Chapter 13

Riley

I'd fallen asleep the night before and Jace hadn't come over, which left me feeling calm and yet a bit lonely. It wasn't fair to use him, but that had been the foundation of our relationship over the last few years. Nothing was going to change that but me, and I wasn't ready. Jace might think he wanted love and a steady relationship, but we'd tried that a few times in our sordid past only to end up mad at each other and hurting even more when the dust settled.

I dragged myself out of bed and started the shower as the smell of cinnamon rolls filled my nose. Charlotte had to be baking, which meant her date the night before hadn't gone well at all. I hadn't even asked when she walked into the house. How shitty of me.

I walked out of the bathroom with a towel around me and stopped at the opening to the kitchen.

"You all right?"

She glanced over her shoulder and nodded. "Yeah, just trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I can't seem to attract anyone but these pussified idiots I keep dating."

"I should have asked last night." I moved toward her as she turned. She let out a sad sigh as I hugged her tightly. "What was wrong with this one?"

"I really feel like an idiot talking to you about issues when you just lost your mom, Riley. It's trivial and stupid."

"No it isn't. It's your life, and I'm your best friend. What was wrong with this one?"

"He was so nervous that he stuttered the whole time. I've got nothing against someone having a speech impediment, but his wasn't due to anything but him being freaked out."

"You're dating down. You gotta stop that shit."

"The worst part?" She moved back and pressed her hands to her face. "I kept trying to figure out if I could sleep with him. Like if I just closed my eyes or if-"

"Stop it." I gripped her shoulders and shook her softly as I smiled. "I'll talk to Jace. He has to know someone. You need a guy like him for a fuck-buddy if nothing else. You're way hotter than me. If I can get Jace Dillon, you can totally get someone better than him."

"I am not. You're classically beautiful. I'm... I don't know. I'm me."

I moved around her and opened the oven. "God those look insanely good. I almost like it when you're emotionally messed up. It means more sugary goodness around here."

She laughed. "Get out of here. They'll be done when you get out of the shower."

"It's going to get better. Just promise me that you'll stop dating the first idiot that asks you out."

"I asked him out." She dropped her head. "Shame. I know. I just thought he was cute, and he is, but he's a total girl."

I chuckled and walked out of the kitchen, calling behind me, "Let's work on finding you a man?"

"Please? I'm desperate. I think. Maybe not."

The sound of her debating herself followed me into the bathroom. I stripped down and got into the warm water, letting it pour over me as I hummed an Adele song and let my pretenses down. It felt good to relax, to slump and forget that anyone was watching.

I had so many things racing through my mind, pounding against my heart, threatening change and growth all at once. In the wake of my mother dying, I knew one thing. I was tired of letting life live me. I wanted to live it for the first time ever. Uninhibited.

"Ri?" The sound of Jace's voice surprised me.

I stuck my head out of the shower and smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"I picked up an extra shift when you didn't call. I figured I might as well busy myself doing something." He kicked off his shoes. "Is there room in there for an old friend?"

"Yeah. I think so." I gripped the curtain tightly and watched him undress. He was beautiful in his own way, and where I desperately wanted to love him... I didn't. Not in the way he would want me to, in the way I needed to love someone.

I moved back as he got into the shower and reached for me, pulling me flush against him.

"You look fucking hot."

"I'm wet. You always like wet things." I turned us and moved back as he stepped under the spray. Any woman would have tripped over herself to see Jace Dillon naked and hard as a rock for her, and some of that excitement ran through me.

"Stop looking and come over here and touch me." He smiled before closing his eyes and groaning.

"Yes, Sir." I grabbed the soap and rubbed it in my hands until there was a thick lather. "Jace, what if I just needed us to be friends? Would that be enough?"

"Yeah. Absolutely." He reached out and cupped the side of my face as I ran my hands over his chest and down his thick arms. The beautiful swell of his muscle left my stomach tightening, my nipples budding.

"Can we remain close friends until you find what you're looking for?" His blue eyes moved across my face. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I didn't dare ask.

"Yeah. I'd like that." I pressed my nails into the flesh of his tight abs before stroking him a few times. He was beautiful and deserved a whole lot more than I was ever going to be able to give him.

"And while you're looking, consider me?" He kissed me softly at first, but it quickly turned into a hot probing kiss that left us both breathless. "Get outta here before I fuck you against the wall."

"What if I want you to?" I pressed my fingers into his chest and lifted to my toes.

"When you can say it and mean it... it'll happen." He nipped at my lips, growled and turned his back to me. "Save me a cinnamon roll, hm?"

"Of course." I stood behind him for a minute as indecision tore me apart. I wanted him pressed to me, to feel him opening the most private parts of me in hopes of experiencing pleasure. I almost needed it.

I stepped out of the shower and took a shallow breath as my heart broke in my chest. Were we over? No. I couldn't imagine that. Not after ten years of being together, of taking care of each other. Surely not.

He started to sing and my heart contracted again.

I had some hard decisions to make, but I needed to make them soon. I couldn't string him along in my search for love. Jace deserved better, and I did too.

Ethan might or might not be the man for me, but I needed to know for sure. I owed it to everyone involved.

Especially me.