9. My Way

Jason

 

Morning light streams through the open curtains of Kat’s bedroom windows and I groan as I turn my head to see the time on my phone read 7 a.m. If my body would cooperate I could get at least another two hours of sleep in before the alarm goes off but there’s a fat chance of that happening. I haven’t slept passed seven in what feels like years.

The smell of bacon and freshly brewed coffee invade my senses around the same time I realize that Kat is no longer sleeping beside me.

I’m just pulling up my jeans over my boxers when her phone pings from atop of her nightstand across the room.

David: Need you to accompany me to a business dinner tonight.

My skin prickles with anger and frustration. After pulling my shirt over my head, I head out to find her in the kitchen standing over a pan of sizzling bacon.

“Coffee’s ready,” she throws over her shoulder.

I don’t say anything while I grab a cup and add cream. I try to act casual when I take a seat at the counter and place her phone face up on the counter top.

“David texted you.”

Her back straightens and her shoulders square when I mention his name. For a minute, I think she’s not going to face me, that maybe she’ll just pretend not to have heard me and carry on with making breakfast. But then she looks up at me, uncertainty in her eyes.

“It’s a business dinner.”

“Kat.” My voice comes out sounding as more of a warning than I wanted.

Her body stiffens when I move from my seat and walk towards her as I watch all the emotions flash across her eyes and play out on her face: fear, uncertainty, and lastly, regret.

“Jay, I – “

“You’re going back to work for him,” I guess correctly.

“I-I…” she drops her head, “Yes.”

My thumb gently caresses her cheek. “Don’t.”

She pushes my hand away and steps around me, walking out of the kitchen and into her living room before spinning around to face me. “It was a mistake leaving the office like I did the other day. I don’t even know what I overheard. It could be nothing.” She pauses, her hand motioning between us. “And this…was a mistake too.”

“This wasn’t a mistake,” I refute.

Kat crosses her arms over her chest and I recognize it as the same move she does when the walls around her slam shut. I’ve seen that look a thousand times but it was never directed at me. Before now.

“He tried to hurt you, Kat.”

She shakes her head then shrugs her shoulders. “And he apologized. HR seems to think it won’t happen again.”

“I don’t buy it.” I try to move toward her but for every step forward I take, she takes one back.

“Jay, this job means a lot to me. I’m not even sure of what I overheard in his office, and HR already knows about the assault. I would just like to move on from all of this.”

When tears start pooling in her eyes and she refuses to meet my gaze, I retreat, grabbing my leather jacket from the back of her couch and my helmet from her coffee table.

“Jason,” I hear her whisper behind me when I reach the front door.

“If he hurts you again I’ll kill him,” I state before closing the door behind me and jumping on my Ducati.

Twenty minutes later I’m parking my bike next to Parker’s identical one in Mike’s driveway.

“Hey! Didn’t think you were coming,” Mike comments when I walk into his kitchen.

“Change of plans,” I reply, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of Heineken. I down the contents of the bottle and pop open another one before turning to them.

When I look up, Parker has an eyebrow raised but doesn’t say anything. Thank god. The last thing I need is the two of them throwing questions at me about Kat.

“You guys want to head to Gotcha’s tonight?” I ask, raising the bottle to my lips.

“Mark and Cole were already heading there tonight. I’ll let them know we’ll meet them,” Mike responds, pulling out his phone.

Mark and Cole are also part of our Emergency Response Teams, and the only two the three of us have hung out with outside of work in the last year.

“You in?” I tip my chin towards Parker.

“Dani and I have a babysitter for tonight. It’s date night,” Parker responds taking another mouthful of his beer. “But she might want to go out after dinner,” he adds.

I nod and finish my beer. “I’m heading to the range for a bit. Got a new assault rifle calling my name.” Grabbing my keys, I go to make my way back to the front door when Mike yells from behind me.

“Dude, what the fuck? Did you just come to drink my beer?”

