Chapter Five
Darren
The next morning, I woke up early and drove to my parents’ house.
It was one of those perfect spring mornings where golden sunlight shone through the kitchen windows and formed pools on the floor at Dad’s feet. Mom was making one of her signature large breakfasts of leftover roast pork, mashed potatoes smothered in gravy, sausage links, buttermilk biscuits, and greasy hash browns. She gave me a peck on the cheek as I came in.
“You been staying out of trouble?” she asked me as I slung my satchel over a chair.
“Depends on what you mean by trouble. I haven’t been arrested lately, which is more than I can say for Braxton.” Curtis, Braxton, Zac, and Marshall were my four brothers.
“You know Marshall is in town, right? He’s staying with us for the weekend.”
“Is that right? Holy hell. Where is the old rascal?”
“He’s in his old bedroom. Ought to be waking up about now, it’s almost time for breakfast.”
“I’ll make sure he wakes up.”
Slinking back toward my own room, I grabbed a Super Soaker out of the closet—one of those giant plastic water guns that we hadn’t used since the ‘90s. Filling it up in the bathroom sink, I held it up with its end pointed toward the ceiling as though wanting to shoot God.
The tread of my feet on the hall carpet was muffled by the noise of Mom setting dishes in the kitchen. Slowly, I pushed Marshall’s door open and prepared to fire.
“AGGGGHHHH!!” Before I could even aim properly, I was struck in the face by a wall of warm water that blinded me and sent me staggering back into the hallway. Marshall laughed with maniacal glee as he soaked me from head to foot until the whole gun was empty.
“Marshall, you bastard!” I yelled, laughing. “How did you have that ready?”
“Always be prepared, brother,” said Marshall, kissing the gun’s nozzle. “You want to try anything else?”
“Right now, I’m feeling more hungry than vengeful, but ask me again once I’ve got a couple pork steaks inside me. There’s no use retaliating on an empty stomach.”
By the time we emerged from the back room, Curtis had come in. He was a brawny, slightly chubby guy in his early thirties whose hair had all migrated from the top of his head to his beard like a Woolly Willy. Except that his hair was a dark reddish-brown, and he always wore a cowboy hat to cover up his bald spot, making him look like an old-school country singer. Curtis lived in a house just down the road, and he came over most weekdays to help Dad with the farming.
“You doin’ alright, man?” I asked him. “How’s Allie been?”
“A bit under the weather lately, so we haven’t been out riding much. I think sometimes she gets homesick for New England and wishes she was out walking barefoot over a rocky beach.”
“Hey, we all have those days. You ever thought about maybe taking her back there?”
“What, you mean permanently?”
“Not necessarily; maybe just as a vacation. Get her out of Texas for a bit and let her feel the cold ocean breeze on her face again. I know we’ve got beaches down in Galveston and Corpus, but this time of year they’re packed with tourists.”
“Yeah, and the National Guard,” said Curtis. “Would you believe they’re still cleaning up that oil spill? It’s been almost a year. I think you’re right, though; I ought to get her out of here one of these days. She’s been talking about taking a train back to Maryland to visit her parents, and maybe I’ll go with her. I’ve been wanting to meet them.”
“You should, man. Especially if y’all are planning on getting married. You ought to get her another dog while you’re at it.”
Curtis shook his head. “I think we’ve got enough dogs. Between Gandalf and Jasper, it’s like raisin’ a couple kids.”
“You ought to get yourself one of them, too.”
“We’re workin’ on it, believe me.”
“The rest of us need to get a move on,” said Marshall.
“I mean, none of the rest of you are even datin’ anybody,” said Curtis. “So I’ve got a good head start.”
“Zac’s got himself a girlfriend,” Marshall reminded him.
Curtis waved his hand in dismissal. “Zac’s all the way over in New York. He don’t count!”
Just then, Dad came walking into the kitchen. He was wearing an argyle sweater, a pair of loose-fitting khakis, and a stiff-brimmed, blue flat cap. Seating himself at the table and reaching for the pitcher of iced orange juice, he said, “Since y’all are both here this morning, I’m going to need you to help me fix up the barn.”
“What’s wrong with it?” asked Marshall.
“With the amount of rain we’ve been getting lately, the foundation is corroded. There are places where the wood is crumbling into pieces because it’s so damp.”
“And not just that,” said Mom, setting the biscuits on the table. “The ground under the barn has become a muddy quagmire, and the barn is starting to sink into it. What we really need to do is pour some cement and solidify that base before the whole building goes under.”
