Chapter 14

Andrew

 

It was difficult finally having to leave Logan’s house.

I felt sadness saying goodbye to him and hugged him for dear life before leaving. Walking back to my apartment, I’m filled with dread and doubt though, the main reason being I don’t want to face Maria.

How did I ever allow myself to become trapped with her?

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Nearly all of the courage and confidence I felt when I was with Logan has dissipated. For my own sake and sanity though, I need to find a way to get it back and keep it there.

As I get off the elevator, my heart begins to race. When I put my key in the door and open it, and the first thing that I hear is.

“Where have you been?”

Maria is standing once again with her arms crossed with her usual angry and threatening stance. All I want to do is turn around and run back to Logan’s, but for now, this is my life and I have to face it.

At first, all I say is, “Running,” and leave it at that. But naturally that isn’t going to be enough to appease Maria, because it never is. It’s come to the point where anything I say wouldn’t matter. I could go on for five minutes listing every last detail of where I was every single minute of the last five hours and it wouldn’t matter.

“Really?” She says. “How interesting. Gee, it doesn’t even look like you’ve broken a sweat, running for five whole hours.”

I begin to head to the bedroom to shower and change.

She follows me in. “Why don’t you just come out and admit it,” she says. “Why don’t you admit that you’re having an affair?”

I know that Maria is pretending to care if I have an affair. We’ve not had any emotional intimacy for so long, how can she act as though she’d be upset? She’s merely playing the grieving and concerned wife because she has to keep up the appearances of a marriage with me. Keep me imprisoned… controlled.

So she can play the victim when we divorce.

And tell everyone, including the judge that everything was my fault… that I was the cause of all her misery.

But Maria’s misery goes far back to her childhood.

That’s what happens when you’re in a relationship. You slowly begin to uncover your partner’s past… their weaknesses… what makes them tick and caused them to be the person they are today.

I’m now showering and Maria is still standing in the bathroom waiting for my reply. I tell her, “I’m doing the running for the marathon. For Wyatt and the firm.” Hoping this will, at the very least, calm her down.

Maria grew up poor in Brazil. She was a child model who went on to compete in beauty pageants in her teens.

It was around this time when her father got into the brokerage business and quickly accumulated a vast amount of wealth. Shortly after that is when he picked up the family and immigrated to the US in 2006, ending up in Westport, CT.

But as quickly as the money came, it went just as fast. Now about a year in the US, her father Luiz came under indictment for money laundering. That’s when he hired Lucas and Young to defend him and it was at this time that I was introduced to Maria.

Luiz quickly saw my potential and encouraged our relationship. My family… well that was another story. Regardless, Maria and I dated and then became engaged.

But Wyatt and I soon realized that the evidence was stacked against Luiz. The prosecution had video and audio evidence from surveillance at a hotel of the numerous illegal transactions. We did our best to defend him but lost the trial.

Luiz lost everything and by then our wedding date was already set and needless to say Maria and I ended up marrying anyway. And since then she’s held me personally responsible for failing to render a not guilty verdict for her father.

But she never told me that before we married. 

She has told me numerous times that if it wasn’t for me, her family would still be rich. The only consolation was that I had money and I owed it to her father to marry her and provide a lifestyle that she’d become accustomed to. But Maria looked good around my arm and even my parents eventually came around to like her.

When I had my doubts about the marriage, Wyatt discouraged it, telling me. ‘Maria will make a great wife and she’ll be good for your career. You’re too old to be single and will never make partner without a wife.’

And so we were the perfect couple… Ken and Latina Barbie. Or so everyone thought.

As soon as I turn off the shower and begin drying off, I hear crashing sounds in the other room. Glass or plates being thrown against the wall. I hear. “Goddamn you motherfucker. You’re going to pay for this.”  

About a year into our marriage, Maria got a call from her mother. She was crying hysterically. ‘Docinho,’ she begins. ‘Your papa has leave me. He cheat on me and has girlfriend.’

By then, her parents had moved to Camden NJ, living in near squalor and Maria said it was my duty to provide for them.

But since then, Maria has lost all respect for her father. She’s told me numerous times that she will never trust a man because all men are all scum and they’re only use is to provide money.

As I’m getting dressed, the banging continues. I’m almost afraid to walk out there for fear of getting struck.

At least in here, I’m safe. For now.

Or so I thought.

That’s when she comes back into the bedroom holding what appears to be a broken wine glass. “See what you make me do? See this?”

Oh, yes. I made her do that.

“Trust me, I will use my connections to destroy you,” she shouts.

Connections? Really? What kind of nonsense is she spouting now?

