Chapter Fifteen
Archer
There was a knock at my office door when I hung up the phone. “Come in.”
Rick walked in and sat down. “How are you?” he asked.
“All right,” I said, leaning back in my chair. “How about yourself?”
“These techs are driving me crazy. They’re running around acting like they just invented the nuclear bomb.”
I forced myself to laugh. “At least they’re excited about the project.”
Rick nodded. “I suppose so. They’re talking about rigging up the heat sensors to alarm the pilot when certain temperatures are identified. I think it’s a good idea.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“It would take us some time to write the software, but we can probably get it working by the end of the quarter.”
“That works.” I took a sip of my coffee.
“You look like you just came back from the dead.”
“Nah, I’m just tired. Abel woke up his brother in the middle of the night. It took me two hours to get the boys back to sleep.”
“Least you’ve got something to look forward to tonight, eh? You’ll be up all night, but at least it’ll be worth it.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I had to cut her loose.”
“What? Dude, last time I talked to you, you were practically whipped. What happened?”
“Nothing. I just came to my senses is all. It’s not like she’s going to stick around when she sees what my life is like. I can’t even go two days without having to wake up and put the boys back to bed. Abel had me running around at the hospital all day, thinking the worst. No sane, good woman is going to stick around for problems like that.”
“I know it. That’s why you have to have a little fun. Get your dick wet.”
“I’m too damn busy to be chasing tail like some sex-crazed teenager. I have a multi-billion-dollar firm to run and two boys to raise. There’s no room for that kind of thing.”
“You don’t like it, though.”
“No, I don’t like it,” I said. “But it’s the truth, and I’m going to have to accept it.”
“I still say we should go out tonight and have a little fun. You can’t base everything on work. And family’s important and all, but you have to find a way to blow off some steam, or else you’ll go nuts.”
“I’ve got a lot to do. Go ahead and start on the sensor system. See if you can’t work on something similar for the other sensors.”
“No worries. You wanna go have a drink, just let me know.”
“I will. Thanks.” Rick left, and I went back to work. The day went by slowly. I found myself thinking about Zoe when people were trying to talk to me and staring into space wondering whether or not I should call and reschedule with her.
I stayed late signing paperwork and going over the orders with some of the men from the Navy. They were trying to retrofit one of our newer planes with Rick’s sensor and wanted to know every single detail. I gave them as much as I could and referred them to Rick for the rest.
I didn’t get home until six o’clock, right about the time I would’ve been getting ready for my date. I walked up to the nursery, where Mona was sitting and reading while the boys rested in their swings.
She looked up from her book. “What’s wrong?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m just tired.”
She marked her place in her book and followed me out into the hall where she leaned against the banister casually. She stared me down with her sharp, squinty eyes. “You’re always tired. People expect it. If you were just tired, then people wouldn’t be saying anything.”
“Fine, I had to cancel my date, and I feel like a complete prick.”
“Why did you cancel it? I thought you liked her.”
“I do like her. That’s why I’m cutting her loose.”
“You’re hurting her because you like her? What kind of nonsense is that?”
“No, I’m saving her from having to put up with two shrieking children.”
“You’re not saving that woman from anything except a good night out. It’s your second date, and you’re worried about integrating your life with hers?”
“I have to be realistic. She’s struggling to survive. She doesn’t need the stress, and I don’t think she’ll stay around for it, either. Her life is just as chaotic as mine, and work is her main priority.”
“Those boys are in dire need of a good woman, somebody who can come in and give them the attention they deserve. So, unless you’re going to marry me, you need to get out there and find a woman like that.”
“I’m not going to ask her to be my nanny, or a mother to two children. I don’t need to. I have you.”
“Look at me. I’m overweight, I smoked for thirty years, and I’ve had enough liquor in my liver to last three generations. I’m not going to be around forever, Archer, and when I’m gone, those boys are going to need somebody to take care of them—a real mother.”
Those last three words stung. “They had one, and now she’s gone.”
“And it’s time you learned to move past that. Not just for yourself, although Lord knows you need it. Do it for the boys.”
“It’s too big a risk. I know she likes me, Mona, and I don’t want her to get hurt when things don’t work out.”
“You’re assuming that they won’t.”
“I’m being pragmatic.”
“Pragmatism isn’t going to get you anywhere. Love is a risk, Archer. It’s one of the most dangerous risks a person will ever take, but it is the most rewarding thing you will ever do.”
“I don’t even know if that’s what this is.”
“That’s the point. You don’t know what’s going to happen, and I know that scares you, but what if you’re working yourself up over nothing? What if she decides that she loves the boys and wants to stay? And why wouldn’t she? She’d be getting all of the benefits of being a mother without all of the pain it takes to become one.”
“I don’t know.” I looked back into the nursery. “It doesn’t sound likely.”
“Would you have believed that we’d be having this conversation a month ago?”
I laughed. “No.”
“Nothing is for certain, Archer, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Work with life; don’t fight it. If you fight it, you’ll be struggling until you die.”
“Why do you think she’s so important? You’ve never even met her.”
“I’m not sure she is. I’m just as pragmatic as you are, but I know that eventually you’re going to have to take this step, whether it’s with her or with somebody else. And you’ve done enough to this poor girl already. Three times now you’ve screwed this up. If she’s put up with this much, and she still wants to see you, she deserves more credit than you’re giving her.”
“Still, I don’t want to get into anything that will just probably end up in disaster.”
“Why?” she asked.
“It’s too dangerous. She could get hurt.”
“You’re not worried about her getting hurt. It’s you you’re worried about. You don’t want to end up losing somebody that you care about again.”
“That’s not true.”
“I get it,” she said, holding her hands up in mock resignation. “You’re macho. You’re invincible. I’ll go back to humoring you in a moment. Don’t worry. But right now, you need to listen to me. The risk is minimal. You’re not attached, and neither is she. If she walks away now, it won’t matter. You’d be right back where you left off.”
“True, but…”
She rose one eyebrow. “Go up to your room and call her.”
“I’m going to get changed. I don’t think I’m going to call her, but I’ll keep what you said in mind.”
“You do that.” She patted me on the shoulder and walked back into the boy’s room. I watched the way their eyes traveled when she walked in, and how Andrew laughed when she sat down. They gave her more attention and affection than they ever gave me. A woman would change things.