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes. It shouldn’t be this fun to fuck with him. “It was good beer.”

Parker’s laugh from the kitchen only makes me want to laugh harder. The three of us have known each other since kindergarten and Mike has always been the one to get riled up so damn easily. He’s always been the hot-headed one. It doesn’t matter where we are, he somehow manages to get into an argument with somebody. Case in point, when Parker was in the hospital and Dani’s psycho ex kidnapped her, Mike got into an argument with Alice over an action film.

Yup, you heard that right folks - an action film!

But he and Parker are like brothers to me, so it’s my duty as the oldest one to press as many of their buttons as possible. I’m afraid that Mike might break a tooth with the way his jaw is clenched right now so I throw my hands up. “Relax, don’t get your panties in a wad. First round’s on me tonight.”

He doesn’t respond, just turns back to the kitchen where Parker is still laughing.

 

***

 

I’m just about to load a new clip into the new 9mm I purchased when I hear her walk up behind me. I know it’s her because she’s the only one I’ve brought up here.

“Shouldn’t you be at a dinner date?”

“It’s a business dinner, and that’s not til later.”

I can tell she’s hesitant to come any closer when I have the gun in my hand, so I slip the safety on and holster it before turning my full attention to her.

“Jay…” she starts but I cut her off.

“You don’t have to explain.”

“You scare me,” she blurts out and then hurries to explain when she sees the hurt and confused look on my face. “This scares me,” she gestures between the two of us.

“Kat –“

“You’re my best friend, Jason. I don’t think I could forgive myself if anything happened and I lost you.”

I’m unable to stop myself anymore. I walk over to her, place my palms on either side of her face and kiss her. I kiss her like my life depends on it. I put everything into the kiss and when we finally pull apart, our breaths are heavy and her lips are swollen.

“You could never lose me.” I rest my forehead against hers and just stare into her amber eyes.

Her hands come up to grip my wrists, gently tugging my hands away from her face as she takes a step back, a tear rolling down her face.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Jason.” Her eyes hesitantly look up at mine before she turns and bolts back the way she came.

“Fuck!”

Foregoing the 9mm, I reach down and pick up the new assault rifle I’m supposed to be trying out for the team.

 

katherine

The club is packed when we arrive, which really shouldn’t shock me as much as it does. It’s one of the few clubs in this city that plays good music. I love the DJ here. The music he plays is easy to let myself get lost in and that’s exactly what I need right now.

The “business dinner” with David turned out to be just dinner. There was no business involved. He lied to lure me into meeting him. As soon as I found out that there wasn’t a business aspect to it, I turned around and left. I never even sat down.

I missed Jay, even though I had seen him early today. I missed his touch. I missed hearing his voice. Hearing his voice was like sipping a fine wine in a hot bubble bath after a long day. But it was more than that. So much more than that. I could lay in a dark room for hours and just let the sound of his voice wash over me. It’s authoritative, demanding, and yet extremely arousing. And as much as I said that whatever was happening between us was a mistake, it wasn’t.

But there was no way that we could be together.

Jason wanted a family, he wanted to marry the perfect girl and have kids. And I…I just couldn’t be that for him. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want to chance that I would turn out exactly like my mother; I could never subject a child to that abuse. So as much as it sucked to hurt him like I know I did, I needed to keep it strictly friends between us.

Or I could be overthinking things again and getting way too deep inside my own head. I’m supposed to be enjoying the night. As soon as I left the restaurant, I called Alice and she insisted that I come out with her tonight. Not wanting to waste a decent outfit, I agreed.

“Come on, first round is on me,” Alice yells over the music, grabbing my hand and leading us around the crowded dance floor and over to the bar.

“No tequila,” I try to yell back but she doesn’t hear me or she’s choosing to ignore me because the next thing I know the bartender is placing a bowl of limes in front of us, a salt shaker, and two shots of tequila. “Alice…” I groan.