Are the ladies behind the Saks Fifth Avenue makeup counter going to form a coalition with her to blackmail me? Is her manicurist going to come here and break dishes with her? Perhaps her psychic is really a witch and will put a spell on me.

I wouldn’t put it past her to try and get Wyatt to fire me, although it still baffles me how she has any hold over him. Maybe it’s a general dislike they both have of me they bond over.

She comes closer to me and points her finger and warns me. “I’m going to hire a private detective to spy on you. I’ll get to the bottom of this once and for all.” 

Well at least she doesn’t know I’m gay… not yet at least. I can only imagine the shitstorm that will deliver. I’m just glad there aren’t any guns in the house or I could be in big trouble.

Not that she hasn’t already threatened to kill me before.

After her mother kicked her father out of the apartment, Maria became even more unbearable. ‘See what men do to women.’ ‘You need to take care of me and my mother, and I don’t mean the small amount of money you give her already.’

She would say to me that whatever I gave, it was not enough.

Maria once took out a credit card in my name. She forged my signature and I guess snatched it out of the mail before I had a chance to see it or the bills. She went on a spending spree with her mother buying household items, shoes, clothing, furniture, you name it.

One day I got a call from the credit card company telling me the bill was past due. That I owed forty thousand dollars and needed to come up with the minimum amount or it would be sent to collections. Since it was American Express, I needed to pay the full amount.

When I confronted her about it, she just cried and said she was sorry… that she’d never do it again. But a year later, the same thing happened and this time it was for forty five thousand and change. To this day I have no idea what she bought, because there was nothing visible in the apartment that looked new. It was just gone.

Maria has a budget of about ten thousand dollars per month to do whatever she pleases. Food, household items, personal items for herself, but that apparently isn’t enough.

Maria wants me to have an affair just so she can take me for everything I have. She would not be happy getting half, but wants to liquidate me… wipe me out.

She continues to scold me. “And if I ever find that woman you’re having an affair with, I’ll kill her too.” 

Her act is so phony that if it wasn’t so tragic, it would be hilarious. I could be mean to her back, but I don’t see the point. She doesn’t treat me any different if I’m nice to her or I argue with her.

My phone rings and I stand up to retrieve it off the end table.

That’s when Maria rushes over and grabs the phone before I can get to it. She looks at the screen, and with surprise, says. “Amanda?”

“Ah ha!” she says. “So this is your secret love affair.”

She answers it and begins shouting into the phone.

Right, I’m banging the secretary. You can’t get any more cliché than that.

“You little bitch. I knew it was you! You’d better stay away from him you little whore! What do you think you’re doing screwing my husband? Don’t ever call him again!”

She hangs up and throws the phone at me.

That’s when I realize that I need to get out of this madhouse. I finish dressing and putting on my shoes, then grab a jacket and hear. “Where do you think you’re going mister? Oh, yes. Of course. To your whore. What’s her name? Amanda. Are you going to go fuck her now are you?”

I begin walking down the hall to the foyer and she continues to shout until I’m out the door. Even in the hall waiting for the elevator I hear her. “Going to fuck your whore? I’m going to divorce you and take everything you own. I don’t care either. I never loved you. You’re nothing but a stupid man. A big stupid man.”

Finally the elevator door opens and I get in, but even with the door closed I can still hear her faint ramblings. I get down to the lobby and exit the building and call Amanda back.

She answers, sounding astonished. “What the hell was that!!!!?

I can’t help but begin to laugh at the absurdity though.

“Andrew what the fuck? What is wrong with that psycho bitch?”

“I’m so sorry about that Amanda. Hey, what are you doing? Do you want to meet for a drink? Coffee?” I ask. It’s colder out than I thought and I go back into the lobby and sit down on one of the chairs next to my doorman Jose.

“Uh, let me think,” she begins before saying, “Are you okay, Andrew?”

God, I’m far from being OK, I think to myself. I tell her, “Well that depends on how you define OK, I suppose.”

Amanda begins humming, then asks me, “Where do you want to meet?”

“Let’s make it easy and say Starbucks. 75th & Broadway… sound good?”

I’ll only have to walk about eleven blocks. If I get too cold I’ll catch a cab, but the thought of going back up to the apartment for a warmer coat just seems sadistic at this point.

“See you in thirty minutes.” Amanda hangs up.

I walk outside and the sun has gone down completely, but hopefully the walk should begin to warm me up.

I arrive early and order for the both of us. The place is packed but I manage to grab an empty table after getting my drinks. This Starbucks stays open until midnight during the week. I guess New Yorkers drink their coffee at all hours. 

I look up from my phone and see Amanda walk in and I wave for her to come over. “Ooohh you got me my favorite. Thank you sweetie.”

