Sierra
What the hell have I gotten myself into? I didn’t expect my costar to be so unbelievably hot. I knew he would be attractive. And most likely hung, because porn, obviously. But he is tall and built, with this beard that is both rugged and distinguished. He literally looks like a well-read lumberjack. Minus all the flannel. Plus, the eyes, holy shit, they are the most beautiful deep blue. I didn’t expect to be turned on already, but the thin fabric of the panties and shorts they gave me are already completely soaked.
But the reaction he has pulled out of me isn’t only from his looks. It’s his whole attitude. Like he’s top dog, and he knows it. He looks at me like he is going to own me in every way. I want to fuck him. Badly. Immediately. I’m actually less nervous about the whole being on camera thing, and more nervous about how lonely I’ll be after giving my virginity to this hot, sexy, alpha man and then never seeing him again. Just the thought has a hole the size of my enormous debt burning in my stomach.
“So, how many of these things have you done? I watched a bunch of the videos online before signing the contract, but I don’t recognize you from them.” I figure why beat around the bush? We are here for a very specific reason. No reason to be shy about the fact that I watched porn before actually starring in porn, right?
But mostly, I’m just rambling because this Simon guy will not stop staring at me. His eyes haven’t left me once since he stepped into the room. I’m not sure if he does this with all the women he’s about to fuck on film, but it is working for me in a big way. All that undivided attention has my stomach doing flip-flops wanting to please him in any way possible.
“Yeah, I guess Liza forgot to mention that. I’ve actually never done this before either.” Simon shifts so that he has one leg bent up onto the couch, but the rest of his body has to move further away in that position, which he doesn’t seem to like, so he goes back to sitting shoulder to shoulder. But he does this cute little growl-slash-grump sound that almost makes me giggle. Apparently, the poor guy can’t get comfy. I can understand why given the freaking giant sequoia tree he is hauling around inside those jeans.
“Oh, you’ve never done porn before? Or just not with this company?” I’m kinda curious how the whole industry works for people who actually make a career out of this. I mean how do they really make their money, because isn’t all porn free at this point? Granted, Fresh Films pays well, but they kind of have to given their niche market. And I’ve heard male performers don’t make all that much.
One minute I’m awkwardly sitting on the edge of the couch, hands folded in my lap, and somehow the next I find myself draped across Simon’s legs, my ass nestled right up against that rock-hard tree trunk that I’m suddenly very curious about.
“Better.” One of his giant hands is planted on my leg, verging on ass territory, and the other arm is wrapped around my back, keeping me steady.
“Okay then, I guess this is okay.”
“To answer your question, yes, this is my first time performing in a porn, of any kind.” His thumb plays with the frayed hem of my too short shorts, sweeping back and forth across my skin and making me think of other places that finger could be touching. “But also, this is my first time having sex as well. I’m a virgin just like you.”
“Bullshit!” The word pops out wildly and with a ton of skepticism. No way in hell is this sexy as hell Adonis of a man a virgin. He’s gotta be fucking with me. “There is no planet in existence in which you could still be a virgin.”
Simon raises one eyebrow in this sexy as heck stubborn expression. “I am, actually. I always wanted to wait to find the right woman. Never happened, so figured it was time, and I need the money.” The hand on my leg sweeps under my shorts into definitive ass territory and he grips my cheek in a possessive hold. “Didn’t think I’d find the right woman at a porn shoot.”
“But how can they be sure you’re a virgin? I was able to go to their doctor, and she gave a probability that I’m still a virgin, but even then, they can’t be sure. With a guy there is no way to tell.” His grip tightens on my ass when I talk about the doctor, and his face turns tight, like he doesn't like the idea of someone examining me. Truth be told, I didn’t like it a whole lot either. She was nice and everything, but it was still awkward knowing she was trying to determine whether or not I might have had sex, so I could do a porn about losing my virginity.
It takes a moment, but the tension drains from Simon’s face and is replaced with a smirk. “It was really embarrassing, actually. They interviewed a bunch of my friends. The guys were all too eager to tell the producers how inexperienced I am and how this would probably be the shortest porn ever because of my untouched status.”
“Huh.” I’m honestly almost glad I did the doctor’s exam instead of having people in my life clued into the fact that I’m doing a porn. Not that there are all that many people that know much about me. “So, mind if I ask why you’re doing this? Why lose your virginity now, on camera?”
“To save my business. If I don’t do this, we’ll have to close down, and I refuse to let that happen.” Simon pulls me a little closer, though there really isn’t much space between us. His lips are so close, I can almost feel them on mine.
I desperately want that.
I haven’t kissed anyone since the fifth grade when Sean McCormack sneak attacked a quick kiss on my lips on the playground. That was also the last time I punched someone. Guys pretty much stayed away from me after that.
“What about you? Why would a sweet, beautiful girl like you want to do this?”
Even though I know his compliment doesn’t mean much considering I look nothing like myself right now, I still blush a little under the layers of makeup. I wonder if he can still see how pink my cheeks get.
