Chapter Nineteen
Maverick
The best things in life were sometimes the ones you least expected. Avery had certainly been a surprise ever since the day I’d smacked into him in the hallway, but I hadn’t known how much he’d actually come to mean to me.
No, it wasn’t love. I didn’t know him on that level yet.
But what I did know? I’d never felt such a strong connection with anyone before. The kind of connection where it felt like my heart was literally reaching out to him when he was near, and aching when he wasn’t. The type where I got those freaking butterflies when I looked into his pale blue eyes, or when he teased me for something. Just that carefree, weightless feeling when he was with me and then constantly thinking about him when we were apart.
It was slightly addicting, the connection.
As Avery and I left the restaurant and got back into my car, our conversation over dinner played in my head. It’d been going great at first, and we’d both talked about ourselves in ways that we hadn’t at school. We’d laughed and discovered odd things about the other, like my love for comic books and his for trains. I’d known the train fascination already, but he’d gone into more detail.
But then it had turned.
When Avery had started telling me about his family struggling so much, it had felt like a punch to the chest. Especially when I didn’t have to struggle at all. I wanted to help them. I had the means to do it, but I doubted they’d take handouts.
His mom had been nice, if not a little defensive, but now that I knew about their situation—and about Avery’s dad being a bad guy—I understood her behavior toward me. She was only protecting her kids.
Questions were on the tip of my tongue as I drove toward the movie theater, but I clenched my jaw so I wouldn’t ask them.
“Are we okay?” Avery asked from the passenger seat. He wasn’t looking at me, but I could tell he was still watching my movements from the corner of his eye. “I didn’t mean to say all of that.”
“I’m glad you did,” I said, glancing at him before focusing on the road. Since it was Friday night, a lot of people were out. Some walked on the sidewalks down Main Street, probably going to the club or the bars on the strip. “It’s the first time you’ve ever been so open.”
Avery finally looked at me.
“It wasn’t the first time,” he said in a softer tone. “I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone. Like my reason for going to the tracks and all the crazy feelings behind it.”
I smiled as my heart fluttered, almost as if there was a hummingbird inside my chest.
“Yeah, I’ve done the same with you,” I said, staring at the back of the car in front of us. “You’re easy to talk to, and I feel like I can really be myself. So many freaking people want something from me, either my skills on the field, using me for my popularity, or just wanting me ‘cuz I’m pretty.”
I was referring to Chris on that last part, and it stung. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that’s all I’d ever been to him: a trophy boyfriend to prance around and show off for a while.
“But you’re not like that,” I continued, turning my head to study him. He watched me with a guarded expression, and I got the impression it was his defense mechanism in moments when talk became too real. “You’ve never wanted any of that from me. You’ve just wanted me.”
Something flashed in his eyes right before he gave a playful grin. “Well… you are pretty, Mav. But that’s not the reason I like you.”
He’s flirting with me.
I felt so damn giddy right then, like a child whose mom just said he could go into a candy store.
“You’re pretty too,” I said with a wink, laying the flirtation on pretty thick.
He scoffed, and it was hard to miss the legendary eye roll he gave me.
The thing was: I hadn’t been joking. He just didn’t believe me. That told me a lot about him without him having to say a word.
He didn’t see himself clearly. At least, not in the way I saw him.
Arriving at the theater, I snagged a spot near the front and parked. The place wasn’t as busy as I thought it’d be on a Friday. There weren’t too many highly anticipated movies out, so maybe that factored into it.
We got out of my car and began walking toward the entrance. I loved fall. There was just something about the air that made me happy to be alive. A slight chill touched my skin, but it wasn’t too bad. Even from outside the theater, I could smell the popcorn, and I fully intended on getting one of those huge buckets with layers and layers of butter.
As we walked, Avery stared at the ground, his dark hair hanging in his face.
I wanted to brush the dark strands aside so I could see him better, but I’d learned my lesson about touching him without warning. So, I moved closer to him and pressed my hand to his. I didn’t join them, wanting him to make the next move.
To meet me halfway.
He grabbed onto it with a gentle hold. And I couldn’t control my goofy smile as I linked our fingers.
“So, this is a date?” he asked as we reached the entrance.
I opened the door for him with my free hand and followed him inside.
“Yep,” I answered, tossing him the same smile that I was sure would be a permanent fixture on my face for the rest of the evening. “Is that okay with you?”
Avery didn’t answer right away. His brow pulled together and he worried his bottom lip. “I don’t know.” He looked around at the place, before looking back at me. “This is all happening a bit fast, don’t you think?”
So much for the permanent smile. It fell from my face, and a sinking happened in my gut.
Was it too fast?
