I woke up to Kayla’s warm body spooned in front of mine, and I had about five peaceful seconds before yesterday’s hellish events came back to me.
The argument with Kayla. Quitting the frat. Pierre getting hurt. Taking him to the emergency clinic, then spending an hour at the police station filling out a report to press charges against Aaron and the others involved in stealing my dog.
Even though Jeff only saw part of it, he came with us as a witness to the burglary and animal cruelty. Pierre being a service animal—therefore worth more money than a regular pet—made things a lot worse for the offenders. And the fact that he was injured? According to the cops, it was a felony and they were looking at possible jail time if found guilty.
My gut churned when I remembered how scared I was when Pierre went missing. Finding him in that field, hurt, as he desperately tried to get to me.
It could’ve been worse.
What if I hadn’t gotten there in time? What if he’d gone the other way, out into the busy street and gotten hit by a car?
Concentrating on the feel of Kayla’s soft backside against me, I tried to shake myself from the bad thoughts I was having. I knew she was awake because she was drawing lazy circles on the palm of my hand.
And now that I was fully conscious, the throbbing around my knee was impossible to ignore.
“I really made a mess of things, huh?” My voice was rough from sleep.
She turned in my arms, her face serious. “What? No. None of this was your fault.”
“It feels like it is. It’s just—I was so busy trying to be something I’m not, I didn’t even realize what a bad situation it was until it was too late.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to join a fraternity.” Her soft voice was soothing. “You should be allowed to make friends without having to jump through a bunch of hoops.”
Logically, I knew she was right. I’d learned enough from getting bullied that I didn’t bring this on myself.
The victim is never to blame.
But that didn’t stop me from feeling guilty as fuck.
And that guilt made me think some stupid, irrational shit; I’d stayed awake for hours last night after we got back, running through future scenarios in my mind, questioning my long-term goals at McAdams.
This was supposed to be my new start.
But what if it was no different than high school? I wasn’t sure I could handle another four years of being ridiculed. What if I wasn’t cut out for college? I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life yet.
A knock sounded at the door, and I sighed.
Late last night, I’d called my parents to tell them I was using their emergency credit card for the vet bills. Of course, they had a million questions about what happened, and I told them everything. After convincing them there was no reason for them to drive here in the middle of the night, they told me they’d be coming first thing this morning.
“That’s my parents,” I told Kayla. “Get ready to see some action. I’m sure my mom is on a rampage right now. She might be little, but nothing pisses her off more than someone messing with her kids.”
Nodding, Kayla sat up, and the sheet fell to reveal her smooth thighs. She always wore a shirt to bed, but she’d stopped wearing pants. Probably because they usually ended up coming off anyway.
“Do you want me to answer the door?” Her concerned gaze dropped to my leg. When she pulled the blankets off, she lifted my gym shorts up and grimaced at the swelling.
“It looks as bad as it feels,” I said lightly, attempting to joke and tell the truth at the same time. After the night in the basement, then all the running I did, it was in bad shape and there was no point in hiding it. “But I’ll get the door. You get some pants on.”
I delivered a swift kiss to her lips, then I nearly blacked out from the pain when I swung my feet over the side of the bed.
Fuck. I couldn’t remember the last time it hurt this much, but I forced myself up anyway.
As I hobbled out to the living room, my heart clenched when I saw Pierre’s empty bed. I was used to seeing his ears perk up every time someone came over, and his absence reinforced all the guilt I’d been battling.
At the ER, the doctor confirmed my suspicions about him needing stitches. Pierre was lucky. If the cut had been any deeper, it might’ve severed a tendon, and that would’ve required surgery. As it was, he had to be sedated to repair the cuts, but his recovery time wouldn’t be too long.
He was going to be okay.
I was looking forward to bringing him home later and spoiling the shit out of him.
Since Pierre wouldn’t be able to perform his service duties during the recovery, the doctor had kindly suggested I get a replacement animal. I adamantly refused. Pierre was mine, and it would stay that way no matter what.
