Dirt gathered in a neat little pile as I pushed the broom halfheartedly across the tiled floor of the bar. End-of-shift cleaning sucked. And Low was making it worse by being annoying. I less than subtly nudged at his feet, which were firmly planted in my way, as he stood making out with his girlfriend, Reese. Her long dark hair fell down her back as he pulled her tight against his chest and melded his mouth to hers. I rolled my eyes. Apparently they couldn’t keep their hands off each other long enough to make it through end-of-shift cleaning.

As much as I loved them both—Low was my best friend and Reese and I were tight too, in a brother/sister kind of way—their constant PDA was enough to roll even the strongest of stomachs. And right now, they were holding me up. I just wanted to get home so I could call Elodie.

“Sorry, Jam,” Reese said, kissing me quickly on the cheek before stepping aside. “We’ll stop. I swear.”

I instantly felt bad. I didn’t begrudge them their happiness. But being around it every day did reinforce that I wanted a little of it for myself. After the rubbish with Bree, and with my graduation and my real life looming, I was ready for something different. Something real. Something meaningful. Maybe Elodie wasn’t the person I’d find that with—it was too early to tell—but I wanted the chance to find out. She was beautiful and sweet and kind. The complete opposite of the women I normally dated. And I liked it. She was a glimmer of reality in the ocean of fake.

“No, it’s okay. I’m in a mood. If Elodie were here, I’d be happy to stand here and make out with her instead of cleaning as well.”

Reese leant a hip back on the bar, tucking her fingertips into her pockets as she regarded me. “You really like her, huh?”

I tapped the broom on the floor as an excuse to look at the floor and avoid making eye contact with her. I knew I was probably blushing. “She’s different.”

I glanced over at her just in time to see Reese give Low a look I couldn’t identify. But the two of them smiled as if they held all the secrets of the world. They’d gone through so much to be together, and despite their rocky start, were now more in sync than some couples who’d been together for years. I’d never had that sort of all-consuming connection, and even from the outside looking in, I could tell how special it was.

Elodie and I had been emailing all week, but she hadn’t answered the email I’d sent earlier in the day. I’d spent all afternoon thinking about it, wondering if I should email again, or maybe send a text message. It’d already been a few days since I’d seen her, and I just wasn’t good at playing it cool when I wanted something. And whatever this was between Elodie and me, it was something. Part of me hoped it might even be something like what Reese and Low had found. Bree and I had never really committed to each other, even after six months of dating. But here I was, less than two weeks after meeting Elodie, wondering if this was more than just a fling. I decided to call her after work.

I waited until eight, so she’d have time to put Nathan to bed, before I flopped on my lounge and scrolled through my phone to her name.

“Hey,” she said softly after the third ring.

“Hi,” I said tentatively. She didn’t sound happy. “Is this a bad time?”

“No, no. I just had a rough day.”

“Want to talk about it?” It was a throwaway line I’d used on people before, even when I’d had no interest in what they’d been doing. But with her, I found myself honestly wanting to know exactly what had her so down. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know what made her happy and what made her sad. I wanted to know what made her answer the phone sounding as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders.

“Nathan threw a chair at someone today.”

“What?!” I choked out. That had been the last thing I’d expected her to say. The kid was tiny! How could he even pick a chair up?

“That was my reaction too. I think he’s acting out because of the divorce.”

I picked at a thread on a cushion while I pondered that. “Lots of people get divorced, though. You can’t just blame yourself.”

There was a muffled sound before she replied. “Maybe not just me.”

I frowned, but I didn’t know what to say to make this better for her. I had no experience with kids or parenting or parenting with an ex. I was wholly unqualified to be a participant in this conversation, even though I desperately wanted to ease some of the sadness in her voice.

“What did Rick say?”

She snorted. “I assume he’s overseas somewhere. I sent him a text message telling him what happened, but he didn’t write back. He probably has no phone reception.”

“That sucks. Sorry you had such a shitty day, El. I wish I could make it better for you.”

“You did.” She paused, before adding in a small voice, “Just hearing your voice makes me feel better.”

Relief inflated my lungs. I loved hearing those words on her lips. I toyed with the idea of offering to come over there and make her feel better in a whole different sort of way. But she sounded tired and I didn’t want to intrude. So instead, I settled for the reason I’d called. “Are we still on for the fun fair on the weekend?”

There was a long silence before she responded. “I probably shouldn’t take him. His behaviour today doesn’t exactly warrant a treat.”

Shit! This wasn’t going the way I wanted it to.

