Thirty-Two
Priceless
I’d never spoken to my mother the way I did when I got to her house. After leaving Devin’s, I went straight to her. I’m pretty sure I broke a few antique vases and I’m almost positive I told my mother I never wanted to see her face again.
She asked for forgiveness. Everyone wanted forgiveness. Everyone thought it was OK to play with my life; they thought I’d just get over it and move on. News flash! I didn’t need any of them! I had my own daughter on the way and I’d make sure to always make her feel like she was good enough. No matter what she’d know she was a miracle.
“Did you think I was incapable of finding someone on my own? What made you think you needed to pay someone to be with me?” My screams echoed off the marble floors of my mother’s foyer.
“I wasn’t thinking! I only wanted to make you happy, Lilly. I saw the way you looked at that couple that day in the café and I knew that no matter what I had to do, I’d make that happen for you because you deserve it!”
“But you paid him, as in prostitution! It wasn’t real, Mom! It doesn’t count if it’s not real! He was pretending that he cared about me and now I’m in love with him! How do you think that makes me feel?” Tears rushed down my cheeks. “Am I that disgusting to you? Have I ever been anything that you could be proud of?” The dam had broken.
Years of not feeling good enough and being picked on came crashing over me. I cried so hard my chest burned. My words were coming out in sobbed screams. I cried because no matter what, I was never able to make my mother proud. I cried because I’d given all of me to a man who was pretending, and I cried because in less than six months I’d have to see his face every time I looked at my daughter.
“Disgusting?” she asked breathlessly. “Lilly, you’re so much more than my daughter to me. You’re all I have. You’re the only person in the world who cares about me. You’re my best and only friend. I’m sorry if I don’t know how to show you these things. I’m sorry if I seem like a cold, heartless bitch, but it’s all I know. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I have a safe in my room with every craft you ever made me and every award you ever won. No mother has ever been more proud of her daughter.”
For the first time in my life, my mother’s bitch exterior cracked and she cried. We reached a new level in our mother, daughter relationship and even though I didn’t forgive her, I understood better. While I would never go about it the same way she did, I know I’d want the same thing for my daughter, complete and total happiness.
I’d tell her about the baby at some point. Too much had happened and I wanted to take some time to gather my thoughts first. We had a long road ahead of us, but she was still my mother. She was trying to do right by me in her own little way, even though it was the wrong way.
“I’m going to quit my job, and then I’m going to go stay at the beach house for a while. I need time, Mom, but I need you to do something for me.” I dug into my purse and pulled out the paper I had drawn up earlier that morning.
It was the deed to Devin’s house and garage. It was paid in full and in Dad’s name. It was sad that a single piece of paper was the reason behind all of my pain, but I couldn’t hate it. Some good had come out of the situation and as much as I wanted to hate my mother and Devin both for what they’d done to me, they still did something for me as well. I’d have that something wrapped in a pretty pink blanket in the near future.
“Make sure Devin gets this.” I handed her the paper. “And don’t tell anyone where I am. I’ll be back to get my life in order soon.”
Mrs. Franklin cried when I told her I was putting in my two weeks. I had too much going on in my life and I was missing entirely too much work anyways. I’d still be sure to purchase something once a month to keep her afloat, but I didn’t have the time to work there. Mrs. Franklin had become like a mother to me and it hurt to do it, but she understood.
Shannon on the other hand was in complete shock. I told her everything and she was pissed that I never told her about the money, but once she checked her checking account she got over it pretty quick. It didn’t matter anyway, once I confirmed that I was definitely pregnant she forgot all about everything and went straight into baby shower planning mode.
Not to mention, she had been holding out on me on some stuff, as well. Come to find out, her and Devin’s friend, Matt, had been seeing each other for the last month.
“Yeah, good luck with that one.” I laughed.
“No luck needed. He’s not getting into these panties until he proves himself. I think he’s on a mission and I’m enjoying his attempts. It’s kind of hot.”
Good ole Shannon and asshole Matt. That was going to be interesting.
I was collecting all of my things from the back and putting items in boxes when Mrs. Franklin came in.
“Oh, your necklace came back in. I meant to call you and let you know, but things got crazy around here.”
