15. Sometimes I Pray

JASON

 

The back tires of my truck slide as I turn the corner onto the street the hospital is located on. The Toyota Tundra corrects itself almost within inches of hitting the oncoming Mazda. I know I’m going too fast for the freezing rain that’s currently falling, but I couldn’t give a damn right now.

As soon as I got the call from Parker, I was in the truck and racing down the highway. It didn’t hurt that I had the siren going; the other drivers probably just figured I was in one of the RCMP’s undercover vehicles and gave me the right of way.

Tires squealing, I pull into the emergency parking lot, throw the truck in park and jump out. I’ll figure out parking later. They could tow it for all I care. My only concern right now is getting to Kat.

Mike pushes through the emergency room entrance, making his way towards me. “Parker’s in the waiting room. I’ll take care of your parking pass.” He pats my shoulder reassuringly before I take off running down the long hallway.

I have no idea what happened to her. All I know is that Dani called Parker in tears telling him he needed to find me because something had happened to Kat. But the scene that greets me when I turn the corner into the waiting room has my heart stopping. Parker is consoling a crying Danielle. And Alice, the girl who never cries and who doesn’t let anything get to her, has mascara streaked tears running down her cheeks.

Oh god.

“Where is she?” My breathing sounds labored and I don’t know if it’s due to running through the hospital like a madman or because I had to consciously remind myself to breathe.

Parker slowly disentangles himself from Danielle and stands to greet me. “Dr. Reynolds is with her now.”

“What happened?”

New sobs sound from behind him.

“Jay, you might want to sit down, man.”

“Just tell me, Parker. What happened to Kat?”

“He’s right, Jay. You need to sit down for this,” Mike adds, walking in behind me.

“Fine.” I sit in the first open seat next to Danielle. “Now, can someone please tell me what the hell is going on with my girl?”

Parker runs a hand through his hair and Mike nervously tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans. What the hell? Their actions are starting to piss me off. I haven’t allowed myself to think the worst and overreact until I knew for sure what had happened. But seeing the way these two are acting has me wanting to search every inch of this hospital until I find her.

“Jay,” Parker rubs the back of his neck before dropping his hand and meeting my eyes, “they said it looks like she may have had a miscarriage.”

He was right, I did need to be sitting because if I were standing right now, my knees would’ve given out. As it is, I have a hard time breathing, or processing what he just said.

My baby. Our baby.

My head drops to between my legs and I’m struggling to take deep breaths as the weight of what he just said crashes in on me.

Kat lost our baby.

A pair of black leather dress shoes appear in my field of vision and when I follow them up, Dr. Reynolds is looking directly at me, concern lacing his eyes. Parker, Mike, and I grew up knowing him as part of our families. Sam Reynolds grew up with and went to school with our fathers. So, even though we aren’t related by blood, the three of us still consider him family. He and his wife never had kids but the three of us kept the Reynolds on their toes just as much as we did our own parents.

“Jason.” He pats my knee lowering himself down into the chair next to mine.

“How is she?”

“Physically, she’ll be okay. Mentally, it’s going to take a while for her to heal from this. You need to be there for her, Jason, now more than ever. Even when she retreats into herself.”

I crane my head up to look at him. “I always was, doc.”

A small smile appears on his face. “You’ve been in love with her for a long time.”

I shake my head sitting back up in my seat and running my palms down my thighs. “A year is hardly that long.”

A small chuckle sounds from his throat, “You fell in love with her the minute you met her that night a couple years ago. Donna and I could see it in your face when you came for dinner the next day. Tyler and Mae knew it too.” Sam pushes his hands into his knees as he stands up again. It didn’t surprise me that these people knew I was in love before I did.

“Don’t give up on her, Jason. She’s still sleeping but you can go see her now. Room 3A.” Just as quickly as he appeared, he disappears around the corner and heads off to another patient.

“Let’s go,” Parker claps me on the back and inclines his head in the direction of Kat’s room.

She looks so peaceful in her sleep but I know that can’t be further from the truth. I can’t imagine what she’s going through now or what she’ll have to experience from here on out. I can’t begin to put myself in her shoes right now, to know that you were pregnant and about to be a mom in one minute to having that taken from you in the next.

