Nervous jitters caused my hands to shake and sweat. I couldn’t wait to see Ezra for the first time in months.
Approaching the quad, I adjusted my heavy backpack and tucked an auburn strand behind my ear. A warm breeze blew, ruffling my wild hair.
I’d changed since the last time he’d seen me.
I spent the summer letting my hair go curly, lying in the sun without caring about how dark my skin got, and letting all my fucks fly out the window.
And also waiting. Lots of waiting and obsessively checking my mailbox for Ezra’s letters. I lived for his words. They lit me up, filled my heart, and made me blindingly happy.
But several letters and two phone calls were a poor substitute for the real thing.
I needed him.
He’d sent me a text last night asking to meet here after his classes and I nearly pulled a muscle from typing yes so fast.
I probably would’ve insisted on seeing him last night if it hadn’t been for needing to fill in for someone at work.
On my second day in town, I’d gotten hired at Rocky’s Bar and Grill, a popular campus restaurant and one of the only places hiring. Luckily, most students didn’t want the early morning hours, but it was fine with me because all my classes were packed into the afternoon.
This morning was my fourth time working there—the first time serving tables without someone shadowing me to make sure I didn’t mess anything up. Even though the shifts were just a short four hours, I was dead on my feet by the end of it, and I usually stank of greasy food, which wasn’t attractive.
My hair was still a little damp from the quick shower I’d taken back at my dorm, but the late-summer heat was quickly taking care of that for me.
My parents didn’t understand why I wanted a job since they were paying for everything I would need at college. I’d told them I wanted to stay busy, but that was only half of the truth.
The other part I conveniently left out? I was hiring a private investigator to find my biological parents. John and Rob never got to meet them. It was a closed adoption and the agency had been the go-between for everything. Closed, meaning the information was sealed up tight because my birth parents didn’t want to be found.
I wasn’t willing to accept that.
I wasn’t looking for a new relationship out of it; I just wanted to say thank you, face-to-face. To tell them how grateful I was that they chose John and Rob, especially when they probably had many other attractive applicants.
A man named Ethan Smith had been recommended to me in an online forum for people looking for their birth parents, and he was the best in the business. All I needed to give him was the information I knew: my birthday, the hospital where I was born, and the agency that handled the adoption.
Oh, and a thousand dollars, with five hundred upfront. I’d been saving money all summer, and I only needed a little over a hundred more to make up the difference. Honestly, it was a small price to pay if I got to meet my birth parents. If they didn’t want to see me, it would be a little devastating, but at least I would’ve tried.
I thought finding out my heritage would squash my need to know where I came from, but it didn’t.
There were other questions a DNA test couldn’t answer: Why did they give me up? Did I have my mother’s eyes? Did I have siblings out there somewhere?
My hopes were high, but skepticism kept me from getting too carried away. What if this investigator wasn’t as good as everyone said and he couldn’t find them? Plus, I had to get the money first and I was well aware that it might end up being a big waste.
And that was exactly why I wasn’t telling John and Rob. Or anyone else, for that matter. I didn’t want to jinx it and, honestly, thinking about it stressed me out, so I did my best to push it from my mind.
For now, I had something much better to focus on.
Bouncing in my Chucks, I scanned the quad for Ezra’s curly blond hair.
The large expanse of the green lawn had so many people milling about. Some sat leisurely in the grass. Others hustled about, probably trying to make it to their next class on time.
Much to my relief, the student population at McAdams was extremely diverse. I hadn’t seen this many different shades of skin since I lived in the city, and I loved it. I definitely didn’t feel out of place anymore.
My eyes landed on the biggest group out in the middle, mostly made up of girls. Actually it was all girls, except for one guy. He had a dog with him, and feminine giggles and coos emanated from the crowd as they fawned over his pet.
I rolled my eyes. Oldest pickup trick in the book.
I almost strolled right past them when the guy looked my way and blue eyes collided with mine.
Oh my God.
It was Ezra.
He was the guy with the dog.
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who’d changed. And holy shit.