“Oh, come on. One tequila shot won’t kill you. And plus, Jason’s not here so you’re in the clear,” she smirks before licking the salt off the top of her hand and slamming back the shot.

She’s got a point. Jason isn’t here so I should be okay. As long as she does her best friend duty and doesn’t let me around any hot guy. Just as I pop the lime in my mouth after slamming back my own shot, a tall figure walks up and stops in the middle of Alice and me.

Ah, fuck.

“Fancy seeing you ladies here,” Mike grins. Jason is behind him.

“Buy a girl a drink?” Alice bats her eyelashes at Mike and runs one dark painted finger nail down the center of his chest. It’s almost comical the way Mike puffs out his chest when she does that. But he doesn’t hesitate to pull out his wallet and throw a fifty on the bar motioning to the bartender for six more shots.

“Um, I’m good,” I stammer looking from Jay to Alice.

“Just one shot,” Alice pouts, handing me another shot from the ones the bartender just poured.

“Fine,” I sigh taking the shot from her, “but you better pull best friend duty,” I add.

“Deal,” Alice grins just as Parker and Danielle walk up and Mike hands them their shots.

I’ve already got a good buzz going on after that second shot when Alice grabs Danielle and me by the hand and leads us onto the dance floor just as the DJ plays the Tiesto remix of Calvin Harris’ “My Way.” It doesn’t take long for the beat to take over my body; it never does when it comes to Calvin Harris.

This right here, dancing like no one is watching with my two best girlfriends, is what I needed. Except, that’s total bullshit because someone is watching. And his intense emerald eyes on me makes me want to roll my hips a little slower and dip a little lower.

And then the shame and the guilt set in, making my feet falter. I know I shouldn’t be teasing him like this especially after my whole speech about wanting to keep it strictly friends.

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” I yell in Alice’s ear.

 

Jason

Watching the way Kat slowly rolls her hips from side to side is driving me fucking crazy. All I can think of is the way those hips bucked when she came undone under me, and the way she moaned my name in that melodious voice.

I know I shouldn’t follow her outside but I can’t help it. I’m fucking drawn to this woman. There may as well be a magnetic pull drawing us together. As much I’d like to, I can’t get her out of my head.

When I make it outside, Kat is holding up the brick wall with her back, her head leaning back against it. Her arms are wrapped around her middle and her breathing is heavy.

Every protective instinct in my body goes on high alert at the sight. But as soon as she turns her head and sees me, she immediately drops her arms and straightens away from the wall.

“You okay?” I ask, slowly approaching her.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Kat, you can cut the façade. You forget that I know you better than anyone else.” I prop one booted foot up against the same wall and lean my upper back against it and wait her out.

It doesn’t take long.

“I’m sorry, Jay,” she sighs leaning back against the wall next to me.

“For what?”

“For this back and forth bullshit. For ruining our friendship.”

I straighten off the wall and turn towards her. There’s guilt and regret swimming behind those amber eyes but the instant my eyes connect with hers I know what I need to do.

I should never have made her feel like I wanted more or nothing at all. Now I see that if I really love her the way I’m convinced I do then I have to step away and let her be happy, even if that happiness is not with me.

If you love something set it free, and all that bullshit.

I reach out and curl my hand around the back of her neck, caressing the side of her face with my thumb. “You didn’t ruin our friendship, Kat. And I’m the one who needs to apologize.”

Her fingers wrap around my hand on her neck as she looks up at me. “Jay…”

I shake my head but refuse to drop my hand just yet. “I’m taking a step back, Kat. I’ll go back to being the best friend and I’ll support you in whatever you need. This is what I should’ve done from the beginning but I was selfish. I wanted you to myself. But I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you at all. Just answer me one thing.”

“Okay.”

“Are you happy?”