She pulled out a little box.
“My necklace?”
I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.
“Yes. Is says here you put in the order for it to be engraved a little over a month ago,” she said as she looked over an order form.
She laid it on the table and walked out front when the doorbell rang.
I pulled open the little box and inside was the locket Devin had purchased the first day I met him. Lilly was engraved on the outside of the sterling silver cover. I cleared my throat and swallowed hard. I was afraid to read what was on the inside—afraid of more lies.
I pushed on the side of the locket and it popped open. The engraved script jumped out at me and my eyes pooled with tears.
You will forever be priceless to me.
I love you
I felt myself fall into an old desk chair as the tears fell harder. I held the necklace in my hands and replayed the first day I had seen his face. I considered it one of the best days of my life.
I read the inside of the locket again and it hurt. It was a lie, too. I wasn’t priceless to him.
“You are.” I heard Devin whisper as if he’d heard my thoughts.
I looked up to find him standing in front of me with a look of sheer worry etched into his face. He looked as though he hadn’t slept and his eyes were puffy and red. It was weird to see him that way since he was usually so calm and collected.
He dropped down to his knees in front of me and cupped my hands. I wanted push him away. I wanted to run out, but I was so weak. The parts of me that were drawn to him, the parts in love with him, were so much stronger than my will to leave.
“I was just coming to get this,” he ran his ringer over the chain of the locket. “So I could bring it to you. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see your car parked out front.” He took a deep breath and his face crumbled before my eyes. “I know about the baby.”
I knew he’d find out once I realized I’d accidently dropped my ultrasound picture at his house. After thinking it over all night, I’d decided that I’d tell him anyway. Dad and Jenny wouldn’t want to miss out on the baby’s life and I wanted them to be a part of it.
“I came to tell you about her yesterday. I didn’t lie to you, Devin. I was told I couldn’t have kids. I’d never try to trap you that way, and I won’t ask you for anything, I promise.”
“Her.” He dropped his head at the word before looking up with tears in his eyes. “I want to be there. Please, let me be there for her… and you.”
“I’d like for the baby to be a part of your family,” I said.
I watched as his shoulders visibly relaxed a bit.
“And you?” he whispered. “Will you be a part of my family, too?”
“I don’t know. Did you even care about me at all, Devin, or was it all because of the money?” I stared into his eyes and prayed that I would see honesty.
His eyes fluttered closed for a brief minute before he matched my stare. “Before I met you, I only barely existed. After my mom left, I spent every day of my life feeling like I’d never see the light again and like every part of me was going in a million different directions at once. Then I met you, and everything inside of me balanced out. You’re the light in every dark part of my soul and I’m drawn to your warmth. I was so broken before you and somehow you put me back together. Maybe I should, but I don’t regret taking your mom’s offer. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can’t bring myself to regret it.” He dropped his head into my lap and cried. “I just know I’m sorry I hurt you and if I have to spend the rest of my life making up for it I will. Anything I have to do just to be close to you, I’ll do it. Because honestly, when I’m not near you I feel like I’m going to fall apart again.”
“And the money?” I croaked.
“What about the money? I don’t give a damn about your money. Not even thirty minutes ago I was ripping up a check for fifty thousand dollars and ready to live on the streets. I only care about you and the baby. I’ve worked since I was thirteen and I’ll work for the rest of my life. I just wanna take care of you and our baby.” He softly laid his hand over my stomach. “Please give me another chance, baby. I love you so much.”
His love filled me, and for some crazy reason that I didn’t understand, I believed every word. Maybe I was an idiot, maybe I’d kick myself in the ass in the years to come, but I loved Devin and I wanted to feel the way he made me feel for the rest of my life.
“I love you, too, Devin.”
I reached out and wiped the single tear that fell down his cheek and he wrapped his arms around me and stuck his face into my neck.
“I almost lost you,” he whispered.
“Almost, but now you’re stuck with me. I’ll be all pregnant and cranky and you’ll love it.”
He tearfully smiled back at me.
“Sounds perfect,” he leaned in and kissed my stomach before coming up and kissing me softly on the lips.