We’d just be gimping around together for a while.
The pounding at the door echoed again, louder this time.
I turned the knob, mentally preparing myself for the onslaught of my mom’s tears, but I was surprised to find my brother on the other side, wearing sunglasses and a scowl.
“Jimmy.” I opened the door wider. “What are you doing here? Are Mom and Dad with you?”
“They called me last night,” he explained. “I was already planning to come today after talking to you yesterday. But what the fuck, man? They kidnapped your dog?” Tossing his sunglasses to the table, he walked past me, every muscle tense under his black T-shirt. “Give me an address and names, and I’ll take care of it.”
I started to shake my head, but Kayla came out, looking cute in my T-shirt and her black yoga pants. “Oh, hey, Jimmy.”
Taking her hand in mine, I turned to Jimmy. “No violent rampages, okay? Why don’t we sit down so I can fill you in?”
“You guys sit,” Kayla said. “I’ll go get some ice.”
I got settled on the couch and Jimmy pulled one of the kitchen chairs over. Between us, my phone kept buzzing on the coffee table.
“You gonna get that?” Jimmy asked.
Shaking my head, I hit ignore. If it wasn’t my parents, I wasn’t going to answer. I had a ton of missed calls from numbers I didn’t know and several from Jeff.
I’d face all that later.
Kayla came back with a sandwich bag filled with ice, and I couldn’t contain the pained whimper when she placed it on my knee.
“Sorry,” she whispered, appearing close to tears. Bright daylight filtered in from the sliding glass door, and I could see her eyes were still a little red and puffy from crying last night.
“It’ll feel better soon,” I reassured her while reminding myself to breathe through the intense ache radiating down to my ankle and all the way up to my hip.
She dropped three anti-inflammatory pills into my palm and handed me a bottle of water. Grateful, I guzzled them down.
Jimmy cleared his throat, impatient for information, and I linked my fingers with Kayla. Relaying the story from the beginning, I started at the first day of class when I met Max, to the parties and loyalty tests, ending with the puke fest I refused to be a part of last night.
Kayla’s grip got tighter on my hand as I spoke, because most of it was stuff she hadn’t heard yet. Jimmy clenched his jaw, but stayed silent until I finished.
“I appreciate you being here for me,” I told him. “But there isn’t anything you can do. I’m pressing charges, so it’s in the hands of the law now.”
He didn’t look satisfied. “It just doesn’t seem like enough.”
I agreed with that.
My phone buzzed with a text again, and I decided to check the most recent one.
Jeff: Hey, man. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all morning.
Me: Sorry. My phone’s been blowing up. Got a lot going on right now.
Jeff: I know. Have you seen the news?
Me: No. Why?
Jeff: The stuff with Pierre led to a bunch of questions about what goes on inside the frat. Word got to the dean and he put Pi Kap on suspension, pending investigation due to zero tolerance on the no hazing policy. They might get their charter revoked.
Well.
That was something.
It would be an appropriate action against them, but it also might paint a target on my back. There was going to be a lot of outrage over this, and I might come out looking like the bad guy.
And fuck, news traveled fast. It wasn’t even 8 a.m. yet. Good thing it was Saturday and I didn’t have class. There was no way I wanted to show my face on campus. I thought I was an outcast in high school, but I’d probably made thousands of enemies overnight.
Those irrational thoughts I’d been having? This new information pushed me into full-blown panic mode.
Setting my phone down, I looked at Jimmy. “I’m glad you showed up before Mom and Dad. There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Anything.”
“Do you regret your decision to drop out of college?”
“Not even a little bit,” he responded, smiling a little. “I’m with Mackenna now, and a mechanic’s license might not be the same thing as a bachelor’s degree, but it’s what I want to do.”
“Here’s the thing… I don’t know if I can stay here,” I said, my voice heavy with regret.