“I’m a pre-med student at the local college. My scholarship was cut, and I only have one semester left. It’s either do this, or don’t graduate. I know med school is going to put me deep in debt, so I’m trying to avoid that as long as possible.” Again, I give a version of the truth. Not a lie, but not everything. They don’t need to know how desperate I am. How this money is basically going to save my life.
It’s hard to look away from Simon’s earnest face. He looks at me as if I’m everything, and he needs to know it all. My soul is stripped bare for him, and I haven’t even revealed anything. But I have the urge to. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him all my problems. To unload it all onto his capable shoulders and let him help me with the burden. It makes no sense, but sharing my load with him seems natural. Predestined.
“There’s more. I can see it in those green eyes.” The hand that had been worshipping my ass comes up to cup my face, tilting my head so he can look more directing into my eyes. “These are real, aren’t they? I can tell the hair and makeup aren’t you. The outfit, too, obviously. But these green eyes are all you. I’m glad. I want to be looking at your eyes the moment I take you for the first time. But before any of that, you need to tell me the real reason you need ten thousand dollars. The whole reason.”
How does he keep doing this to me? He’s a stranger, but I feel safer and more cherished right now than I have in years. Since my MeMaw died. I remind myself the cameras in here have no sound and decide I will tell him. Because I most likely will never see this man again, so I can confess to him without fear of having to live down the shame.
“I’m living in my car. My mom and her boyfriend took off with all my college fund, my scholarship was cut from the budget, and I couldn’t afford room and board, so I’ve been living in my car the past few months. It wasn’t that bad during the summer. But now that it’s getting colder, I need to find someplace to live. It’s been getting scarier too. The playground I used to park in overnight has gotten a little sketchy. I woke up two weeks ago to a guy standing at my window jerking off while watching me sleep.” It all comes out so fast. The tears sting as they rush to my eyes. I realize the cameras are going to see all this and bury my head in Simon’s shoulder, hoping to make it look like we’re cuddling, and not like I’m falling apart in his arms. “I’ve been staying in twenty-four-hour store parking lots ever since, because they are well patrolled. But I’m so tired. I haven’t slept a full night in months. I spent my last twenty dollars on a home wax kit for this shoot.”
“Shhh, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry anymore. I promise.” Simon pulls me away so he can look in my eyes but keeps his big hand cupped over my face, shielding me from the cameras. “We’ll get through today and then figure everything out. I promise, one way or another, you will get a full night of sleep tonight.”
I’m pulled back into the warmth of his arms, and I suddenly need to get closer to him. I want to meld my body completely into his, let him carry me and protect me from everything cold and ugly in the world. I shift, throwing my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck. I cling to him as if he is my life vest in a vast ocean.
I’ve always been independent and strong, just like MeMaw taught me. She was my father’s mom, but he died before I was born, and my mom being the forty-year-old version of a rebelling teenager has never been much of a role model for me. But MeMaw, she was incredible. A midwife, she birthed thousands of babies to poor families who couldn’t afford to go to the hospital. It’s because of her I want to be an obstetrician. When she died two years ago, my entire world fell apart. Mom found out about the small college fund MeMaw had managed to save up for me, and the woman who gave me life appeared out of nowhere saying she wanted to reconnect. Then she stole my debit card and emptied my bank account. I haven’t seen or heard from her since, and if I ever do, she better turn and run the other way.
I have no one in the world that cares for me, and no matter how strong you are, that weighs on a person. Everyone needs someone to lean on occasionally.
Simon’s arms are banded around my waist. I’m so skinny these days from not being able to eat the way I should that he could probably wrap his arms around me twice if it were physically possible.
“Thank you.” Loosening my death grip on his neck, I gaze into his blue eyes. They are so kind and warm, nothing like I expected from whoever would be starring in this thing with me. “I needed that.”
“I’ll always give you what you need.”
Something inside me clicks, and I find myself drifting closer to Simon, wanting to have his lips on mine. I shift my hips forward, and his hard jeans clad cock presses into the soft spot between my thighs. I gasp, never having felt something so incredible in all my life. Just as his mouth sweeps across mine for the first time, the door flings open behind us. I jump a little, blushing wildly, as if we’ve just been caught by his parents.
“Good to see you two are getting comfortable with each other.” Liza smirks from the doorway, then turns on her heels. “Follow me. Time to get started.”
I scramble off Simon’s lap, turning to follow the woman who is about to pay me to have sex with the most beautiful man, inside and out, I’ve ever met. Suddenly, this all doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. I came here dreading what would happen, but now I’m looking forward to it. Except for the whole people watching us thing. That still makes my stomach go a little queasy.
Simon’s feet thud rapidly behind me as he runs to catch up with Liza and me. Before I can follow her into the studio, Simon grabs my arm, spinning me around and plastering me to the wall. “Our first kiss is damn well not going to be on camera.”