Chapter Twenty-Three
Grace
I woke before dawn and lay in bed replaying the previous day in my mind over and over. The images of Faith and Hope rejecting me intermingled with the way I felt when Adam and I had kissed, and left me feeling confused and frustrated. I didn't want to ruin Verity's chances for a happy marriage, but I also resented that Uncle Amos was using my own sisters to blackmail me into behaving the way he thought I should.
"He's not going to push me around," I grumbled as I threw back the sheet and swung my feet over the edge of the bed. I sat staring at the floor as I thought about the soft carpeting in my bedroom, the luxuriously tiled bathroom with the Jacuzzi, and the automatic drip coffeemaker waiting for me back in Chicago.
I felt the strong pull of the city as I pushed myself out of bed and walked over to retrieve my cell phone from the closet. There were eight text messages from Mike, and all of them indicated some level of urgency regarding the upcoming presentation. I tapped out a response giving him the quick answers he needed to move forward with the project and letting him know what time I'd call. I then tucked my phone and the portable charger back in my bag in the closet and headed to the bathroom where I took a quick sponge bath before returning to my room.
I sighed as I pulled out yet another set of silky lingerie and pulled them on. The royal-blue silk and lace felt lovely against my skin and I ran my hands over my body wondering what Adam would think if he knew what lay beneath my plain, cotton dress. I tucked the yellow lace bra and panties I’d worn the day before into a lingerie bag in the closet and stuck it back in my suitcase. I’d wash those things by hand later when everyone else was sleeping. I yanked the dress over my head and wrinkled my nose as I began putting the pins in place before smoothing my hair and donning my starched, white kapp.
There were no mirrors hung in the house because they would violate the Ordung by promoting vanity, but Mamm kept a hand-held mirror in her dresser and we were allowed to use it on special occasions. I'd moved the mirror up to my room the day I'd arrived mostly because it made me feel closer to Mamm. Now I held it up and looked at myself shaking my head as I saw my plain face staring back at me wondering what Adam thought when he looked at me.
Downstairs in the kitchen, I found Verity at work making breakfast. I picked up a knife and began cutting the melon that she'd pulled from the refrigerator and left on the cutting board. She was singing a song I'd recognized from evening song gatherings, and I smiled as I remembered the night she and Levi had first exchanged shy smiles.
"I remember that one," I said, cutting into the pale green rind and splitting the honeydew in half, causing the juice and seeds to spill out on to the board. I quickly tilted the board into the sink and rinsed it off.
"Ah yes, it was a lovely evening, wasn't it?" she nodded.
"Verity, I have to ask you something," I said taking a deep breath. She turned toward me with an expectant look on her face so I forged ahead. "Faith and Hope have shunned me for allowing Adam to stay with us, and they said I'm not welcome in their homes until he goes. They've said it's because they're concerned about you and Honor and Danny, but mostly you."
"Me? Why?" she asked.
"They think that this will ruin your prospect of marriage to Levi," I said feeling foolish for saying it out loud. "They think that you'll be labeled damaged goods and that Levi's family won't allow you two to marry."
"Oh, Grace," Verity said shaking her head. A sad smile crossed her lips as she said, "There's nothing that anyone could do that would keep Levi and I from marrying. We're meant to be together. He knows it, and I know it. Our bond isn't so fragile that it could be broken by an act of Christian charity."
"But the community will talk," I said. "Faith and Hope will talk."
"They mean well, Grace," she said smiling at me. "I understand their fear, but I don't share it. Mr. Wallace is welcome to stay here until he recovers and gets his car back. No matter what anyone says."
"How do you do it, Verity?" I asked looking at my younger sister with awe and admiration.
"Do what?"
"How do you stay so calm and kind when people are threatening to try and ruin something that matters so much to you?" I asked.
"It's God's will," she said calmly. "I trust in God and I know that when I follow the path He lays for me, it will all work out the way it's supposed to. It's trust, Grace."
"Are you saying that I'm not trusting?" I said suddenly feeling defensive.
"I'm not saying anything about you," she smiled. "I love you, Grace. You're my sister and part of my heart, but me following my own path is about me and my relationship with God, not about you or what you choose to do."
"I know, but..." I said deflating a bit as I understood the point she was making.
"But nothing," Verity replied softly patting my shoulder. "Just because you chose a different path doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. It's just right for you. We each have to make that decision, and Mamm and Dat tried the best they could to prepare us for that; don't you understand, Grace?"
"I do, but the pressure from all sides," I sighed as I felt my emotions welling up again. "I don't know what to do, Verity. I'm trying to make everyone happy and make sure everyone has what they need. There's so much going on with the store, the farm, you and Honor and Danny, and then there's my job in the city..."