Kayla’s fingers spasmed around mine and her head whipped toward me. “What do you mean?”
“I thought about it all night.” I glanced back and forth between her and Jimmy. “If I withdraw from my classes now, there won’t be a penalty. I checked online and I’m not past the cutoff date yet.”
“You’re leaving?” Her voice wobbled. “But this is your future.”
Damn. I probably should’ve mentioned this to her first before blurting it out like that. “I don’t know. It’s just an option I’m considering.”
Blinking rapidly, she stood up.
“Excuse me. I can’t be here right now.” Grabbing her purse from the kitchen table, she made a beeline for the front door.
Like hell if I was letting her leave upset again.
Standing up, the ice pack fell to the floor with a plop and I shot Jimmy a pleading look. He sent one back that said, ‘you really fucked up now.’
With my leg in bad condition, it took effort to chase Kayla outside, but I managed to catch her before she could get off my front stoop. Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I spoke softly by her ear.
“I don’t think so, baby. You need me right now, just as much as I need you. It tore me to pieces to see you drive away yesterday. It’s not happening again.”
“I just can’t handle anything else right now,” she whispered shakily. “It’s all too much.”
I knew she wasn’t only talking about last night, or even this morning. It killed me that I had no idea what was going on with her and the fact that I was only adding to her problems.
“For all our honesty, we’ve had a lot unsaid on both sides.” I planted a kiss to the top of her head. “I don’t know why you were so sad yesterday. I can’t seem to stop saying and doing the wrong things, and that makes me feel like the shittiest boyfriend ever.”
“You’re not.” She shook her head. When she turned to face me, the hurt in her eyes felt like a knife straight through my heart. “But I can’t believe you would even think about leaving.” Fat tears spilled over her eyelashes. “I just got you, Ezra. I finally got you and now you’re going away?”
“No,” I growled, frustrated. I ran a hand through my hair before gently wiping the wetness from her cheeks with my thumbs. “I was just voicing a possible solution.”
“Running away isn’t a solution.”
Her gorgeous eyes, shimmering like emeralds, glared up at me with a ferocity I admired. She was so much stronger than me, and I was reminded of the last letter she’d written over the summer. The one where she’d confessed that she continued living in Heyworth because of me. She could’ve taken the easy way out, but she didn’t.
“I don’t know how to fight this, Kayla.” Anguish made my words crack. “Kindness won’t work this time.”
Grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, she pulled me down until my forehead touched hers. “Then let me fight it with you. You’re not alone anymore.”
“Does that mean you’ll stay?”
Just then, my parents pulled up in a parking spot out front, the old blue Honda sputtering a little.
“This is a family discussion.” Kayla’s lips turned down. “I’m not sure I should be here for this.”
“You are my family.”
She opened her mouth to respond but just in case it was a denial, I swooped in for a kiss, cutting off her words. Her hands came up to the back of my head, anchoring us together as we poured all the turmoil of the last couple days into a battle of lips and tongues.
We were both breathing hard when we parted. I was very aware that my parents were probably witnessing this inappropriate display, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“Okay, I’ll stay,” she whispered. “But I’ll let you guys talk it out. I don’t want to intrude.”
“And then you’ll tell me what’s going on with you?”
She nodded. “After everyone leaves.”
Satisfied that at least one small disaster had been averted, I waved at my parents, who were awkwardly hovering by their car. Yeah, they’d definitely seen us making out.
Kayla slid an arm around my waist, allowing me to lean some of my weight on her, and I was grateful because my leg hurt like a motherfucker.
Happy to see me, my parents smiled as they neared, but they both wore concerned expressions when they saw that I was only standing on one foot.
My stomach dropped when I saw my dad was carrying my old metal cane. Years ago, after realizing it was just another prop for people to fuck with, I’d shoved it into the back of my closet and sworn I’d never use it again.
