person who gets me. You protect me from the world. You even stood up to Pop for me.

I could never deny that kind of love. You didn’t make things awkward, Samira. You made them right. I love you too.” He kissed my forehead and I smiled, pressing my hand to his.

“So I’m not crazy then? You love me too? More than us being…” I hated the word sibling now. I wanted to torch it and leave nothing but ashes where it once stood between us.

“Fuck no. I love you more than life itself.” His words were so strong they nearly knocked me down. I placed my hand over his chest and felt the powerful thump of his heart. It was a cadence that I’d fallen asleep to so many times, I had it memorized.

“Good, I was starting to worry,” I laughed a little, relief settling into my chest.

“For what? I know you didn’t think I was one of these sorry assholes out here that would fuck you and leave you alone.”

“I don’t know, Santana. This is uncharted territory for me. For the first time in my life, I realize that I don’t have to do what Papa wants me to. I don’t’ have to do what everyone expects me to do. I can do what I feel no matter if it’s wrong or right. No matter if it’s frowned upon or…forbidden.” I toyed with his long fingers, moving them this way and that.

“Do I make you feel like you can be yourself, Samira?” I nodded my head, trying to ignore the timid feeling rustling inside of me. “Well, rest assured, I’m not going anywhere and I’m not ever letting anyone else lay a fucking finger on you. You belong to me.” He took my face in his strong hand and made me look at him. I nearly fell head first into his beautiful eyes.

“Yours?” I smirked. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t fuck with him a little bit.

“Mine. So that means no more getting your pussy eaten by Brady and I’ll break every fucking finger on Dom’s hand if he touches you a second too long.” His threat sent a jolt of excitement crackling through me.

“Uncle Dom carries a gun, Santana. Be careful,” I warned.

“What do you think that package was he delivered over here?” He asked me.

“A gun…for you?” My eyes grew wide. It wasn’t because of fear though. It was a mixture of hot emotions. The thought of Santana wielding a gun and shooting someone turned me the fuck on. Then, on the other hand, I was shocked that Papa trusted him that much.

“A gun, for me.” He nodded his head.

“Santana, do you think Papa will show me how everything works? I want to see the real backroom of the restaurant.”

“He might be coming around. I don’t know for sure though. We had a good talk today before he left.”

“Really?” I squeaked. Santana chuckled at me then kissed my forehead.

“Really. So we’ll talk to him when he gets in.” The way he stared at me was almost too much. It sent a thick feeling rolling over me. It was heady and it made my eyelids flutter shut.

“You’re fucking beautiful when you close your eyes like that. You look like an angel.” Our mouths came together and I couldn’t have wished for anything more.

I moaned when he flipped me on my back. My legs went to his sides and his hands slid up my dress, pushing the fabric around my hips. “Fuck me, Santana,” I begged, tugging on his hair.

“Again?” His big ego drove the apples of his cheeks up. “Does my princess like getting her pussy punished?”

“Yes, Daddy,” I purred, barely able to contain my smile. He bucked against my heat and I closed my eyes, remembering what he said moments before.

I felt the crown of his thick cock ease into me and I jerked at how deliciously he stretched me. “Sam, Santana? You guys in here?” Papa’s voice sounded from downstairs. I turned into a solid block of ice and so did Santana.

“Fuck,” he blurted, scrambling upright. “You make me irrational,” he sighed.

“Same.” I rushed over to the mirror and straightened my ponytail so that not one hair was out of place. It was just in time too because Papa walked through the door. What would have happened if Santana and I were so wrapped up in each other that we didn’t hear him come in?

The thought made me wonder what he’d say if he knew about Santana and I being together. Who the hell was I kidding? I knew what the fuck he would say. He would disown us.

Santana and I were never raised as stepsiblings. We were a solid family. Mama and Papa were our parents and that was it. “What are you two doing in here?” Papa asked.

“Talking about the fact that Uncle Dom brought over a gun for Santana,” I smirked.

“You opened the case, Santana?” Papa frowned.

“No,” Santana chuckled and held on to the pillow he held in his lap to mask his erection. “I put it in your safe but I’m not stupid. I know what was in the case.”

“Well…yeah. I thought it was time you had something for protection, mijo.”

“What about my protection? When do I get a gun?” I asked, batting my lashes at Papa. His narrowed eyes crinkled at the corners as he regarded me.

“You don’t get a gun, Samira.” The R rolled off his tongue with passion as he stared at me. “Come, mija. Let’s talk in the den please.” He guided me downstairs with his hand on the small of my back and I fought the urge to look over my shoulder at Santana one last time.

I did want to talk to Papa but I wanted Santana to be there when I did it. Something about his presence made me feel confident. He made me feel like I could take on the world.

Papa sat in the brown leather chair across from the couch and I sat on the couch, my legs crossed and my foot bouncing with nerves. I knew I wouldn’t have much time to organize my thoughts but I had to be ready to speak my mind. It was now or never.

“Sam, I know you have questions,” he began.

“I do,” I nodded.

“We’ll never move past this if we don’t get everything out in the open so ask away.” He made a grand gesture with his hand and I sucked in a breath.

“Why is it okay for Santana to work with you but not me? What’s the defining qualification that he has but I don’t?” I quizzed. My words were more ordered than I expected. I pulled my shoulders back and made my spine straight as a pin.