His once-rounded baby face had thinned out, leaving him with to-die-for cheekbones, and manly facial hair covered his square jaw. The light blue T-shirt hugged his arms and the muscle definition of his pecs. His skin was tan, like he’d spent a good amount of time outside. And I could’ve sworn he’d grown two inches taller. Or maybe his posture was just better. He stood with his head up, shoulders back. Proud and confident.
And he had every reason to be.
The sweet boy I’d fallen in love with had turned into a man. A really sexy man.
Ezra Johnson was hot—not just in the way that I found him attractive, because I’d always thought he was cute—but in the way that every girl with ovaries and decent taste would be drawn to him.
Smirking at me, he rubbed a hand over the side of his head where the shaggy mess of curls used to hang. Gone was the adorable mop he used to hide behind. Now it was short on the sides and just a couple inches long on the top.
The ever-present flutters he caused turned into a full-on butterfly riot under my ribcage.
My hand went to my untamed hair, and suddenly the simple mascara and lip gloss look I’d been sporting seemed inadequate.
Self-consciously tugging at my yellow tank top, I frowned down at the frayed jean shorts I’d thrown on. When I looked back up, I noticed how nicely all the other girls were dressed. Their outfits ranged anywhere from night-at-the-club to Sunday-morning-church, so my simple ensemble made me feel like I’d shown up to a party underdressed.
I shook my head because I was being silly. This was Ezra. He didn’t think those superficial things were important.
Lifting my chin, I shoved all uncertainty aside as I started toward him, tuning everyone else out until he was the only person I saw. I wouldn’t let a little insecurity ruin this moment.
The closer I got, the more my excitement grew.
My footsteps quickened.
His smile stretched wider; so did mine.
And the best part? A crimson color swept over his cheeks. That adorable blushing thing he used to do hadn’t gone away.
Thank God that part of him was intact. I needed something familiar.
I was just a few feet away now and when I went to hug him, his arms wrapped around me. I let out a squeak when he picked me up, his hold tight around my waist as he buried his face in my hair.
This was the most physical contact we’d ever had and it felt amazing to finally get to embrace him. To have him hold me like he didn’t want to let go.
He inhaled against my neck and I sighed into his. His masculine scent made me dizzy. Soap, sweat, and laundry detergent.
Scraping my fingernails over the back of his head, I took advantage of the close proximity and explored his new hairstyle. I liked it. The short sides complemented the shape of his face, and if he let the top grow out just a little more, his curls might come out to play.
I tried to pull back to look at him, but he made a sound of protest while nuzzling my neck. The tip of his nose trailed under my jaw and I bit back a moan.
We were one step away from dry-humping in public. My legs were dangling below me like a ragdoll, and I was so tempted to wrap them around his waist.
But I didn’t get the chance.
Reluctantly, Ezra let me go and my painfully hard nipples rubbed over his chest as he put me down.
My feet landed on solid ground, but I couldn’t stop touching him. I ran my hands up his chest. I caressed his face, the stubble rough against my palm. His eyes closed as I brushed a finger over his bottom lip before poking at the adorable dimple on his chin.
I was practically vibrating from giddiness. Not because he’d changed, but because he didn’t shy away from me. Because he was actually letting me touch him. Because he was confident enough to allow it.
It took me a moment to realize the group of giggling girls had dispersed. Guess our PDA was a bit much. Good riddance.
“You look amazing.” My voice came out breathless. Was I seriously panting? Yes. Yes, I was.
“So do you.” He bounced one of my curls. “I love your hair like this.”
I’d always hated when people touched my hair, but not him. His attention made me feel adored and admired, not scrutinized.
“You know, you’re pretty much the only person who can get away with that. No one gets to touch my hair but you,” I told him. His wide grin made me lose my breath all over again. “And who’s this?” I glanced down at the German Shephard.
“Pierre.”
“How very sophisticated. And French.” I patted the dog on the head. He didn’t try to lick me or jump up. Just sat there, stoic, occasionally looking at Ezra. “He’s a very serious fellow.”