I’d only talked to Chris for like two weeks before we’d started fooling around. Most other couples in our school had hung out less than that before making things official. Hell, one of my baseball buddies had started dating a girl and within three weeks, they were already saying they loved each other.
Avery and I’d been talking for almost two months. I was allowed to feel the way I did. But if he didn’t feel it, I wasn’t going to force it on him.
I released his hand.
“Sorry,” I said, feeling my throat tighten. “I’ll get our tickets. Give me a sec.”
As I approached the guy at the box office, I tried to compose myself.
That hurt worse than the punch to my face. Maybe Avery wasn’t gay and was just curious. Or maybe he was gay, but he just wasn’t into me. My voice of reason told me to calm the hell down, stop moping, and give him more time. Because he hadn’t said he didn’t want me. He’d just thought we were moving too fast.
“Good evening, how can I help you?” the guy greeted once I was at the counter. His nametag said Cody. He looked a little older than me and was dressed in black sacks and a maroon polo shirt with the movie theater logo on the front pocket.
“Can I get two tickets to The Grotesque for the seven-fifteen show?” I asked, pulling out my wallet. He told me the price, and I handed him a twenty before taking the tickets. “Thanks.”
“Enjoy the movie,” Cody said. “I heard it’s great, if you’re into gore.”
I turned around and didn’t see Avery. The theater wasn’t that big, so there were only a few places he could be. A sitting area was beside the restrooms, consisting of a couch and two loveseats. He wasn’t there.
Video game music from the arcade sounded from the right, so I headed that way.
Avery was looking at some motorcycle game, gliding his fingers along the seat. It was one of those that you actually rode the bike to play the game. Nearing him, I took several deep breaths, not wanting him to see the effect his words had on me.
“Hey,” I said, getting his attention. He flipped around at my voice and held his forearm in an awkward stance. “Here’s your ticket. The guy up front said it’s a good movie. So, we’ll see if he’s right.”
“Thanks.” He took the ticket and looked at it, but I could tell he wasn’t so much interested in the ticket as he was trying to avoid looking at me. Suddenly, his gaze lifted and he started talking really fast. “I’m sorry if I upset you about the dating thing. It’s just complicated with me. I want to… but I’m not sure I can.”
“Why?” I asked, searching his face for answers. Sometimes I could read him better when he wasn’t saying anything. “Is it because of what you said about your home life? You don’t have to be ashamed of it.”
Avery paled a bit more, which was surprising since he was already like porcelain. “That’s not the only reason. We’re just too different, Mav. On opposite sides of the tracks.”
“That’s what intersections are for,” I said, using his metaphor against him.
Even though I saw how hard he tried to fight it, he smiled. “There’s no pushing you away, is there?”
“Not when your lips say one thing but your eyes say another,” I said, stepping a little closer to him and angling my head down a fraction.
The flashing lights from the arcade games caused shadows to move across his face. With his long, dark hair, black lined eyes, and pale skin, he looked ethereal. Unique and beautiful. I wasn’t sure if I’d intended to kiss him right then, but we were so close, I could feel his breath on my skin.
Just an inch or so more and our mouths would meet.
“What do my eyes say?” he whispered, seeming as if he was under the same spell as me. His lips parted as his gaze shifted from mine, to my mouth, and back up again.
“Mav?” a familiar voice called from behind me.
I turned to see Travis with his arm draped around Chelsey, the head cheerleader. She was a huge bitch, and I didn’t understand how a great guy like Travis would stick with her. The sex must’ve been good or something to keep him around.
“Hey, man,” I said, turning my body enough to where I faced him. I made sure not to have my back to Avery, though. “What are y’all watching?”
“The gross movie,” Chelsey answered with a scoff. “I wanted to see the romance, but Travis was all about watching people get their guts pulled out.”
Travis smirked. “I like it, babe.”
“You’re a freak,” she retorted before looking at me. Her whole demeanor changed, going from snooty to flirty in like two seconds flat. She’d been one of the girls that had tried to convert me when I first came out at school. She’d pretty much left a sour taste in my mouth since then. “How about you?”
Wanting to include Avery in the conversation, I touched the small of his back, hoping he didn’t punch me, and said, “Same. But we like that stuff.”
After zeroing in on my arm and who it touched, Chelsey studied Avery, as if seeing him for the first time. I braced myself for any rude remarks she might toss to him—remarks I’d instantly shoot down because I wasn’t going to put up with that crap.
“Oh,” she said, looking him up and down with a disgusted expression. “You’re the guy who’s started sitting at my table at lunch, right?”
I hated the snarky tone she’d used, and I was about to give her a piece of my mind. But Avery had other ideas.
“Your table?” he asked, scrunching his brow in mock surprise. “Wow. I didn’t see your name on it. The nerve of me to sit there, right? It’s almost as if it’s a free country and I can sit wherever the hell I want. Just crazy.”