I hadn’t thought I would ever be okay with needing it, but when my dad reached us, I accepted it from him with a nod. At the retreat, we’d been specially trained during self-defense class on how to use it to our advantage to fend off an attacker, so maybe having it with me wasn’t a bad idea.
An introduction wasn’t really necessary; Kayla had already met my parents at some point, because everyone knew everyone in Heyworth. But I did it anyway, reveling in being able to call her my girlfriend.
Then Kayla stepped back so my mom could hug me. And, man, she squeezed tight.
“Are you okay?” she asked, sounding close to tears.
Glancing up at my dad’s stoic expression, I returned her hug. I wanted to tell them I was fine, but it would’ve been a lie.
So I just said, “Let’s go inside and talk. Jimmy’s here.”
That seemed to raise her spirits a bit. Having both her sons in the same place at the same time was a rare occasion now.
She took my hand like I was a little boy, and I let her because she seemed like she was two seconds away from completely losing her shit. Dad took Kayla’s spot, helping me hop into my apartment.
When we got to the living room, Jimmy vacated his chair for Mom, pulled one out for Dad, then sat on the floor opposite the couch.
Slumping onto the cushions, I propped my foot up on the coffee table and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from moaning in pain. Being able to elevate it helped, and instead of holding my hand, Kayla began massaging my thigh as she replaced the ice pack on my knee.
I grunted out a thank you.
My eyes landed on Jimmy’s disapproving stare, and a silent communication passed between us. He didn’t like what I’d said earlier, and rightly so. But I’d obviously smoothed things over with Kayla to some degree, because she was still here.
Maybe he’d be cool enough to just not mention my temporary insanity to Mom and Dad.
I hadn’t really meant what I’d said about dropping out. When it came down to it, I’d endure anything to be close to Kayla. Besides, she wasn’t wrong—running away wasn’t going to fix anything. Neither would my old turn-the-other-cheek strategy. I was in completely new territory, but as long as I had her by my side, I could face anything.
“Well, the last twenty-four hours have been pretty fucked up,” I stated bluntly, breaking the ice.
“I’d say things have been fucked up for longer than that,” Jimmy retorted.
“Language, boys,” Dad reprimanded.
Luckily, I didn’t have to rehash the entire shit storm for my parents, since I’d already told them everything on the phone last night.
I took a deep inhale, preparing to inform them of everything I’d just learned from Jeff’s texts when Jimmy spoke up.
“So, I’ve got some news,” he started, grinning at our parents. “Mackenna will probably be pissed at me for making the announcement without her, but it seems like an opportune time since you’re here. As you know, we’re getting married… But also, she’s pregnant. You’re gonna be grandparents.” His elated gaze landed on me. “And you better get used to being called Uncle Ezra.”
Silence descended over the room as we gaped at him. He and his fiancée hadn’t been together for more than a handful of months, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Impulsive and full-speed ahead was the only way Jimmy lived life.
We all started talking at once. “Are you serious?” I asked at the same time Mom shot up from her chair happily squealing, “I’m a grandma?!”
“Son. That is—I’m just—” Dad sputtered as Jimmy stood up to accept my mom’s vise-like hug.
Jimmy smirked at me over her shoulder, throwing a wink that said he’d planned the announcement on purpose to take some heat off me.
He was the best.
Congratulations were in order, and the good news lifted the somber atmosphere in the room.
The distraction didn’t last long enough, though. After Mom and Dad got over the initial shock, they asked about the due date and roughly planned out a visit to Illinois to be there for the birth.
Then everyone became quiet again as they remembered the real reason for being here. Mom and Dad settled back into their chairs and looked at me.
“So the matter to discuss is, where do we go from here?” Dad spread his hands. “Some action has to be taken.”
“And dropping out isn’t going to be one of those actions,” Jimmy stated with authority. “You need to stay in school, Uncle Ezra. God knows this kid needs a positive role model.”
So much for not throwing me under the bus.
