“Mate, just go talk to her.” Drake unwraps the protein bar he’s holding and chomps off a bite.

I stare down and across the hall, catching a glimpse of burnt orange hair buried in her locker.

None of my friends know what happened, but they know that all communication between Nora and I has stopped.

“I can’t, it won’t make any difference. Just drop it.” I place my textbooks in my locker, eager for this school year to be over.

Not that I know fully what I’m doing next year. Sure, I still have my Oxford acceptance, and I could attend and be privy to the same college experience every Frederick has gotten for generations. I could continue to live the cushy life that’s been provided, and stay close to London.

But, I was trying something new. Or at least I was struggling to. Opening my trust fund was never something I thought I would have to do. The large nest egg of money was going to be gone eventually, sometime in the distant future, and then I’d be on my own. It was both terrifying and exhilarating.

“Fine, just hate to see my girl so upset. She won’t even joke around with me anymore.” I had noticed that she wasn’t really speaking to any one in our group anymore, save for Eloise. “So when do I get to see your bachelor pad? I can’t believe you went out and bought a bloody flat!”

My flat was nothing to brag about, a small one bedroom in the quiet neighborhood of Chelsea. It was clean, updated with nice furnishings, and best of all … it was all mine. I’d used a sizable portion of my trust fund on it, but at least I knew I would always have a home in the city I’d grown up in if it came to it.

“Soon … maybe. I’m actually enjoying being alone, and I don’t need you wankers coming in and mucking the place up.”

“Alone? Come on, don’t tell me you haven’t had some fit birds coming over to your solo place, shagging ‘em like crazy?!” His eyes speak volumes, telling me I must be crazy.

“You wouldn’t get it.” I close my locker, the bell ringing and the hallways emptying out.

“Jeez, mate, sorry. I get it, I’m proud of you … I know your dad isn’t the easiest of guys.”

His eyes speak something else, and I wonder if my friends know more than they let on about my home life.

Glancing down the hall, I see that Nora is dragging behind everyone. “I’ll catch you later, mate.”

I don’t wait for his goodbye, but instead start quickly toward her. In the months since that dinner, I’ve seen her at school almost every day. At first I acted cold, wanting my message from the dinner to sink in. I wanted them to hurt … but those feelings vanished very quickly. About five days after I’d spewed all of that hate in their home, I came face to face with Nora in the hall.

And in her eyes, I’d seen all of the damage I’d done. The hurt, the rejection, the betrayal. That look she gave me spoke louder than words ever could have, and I felt repulsive.

I didn’t expect her to ever talk to me, let alone look at me, again … but I had to try. I couldn’t continue to sit in this despair, and even if she never accepted my apology, I had to make it.

The hall was empty, and she seemed to be engrossed in something in her locker.

“Hi.” Smooth opening, Asher.

She looks up slowly, knowing my voice. Her eyes don’t shine like they used to, at least not for me. She doesn’t talk, but shuts her locker and turns like she might bolt.

I step in front of her. “Please, Nora … let me explain.”

My tone is desperate, and maybe that sparks something inside of her. “I don’t know what more you could possibly say to me.”

“You don’t … there is so much more to it all. Could we just talk somewhere?” I wanted so badly to just reach out and touch her.

I ached for her when I was alone, and pretty much all the time. I missed her conversation, her odd observations, even her shy naïveté. I missed the words she used, so complicated and sophisticated that I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I missed the way she chewed on the end of a pen when she studied, how her hair fell into her face every time she laughed, the aimless conversations we had over coffee for her and tea for me. But when I was here, standing in front of her, the ache grew into a massive throb of need. I’d wasted so much time, spent hours and minutes plotting against her when I should have been caring for her. We had only gotten the one time in my room, and I needed more.

She tilted her head, taking my request in. “What reasons could you ever have for trying to break apart my family? To ruin my stepfather? For so long, so long Asher, you lied to me. You made me trust you. I don’t … I don’t even know what good excuse you could make to explain that.”

She was right of course, but I pleaded still. “Please, you don’t know what it was like. The home I grew up in, the propaganda I was fed.”

“I may not, but you chose to do what you did. Chose to pursue me, to sleep with me! Do you know that before you, I hadn’t opened myself up to anyone like that. And thanks to you, I probably won’t again. You’re a bad person, Asher, and how you grew up might have influenced it, but it doesn’t change how you truly are inside.”

Her words slice me, making the bleeding gash in my soul even wider. I nod, accepting that she will never allow me to explain. There is that cliché saying that if you love something, you must let it go. And as stereotypical as it was, Nora had taught me to love through a time where I should have been staying far away from her.

And now it was my turn to suffer. To let her despise me and never look my way again. It was my penance; the cross I had hung around my neck and was now forced to bear.

For her, I would do it. Just as on the first day of the school year, one of us turns on a heel and walks away from the other. But this time, it’s me.