Papa squeezed the bridge of his nose as his lips moved in silent prayer before opening his eyes. “You’re not cut out for that kind of life. You’re soft and beautiful and so smart. You have a lot going for you and I don’t want you to fuck it up by doing sinful shit like me. Like Santana.”

“Like Mama?” I blurted, putting a pause in his words. His mouth hung open partially as he searched for something to fill the silence. There was nothing though. Papa ran a palm down the length of his face and groaned.

“Your mother was different. She chose to stand beside me.”

“I want to be able to make my own choice too. I want to see what you and Santana do.”

“I told you. We do dark and sinful things, Samira. This shit is not for the faint of heart. It’s not a TV show.

We move under the cover of night all the time. We project a façade during the day. Shit gets ugly and ruthless and everyone doesn’t make it out alive. Hell, most people don’t.

You think I want that for you?”

“No, but what about what I want? I just want to see things, Papa. I’ve always felt like something was missing from me. Like there was something constantly restricting me. Like I had to do what you and Mama wanted me to or else I’d get in trouble. I never thought I had an option.”

“You don’t!” Papa’s voice exploded making me shrink back. I was trying to speak my mind, not cower. I was tired of second-guessing myself and going with the flow.

“I do!” I shouted back, thrusting my chest outward. Things fell to silent scraps lying between us as Papa’s breathing returned to normal. “Papa, I don’t want to go to Dartmouth.”

There.

I said it.

“What?” That time he didn’t yell, he whispered it. That put more fear in me than anything. I still held my own though. “You will go to school, Samira. You will get your degree and you will be as far away from this shit as possible.”

“I never said I wanted to be involved in the drug game but I need to figure out what I really want to do. Papa, I have no idea who I am outside of school, cheerleading, and being your daughter.”

“What do you mean, Sam? You’re brilliant and beautiful and…” He couldn’t even finish his statement.

“And what, Papa? What do I like to do besides shop?” I quizzed. I really wondered if he might have an answer that would give me insight to myself.

“You love cheering, you love school work…”

“Wrong. Mama got me into cheerleading when I was five. I can take it or leave it. School work is mandatory. Nobody is passionate about that shit.” He shot me a harsh look for my language but I didn’t care. If I couldn’t be myself when I was baring my soul then when could I be? “You didn’t even know I cursed. You didn’t know I drank.

I’m not the sweet perfect princess that you and Mama always wanted me to be. I don’t know who the hell I really am but I deserve the chance to find out.” My voice shook with conviction and hot tears prickled my eyes. I blinked rapidly trying to keep them from falling but they were rebellious and did as they wished.

The tick-tock of the clock in the corner sounded like TNT blasts each second that went by and nothing was said. I wiped my eyes and sniffled back everything that wanted to run down my face.

“You know what, Sam? You’re right.” Papa scrubbed at his smooth forehead with the heel of his hand. It was too much for him to sit still, so he stood to his feet and let the uncertainty of our conversation push him back and forth.

“I don’t even know what you like to do.” A mirthless chuckle escaped him as he continued to pace. “You never got a chance to be yourself. Meanwhile, I’ve been busy resigning myself to the fact that Santana is going to be himself no matter what I do. I’ve been allowing him the freedom I should have given both of you.” He came to a stop in the middle of the floor and looked at me with green eyes.

“I’m a horrible goddamn father,” he muttered. Hearing him say that about himself made my chest twist into a thick knot.

“That’s not true,” I frowned, standing to look him eye to eye. Papa was much taller than me but that didn’t stop me from tipping my head back and catching his stare. “You shouldn’t have kept your drug business a secret from us for as long as you did but if I’m being honest, I understand why you wanted to hide it. You were trying to protect us but I think you went a little too far. You became controlling.

That doesn’t make you a bad father though. I love you and I still respect you but I don’t want us to have secrets from this point on. Things will only get better if we’re open and honest.”

I could have kicked myself for saying that shit. Me and Santana were hiding a huge secret. One that seemed to blossom more each time the sun sank into the earth and the moon was high in the sky.

“You’re right, mija. I only hope you and your brother can forgive me for the way I went about things. I suppose if you want to look at how I run the business, I’ll bring you by the restaurant tonight. Just to look though, Sam. I don’t want you involved in that shit.” It was a step in the right direction. “I still want you to go to Dartmouth though.”

“I don’t want to go there. I agreed to go there because you and Mama always told me that’s where I’d go. I don’t have any ties to that fucking school.”

“Samira, watch your mouth,” Papa fussed, shaking his head.

“I don’t want to go there. I’ll just flunk out or maybe I’ll sell drugs like Santana and get expelled.” I was pushing my luck and I knew it but I was too mentally exhausted to care.

For the past seventeen years of my life, I’d been abiding by every rule and law. I was done. I wanted to indulge myself for once. I wanted to take time to figure out what the hell I liked to do.

“We’re done with this conversation. I think we’ve made enough headway for today.” He dismissed me with the flick of his hand and I gave him a satisfied smile.

Nighttime couldn’t fall fast enough. Something inside me was buzzing and dying to see how Papa ran his drug business. I had a feeling once I set foot behind the walls of the restaurant, my entire world would change.

***