Chapter Twenty-Nine
Darren
Five days passed, and I still hadn’t heard from Penny. I was supposed to be getting ready for the big race on Saturday, but lately, she was my sole concern.
On Wednesday night, I went out for drinks with Nic. Penny had texted her the day before saying she’d be out of contact for a few days, but not saying why. Nic was beginning to worry about her.
“Normally she doesn’t withdraw for this long,” she told me over a pint of Blue Moon at The Old Monk. She was wearing a black lace top and a pair of faded white khakis. “I always give her two or three days before I start to get worried, but this is beyond anything she’s done before. I think something may be really wrong.”
“Do you think maybe her dad died?”
She shook her head. “No, she would’ve told me that.”
I didn’t like the implication that she would have kept it from me, but I held my peace. “We ought to try calling up to the hospital to see if he’s still there.”
“I might do that tomorrow,” Nic said. “I figured I’d give her at least another day before I start asking around. Penny’s a hard person to care for, you know? Easy in some ways and hard in others.”
“In what ways?”
“If you know her well, I’d say it’s fairly simple. She has habits and rituals and routines that she uses to make sense of her life. As long as you know what those are and don’t try to disrupt them, I think you’ll be fine. The trick is getting close enough to learn what her routines are.”
This resonated with my own experience. I grabbed a handful of nachos and shoved the rest of the tray toward Nic. “See, ever since we started dating, I thought I would be a good boyfriend once I figured out what all the rules are. The way she organizes her life is very different from most girls. Like, I’ve had to learn not to text ‘LOL’ unless I’m actually laughing out loud because it annoys her. And she doesn’t like swearing, and she doesn’t like songs with swearing in them.”
“Yeah. I remember one time I was going through her bookshelf and I picked up a book at random. And she knocked it out of my hand and said, ‘Don’t read that book. It’s from Iowa.’ She, it turns out, has a visceral hatred of Iowa. But she never explained why.”
“Yeah, things like that!” I pointed a finger at Nic. “Things that would never come up in any other relationship, but are very important to Penny. You defy them at your own peril.”
“Exactly. But the upside is that she so loves and treasures those few who invest in her and take the time to understand her quirks. Once she’s allowed you into her circle and deemed you worthy of knowing her secrets, she will love you forever.”
“I want to get there,” I said. “I’m still not sure I’m there yet.”
“You’ll get there,” said Nic. “Like I said, being her friend is easy in some ways because you just have to be sensitive and attentive. It’s not a job everyone is cut out for, but I think you’ll do fine because you’re devoted and loving and patient.”
By now, Nic had downed two pints of Blue Moon, and the drink seemed to have loosened her tongue. Never before had she spoken so highly of me. I wondered if maybe it was just the beer talking and if tomorrow we would go back to being annoyed with each other.
She leaned over and placed an arm on my shoulder. “Listen,” she said in a low voice. “I know I’ve been making it sound like dating Penny is just a matter of knowing the right buttons to push, as if the relationship is a computer program whose instructions you could follow on the way to romantic bliss. It would be great if you knew everything about her, and knew what to do and not to do, and what to say and not to say. But what she really needs is just someone who will treat her with kindness. Penny is a very loving, sometimes very needy person who hasn’t always been treated rightly, even by me. But if you go into the relationship with the attitude of ‘I’m just going to love her, no matter what happens,’ you’ll be on your way.”
“That’s what I want for us.” I clutched my pint-glass miserably. “I just wish I was better at giving it.”
“I know, but you’re moving in the right direction. I wouldn’t be too hard on myself if I were you.”
I continued to mull over our conversation over the next few days as I prepared for the race on Saturday. By now, I had given up hope that Penny was going to call or text. I just wished I knew the secret code or password that would make things right between us.
But if what Nic had said was true, then maybe I was showing patience by waiting for her to call me instead of running after her. She had made it abundantly clear that she needed some time to herself, and I was determined to honor that.
On Saturday morning before the race, Dickie and I took the Mustang out for a couple test runs. It had been raining on and off throughout the week, and the roads were still slippery. Dickie had to warn me repeatedly to watch the curves, and it became obvious about midway through our first trip that I wasn’t paying attention.
“Are you okay?” he asked as I pulled into the Kroger parking lot. “I’ve never seen you less interested in a race. Does the lure of two hundred grand do nothing for you, my friend?”
“Dickie, I’ve won a bunch of money,” I said with a shrug. “After a certain point, you don’t need anymore.”
