Sierra
Bile burns a path up my throat, and I work to keep the contents of my stomach down. I can do this. I don’t want to, but there isn’t much choice.
The building in front of me is a large brick structure. There are no signs outside to hint at what the occupants inside might be up to. No logos for businesses, nothing. But I know what goes on in there.
Sex.
Lots of sex.
Fresh Film’s offices are housed just inside the door that I can’t stop staring at. I’m due to arrive in two minutes, but I can’t seem to unglue my feet from the sidewalk. Fresh Films produces porn. But not any porn. They specialize in porn with barely legal women who swear they are virgins. Their whole thing is catching a woman’s first sexual encounter on film and then putting it on the internet for all to see. At twenty-one, I was almost too old for their liking.
I never thought I’d find myself here, standing outside the office for a porn production company, trying to convince myself to go inside and give up my V-card to a perfect stranger. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
Gathering my strength, I take a deep breath, remember why I’m doing this, and ring the bell next to the door.
“May I help you?” a barely distinguishable voice crackles through the speaker.
“Yes, um, my name is Sierra Davies, I have an appointment at…” I don’t get to finish my sentence before I’m being buzzed in through the heavy doors. The lobby of the building is not what I expect when I think of a porn office. It’s more like the waiting room at a high-end plastic surgeon or something. Everything is white, from the desk the receptionist sits behind, to the walls, to the floral arrangements. The most color in the room is the receptionist’s red hair.
Just as I step inside, a woman sweeps out from the door behind the receptionist and greets me with a handshake. “Sierra, so nice to meet you. I’m Liza, the woman you've been emailing with. I was excited to see your application to star in one of our films. Please, come in, and we can chat a little before you go into hair and makeup.”
The female equivalent of a tornado places her hand on my shoulder and escorts me through the door to an equally bright white office. She isn’t anything like I pictured either. Liza is almost a foot taller than me, her white pantsuit crisp and obviously expensive, and she has a short black bob. If I met her at a lawyer’s office or some other straight-laced business, I wouldn’t even bat an eye, she’s that impressive looking. But here? Well, surprised is putting it mildly.
One of the reasons I applied to this place was because it is run by a woman. I hope that means they will be a little more gentle and considerate toward me, though I know, in the end, I’m here for a very specific reason.
“So, how are you feeling? Nervous, I’m sure.” Liza grabs a bottle of water from a small fridge set in a bar against one wall and indicates that I should sit on the white leather sofa on the other side of the room. After handing me the water, she leans against the edge of her desk, focusing all her attention on me.
“Um, yes, I am obviously very nervous.” Instead of drinking the water, I spin the bottle in my hand, enjoying the cooling effect it has on my skin.
“Sure, sure. All of the girls who come here usually are. But I assure you, we try to be very respectful of what you are about to do. Make no mistake, you are under no obligation to go through with this, and if at any point you want to stop, you just let me know, and everything stops.” Liza’s words put me a little more at ease, and she nods when she sees me relax a little into the back of the couch. “Now, before we get started, I want to talk to you a little bit about why you’re here. You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I need to make sure you aren’t being coerced in any way. I know people roll their eyes a little when they hear the term ethical porn, but I take that label very seriously. All our performers are treated with respect, paid well, and are kept safe while under our care. So please tell me what brought you here to us?”
“Yes, I know. It’s one of the reasons I chose this as my best option.” Unable to meet her eye, I pick at the label on the water and repeat the response I have prepared for this moment. “Um, well, I overheard a girl in one of my classes talking about how she paid her tuition for the next two years by doing an adult film. She said it was fun, and that she might do more in the future. She also mentioned that she wished she had held onto her virginity, so she could have done a film at Fresh Films because they pay so well for a single film. I also am having trouble with tuition and expenses, so I looked into it, and it seemed like the best option. Pre-med is a demanding major, and I can’t afford to get another job, so this will allow me to pay for the remainder of my schooling.”
It may not be the full story, but it is enough of it to make me feel like I’m not lying. I’m really no good at lying, and I need this woman to allow me to go through with the film so I can get paid.
Apparently, my story isn’t totally satisfying her, because she gives me a scrutinizing look. “I have a feeling you’re leaving something out, so I have to ask, did anyone make you come here today? Has anyone threatened you if you don’t go through with this or give them money?”
“No, nothing like that. I’m here because I want to be here.” Also not entirely true, but good enough.
“And how do you feel about losing your virginity on camera and having thousands of people watch that moment while giving themselves pleasure?”
A fierce blush floods my face at her question. I need to get over it, though, because soon, I’ll be naked in front of not only her, but a whole production crew and the man who will take my virginity, whom I know nothing about.
“I feel okay about it. I don't have a particular emotional attachment to my virginity. I always thought all the hoopla around losing it was overdone. I never really got the excitement and mystery surrounding it. I’ve never had any romantic notions about my first time, so I figure why not make a little money and help simplify my life a little.” I swallow down my nerves and think about her other question.
The one about people watching me lose my virginity. Because I’ve gone back and forth a little on this. “The prospect of people watching the video both scares and excites me. I’m not afraid to admit I find the idea kind of sexy. But I am afraid I’ll look like an idiot. Given my future profession, I’m also concerned about having this come back to bite me in the ass.” I give Liza a little shrug and a small smile.
