CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Brock
A week later, I swung my feet over the side of the bed. It was the first time since the fire, I felt like getting out of bed.
Two days after that, I was breathing normally again and the doctors said I could leave.
I got myself dressed. It was time to go home, but where was home? I honestly didn’t know.
I shoved all the get-well cards inside my backpack, pulled on my boots and sat in the chair by the window, waiting for my discharge papers from the nurse. If I’d learned anything from my near-death experience, it was life was short, and I wasn’t immortal, no matter how much I tried to be.
I wasn’t ready to give up my life at the age of forty-two either, nor did I want to be alone again.
Somehow, I was going to get my life back on track. Maybe there was a reason I hadn’t died with my father that day. At least that was what my therapist had said once upon a time. Maybe I should go back into therapy, take a refresher course so to speak. After that, who knows what I would do, but it was time to move on. I knew that now.
As I turned at the sound of clicking heels, expecting to see the nurse, my mouth dropped open and my heart squeezed hard inside my chest. Was I seeing things? Maybe I wasn’t ready to go home after all.
“Hello, Brock.”
I sprang to my feet and every atom in my body stood still as I turned to see the last person I expected to see standing in my hospital room, looking more beautiful than ever. “Amy…” I breathed.
“I’m glad I caught you, They said you were going home today.”
So many things were going through my head. I love you. I was a fool. Take me back. But I said none of those things. I simply stared at her, my heart doing flip flops, hands in my pockets.
“How are you, Brock?”
“Can’t complain.”
Can’t complain
She appeared as nervous as I was, with beads of sweat dappling her forehead holding a bouquet of lavender orchids as those perfect white teeth captured her bottom lip.
“They also said you weren’t a firefighter anymore or uh…you were going on leave…or…or something like that.” She shoved the flowers at me. “Anyway, I came to say thank you.”
I was still staring at her, in shock. Not really knowing what to say. What to do.
“Thanks,” I said, placing them in the top of my backpack. I chuckled softly. “No woman has ever given me flowers before.”
She smiled a soft sensual smile. The kind that always made my cock pulse.
“You cut your hair,” I said. She’d always pulled it back in a pony tail making her look younger. Now I saw soft waves on the ends and it shone like the sun. She looked older, more sophisticated.
She raked her hair with the ends of her fingertips.
I wanted to touch it too.
It was a simple thing, but my breath stopped just thinking about touching any part of her.
“Yeah. I’m going back to school and I didn’t want to fuss with it while I’m studying.” I smiled, but my heart sank a bit, knowing the school was likely out of state and I’d likely never see her again. I tried to sound cheerful.
“That’s terrific, babe…I mean… I’m glad you finally got what you wanted.”
She uttered a half laugh, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m pretty excited. I wouldn’t be able to go if it weren’t for you, Brock.”
I came to thank you.
“I actually got a scholarship. I was lucky that they held it for me, and now that the house… Well, you know. I can go now.”
I had no idea what she was talking about and I didn’t care. All I knew was she looked so fucking sexy in a tight-fitting blue sweater and hip skimming jeans, my cock had gone from pulsing to literally crawling up my body.
I found everything she was saying an incredible turn-on. Her confidence. Her self-assurance about her education. Her everything.
We walked toward each other, our eyes locked like magnets. When I was close enough, I wiped a tear that threatened to fall. She leaned into my palm and my heart nearly severed from my chest. How in the world had I ever let this gorgeous woman go? I’d thought it was for her own good. Was I that much of a martyr?
Without looking away, she backed up from me, squared her shoulders, and took a deep breath. “Anyway, I just came to say thank you.” Then she turned and walked out the door.
Like an idiot, I stood at the doorway, watching her leave, the air seeping from my lungs—only this time oxygen wouldn’t help.
A dull ache settled in my gut.
As I watched the sway of her hips, the way her soft chestnut hair bounced above her shoulders, I suddenly wished I’d died on that mountaintop. Anything was better than losing her all over again.
I watched her walk down the hall, and out of my life.
Again.
I couldn’t help following from a distance, my heart pounding so hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack. As she passed the nurse’s station, she bent to talk to a little boy in a wheelchair. Grateful for the reprieve, I tried to listen to what she was saying, but there were too many people around, call bells going off, and my own scrambled thoughts were getting in the way.
You’re better off without me.
Several nurses went by, and then a man dragging a cart with several oxygen tanks. Suddenly, a huge cart of linens blocked my view and I panicked.