Amanda puts her purse down and takes off her jacket and light scarf.

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting you when I called,” I ask her.

She takes a sip of her drink and sits down. “No, not really. Sunday is my day to chill. I’m actually glad you called because I haven’t been out of my apartment today.”

Amanda’s cheeks are rosy and she looks pretty with very little makeup on. She’s one of these girls with natural beauty… young and wholesome with little effort.

She takes another sip of her double latte. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to drag it out of you?” Her voice then shifts to a more serious tone. “So she’s finally beginning to suspect.”

“Yes. And again, I apologize that you had to listen to that crap.”

Amanda shakes her head. “Oh, don’t worry, I got a kick out of it actually. Wouldn’t it have been fun to record it?”

I smile when I think of the two of us with our ears to the phone listening to Maria ranting and raving.

Finally, I blurt out. “Logan and I finally did it.”

Amanda becomes wide-eyed and grins. “Nooooo,” she says studying my face. Then she says. “Look at you, your blushing.”

Now I feel embarrassed all of a sudden. Although, I shouldn’t because I don’t regret a single moment of it and I’d do it again if I had to do it all over. I add, “And I also told Logan I’m ready to see a lawyer about a divorce.”

Amanda high fives me and says “Yes!” Then she tells me, “For what you’ve just been through, you look happy now talking about this.”

She takes my hand and squeezes it. “I like seeing you this way.”

It’s so nice to have that sort of encouragement from a female. I lucked out when Amanda came to work for me. It comforts me to know that I can choose people like Logan and Amanda in my life and not everyone is like Wyatt and Maria.

If I’m honest with myself, I was apprehensive about marrying Maria. I never had that special feeling with Maria like I do with Logan. Yet, Mr. Conformity me just went along and did what I was told to do… I had to look good and play the part.

Getting back to Amanda’s question about Maria suspecting, I tell her. “She definitely suspects now. I was gone all afternoon today and I told her I was jogging.” I begin to laugh myself when I say. “For five hours!”

It sounds so absurd to me now that I think of it. Amanda puts her hand to her mouth and giggles, then says. “oops.” 

“She accused me of having an affair outright and told me she’s going to hire a private detective to follow me around. She said that she’s going to use her connections to get to the bottom of it.”

Amanda rolls her eyes. “Yeah, her scary connections. You’d better be scared about that Andrew.”

I laugh, but now want to bring up what I’ve been thinking about since I left the apartment. I ask. “Do you think I could ever keep my career at ‘Lucas & Young if I have a boyfriend?”

Amanda puts her elbow on the table then her hand to her chin and shakes her head before answering. “That’s a tough one Andrew.”

She’s staring towards the ground and looks as though she’s thinking before adding. “I guess you have to ask yourself if you’re willing to give up your career.”

And there’s my conundrum in a nutshell.

I suppose there’s always a chance I could have both.

“You’re right. That’s the million dollar question I need to ask myself.” I say. But right after I said this, I’m asking myself why I’m even debating this… of course I’m going to pick Logan no matter what.

I suppose thinking and talking it through is all a part of my transformation. It’s the battle I still have in my own head of not wanting to let go that I need to work through. Maybe the best scenario isn’t having both Logan and my job… maybe other work opportunities will arise.

I tell Amanda. “My life has been changing so rapidly that there’s no knowing how I’ll feel two years or even two months from now. No, my decision is already made… I’m going to stick by Logan no matter what.”

Amanda smiles warmly. “I knew it.” She starts. “I knew the second you started talking about Logan that your decision was already made.” She takes a hold of my hand and discloses. “But I’d really miss you Andrew if you had to leave.”

Quickly, I interrupt. “Amanda, you’re not going anywhere. You’ll always be in my life no matter what. You know that don’t you?”

She nods. “Thanks. Yes, yes I do know that.”

I squeeze her hand and look into her eyes. “You have no idea how important your friendship really is to me.” Then excitedly, I say. “And I can’t wait for you to meet Logan. I think the two of you will love each other.”

Before we leave something dawns on me. I ask her. “By the way, what were you calling me about anyway?”

Suddenly her face looks surprised and she hits herself on the head with the back of her hand. “Duh, how could I forget?”

The look on her face turns serious when she looks me straight in the eyes before beginning to speak.

“I was shopping at the Columbus Circle stores yesterday and was casually strolling… window shopping you know. You wouldn’t believe who I saw together. I almost had to do a double take.”

She looks around the room and moves her head closer to me from across the table and whispers.

“Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Wyatt. He was walking with someone that wasn’t his wife and if I’m not mistaken, I could swear it was your wife.”

“I think it was Maria.”