“But…? Please tell me there’s a ‘but’ coming. I really want to see you.” I couldn’t help the hopeful tone my voice took on, though I desperately wanted to sound cool and calm. I’d been counting down the minutes until I got to see her. If she cancelled now, who knew how long it would be before I’d get to see her again. Even an extra five minutes was too long when we’d already been apart all week.

She chuckled into the mouthpiece. “But I did already take away his iPad and he’s going to sit on the sidelines and cheer for his soccer team for the next two weeks instead of playing. So maybe that’s enough.” She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than explain things to me. “He’s been counting down the days to the fair; he’d be devastated to miss it. And I’d rather focus on positive reinforcement than negative.”

A grin lifted my frown. “That sounds reasonable. He’s just a kid. I doubt it was a thought-out, premeditated attack.”

“Let’s hope so. I’ll see you Saturday.”

I fist pumped the air so viciously I was surprised I didn’t pull a shoulder muscle. I was also thankful she couldn’t see me. Because there was nothing cool or calm about how excited I was to spend more time with her.

Elodie

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky when I cracked open my bedroom blinds on Saturday morning. A little part of me had been hoping it would rain and the fun fair would be cancelled. It would have been the only thing to save me from the tormented tug of war that had been tearing me apart since Nathan’s school dilemma.

I wanted to see Jamison. Every sweet word he’d ever said to me made my heart sing as loudly as a choir. The way I felt when he touched me or kissed me made every nerve ending buzz. But I’d lain awake thinking for the majority of the past two nights, guilt and confusion grating at my happiness. I’d thought things through for hours, and still didn’t have any concrete answers. On one hand, I had this super sweet, super hot guy I was really into. A guy who elicited feelings in me I hadn’t felt for years. While on the other hand, I had my son, my ex, and the disaster that was Bree. Carrying on things with Jamison wouldn’t help the situation there. Nathan was struggling and my deteriorating relationship with his father would only make that worse. I should have cancelled the date, but I’d selfishly convinced myself that Nathan had been looking forward to it. But I knew it was me that had been looking forward to it the most. Maybe if we just took things super slow, and everyone had time to adjust…

In an effort to look nice at the fun fair, but still remain practical, I’d decided on a singlet top and a long multi-coloured skirt, and matched it with flat, comfortable sandals. It was summery and pretty, and I’d been pleased with my reflection in the mirror this morning. All had been fine as Nathan and I made our way through the racecourse turnstiles and out onto the track where all the action was. But we’d been taking in the carnival atmosphere when he’d gone shy, grabbed hold of my skirt, and spun it around himself. He’d effectively become cocooned in the fabric. Of course, Jamison chose that moment to appear through the crowd. I desperately grabbed at the loose elastic waistband to keep Nathan from pulling it straight off my hips. The several hundred people milling around the tracks didn’t need to see my underwear.

Jamison stopped in front of me and glanced down at the Nathan-shaped lump in my skirt. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him.

“Hi.” I waved, relieved but also a tiny bit disappointed when he didn’t try to kiss me. I rubbed Nathan’s head through his makeshift hiding spot. “Nate, do you want to come say hi to my friend Jamison? You met him at the wedding. He’s very nice.”

Nathan shook his head against my legs and I shrugged at Jamison. “He’s a bit overwhelmed.”

Jamison crouched down and spoke to my skirt lump. “It’s okay, mate. I don’t like talking to strangers either. But is it alright with you if I talk to your mum and show her around?”

A man wearing a Lavender Fields uniform approached us and clapped Jamison on the shoulder, but Jamison didn’t move from his crouched position. “There’s lots of fun stuff to do here today, like jumping castles and swinging chairs and water fights…”

Nathan didn’t respond, only wrapped himself tighter in the material.

“Or he could come see the foals,” the other man said.

Jamison glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

He straightened his long body into a standing position again and reached for my hand. I let him link his fingers through mine, trying to ignore the pleasant warmth that cascaded from his palm to mine. “Elodie, this is Low. Low, Elodie,” he said, motioning between us. Low offered me his hand and I shook it with a smile.

“Nice to meet you, Elodie. Jamison hasn’t shut up about you all week.”

Jamison shot Low a look, making him chuckle, before he knelt back down. “Hey, Nathan? Do you like horses? Low has a really cute one out the back I want to show you.”

Nathan poked his head around my legs. “Is it a boy horse? I only like the boy ones.”

Jamison nodded. “Just so happens it is. What’s your favourite colour?”

Nathan took a tiny step to the side. “Blue.”

Jamison scratched his chin. “Damn. Well, the foal isn’t blue, but he is a really cool colour. He’s all black.”

“I like black too.”

“Yeah? Me too. Bet you can’t guess his name?”