“Yeah. Gift from my parents. He’s a service dog,” he said quietly, like it was a secret. “He’s not on duty right now, but try telling him that.”
Curious, I cocked my head to the side. “Service dog? Like for the disabled?”
“Yes.” He clenched his jaw and the pink splotches on his cheeks got brighter.
“Well, call me jealous,” I sang playfully. “I’ve always wanted a dog, but Rob is allergic. What can Pierre do?”
Ezra smirked. “He can get me out of dorm living.”
“You’re kidding me.” My eyes went wide. Freshmen being allowed to live outside of the dorms was almost unheard of.
“Nope. I’ve got a first-floor apartment all to myself. The back patio has a great view too. You know that big grassy area south of Norman Hall?”
“Yeah! Norman Hall is my dorm.”
“My place is just on the other side of that field.”
“No way. We’re practically neighbors. I could probably spy on you from my room.” As soon as I blurted the words, I wished I could take them back.
Could I get any creepier?
Ezra just laughed like I’d told a good joke. Sure, we could go with that. Even though I was dead serious.
“You can come over any time you want,” he said. “And if my company isn’t enough to lure you over, Pierre’s got tricks up his sleeve. He can bring you water from the fridge. It’s the coolest shit I’ve ever seen. My parents wanted me to have him carry my books to class, but that would mean everyone would know…” He trailed off, glancing down at his leg, then he shrugged. “I don’t really need him for that anymore, though. Watch this.”
As he paced over to an unoccupied bench, I noticed something else that was different.
“You’re not limping.” My smile was wide and goofy as I sat down next to him.
“Told you it was better. I have trouble with it sometimes, but not like before. And I still hate my trainer’s face,” he joked lightly. “But I’ve gotta hand it to the guy. I couldn’t have done it without him. I couldn’t have done it without you either,” he admitted, blushing again.
Not knowing how to respond to such a compliment, I just stared at him. I hadn’t done anything special.
A kiss—that would be the perfect way to convey how I felt right now. I wanted to kiss him so badly my lips tingled. Just fling myself at him and kiss all over his sexy face.
But memories of the last time I tried to kiss him, and the subsequent rejection that followed, had me holding back.
Instead, I reached into the front pocket of my backpack.
“Remember when I told you I’d have a present for you since I missed your birthday? It’s nothing amazing or anything…” Pulling out the plastic sandwich baggie, I placed it in his hand. “But I decided to give the pet rocks a go after all.”
Barking out a laugh, he admired the lump covered in green glitter. When he shook it, the googly eyes I’d glued to it jiggled.
“And I made a card to go with it,” I added, giving him the small white cardstock.
He smiled as he read the simple message.
Ezra, you’re going to ROCK this year!
“This is awesome,” he said, slipping both into his pocket. “You could’ve made a killing on Etsy.”
I rolled my eyes at his very untrue statement. “I’m not sure about that, but it’s one of the few crafts I’ve done that turned out okay. You should’ve seen my kitchen, though. It was like a glitter bomb went off in there. I’m pretty sure John is still trying to get it out of the grout.”
We both laughed, and my heart felt like it was ready to burst with joy. I’d never seen Ezra this outgoing and happy.
“So what classes have you had today?” he asked.
Unfolding my schedule, I said, “Mine are just getting started. Are you done for the day?”
“Yeah.” He dug his out from the back pocket of his jeans. “I only have two classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the morning. Sociology 101 and English 101. My studio classes are long, but only on Thursdays.”
Realizing he and I had completely opposite schedules, I frowned a little. With my morning shifts at the restaurant, it would make seeing each other harder, but at least we’d have the evenings.
As I studied his four courses, I saw he was taking pottery and drawing 101 for art. Not surprising considering his major. And speaking of majors…
“I decided what I want to be when I grow up,” I told him, biting my lip.
He looked intrigued. “What’s that?”
I gestured toward my class list in his hand. “I’m taking biology and anatomy because I decided on kinesiology.”
Ezra’s eyes lit up. “Are you going to be a personal trainer?”
“Physical therapist, actually. Because of you, and people like you. I want to help.”