“Dropping out?” Mom gasped, her eyes darting to me. “You’re not quitting school because of a few douchebag motherfuckers!”
Jimmy and I winced at her harsh language, and dad gave her hand a comforting squeeze. If mom was swearing, heads were about to roll.
“I’m not quitting, okay?” I sighed. “I just thought things would be different in college. This wasn’t supposed to happen here.” Hanging my head, I admitted, “I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.”
“Assholes don’t stop being assholes the minute they graduate high school,” Kayla piped up. “Some people are that way for life, and you’re going to encounter that everywhere you go.”
Dad nodded. “And that’s why we’re here to help you figure it out. What those boys did is unacceptable.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Remember when you told me you can’t control the actions of others?” Kayla butted in again, linking her fingers with mine. “Well, this is one of those times. You didn’t cause any of it.”
“Listen to your girl. She knows some stuff,” Jimmy sided with her.
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I lifted Kayla’s hand to kiss her knuckles.
She was going to let us talk it out, she’d said. Didn’t want to intrude, she’d said.
I should’ve known my girl wouldn’t be able to stay out of it, and it made me love her even more. She was my strongest ally and my best friend, even when she was disagreeing with me.
“We need to be prepared for the fallout from all this,” I warned her. “I’m probably going to have a lot of enemies here. Jeff has been texting me with updates, and Pi Kappa Epsilon is in serious trouble. I just got the most popular fraternity on campus shut down.”
“No,” she argued. “They got themselves shut down.”
“You might be right, but that’s not how the entire school will see it. They’ll see me as the guy who ruined their most beloved party house.” Despite the sadness of my words, my lips tipped up a little when I asked, “Will you still love me when I’m the most hated guy on campus?”
“Always.”
That whispered word brought me back to a moment—the exact moment I knew she was mine forever—and for a few blissful seconds, reality fell away as the love I felt for her was reflected back at me.
“Belonging isn’t a place, man,” Jimmy cut in, pointing at his chest. “It’s in here. And who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? Keep your head down, go to class, and spend time with the people who matter.”
I scoffed. “When did you get so wise?”
Smirking, he crossed his arms. “Believe it or not, flunking out of college was an educational experience. But it’s a mistake I won’t let you make.”
Dad cleared his throat. “I understand you’re out of your element right now, but college isn’t meant to feel like home. It’s a phase of life that will be over all too soon.” He stopped and tipped his head toward Kayla. “Keep the important people close to you through these passing phases. They’re the ones who will still be there when it’s over.”
He was right. They all were.
“Do I need to go to that frat house and talk to some of those boys?” Mom scowled.
Shaking my head, I said, “They’re already being dealt with. I filled out a police report last night. Apparently, the dean is pissed.”
“As he should be.” She sat up straighter. “Do I need to get in contact with him?”
“Might not be a bad idea. I’m sure he wants to talk to me, too.”
“Okay. Do you want us to get a hotel in town tonight? We can stay if you need us.”
“There’s no need for that,” I told her. “Once you talk to the dean you can go back home, and we’ll just wait for law enforcement to sort things out.”
“I called Rob last night while you were talking to the cops,” Kayla said. “He’s going to represent you for free, so don’t worry about getting a lawyer.”
Both my parents exhaled with relief, because that was one less thing they had to think about.
“Thank you,” I told her, truly grateful. “That’s a huge help.”
“Would you like us to pick Pierre up for you?” Dad frowned down at my leg. “It might be a good idea for you to rest today.”
I nodded. “That would be great.”
I would’ve liked to tell them I could handle it, but I was beginning to come to terms with my limits.
Sometimes I would have to rely on others, sit down when I take shower, use a cane, and cuddle with a body—Kayla’s body—at night. Maybe I wasn’t like everyone else, but that was okay because I had an amazing group of people who accepted me for who I am.
As I looked at the faces of my loved ones, the tightness in my chest eased. They were here for me, and they were enough.