“Dude, you look like hell,” Eddie yelled at me as he stumbled through my door unannounced, not even bothering to knock. Jinxy bounced down from the back of the couch. She should be used to Eddie’s sudden arrivals by now, but even this took her by surprise.

He was right, though. I looked like complete shit. I also felt like complete shit.

I’d been staring at a blank computer screen for hours now. It was frustrating the fuck right out of me. Bang! went one of my cupboard doors, then another. Silently, I wished him luck with finding any sustenance at all in this place. All I’d been inspired to do lately was lie in bed, staring at my water-stained ceiling. Trips to the grocery store just hadn’t happened.

One final wham and Eddie stomped over to my desk, hands on his hips. “What gives? There’s nothing to eat. Where’s all of your food?” I was tempted to tell him it was in his gut, but I refrained.

Instead, I gawked up at his crazy bedhead—Ed always had crazy bedhead, the man spent a lot of time napping. “I haven’t been to the store in a while, but I’m happy to give you directions if you’d like to go.” I knew I was being an asshole. The sleep deprivation drove me insane. Anytime I did go out, I kept seeing Vivienne everywhere.

Obviously, it wasn’t her. It was never fucking her. But still, I saw her everywhere. My dreams were torment and torture. Vivienne starred in each one. So beautiful, I couldn’t stand not touching her. Whenever I reached out, she disappeared. I woke up each time in a cold sweat, wanting her so much it killed me.

How I continued desiring someone who betrayed me, I’d never understand. She cut me deep with her actions and I hated her for it. The constant yearning for her that burned inside me controlled my every thought, even in my dreams.

It was over. I knew that in my head. We were over. I continually repeated that all day long. Nothing seemed to help. So many times I’d reached for my phone to call her, just to hear her voice one more time. There was nothing she could say to rectify what she’d done. Even if she promised to leave that douche, I’d still never be able to trust her again.

I didn’t call. I didn’t text. I just sat here, missing her so bad it hurt. The constant ache in my chest hurt so bad sometimes, it was all I could do to breathe.

“What the hell? You need to get out from these four walls. You’re starting to go bat-shit. Three weeks like this is too much, man,” he said, throwing his arms out. He was right, but I really didn’t give two fucks. “Go shower and we’ll get out of here for a while.”

“What I need is sleep. But thanks for the invitation, man. I really appreciate it. Maybe tomorrow night?” Tomorrow night sounded so fucking far away.

I ran my hands through my greasy hair. “I’ve got too much going on. I can’t go out right now.” It was a total lie, but I just needed him to get off my ass.

“I’m straight and everything, but I’m confident enough in my manhood to tell you that you’re a good-looking guy,” he said, hands on his hips.

“Uh, thanks?” I questioned, not knowing where he was going with his odd flattery. I was good-looking and I’d used it to my advantage whenever I could. I just didn’t know what his point was.

“You’re welcome. But you look and smell like a skanky homeless dude right now. You need to get your ass in the shower before this becomes a way of life. I’ve seen shows on TV about this shit. People like you get used to living the way they’re living and then they never leave their apartments again. Like ever. Their skin starts to fuse with the couch and the firefighters have to cut a hole in the wall to get them out. Then they have to go to the hospital to have their couch surgically removed from their ass.”

“That sounds painful, Eddie,” I responded, trying my best not to laugh. He looked so fucking sincere and worried I didn’t want to poke fun at him.

“It is, and it’s painful for the people around them who are watching them grow into their couches. You need to stop this craziness and get in the shower,” he said, pointing toward my tiny bathroom. He was right about that, too. I could barely stand to be in the same room with myself right now. But the bathroom was like six feet away. It took a ton of effort to not only get in the shower, but use all the soaps and razors and things.

It was easier just to sit here, staring at my nightmare of a white screen. No effort needed there. Nope.

“I’ve got shit to do. I told you,” I said as I leaned forward, putting my head in my hands. It was taking up too much of my strength to hold my head up.

He slunk around behind me. “Yeah, I see you’ve done a bunch of work today so far. Save all that and you can get right back to it after you shower.” Condescending bastard. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ll even take you out for something to eat. I’m fucking starved. How can you live like this?”

Wow, now this right here was a momentous occasion. Someone needed to build a statue or proclaim a national holiday. Eddie had not once in the year and a half that I’d known him so much as offered to buy me a bag of chips, let alone an entire meal. I must be in worse shape than I thought.

Inconspicuously, I lifted up one butt cheek to make sure I hadn’t fused to the seat beneath me. Nope, I was still good.