When she’d reached the elevator doors, I broke into a run, reaching her just as bell dinged.
A red light flashed, and the doors slid open.
I grabbed her arm before she could get on the elevator.
She turned around sharply, glaring at me.
With a shaky hand, she reached up and clasped her throat. “Brock, don’t…”
“Amy, don’t go. I don’t want you to go.”
Tears stood in those beautiful brown eyes.
Suddenly, I realized how much it must have taken for her to come here, and for the first time—how much I’d hurt her. Hurt us.
“I was an ass,” I said. “A stupid egotistical ass. I should have never let you go.”
She backed up from the elevator and at first I thought she was going to kiss me or throw her arms around me, but she did none of those things.
She distanced herself further.
“I can’t,” she said simply. “It’s not right. We can’t undo it, Brock but….it’s not right just the same.”
Her reaction was not what I expected. Desperate and panicky, I said, “Not right? I’ll tell you what’s not right. It’s not right that two people who belong together made a mistake.”
She looked at me, incredulous.
“Okay, I made a mistake but I’m begging you. Give me a second chance. I know I don’t deserve you but... I love you, Amy. Don’t you see that? I love you.”
She burst into tears. “Why are you doing this to me? I knew I should never have come here!”
She tried to go around me but I pulled her into my arms. “Please,” I said into her hair. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”
She pulled away from me. “Don’t do this, Brock. Don’t make me second think my decision. It’s over. You made it over. Remember? Now let me go.”
I let my arms drop to my sides, and she shrunk back against the wall. A gurney strolled by, separating us but our eyes never wavered.
Her face stiffened. “I told you thank you, Brock. That’s all I came for. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Then she got on the elevator and I let her go..
***
Williams suggested I take some time off and I think I surprised him by agreeing. I needed to rearrange my priorities, and I wanted to set up another income stream, not for myself, but for the people who’d lost their homes in the Sabine National Forest Fire—a fund set up for them specifically.
To my surprise, I learned I had become richer. My accountant informed me that some of my investments were making a profit although I’d tried like hell to invest in crackpot schemes and things with so much risk even Rockefeller wouldn’t invest in them. He suggested I set up more charities or add funds to those I already had. I never knew it would eventually become a problem, having this much money. Apparently, I was now a billionaire. It didn’t please me. Nothing did.
On my drive up to the cottage, I tried to make sense of the conversation I had with Amy. It’s not right what we did. What the hell did that mean? Why hadn’t I pressed her for an explanation? Why hadn’t I insisted she tell me what she was thanking me for? I was so excited to see her, and then desperate to make her change her mind about taking me back, I’d lost the very thing that may have turned the tables for us. But what was that exactly?
I had to admit, no matter how much I didn’t want to, Amy was making the right choice. For her. For us. I would only hold her back, and besides, weren’t there people who needed me right here? I had no business traveling around the world, and that was exactly what she wanted to do once she graduated.
Going to graduate school was a huge deal for her and she was so damn smart. Smarter than anyone I’d ever met. It sounded like she’d breezed through college, but graduate school would give her a challenge. And that, I was sure she would both appreciate and give the professors a run for their money at the same time. I wished I could see the looks on their faces. It was as it should be. At least, that was what I told myself. Too bad I didn’t believe it.
Once I put Amy out of my mind, or tried to, I got down to what I was actually good at. Juggling numbers and helping people.
I needed to do something more this time. I called my broker, set up a meeting with three of my lawyers and got out a pad and paper. In addition to rebuilding people’s homes, what else did people who had been through a tragedy need, and how could I make it happen faster?
First I called Habitat for Humanity, a charity that had nothing to do with me, but was a fabulous program in its own right. The problem was, they usually built only a few houses at a time. Over fifteen hundred people lost their homes! How could they possibly get enough volunteers to build that many houses? The answer was, they couldn’t. Not without a payroll, which in itself would create jobs. And then there were materials, which were usually donated, but then again, it wasn’t enough.
I started to get excited. Once I got the ball rolling, I realized the kids who had lost parents needed more than just a place to live. They needed money for college too. So I set up a fund for that. All in all, I came up with twelve new charities, geared solely for the people who lost their homes or lives in the Sabine fires. I stopped when my accountant said my investments had leveled off knowing I could do more at any time. At any future date. That gave me a sense of accomplishment. The only thing keeping me from being fulfilled was my loneliness. Thankfully, I was so damn busy, I only had to worry about that at night.