Nathan put his little hands on his hips in defiance and I choked back a laugh. “Bet I can!”

I gave Jamison a subtle thumbs up. He winked and held out a hand to Nathan. “Well, come on then. I’ll show you where he is. I’ll bet you a dagwood dog you can’t guess his name before we get there.” My mouth watered at the thought of the deep-fried carnival food. I’d been too conflicted to eat breakfast that morning and my stomach was rumbling. Nathan looked up at me for permission and I nodded. His little fingers wrapped around Jamison’s hand and the two of them walked with Low through the crowd, Nathan throwing out name suggestions in rapid fire.

I lagged behind. Warmth threatened to flood my heart as I watched Jamison win my child over, step by step. Shit. I needed to pull the reins in on this before I got fully swept away.

“Bob? Scratch? Thunder?” Nathan’s curious guesses washed back to me on the summer breeze, along with the smells of deep-fried carnival food.

Jamison shook his head. “Nope, but Thunder was kind of in the right direction.”

“Lightning? Storm?”

“Nope.”

“Give me a hint?” Nathan wheedled.

“Well, you’re kind of right, going down the nature path. But he’s black, so…”

I bent down and whispered in Nathan’s ear. He frowned at me. “Onyx? What’s that?”

Jamison chuckled. “Don’t listen to your mum. She’s wrong!”

Now it was my turn to frown as Low walked a few paces away and scanned a security card that popped open a gate. I pondered Jamison’s clues as we followed Low through, and he closed it firmly behind us. I whispered in Nathan’s ear again.

“Midnight!” he yelled.

Jamison stopped short. “Seriously? Now I owe you a dagwood dog.”

“Yes!” Nathan cheered. “Told you I could guess it!”

I chuckled and ruffled his hair, pleased that he’d come out of his shell. It only worsened my confusion about Jamison and me though. If he’d hated Jamison, it would have been easier to slow this down or even end it. The fact they were getting along made me want more days like today. Trips to the beach and board game nights and camping trips. Just the three of us. It would be all too easy to jump into this thing head first, without thinking through the consequences. And if we carried on, the way we had been, there would be consequences.

Beyond the racecourse gates were acres of training and holding paddocks, along with multiple large buildings. Low pointed to the largest of them. “That’s the main stables over there. All the out of town horses stay there when there’s big races on, but it’s pretty empty right now. Things get a bit quiet in the summer, after the rush of the Spring Racing Carnival.”

“Wow. This place is amazing,” I breathed, allowing myself a minute to let my guard down and just appreciate my surroundings. I’d never seen anything like Lavender Fields. It was an oasis in the middle of an otherwise suburban city area.

“I’ve got to go check in with the stable hands, but you guys go on ahead. I’ll catch up with you later on.”

Jamison slapped his hand against Low’s, and Nathan and I both waved.

Jamison led us to a paddock fence and hoisted Nathan up to the middle rail so he could see over the top. He pointed to a shiny black foal that was busy galloping across the paddock with his gangly, still uncoordinated legs. “That’s Midnight.”

One of the little horse’s ears twitched, and he suddenly dropped to the ground and rolled in the dirt.

Nathan’s little kid giggles were infectious. “He’s so cute! Can I ride him?”

“Not yet, he’s not strong enough to carry a big guy like you. Maybe when he’s as big as that horse over there. That’s his mum. And see that bigger one at the back? She’s his big sister.” Jamison pointed out each horse as he spoke.

“How do you know all this? I thought you worked in the bar?” I asked Jamison curiously.

“I do, but these ones belong to Low and Low’s grandparents. I went with him yesterday to pick them up from their property and bring them here for the day. They wanted to have some young ones out for the kids to look at when they do stable tours as part of the afternoon events.”

“Ah.”

Nathan climbed down off the fence and picked up a short stick. He crouched in the dirt and wrote his name in crooked letters.

“Want to go do the jumping castles and get that dagwood dog now?” Jamison asked him.

Nathan nodded enthusiastically and grabbed Jamison’s hand again. But when we got to the jumping castles, Nathan went shy. “There’s lots of big kids on there…” Disappointment filled his voice.

“So?” Jamison asked.

“He’s worried they’ll jump on him,” I filled in.

Jamison frowned. “Come on then, I’ll jump with you. I’m twice as big as those kids.”

Nathan beamed up at him. “Yeah! You are really big!”

I raised an eyebrow in Jamison’s direction. “I thought you said the jumping castles weren’t for adults?”

He put on an over-the-top sleazy voice and said, “It’s all about who you know, baby.”

