14. One Call Away

Katherine

 

“Ola!” Alice sings, pushing past the door of my apartment with Danielle on her heels.

“Alice,” I sigh, “you’re not Spanish.”

“Jesus, who died in here?” Danielle comments, taking in the current state of my apartment.

“What are you guys doing here?” I ask, grabbing the stack of plates from my coffee table and walking them over to the sink.

“Well, at least she’s been eating.” Danielle looks at Alice with a raised eyebrow.

Alice agrees, removing a t-shirt from the arm of the couch by her fingertips and looking at it in utter disgust, like she’s afraid it might suddenly give her cooties. “Seriously, this is worse than the state of Danielle’s condo during her drunken binge.”

“Hey!” Danielle exclaims, folding her arms across her chest.

“What are you guys doing here?” I repeat.

Danielle uncrosses her arms and moves towards me. “We’re pulling best friend duty.”

“Yup, so march that perky ass of yours to the shower while we attempt to dig your apartment out from under this mess.”

“Look, guys, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I don’t feel like going anywhere today and neither do I feel like sharing, so you’re wasting your time.”

“That’s good because we didn’t plan on going anywhere. We’re staying in, ordering pizza, and watching sexy Derek Morgan chase down bad guys,” Alice grins.

“And you’re not going to ask about Jay?” I ask, raising an eyebrow skeptically at my two best girlfriends.

“Not unless you start the conversation,” Danielle reassures me.

“Fine, you win. I’ll go shower.”

“Thank fuck,” Alice mutters right before I close the bathroom door.

As the warm water runs down my body, I’m helpless to prevent the memories of Jay in my apartment from invading. A close up of his smiling emeralds and cocky smirk appear before my closed eyes. I sigh remembering the way his hands felt on my body. Remembering the way feeling his warm breath on my skin would cause goose bumps to appear, and the way he would follow them with his tongue from my collarbone all the way down to my stomach before placing open-mouthed kisses on my hips. The way he would worship all my curves, placing kisses on all the places of my body I was embarrassed about or didn’t like.

The feel of my hand skimming down my stomach rouses me from the trance created by the onslaught of memories and reality crashes in. And the reality is, I'm being a coward and I regret telling him that night was a mistake. Reality also includes finding out Jay re-enlisted in the military, learning that my father passed away only to receive a letter the following week that he wrote when he found out he was dying, and getting answers to some of my questions about my childhood but knowing it was too late. And finally, I’m crushed by the memory of the look on Jay’s face when I walked away from him at Danielle and Parker’s place.

I lean the back of my head against the wet tile, tears roll down my face as everything in my mind goes silent except for one word.

Jason.

I have been such a fucking coward. I thought I could be happy without him, that maybe he wasn’t my future because I was too fucking scared to admit the truth. The truth is, I have always been in love with my best friend. Our friendship happened fast. From the minute we met at Gotcha’s when Danielle, Alice and I first moved to Oceanview, our friendship was almost instantaneous. It started as after work drinks and hanging out when the six of us would get together for barbeques, pub nights, or for one of Bella’s hockey games, and it morphed into weekend hikes and camping trips, road trips that lead nowhere, late night phone calls and random text messages. Soon we were constantly texting or calling each other, and if we weren’t then we were together.

I don’t know when it happened but like I told him, somewhere along the line I fell in love with my best friend and that scared the ever-living shit out of me. I didn’t know how to love someone and I sure as heck didn’t know how to accept someone’s love. When I finally got up the courage to tell him, I didn’t even give him a chance to respond. I just tucked my tail between my legs and ran like a bat out of hell.

And now…well now he was god knows where for god knows how long. I missed my chance at something real because of fear.

The stupid bitch.

Jay never stopped believing in us for one minute. Even when I drove him crazy. Even when I called him a mistake.

He never gave up.

But he did finally give up though, didn’t he? Because if he hadn’t given up he would have never re-enlisted. He would’ve shown up at my door sometime during this past week. He would still be here fighting for us. But he wasn’t. And I didn’t know if he ever would be again.

“Well, shit. I didn’t think it was possible, but you look worse than when we sent you in there,” Alice comments when I finally make my way back out into the living room.

“Ha-ha, very funny. Please tell me pizza is on its way,” I prod, slumping back down on the couch and throwing the heated blanket over my yoga pants clad legs.

I hate to admit it, but the two of them did a bang up job of cleaning my apartment. I would’ve gotten to it…eventually. It was just that I had zero energy this past week. This pregnancy has been kicking my ass and add regret over letting him go on top of that and it wasn’t a priority on my list of things to do, which is not like me. I become a clean freak when I have too much on my mind and need to work through some things, but not this time. Cleaning just reminded me of the last time I went nuts on a cleaning spree. It was the same night Jay and I had slept together again.

Yes, I know that’s a lame excuse but I’m sticking with it.

“One pineapple and one pepperoni are on their way,” Danielle says, sticking her feet under the opposite side of the blanket.

“Good, I’m starving,” I reply, reaching for the remote and turning on the TV.

“Eating for two already?” Alice quips handing Danielle and I each a virgin strawberry daquiri.

Alice and Danielle laugh when I level Alice with my best death glare and give her the finger.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Kat?” Dani asks, taking a sip of her drink.

“I miss Jay,” I sigh, leaning further into the back of the couch and propping my feet up on the coffee table.

Danielle grins and squeezes my hand. “You never heard this from us, but he never re-enlisted.”

“What do you mean he never re-enlisted?”

“He never got on that plane, Kat. He’s been in town this whole time.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

I sound like a broken record.

“Because you told him you needed some time alone.” Alice settles back in the recliner. “He was just respecting your wishes. He figured that when you were ready you would find a way to reach out to him.”

My hands fly to my temples and I dig my fingers into them, massaging tiny circles while shutting my eyes. I feel like my head is spinning with all this new information.

He put his career on the line for me and never asked for anything in return. And then finding out that he never re-joined his old team because of me. It is too much. I feel the pressure building up inside of me, about to explode.

Then it detonates.

What am I still doing sitting here? The man I love risked not only his career in the police department but also gave up re-enlisting in the military for me. He fought to defend me against someone who didn’t think twice about ruining my life. He was not only willing to put my happiness before his but he was willing to put his life on hold for me. I was a fucking idiot living with blinders on.

Until now.

He pays attention to me, he knows when something is bothering me and if I want to talk about or not. He knows just what to say to make me want to talk. He listens to me and doesn’t complain when I go off on one of my rants about dolphins, or orcas, or animal captivity. He doesn’t think I’m crazy for believing that they deserve as much respect as any human does. He doesn’t think that my passion is stupid.

He gets it. He gets me.

Suddenly, I don’t care that it is raining like crazy outside. I need to find him and apologize and grovel and hope to god that he still loves me enough to forgive me and give us a chance.

The minute I jump up from the couch in my realization and resolve to find him, I know something isn’t right. As soon as I stand up straight, I almost immediately double-over in pain. The cramps are sudden and unbearable. And there is blood, I see so much blood when I glance down right before the room spins and goes black. The last thing I hear are Dani and Alice yelling my name before my body is in a free fall.