I gently slip my hand under hers so as not to wake her and not disrupt the IV. Sam’s right. She’s going to need me now more than ever. Even when she denies it and withdraws into herself. If there was ever a time that I had to show just how much I love this woman and just how much I would fight for her and stand by her, now was that time.

I didn’t care if after this, she decided that she still didn’t want to be with me. As long as I knew that she was healthy and safe and happy, then I could walk away.

I would walk away if it means her happiness.

Smith said my position on the team was always open whenever I decided to re-enlist. If I had to walk away from Kat, I don’t think I could stand by and watch her with anyone else; it would hurt to see the woman I love fall in love with another man. At that point, I will board the plane without looking back.

 

***

 

“You need to eat something, Kat.” Alice’s voice carries through the door.

“Seriously, fuck off, Alice. I’m not eating that shit,” Kat screeches.

That’s my girl.

Kat has been home from the hospital almost a week now, but she’s confined herself to her bedroom or the couch where she watches reruns of Gilmore Girls on Netflix all day long. And when she’s not watching Netflix, she’s sleeping.

I think I’ll take hours of TV show reruns over her sleeping all day. When I first brought her home, she slept for two days straight. She barely ate anything and it was a chore to get her to at least drink water to keep herself hydrated. On the third day, Alice and Danielle came over and convinced her to get out of bed and move to the couch. So, she did. She’s been alternating between bed and the couch ever since.

“I brought cheeseburgers,” I call over my shoulder, making my way into the kitchen.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Kat groans from the couch.

“You can’t keep eating that junk food shit,” Alice says to her before turning to me, “and you have to stop enabling her.”

I shrug and paste a sheepish grin on my face. “I’m a grown man who works out five days a week. I need the protein.”

“I would literally kill for a greasy cheeseburger right now.” Kat throws her blanket off and holds out her hands for me to toss her one. She catches it effortlessly.

Alice wrinkles her nose in disgust when Kat unwraps the burger. “That’s so gross. I can smell the grease from here.” She grabs her purse from the floor and tugs on her jacket while she walks to the door. “You guys enjoy your fast food.”

“Oh, we will!” I take a huge bite out of my burger and, with my mouth full, shoot Alice a closed mouth smile.

She rolls her eyes. “So gross.”

Kat is giggling on the couch when Alice closes the door behind her. The sound is music to my ears. It’s the first time she’s laughed in over a week.

“What’d she bring you anyway?” I ask after I’ve chewed and swallowed.

“Veggie stir-fry.”

“And?”

She shakes her head, “And nothing. That’s it.”

“That’s it? No meat?”

“Nope.”

“Well, then,” I pick up the bag with the other two burgers from the counter and make my way over to her, “I think I saved the day.”

She nods and then her eyes drift close when she takes the first bite. “Bacon,” she says dreamily.

“I don’t know whether to be jealous of that bacon making you sound like that or turned on,” I tease.

“Shut up.” She playfully back-hands my chest grinning.

“Just calling it like I see it.” I hold my hands out laughing.

“Hey, want to go snowboarding this weekend? They’re expecting fresh powder on the mountain this week,” Kat says as we’re gathering all the empty burger wrappers from our meal.

“You sure you’re feeling up to it?”

She frowns, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning a hip into the kitchen counter. “I need to get out of here, Jay. Even if it’s just for a day. I’ve been cooped up here along enough.”

Soon after she woke up in the hospital, Dr. Reynolds had to deliver the heart-breaking news to her about the miscarriage. He said it was caused by insulin resistance due to her Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, or PCOS as he called it, which prevented the endometrial lining from maturing. Whatever that means. He tried explaining it again to me but it just sounded complicated.

“Then why don’t we go to Harrison Hot Springs instead. Or we could drive up to Vernon and spend the weekend at Sparkling Hill.”

She grins. “A weekend at the spa and wine tours in the Okanagan sounds like a plan.”

I shake my head, a small half grin pulling at the corner of my mouth. “Only you would find a way to add wine into the mix.”

“Damn straight.” Her grin morphs into a full smile

“Then Sparkling Hill it is. I’ll come by after work on Friday and pick you up.”