I rolled my eyes as he toed off his shoes and slung a shrieking Nathan over his shoulder. Nathan’s giggles filled the air as Jamison jogged across the small stretch of grass to the inflatables. My heart felt as if it was being cracked wide open. Was he really this into kids, or was this just a way of impressing me? Either way, it was working. I tried hard not to think about what an amazing dad he’d be, but it was a losing battle. He was a natural.

“Well, that’s adorable.”

I jumped at the voice so close to me, and the dark-haired woman next to me did the same thing.

“Oh, sorry.” She put her hand on my arm. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I’m Reese; I’m Low’s girlfriend. And I work with Jamison at the bar. You’re Elodie, right?”

I nodded. I guess Low hadn’t been joking when he said Jamison had spoken about me during the week.

“I’ve only got a minute left of my break, but I saw you guys over here and I had to come introduce myself.” She nodded in Jamison’s direction. “I’ve never seen him around kids. I didn’t realise he was so good with them.” Jamison lifted Nathan onto the castle, then with a wave at the attendant, took a running leap onto the castle himself, bouncing high enough to hit his head on the roof, which made Nathan double over with fresh rounds of laughter.

“He’s been great today. Amazing, really. I think Nathan likes him a lot.” I didn’t voice my conflicted feelings over that.

Reese’s wide smile lit her eyes. She was pretty. She and Low would be a stunning couple, side by side. “They look like they’re having a ball.”

I smiled as Nathan followed Jamison around the jumping castle like a lost puppy, his floppy blond hair falling in his eye with every jump.

Reese glanced over at me. “What about you? Are you enjoying getting to know him?”

I startled, which made Reese laugh. “Sorry, that was forward, wasn’t it? He’s my friend, and I know he likes you.”

The question had taken me by surprise, but I shook my head. Reese exuded warmth and kindness. Her blunt question had obviously come from a good place. “It’s okay. I like him too,” I said cautiously. That was the truth. Dammit. Why did this all have to be so complicated?

“It’s good to see him have some fun. He’s spent all his time working lately. Low and I both had a lot of stuff going on, and Jamison really picked up our slack.”

“Everything okay now?” I asked cautiously.

She nodded, her long, brown hair bouncing in her ponytail. “It’s great.” She looked at her watch. “Crap, I have to go, my break is over. Can you tell Jam I said hi?”

She waved as she walked away toward the main building. “Oh hey, Elodie?” she called, turning back. “Let’s double date sometime, okay? Dinner and a club, maybe? I’ll organise something with Jamison.”

I smiled, not sure how to answer. Reese couldn’t have been that much younger than I was, but she had a carefree vibe about her I knew I lacked. I wasn’t just free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I had a son and responsibilities, and those things were important to me. I didn’t resent them at all, but they did mean I wasn’t free to just do whatever I wanted. My whole life revolved around doing the right thing for Nathan. Going out for a night of partying wasn’t just a simple thing. It required planning and babysitters and most likely staying sober because who could deal with a six-year-old with a hangover. The best thing for me wasn’t necessarily the best thing for him. I’d accepted that the minute I’d first held him in my arms. Reese and Low seemed lovely, but I wasn’t sure I’d fit in with Jamison’s crowd. I wanted to, but I felt years older than them all. Reese seemed to take it as a given though and disappeared into the crowd.

I turned back to the jumping castle, just as Nathan and Jamison climbed off and ran back to plop down on the grass at my feet. “Hi, Mum!” They both picked up their shoes and tugged them on. Nathan’s cheeks were red, and he was puffing, but his eyes gleamed.

“Hey, buddy. How was that?”

“Awesome! Jamison is teaching me how to do front flips!”

I squinted at Jamison. “Is he now?”

Jamison grinned and brushed his lips against my cheek, his slight stubble rasping across my skin. It was the most simple and innocent of touches, and yet time seemed to stand still when he was close to me. His cologne mixed with his natural man scent drifted around me, and I fought the urge to turn into him and kiss him the way I really wanted to. “He twisted my arm. And I was watching him the whole time. Swear.”

“Mmmmm hmmm.” As he slung his arm around my shoulder, his fingers brushing the bare skin of my arm, I felt the last of my reserves crumble. I gave into the temptation to just be in the moment. We’d need to talk about this later, talk about slowing this way down. But for now, I let happiness settle over me, even if it was probably temporary.

“Dagwood dog time, Nathan?”

“Yeah!”

I snaked my arm around Jamison’s middle and turned my face up to him. With a quick glance to make sure Nathan wasn’t paying attention, he dropped a kiss to my lips. This was turning out to be a much more successful date than the last one we’d been on.