Chapter Seven
Sierra
Simon collapses next to me on the tiny twin bed, pulling my body in close to his and wrapping his arms around me. The camera is still in his hand, and he silently presses a button to turn it off. The studio is eerily silent now that we are both recovering from the intensity of the past hour or so.
“Wow, I was so wrong.” My mind is reeling with the implications of everything that just happened and the question of what happens next. But mostly, clips of what we just did play over and over in my head, like I’m editing this stupid porn together myself.
“What were you wrong about?” Simon whispers into my ear, nuzzling his face into my sweaty hair and inhaling.
The comfort I feel in his arms is remarkable considering I’ve only known the man a few hours, but I enjoy it while I can since I’m not sure if I’ll be feeling it again anytime soon. “I thought losing my virginity wouldn’t be a big deal. Always thought people blew the whole thing out of proportion. I mean, it isn’t like I’m any more of an adult now than I was this morning. But, I was wrong in a way. It was a big deal. But I think that is thanks to you, mostly.”
“It was a big deal for me too. I always wanted to wait until I met someone I cared deeply for. It is nice to know that despite the odd circumstances, I was able to have that little dream of mine.” He kisses my shoulder and rubs his hands up and down my arm. “Everything I said, I meant it all. I want to take you home. I want to be with you. Find out all the intricacies of what makes you shine from the inside out. That wasn’t all bullshit for the cameras.”
Needing to see his eyes, I gingerly roll over, making sure not to fall off the edge of the small bed. “Are you sure? This was an intense situation. I don’t want you to say something now that you’ll regret when you have some distance.”
“Do you think you’ll regret this?” Fear is visible in his eyes, and I know he is really asking if I will regret him, not the movie. The movie is what it is.
Cupping his cheeks in my hands, I move closer, giving him a sweet, slow kiss. “I’ll never regret you. This was a million times better than what I expected thanks to you. But I’ve always been a realist. I have to look at things from all angles before I make a decision. And even though I feel a strong pull toward you, my heart is pounding just thinking about a life with you, I need to do the same here. I need to look at all angles.”
Simon nods, his eyes unfocusing slightly as he contemplates what I’ve said. After a moment, he seems to come to some decision. “I tell you what. We’re going to get up after another minute, get dressed, finish things up with Liza, and then I’m going to take you to my pub, feed you a good hearty meal, and we’ll look at this from all angles. Together. Now that I’ve found you, I don’t want to let you out of my sight, for even a minute.”
I nod, loving the idea of going over all the thoughts running through my head with him. That right there should tell me that this is more than a simple physical connection. The oxytocin and endorphins aren’t the only things at work with us right now. The love and affection swelling inside me is more than chemicals can explain.
True to his word, Simon holds me close to him for another minute before we stand to get dressed and head out into the hallway.
“So, all finished then?” Liza, of course, is waiting right there for us, an unpleasant look on her face. Gone is the sweet understanding woman that greeted me three hours ago. In her place is a shrewd business woman.
“Yes, thank you for being flexible.” Simon crosses the hall to hand her the small camera.
Liza scoffs at his words, obviously not missing the note of sarcasm behind them. Turning to me, she sticks a small smile on her face that I’m not buying for a minute. Obviously, this woman is not happy we hijacked her shoot. “Sierra, you can go back to the dressing room to change back into your clothes. The girls will be there to remove your extensions and makeup.”
She turns back to Simon, more or less dismissing me. I’m not sure what to do, because it seemed Simon didn’t want us to separate, but I feel like I can’t just refuse to change out of the skimpy clothes they put me in either.
“Simon, I’d like to go over the footage with you, let you know if it is acceptable before you leave.” Liza doesn’t even look at me. It is obvious now that I’ve served my purpose, and she doesn’t give a hoot about me.
Simon squeezes my hand, turning away from Liza so we can speak for a moment. “Why don’t you go back and change back into your things. I’ll do this with Liza and meet you out front. I don't want you to have to watch and think about the video, okay?”
I’m part relieved, part nervous. I don't want to watch the footage, not yet at least. The whole experience is too raw. But I also don’t want Simon to be alone with Liza. When it comes down to it though, I need to shed this porn star persona they stuck on me and get back into my everyday clothes. I want Simon to see me, not this vixen they made me up to be.