“You know I’d love to,” said Curtis, “but I’ve got to meet Allie for lunch. It’s the first time we’ve been out all week, and she was really looking forward to it.”
“Well, I’d hate for you to disappoint her, and you did plenty of work on the fence yesterday. I’m sure Marshall and Darren and me can get it done.” He turned to look at me with an expression of mild curiosity. “You’re not meeting your girlfriend for lunch, are you?”
“God, I hope not,” I muttered. “If I don’t see her again for a week, that’ll be alright.”
Curtis began whistling the song “That’d Be Alright” under his breath; more than anyone else in the family, he loved country music. Mom set the syrup down on the table. “Darren, you and Carlotta haven’t been having problems, have you? I noticed she’s been coming over less and less. I was thinking about having her over for dinner one night this week, but I might reconsider if y’all are mad at each other.”
The tone of Mama’s voice made it perfectly clear that she thought I was to blame for whatever problems me and Carlotta were having. “We’re just having one of our semi-regular spats. It’ll be alright in a week or two.”
Curtis went on humming “That’d Be Alright.” I glared at him in annoyance. “Will you cut that out?”
Curtis shrugged and reached for the syrup. “I have to admit when you and Carlotta started going out, I really thought she was the one. I told Mom it would take a really exceptional woman to get you out of your room and working for a steady paycheck.”
“Well, she wasn’t the only reason I got my own place. I was tired of being in Mom’s hair and figured she and Dad deserved a few years to themselves.”
“You were never a bother,” said Mama. “Ever since you moved out, I’ve really missed having you around all the time.”
“Wish you’d told me that before.”
“Curtis is right, though. I really like Carlotta, and I think she’s had a very positive effect on you. I remember when you had the beard, and your hair was so long you could have cut it all off and had yourself a nice carpet. You used to sit in your room and play Halo at all hours. Dad and I were really worried about you. But ever since y’all started dating, there’s been something different about you. You’re clean and professional, you don’t look like the Yeti, and you work forty hours a week, sometimes more. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders; I can tell you that.”
“I feel like it had more to do with you than it did with Carlotta, Mama,” I replied. “I guess I just woke up one morning and decided I wanted to impress you.”
“Well, that’s really sweet of you,” said Mama, blushing. “But I hope if you and Carlotta break up you’ll find someone else like her.”
“I sure don’t,” I muttered.
Marshall studied me quietly from over his cereal bowl. “Damn, you guys must be having a really bad time.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because that’s at least the second or third snarky comment you’ve made about her since you sat down. If you really hate her that much, you ought to set her free. You’d be doing both her and yourself a favor.”
“Maybe so. I guess I just thought we had been having some growing pains in our relationship, and that they would work themselves out in the end.”
Marshall shook his head. “I’ve seen relationships that are just going through a rough patch, and I’ve seen relationships that are in serious trouble. When you find yourself starting to hate each other, that’s when it’s time to move on.”
“Yeah, but it’s nothing we can’t fix, right? Mom and Dad’s relationship had some rough spots in the early days.”
“Yeah, but me and your mom never hated each other,” said Dad. “We had our disagreements like all couples do, but there was never a moment when I could have imagined myself being married to anyone else. It was either her or nobody.”
“Here’s what I always do when a relationship isn’t working,” said Marshall. “I shut my eyes and imagine myself taking her out on a date. Then I imagine that we’ve just broken up, and if the thought of breaking up with her fills me with peace, then there’s no real reason to stay in the relationship. I text her and tell her it’s over. I’ve never regretted it.”
No one said anything else for a great while, and I went on eating my potatoes in silence. Carlotta and I had had so much fun when we first started, but all the pleasure had been leeched out of our relationship ages ago. Maybe Marshall was right; maybe I would be happier moving on and taking my heart elsewhere.
“I’m not saying you need to decide now,” he went on. “But before very long, you’ll have to decide whether you want to commit or cut her loose.”
“I guess we’ll just have to see.” I drained the last of my orange juice and set the glass down on the table with a loud sigh. “I never was very good at breaking up with girls. I sometimes worry I’ll end up married to a woman I don’t want to be with just because I couldn’t bring myself to call it quits.”
“Sometimes you’ve got to,” said Marshall. “It’s the merciful thing to do in the long run. Forcing yourself to stay in a terrible relationship is torture.”
“It’s not much fun, I admit.” I rose from the table and set my plate in the sink. “Y’all ready to go work on the barn?”