Prologue
two years ago
Alessia DeRosa
Standing on the sidewalk in the dark, I can hear the sound of cars driving by, people talking, friends laughing. The aroma of food and the crisp spring air hits my nose. Me? I’m hiding my feelings from the people who pass me by. Hiding from the reality I’m about to face.
The spring air chills me to my bones when a gust picks up my long, brunette hair, whipping me in the face. A slap of reality to what I’m feeling. Nothing. Numb to the pain. The cold, dead part of my heart is shattering to the sidewalk when confronted with what my eyes are seeing.
Derrick, my husband, walks out of the restaurant with a woman. An even younger version of the woman I am not. Carefree, beautiful and so very soft. Laughing with her, hand in hand, I see a familiarity to their touch that only a lovers’ intimacy can reveal. Here I stand on the outside looking in on what I thought my life was. Seeing that the person who used to be my best friend is now someone I don’t know at all.
Grabbing the helmet from his Harley, he places it on her head, pecking her lips, swatting her on her tiny little ass. Swinging his leg over his bike while facing me, his eyes catch mine, and down the sidewalk we stare at each other.
Shock, maybe regret, shines in the eyes of the man I once knew. The woman follows him, throwing her leg over the bike, cuddling herself up behind him. She says something close to his ear, but Derrick doesn’t move or respond. Doesn’t turn his bike on. Nothing.
Taking one step back, then two, I bump into a man. Not hearing what he says, I turn and sprint back down the street. My heart pounds erratically to an uncontrollable rage and pain. The roar of his bike coming to life enrages me further.
Embrace the anger, push the pain away. Breathe in, breathe out. I keep the words streaming in a constant through my mind while I make it to my bike, kicking the bitch on and peeling out, willing my tires to punish the road. I roll side to side as my bike makes the sharp turns, tempting fate to take me, hurt me further. Daring the heavens to open up and swallow me whole on this road to hell.
My mind swirls of possibilities. Will he go to our shattered home looking for me? Does he even care? None of those things matter, not even one. Pulling into my Papa’s clubhouse, I park my bike in the far garage that no one uses. Covering the bike I love with an old ratty oil stained sheet, I pull out my phone and call the one only man I have completely trusted my entire life. My Papa.
“Papa, I’m in the storage garage, putting up my bike. I’m getting out of town. You have an untraceable car you can loan me for a couple of weeks?” Cold determination laces my voice.
“Si, Mija, I was correct? What you found, was it as I expected?” My Papa’s voice is so quiet, so others can’t hear, but the rage I hear in it is lethal.
“Si,” is all I say, all I want to say.
“Mija, tell no one, we never speak of this again. Right bay of the garage, use the car parked there. Leave your phone turned off in the desk drawer. Go to Dana’s house, park around the block. I’ll have a new car and phone for you in the morning. Answer to only me or your brother, si? Te amo.” The line goes dead.
∞ ∞ ∞
Dana is sitting across from me on the bed in the small bedroom of her apartment. My father’s advice is best, but Dana is my sister at heart. He has his club, I have my girls. Words of defeat show weakness. Never show others your cards.
Jenn walks into the room shutting the door behind her. Then, I finally fall apart, screaming the story off the top my lungs. Tearing my soul apart with each tear I shed over my husband, over the loss of my hopes and dreams. After the weakness is purged from my heart, I fall into a heap of recovery. Jenn and Dana never leave my side.
∞ ∞ ∞
Willing my swollen eyes to open, I take in my surroundings and the crushing yet again reality of my life. The hot water of the shower washes over me as I start to formulate my next plan. Staying here sure isn’t an option. Leaving my family and friends? I feel doubt creeping into my heart and thoughts.
My heart is stronger than this. I will not fall to his lying feet. I will not bow to the mercy of my pain. Fuck, no. I will fight for myself. Does this hurt? Absolutely, but a coward I will not be.
Quickly getting dressed, I make my way to the kitchen to find my girls. Dana sees my face and tilts her head in curiosity. I think she suspected she’d see me damaged today. Nope, we are on to damage control planning. Sitting at the table are my father, mother and brother. Surprised to see my mom, I hold strong, for her and for me. Giving her a hug, I sit at the table next to her and squeeze her hand. Tears well up in her eyes and she looks away.
“I have a plan. I’m not asking any of you to uproot any of your lives, but I will uproot mine.” Jenn looks at me with some kind of understanding. “I’m cashing out every single asset I have. I’m leaving California as soon as I can.” Mom and Dana gasp back a breath. It’s happening. There’s no other option.