His sarcasm was too much for me, and I barked out a laugh before I could stop myself.
I’d never heard anyone put Chelsey in her place before, and it made me like Avery even more. Not so much for his smart mouth, but for his backbone to stand up to bullies instead of buckling beneath their taunts.
Chelsey gawked, and when Travis coughed to cover a laugh, she elbowed him in the ribs. “Whatever. I’m going into the movie now.” She shot Travis a lethal look. “I suggest you follow me or you can forget about coming over later.”
Yep. Definitely for the sex.
“Sorry, guys,” Travis said after she stormed off. He looked conflicted about going with her or staying with us, and I wished he’d just dump her. I knew for a fact there was one girl who’d be perfect for him, and it wasn’t Chelsey. “I’ll see you in the theater?”
“Sure,” I said. Once he left, I faced Avery. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” He shifted a little, and I realized my hand was still at his back. I went to move it, but he moved even closer to me, almost to where our chests were touching. I splayed my fingers on his lower back, loving how small he was. “I’m great. And… I don’t know.”
He turned his head to the side and nibbled his lip.
“What is it?” I pressed, way too curious to just let that one go.
“Never mind,” he said, dodging the question. He looked happy, though, and in turn, it made me happy, as corny as it was. “We should probably go or we’ll miss the movie.”
“Good idea.” Before I started walking, I held out my hand to him. He looked at it as a timid smile touched his lips. “You don’t have to, Avery. Only if you want.”
My hand hung in the air, and I wasn’t sure what he was going to do.
When I felt his fingers link with mine, it was like the time I’d run a thirty yard touchdown and won us the game against our rival school. The pride and excitement all rolled into one. That’s how Avery made me feel, but even better.
I wasn’t sure what caused him to change his mind.
“Want some popcorn?” I asked as we left the arcade, hand in hand.
He nodded as a blush crept to his cheeks. Poor guy. He was so pale that it was really noticeable. Not even his hair could hide it.
I didn’t know why he was blushing, until I looked in front of us and saw a group of girls staring at us, giggling excitedly. One even had her phone out and was trying to be sneaky at taking pictures of us. She failed miserably. Something about young guys together really made girls swoon.
After I bought us a large bucket of buttery popcorn and two large sodas—which unfortunately made us stop holding hands to carry—we approached the worker at the podium. She tore our tickets and told us where to go.
Avery was close beside me as we went down the long hallway toward theater nine. Close enough to where his arm brushed against mine, but not close enough for my liking. He kept staring at all the movie posters in the glass cases as we passed by, and I slowed my pace so he could look at them.
It hit me that he’d probably never been to the movies before. And the thought saddened me.
Going out with your friends to dinner and a movie with the money your parents gave you before leaving the house was so common. None of my friends had ever had to worry about where their next meal was coming from or if they’d end up living under a bridge. Movies, restaurants, over-priced lattes, fancy cellphones; they were all things everyone took for granted
But coming face to face with someone who’d never known what that was like? It put so much into perspective.
Avery caught me looking at him and his shoulders hunched a little. The way he flinched at unexpected touches, became wary when the focus was on him, and the negative way he spoke about himself, were all signs that he’d been through something rough.
“What?” he asked, averting his stare.
Horrible comparison, I know, but it reminded me of those dogs that’d been abused, the ones that cowered around people.
“Nothing,” I lied, wishing I didn’t have a huge ass bucket of popcorn in one hand and a soda in the other so I could hold him. “You’re just kind of amazing.”
He quickly looked up at me. Crazy how one compliment could change someone’s whole demeanor. He smiled, going back to the carefree Avery.
“I guess you’re cool too,” he said, giving me an impish grin.
When we made it into the theater, there were hardly any people in there, so we had our pick of the whole place. Well, almost the whole place. Travis and Chelsey were at the very top in the middle, so I knew we weren’t going up there. They’d more than likely be feeling each other up the entire movie anyway, and I wanted to be as far from that as possible.
“Wanna sit here so we can put our feet on the railing?” I asked Avery, pointing to the seats toward the bottom.
“Sure,” he answered before leading the way down the aisle.
After we were seated, the previews started. I munched on the popcorn, loving the salty, buttery goodness. I caught Avery’s eye and tilted the bucket toward him. He smiled and reached in, grabbing a few pieces and slowly eating them.
The first preview was some slasher movie that looked like it’d suck, but might be fun to watch as a one-timer.
My attention drifted to Avery.
He watched the screen with such interest that it was hard for me to do the same. All I wanted to do was look at him. His side profile was gorgeous, just like the rest of him. His nose sloped upward just a little at the very end, and his full, bottom lip jutted out sexily. The black around his eyes emphasized the pale blue of his iris even more, just like I noticed it always did.