“I think you’d be great at that.” His warm smile was full of admiration. “And you’re lucky that you’ve got it figured out.”
I tilted my head to the side. “You don’t have it figured out?”
Shaking his head, he huffed. “Not really.”
“What about art?”
“Well, I took the scholarship because I couldn’t pass something like that up. But art is more of a hobby for me. I’m not sure I’d love it anymore if it became work, you know?”
I playfully bumped his shoulder with mine. “You could just sell all your portraits of me.”
“I would never do that,” he said vehemently. “They’re too important to me.”
Flattered, I focused on the grass at my feet.
Silence stretched between us and when I glanced up at his face, I experienced the shock of how different he was all over again. His eyes were the same though.
And those baby blues were staring at my mouth.
My lips parted, anticipation buzzing through every inch of my body. My heart hammered in my chest because it looked like he was going to kiss me.
Is this it?! Is it finally happening?
I was so ready.
It didn’t even matter that we were in the middle of the quad. I couldn’t care less about where it happened, as long as he just put me out of my misery already.
But he didn’t.
“You wanna come to a party tonight?” he asked, snapping me out of my smooching fantasies.
Surprised, my eyebrows went up. “A party? I thought that wasn’t your thing.”
He shrugged. “The president of Pi Kappa Epsilon was talking to me during sociology this morning. He invited me himself. Said it’s an exclusive thing for new members, and all girls are welcome to come.”
“I didn’t realize you wanted to join a fraternity,” I said, trying to catch up to the new guy in front of me.
“I hadn’t really given it much thought until today, but he said they’re only inviting five guys to be the first to secure a spot. Only five guys on the whole campus.” He seemed so excited about being one of the chosen ones, I couldn’t help but smile along with him. “No harm in checking it out, right?”
“It’s a good way to make new friends,” I supplied, leaving out the part about how it was probably because he was a total chick magnet now. Anyone with eyes could see that Ezra would be a good addition to any organization interested in attracting women. “I don’t have to work tonight, so I’ll be there.”
“Good.” Reaching up, he cupped my face in his hand, stroking a thumb over my cheek. “I’ll text you the time and address.”
Abruptly, he stood up.
“You’re leaving already?” I pouted.
My first class didn’t start for another thirty minutes and I’d been hoping to spend every spare second with him.
“Well, I should get Pierre home and try to finish some homework before the party,” he said, suddenly seeming distracted and disinterested.
“Oh.” I swallowed hard around the disappointment lodged in my throat. “Okay.”
“I’ll see you tonight?”
Nodding, I gave him an awkward wave. “See ya.”
I couldn’t stop myself from ogling his ass as he strode away.
Since he was no longer trying to hide behind baggy clothes, I was seeing Ezra in jeans that fit his form for the first time. And damn, he had good form. With every step, the muscles flexed and relaxed in a hypnotic dance underneath the denim, making his flesh look firm and soft at the same time.
Mixed emotions warred inside me as I blatantly stared at his bubble butt.
What the hell just happened?
I was so fucking confused. During our short conversation, he’d totally been hot one second and cold the next.
Over the summer, I’d memorized every word of his letters. He’d even signed one with the word ‘Love’ at the bottom. The rational part of me knew it could’ve just been a general way of ending a letter—people did that, and it didn’t mean anything special.
But he’d said I had his heart. That I was his favorite thing in the world.
And now he seemed more excited about the party than spending time with me.
My eyebrows drew together, and a frown tugged at my lips. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I already got all that stuff out of my system in high school—the friends, the activities, the parties—and Ezra still needed to experience that phase of life.
Obviously he’d changed for the better, and I was happy for him. But the confidence I’d been feeling this morning morphed into doubt.
I remembered something John and Rob had once told me about romantic relationships: People are constantly changing, and either you evolve together or grow apart.
Sadness seeped into every cell of my body as I considered a possibility that had never entered my mind.
What if Ezra’s outward appearance wasn’t the only thing that had changed? And what if the new versions of ourselves were no longer right for each other?
Forcing myself off the bench, I trudged in the opposite direction to my first class.