This admission, coming from someone who had once sped down the highway blasting Pink Floyd’s “Money” at full volume, must have alarmed Dickie. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked warily.
“Yeah, lately I’ve just realized there’s more to life than winning all the time. I think I’m getting to that age where I’m about ready to settle down and have a family. It’s funny because I promised myself I would never be that guy, but I’m rapidly becoming that guy.”
“Yikes.” Dickie raised his brows in alarm. “I mean, I can’t really argue. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that racing is more important than marrying and starting a family. It obviously is, even if I prefer racing.”
“Even if you don’t want a family, I think most people would agree that they’re good and important,” I replied. “And lately all my brothers are dating and starting to get engaged, and I don’t want to be left behind.”
“It makes sense. You come from a family that places a huge amount of importance on the family unit. I’d think growing up and seeing how in love your parents were with each other would’ve had an effect on you.”
“It definitely had an effect. And I’ll tell you what had even more of an effect, is having a girlfriend I love and who cares about me.”
“Yeah, that must be nice.” Dickie pulled a cigarette out of his shirt pocket and lit it. “But I would’ve thought that would be incentive to try harder and make as much bling as you could.”
“You’d think, but it hasn’t worked out that way. I’m in that weird, puppy love stage of the relationship where she’s all I can think about. Sometimes I forget to eat.”
“That doesn’t sound very healthy,” said Dickie, rolling down the window and flicking the ashes out.
I smiled paternally. “Someday you’ll have a girl of your own, and you’ll understand.”
We rode together to the dragstrip while the rain tapped against the windows. On our way, we passed abandoned strip centers with boarded-up windows and parking lots filled with plastic bags and rusted shopping carts. A stray dog sniffed curiously at an open bag of potato chips in a drainage ditch. It was one of those days that make you question the purpose of everything.
When we pulled up to the strip, Adam was already standing there waiting for us. He wore a red single-layer speedway uniform that somehow perfectly matched the color of his hair and beard. The moment I brought the car to a stop, he ran over and tapped on the rain-fogged window, beaming proudly.
“You ready for the ass-whoopin’ of your life?” he asked.
“Oh, I’m ready,” I said with a slight shake of my head. “I don’t know if you’re ready.”
Adam must have noticed the circles under my eyes, for he said, “Were you up all night? You look exhausted. No way you spent all that time practicing, not someone like you who’s won so many races, I think you must be getting tired of winning.”
Adam had a way of owning himself even when he was trying to badmouth me that made our conversations consistently entertaining. I opened the door and stepped out, rising to my full height. “I dunno, Adam. Winning still looks pretty good when there’s two hundred thousand dollars at stake.”
“Too bad you’ll never see it,” Adam said with a smirk.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. Seems to me you’ve said that about the last three races we competed in, and I ended up taking home the cash prize in all of them.”
“I can hear the exhaustion in your voice,” he said with an air of feigned sympathy. “It’s okay. I know it’s hard. By the end of the day, you won’t have to worry about being the greatest.”
“Didn’t say I was worried.”
But before I could respond, Nic came running up to us. At first, I thought she was here to wish me luck, and I wondered why she hadn’t brought Penny with her. But as she came closer I saw the urgent look in her eyes, and I knew something was wrong.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked. “Are you okay?”
Nic shook her head vigorously. “It’s Penny—I’m so sorry you had to find out this way. Her dad just passed away. She’s up at the hospital now with his brothers.”
“You think I ought to go check on her?”
“I think that would be good, yeah,” she said weakly.
I turned to Dickie, who was coming around behind us. “Dickie, I hate to do this to you, but you’re gonna have to race for me.”
Dickie balked at the suggestion. “Darren, you’ve spent weeks prepping for this. You have a much better chance at winning that money than I do.”
I placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “I think you know what you’re doing. Anyway, right now some other things have taken precedence. I’d never forgive myself if I went ahead and raced while she’s over there crying her little heart out.”
“Well, if you’re not going to do it, I guess I don’t have a choice.”
I reached into the car and pulled out my red crash helmet, which I handed to him. “You’ll do fine. Just think of how mad Adam’ll be when you win that two hundred grand.”
“Oh, he’ll be indignant,” said Dickie, already smiling in triumph.
Nic was already heading out across the parking lot. I gave him a final reassuring nod and followed after her. By the time we reached her car, the announcer was already calling the contestants into their positions, while in the stands a crowd of several hundred waved and cheered above the ceaseless roar of the rain.