“Okay. I’ll wait for you by my car.”
We kiss, nothing obscene, just a sweet pressing of our lips together. Liza scoffs. When I glance back at her, she’s rolling her eyes to the point her head is tilted back and she’s looking at the ceiling. Not wanting to be around this phony woman any longer, I slink off to the dressing room to transform back into plain old Sierra. The hair and makeup girls chat over my head as they remove the extensions and wipe the makeup from my face. Then they leave me alone to change back into my black leggings and loose tunic. I wish I could take a shower, but that will have to wait until later. Hopefully back at Simon’s place, otherwise, I’ll have to wait until the college’s fitness center opens in the morning.
As I walk out, the receptionist waves goodbye, but doesn't make eye contact. It really is like no one gives a shit about you once you’ve fulfilled your purpose in this place.
Outside, the air is chilled now that the sun has slipped beneath the horizon. I wish I had thought to bring my sweatshirt inside with me, but honestly, it wouldn’t do much against this cold. As soon as the check clears my account, the first thing I’m doing is buying a new winter coat. My old one was stolen out of the closet at the local soup kitchen when I went for lunch one day. I learned my lesson after that. Now if I need to go there for a meal, I leave everything in my car several blocks away.
Leaning against my car, I wait for Simon to come through the doors, each minute passing ramping up my nerves. Maybe he changed his mind and already left?
A big black SUV rolls up beside me, blocking my view of the building.
“Hey there gorgeous. You the lucky lady who got to devirginize our little Simon?” There are at least four guys in the SUV, all laughing at the guy in the passenger seat’s joke. He’s handsome in a J. Crew catalog sort of way. His hair is perfectly gelled and eyebrows tweezed. Not my type. Nothing like Simon. Someone in the back wolf whistles, and I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, embarrassed that they know what we just did.
“I can’t wait to see this fucking video.” Passenger seat guy sweeps his eyes up and down my body, and my skin crawls with just that one look. “Let me know if you want to do a sequel to tap that ass, ‘kay sweetheart.”
Tears prickle behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them out. How can this guy know Simon?
“Asshole, shut the fuck up.” The driver pipes up, and I see a hand reach across the front to smack the guy talking to me upside the head. “I knew we shouldn’t have brought you along. Simon’s going to murder you for talking to her like that.”
Creepy asshole in the front turns to the driver, and the two begin arguing back and forth. In the backseat, another window rolls down, with yet another man sticking his head out. I immediately dread whatever it is he’s going to say. I’ve always believed that the company you keep says a lot about a person. These guys are making me second guess who Simon is.
“Hey, don’t listen to him. He’s an asshole.” The guy hanging out of the window gives me an apologetic look, and I start to relax, relieved that maybe Simon’s friends aren’t all bad. The guy is the perfect caricature of a hipster, complete with thick black glasses, beanie cap, and goatee. “Listen we’re—”
“There is no way that asshole was a virgin.” The guy from the front seat raises his voice, overpowering everyone else. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a fucking Einstein for pretending to be so he could get paid ten grand to bang someone even half as hot as this girl. I wish I had thought of it first.”
Everyone in the SUV starts talking at once, actually yelling at once. But I don't hear any of it. Could he have been lying? If these are the guys they interviewed to cooperate his claim of never having sex, I have no doubt they would have happily lied for him.
The confusion and embarrassment rumbles through my heart and mind, making everything else go fuzzy. I’m an idiot for thinking I could meet a guy on the set of a porn and trust anything he said. Maybe he was even working with Liza to make sure they got the best performance out of me. That would explain why she wanted to see him alone. How could I believe trusting this stranger, allowing myself to fall in love with him, was a good idea? I couldn’t even trust my own mother.
My lungs burn, and chest tightens to the point I’m afraid I’m going to black out. I need to get away from these assholes still yelling at each other in the car. I turn, rounding my own car as quickly as I can. Just as I get the old rust bucket turned over and start to pull out, the doors to the building housing Fresh Films open, and Simon steps out.
His eyes shift from the black SUV full of arguing men to me speeding away in my car, and then they widen. I’m not sure if that expression is panic or confusion, but I’m not going to stick around to find out. I’ve already been screwed over by one person I was supposed to love and trust. I’m not going to let it happen again.