There’s a saying that says that the eyes are the windows to the soul, that all of what we’re feeling and thinking can be seen reflected in them. There’s so much expression in the eyes and each are unique to the individual. I always believed that when it came to Katherine. From the minute we met, I could tell what she was feeling or thinking from the way her eyes would change color. This time isn’t any different. When she answered that she is happy, I know she is lying. What I see behind those eyes is the opposite of wanting to keep things friendly. But I already agreed to take a step back so I will.

But if I am going to give her up then I am going to give us one more night for the memory banks. “Come on. They’re playing our song.” I slip my hand in hers and tug her towards me.

 

Katherine

 

He’s staring at my lips when I finally get up the courage to look at him. His emerald eyes darken when his hand runs up my inner thigh and goose bumps appear all over my skin. My breath hitches when he leans in, his hand leaving my thigh and cupping my neck.

The alcohol from the tequila makes my head buzz and my skin heat when he’s close enough I can feel his breath on my lips. But he doesn’t move any closer. He pauses, his eyes searching mine for any reason why he shouldn’t continue this.

I want to tell him that we shouldn’t cross this line again, but to hell with it. I want him. I wanted to jump him when we were standing outside of the club and he asked me if I was happy. Then I wanted to jump him again in the cab ride over to my place. He was only supposed to drop me off, but he somehow ended up coming inside with me.

This man is just too intoxicating and I can’t deny that I want to taste him tonight, even if it means beating myself up about it tomorrow.

When he realizes that I’m not going to tell him no, his lips brush mine. His tongue traces the seam between my top and bottom lip and I open for him.

The kiss is soft at first but gets more hot and demanding the longer our lips are locked. He lays me down on the couch and his body towers over mine. With one hand he explores every inch of my body he can reach while leaning on his other forearm keeping himself from overwhelming me with his weight.

My legs instinctively wrap around his waist and my hips lift trying to create more friction. I moan when I feel him already hard behind his zipper.

His hand caresses down my side to the hem of my skirt where it slips under and moves up to squeeze my ass cheek, lifting me higher. I am so very grateful that I had chosen to wear my new sapphire blue satin thong and matching bra today rather than the old mismatched sets I usually wear.

Gentlemen, if the woman you’re about to sleep with is wearing matching underwear. You weren’t the one who decided to get laid. Just saying, she probably had it already planned.

However, in this case. I really wasn’t planning on this. I was just really excited to break out my new Victoria’s Secret underwear and no lines showed under the skirt I had chosen to wear. It was either that or go commando.

Going commando was only hot when you were trying to torture the man you’re with with images of sex and to watch him squirm for hours until he’s able to get home to you.

His fingers dip beneath my thong and all thoughts leave when he starts rubbing circles on my clit. The back of my head pushes into the arm of the couch, and my back arches up in an attempt to get closer to the edge. I know I’m not going to last long, especially if he keeps up this steady assault of his mouth on my skin and fingers on my clit.

“Jesus, I’m going to come just from hearing you moan like that,” he breathes in my ear.

And that’s all I need to tumble over the edge. I come hard, squeezing my legs closed around his hand and my eyes shut. I don’t open them until I hear him chuckle.

“What?” I can feel my cheeks start to heat.

“You’re sexy when you come.” He moves to let me up.

“Do you want me to, um, you know?” I raise an eyebrow and glance at the impressive bulge in his pants.

Jay grins, places a kiss on my forehead and then leaves. Leaving me standing in the middle of my living room utterly confused, and drunk.

 

***

 

“No, no, no.”

This can’t be happening. It’s a dream. It has to be. I’m going to wake up in my bed and it would’ve all just been dream.

But as I stare down at the two pink little lines, I know it’s not a dream. Two pink and blue lines stare up at me from seven different pregnancy tests.

Seven.

I figured there was something wrong with the first one, so I rushed out to the drug store down the street and bought six more. But they all say what I’ve been trying to avoid.

Pregnant.

I’m pregnant with my best friend’s baby.