"Grace, slow down and think about this," she said as she turned back to the bowl of batter she was beating. "Maybe the problem is that you're not listening to the only person who really matters."
"I know, I know," I said cutting the melon into slices. "I should listen to God and hear what He says."
"No, I don't think that's the answer for you," Verity replied. "You need to listen to the voice inside of you. What is it telling you?"
"It's telling me not to give in to the pressure to kick Adam out!" I said stubbornly. "It's telling me to figure out a solution that puts the store and the farm in the black and gives you and the rest what you need to keep living however you choose to live!"
I was on a roll as I angrily cut into a second melon and dumped the guts and juice into the sink with the remains of the first one. I sliced as I continued listing the things my inner voice was telling me to do until I finally ended the list with an emotional plea, "It's telling me I want to go home to Chicago and back to my life in the city, but that makes me feel guilty for leaving you all here without Mamm and Dat!"
"So, who asked you to sacrifice anything for us?" Honor said as she pulled open the back door and stepped inside. She was carrying a basket full of fresh eggs and a half full bucket of milk, which she set next to the counter before putting the eggs in the strainer next to the sink. "We didn't ask you to give up anything, Grace, but you make it sound like you're the only one who can somehow rescue us."
"Wait a minute!" I said setting the knife down and turning toward her. "I didn't say that! I was just answering Verity's question about what my inner voice was telling me to do."
"Honor! Grace!" Verity said sharply. "There's no reason to fight; we're all on the same side. We just need to figure out what needs to be done so that we can all do what it is we need to do."
"How come no one ever asks me that question?" Honor said as the stomped to the back door and pushed it open. "No one ever asked me what I wanted to do. You all just expect that I'll be here taking care of the animals and watching over Danny, but you never ask me anything about what I want!"
In a flash, she darted out the back door and ran toward the barn. I looked at Verity and she nodded as she turned off the gas on the stove, wiped her hands, and followed Honor out to the barn.
"Dammit!" I swore once she was out of earshot.
"You okay, Grace?" Adam asked. Startled, I gasped and jumped away from the counter as I turned and saw him standing framed in the kitchen doorway. His hair was tousled and he had a sleepy look on his face that told me we'd most likely woken him up.
"I'm sorry, we were having a family discussion that got a little heated," I said reluctantly pulling my gaze away from his handsome face. "Did we wake you?"
"No, actually I have been awake for a few hours," he said. "I was going to get up and start breakfast, but I had no idea where to begin."
"Probably better that you didn't mess with Verity's territory," I said, giving him a playful grin which he quickly returned before he looked away. I couldn't read his face and I wasn't sure if he was embarrassed about the night before or if I'd hurt his feelings when I'd pulled back. I wanted to ask, but I was afraid of what his answer would be.
"Grace, are you sure..." he began as Danny came bounding down the stairs and entered the kitchen signing his apologies that he'd overslept.
"I'll go milk the cows," he signed as he fastened his suspenders to his pants.
"Honor already did it!" I yelled as he ran past me and flew out the back door. "And don't let the door—"
I braced myself as the door slammed against the frame, and then threw my hands up in the air.
"Can I set the table or something?" Adam chuckled as he shook his head. I nodded and pointed to the stack of plates and pile of silverware Verity had set on the table. I watched as Adam limped over and grabbed the silverware then turned and relit the stove.
It wasn't long before Verity returned from the barn. She acted as if nothing had happened, so I followed her lead and finished cutting up the fruit and putting everything on the table for breakfast. A short while later, Danny and Honor returned to the house. They silently washed their hands in the kitchen sink and then sat down at the table and waited for the rest of us.
Breakfast was eaten in silence. Halfway through it, a truck pulled into the drive. Danny and Honor were out of their chairs and through the back door before any of us could say a word. I looked at Verity and she shrugged, so I followed the other two outside to find a very confused FedEx driver asking for Adam.
"Adam, there's a package here for you!" I called through the screen door. A few minutes later, he emerged on the front porch waving to the delivery driver who quickly made it way up the steps and presented Adam with an electronic signature form.
"I didn't know the Amish had cell phones now," the driver commented as he waited for Adam to finish signing.
"They don't," he said handing the pad back to the driver with a smile that annoyed me. "I'm just a guest."
The driver looked confused, but nodded and quickly returned to his truck. He shook his head as he back down the drive, pulled back out on to the road, and drove away. I gave him a small wave, wishing I could hop on the truck and head back to the city with him. His reply was a short blast of his horn before he sped off toward town.