“All valid feelings. Most of the girls who come here feel the same way you do. They find the idea of being watched titillating but are scared it will damage their future prospects. I can assure you, once the makeup and hair people work their magic, no one will recognize you. You’ll wear contacts to change your eye color, as we discussed, and they will put temporary hair extensions in as well. The makeup will also help to change your appearance slightly. We’ve all seen the miracles of contouring on the Kardashians after all.” Liza laughs a little, and I feel even more at ease. She really is very good at her job. “Now, we can’t guarantee that someone won't find out about this someday, but if they do, may I suggest you own it. There is nothing to be ashamed of here. Sex is a beautiful thing, and seeing someone experience it for the first time is equally beautiful.”
I nod, her words do make sense, being I have a more clinical view of these things than most. Maybe that is why I’m okay with losing my virginity to some stranger. I know he will be clean because the studios require a full physical and STD test, and I know I won’t get pregnant because the studio provided me with the birth control shot for the past three months, since I signed the preliminary contract.
Now all that is left is to do it.
After signing a few more papers, going over my direct deposit information, and talking through the schedule, Liza leads me down a hall to the hair and makeup room. Two women go to work transforming me from a mousey student with dirty blonde hair into a doe eyed vixen. They add white blonde extensions which almost completely cover my natural color, contour my face until I don't even recognize myself, and then try to put in the contacts. But for some reason, they sting, and I can’t stop tearing up, so I’m forced to go without them. My green eyes are definitely the most striking of my features, so I’m a little worried not having the contacts will mean someone someday will recognize me in the video, but there isn't much I can do about it at this point.
“Okay honey, time for your wardrobe.” Liza sweeps back in with a rack full of barely-there outfits. Some of them look like sexy Halloween costumes. Nothing that I wouldn’t be surprised to see at a sorority dress up party. But others are just miniaturized versions of clothes I would normally wear. “I’m thinking for this video, we go with a simple look. Neither you nor Simon need all that much embellishment.”
The first mention of my costars names sends a zap of energy over my skin. Whoever he is, soon this Simon guy will touch me in a way no one else ever has.
Liza pulls out a pair of insanely short jean shorts, a thin white t-shirt, and hot pink thong and bra set and hands them to me.
“Should I just get changed out here, or um, is there someplace I can go?” I fidget with the hangers, clicking the metal hooks together.
“Well darling, you are free to go to the restroom and change, but I often think this is the best time to rip off the band-aid and practice being naked in front of an audience. It’s just us girls here for the moment.” Liza nods to the makeup and hair girls, who were both super nice, and then looks back to me expectantly.
I suppose she’s right. “No time like the present.”
I blow out a long breath and decide to just go for it. It is just a body after all. Boobs and vagina, half the world has them. No big deal. I’ll see them both on the regular when I’m an OBGYN.
Before I can think too much about it, I whip off my t-shirt, unhook my plain white bra, and push my leggings to the floor taking my panties with them. Just like that, I’m naked in front of three strangers. Which is three more than ever before.
“Nice pubes choice. Rare to see even virgins with hair down there anymore.” The hairstylist, Cynthia, exclaims.
“Oh shit, should I have gone bare? I got waxed but I already think I have a tendency to look young, so I didn't want to go full Brazilian and get mistaken for underage or something.” I look down at the tuft of soft hair sitting just over my pussy and second guess everything. Maybe I should reschedule so I can go get every hair ripped out.
“Don’t be silly. I agree with Cynthia. It’s refreshing to see someone with a more natural look all around. So many girls come in here and think they have to be totally hairless. But a surprising number of viewers love a little bush.” Liza pats my shoulder and hands the bra and panty set back to me.
“Hell, some like the whole bush. Like seventies bush.” Cynthia laughs as she packs up her things. “Don’t worry, honey. You’ll be fine. They run a class act here. I’d tell you if you should bail.”
I nod and go about putting on the skimpy clothes. The shorts don’t fully cover my ass cheeks, and honestly, I own underwear that have more fabric to them. But I’m dressed again, which is nice.
“You look wonderful, Sierra.” Liza gestures for me to follow her down the hall, and I stuff the panic back down as I do as she says. “Okay, have a seat in here. Just so you know, there are cameras in here that record you. This footage is used for teasers and extras for the website. There is no audio, so don't worry about that. In just a few moments, I’ll bring in Simon, and we’ll talk through the scenario for your film. Nothing too complicated, just something to give it a little storyline, which our female viewers appreciate. I’ll be right back.”
Before I can respond, Liza sweeps out of the room, her high heels clacking on the tile floor.
After taking a seat, I look around to the cameras set in the corners of the room, and one just above the TV, which has a static shot of the studio. Now that I’m alone again, the nerves come racing back. I’d somehow managed to keep calm while the girls did me up, but now I have far too much time to think about everything.
I stand, ready to say screw all this. There has to be another way to make ten grand. But just as I reach for the door, it swings open to reveal a smiling Liza. I get my first glimpse of Simon looming behind her. The oxygen whooshes from my lungs. Blood rushes to fill the flesh between my thighs. Because my costar is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my entire life.