His stare flashed to mine before I could look away. Crap.
“Everything okay?” he asked as his brows drew together.
I nodded and looked back at the screen. I scooted closer to the right of my seat, angling my body closer to him. If I wasn’t mistaken, he did the same.
When the previews ended, the lights in the theater dimmed, and suddenly, everything felt different. I was all too aware of Avery’s body next to me, how his arm on the armrest between us touched mine, how the warmth of his skin seeped into my skin too, and how it was hard to breathe.
The beginning of the movie came on, but I couldn’t focus on the forest scene, the eerie music playing, or the names of the actors appearing on the screen. All I knew was the feel of Avery’s hair as he moved his head and it brushed against my ear.
And that, of course, made me even more aware of him.
As some guy was running through the woods, being chased by some unseen force, I shifted even closer to Avery. He stilled beside me, and I was afraid I’d invaded his space too much. Before I moved away, though, something happened.
He scooted closer and laid his head on my shoulder. His long hair brushed my cheek as he settled in more before getting comfortable.
My heart went nuts. Maybe even melted a bit. I wanted to put my arm around him, but that’d require me having him lift up so I could get my arm behind him, and I didn’t want the moment to end. He just felt too amazing against me.
So, instead, I upturned my palm on the armrest. An invitation.
He slid his hand into mine with no hesitation, and our fingers intertwined.
Funny how something as simple as holding his hand could affect me so much. Grounded me; but also made me feel like I was flying.
I nuzzled my face into his hair, loving the scent of him. Not sure what exactly he smelled like, something sweet and something unknown, but whatever it was, it was quickly becoming my favorite smell in the world.
I rested my cheek on his head and looked back at the screen.
Later that night, after I’d dropped him off at home, I crawled into bed, but I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.
I was too wired, too excited. Too… everything.
I’d crushed on him for a while, but it was greater now. Our date that night was like the nail in the coffin for me.
I was thoroughly hooked on Avery and the feelings he created within me.
My stomach fluttered when I remembered us cuddled together during the movie, and how he’d turned his face more into my arm on some of the gruesome parts.
Even though he wasn’t near me, I could still remember the way he smelled and the perfect way his head fit on my shoulder.
An ache formed in my chest at the absence of him, and I wished he had a phone so I could text him. As I played through scenarios of me buying him a phone—and the backlash I’d probably get from him for doing such a thing—I kicked off my shoes, shrugged out of my jeans, and slid off my shirt. I lay down in bed afterward and just stared at the ceiling.
That’s when my phone vibrated.
Leaning over the edge of the bed, I grabbed my discarded jeans and retrieved my cell from the back pocket. My skin prickled when I saw who the text was from.
Chris: Hey. You up?
Me: Yeah… why?
I regretted replying to him, mostly because I was done with his crap and still kind of mad about him cheating. The anger was still present from the betrayal, but the hurt over him being with another guy was gone.
Chris: I’m sorry for what I did. You were nothing but amazing, and I hate that I went and screwed it all up.
I read his text several times before clicking the box to reply.
Me: Look, Chris. Yeah, what you did was messed up. But it was probably for the best. The long distance thing wouldn’t have worked 4ever, and missing out on someone awesome just to keep the relationship going wasn’t fair to either of us.
Chris: You found someone else???
Me: Yeah. Kind of. Not sure how he feels about things, but I’m all in.
It took him a while to respond, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he was upset at my confession or if he was with his boyfriend. My feeling was the same for both options, though: I didn’t care.
Chris: I’m happy for you.
Me: Thanks. How’re things with the bf?
Chris: We broke up. But I’m seeing a few guys atm, so it’s cool.
Me: Oh. Sorry it didn’t work with him.
Chris: Shit happens. Turns out he was screwing a guy at his gym. So karma really is a bitch.
The knowledge he’d been cheated on didn’t make me happy. Honestly, it made me sad for him. There I was in the beginning stages of what I hoped would be an incredible relationship with Avery, while Chris was starting from scratch.
Me: If you ever need to talk, I’m here.
Chris: Thanks, Mav. I hope things work out with the new guy.
I wasn’t sure why he’d texted me that night. Perhaps he’d apologized because he wanted to get back together since he’d broken up with his boyfriend. Or maybe he’d just been guilty and finding out that I’d moved on helped give him peace of mind.
I refused to dwell on it.
Our time together had been great, but some relationships weren’t meant to last forever. Sometimes, people came into your life for a short amount of time before going down a different path, and that was okay.
Not every love story had to end in a happily ever after. I had loved Chris, but I knew he wasn’t the guy I wanted to spend my life with.
A gut feeling told me, though, that maybe Avery was.