Chapter 13

Present Day

 

There are certain aspects of my life that I look back on and immediately feel a sense of pride. The first and foremost is making the decision to serve my country in the Air Force, which is my crowning achievement and one of the highlights of my life.

I had my doubts at first. I yearned to be home and with my friends but instead was homesick for the first few weeks. Although my last encounter with Sage was a breaking point for us, I still missed him terribly and I knew I’d been the worst friend in the history of best friends.

During my time in the USAF, I’d made mistakes that I’ll take to my grave – ones that had life and death consequences. College would have been easier, less complicated and led me into a completely different life, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Nor would I trade my other proud accomplishment. While the reason for his birth is somewhat of a mess, there is nothing I would change about bringing my son into the world. Taylor is the best thing that ever happened to me and the light of my life. He came into the world at a time where I had let love go and didn’t want it again. Another reason I chose to stay with Lisa. It was safe to be with her because I didn’t love her, nor did she love me.

But having a child and holding a newborn in the crook of your arms for the first time does something to a man. His cherub face, pouty lips, and the sweet coos that he emitted while asleep reached into my ragged and torn heart and rebuilt me. Restored my faith in mankind and love.

And through the years, it helped me to come to terms with the love I had buried deep inside me for both Sage and London. It helped me recognize some things about myself that I’d never allowed myself to think before then.

But there is still that low point in my life that will forever fill me with regret. And I need Sage to know how sorry I am for the way I treated him and the things I said before I left.

I ponder all of this as Sage and I sit outside on the huge patio overlooking his property and the huge infinity pool he has in the backyard. I’d returned to the bedroom after speaking with Sage in the hallway to find London awake and getting ready to go out to the stables. Sage had bought her a quarter-horse a few years back and she wanted to go for a ride this morning before breakfast.

Sipping the cup of strong, Italian coffee that one of his house staff poured for me, I stare off over the lush green valley of his property, toward the horse barn out in the back acreage where London went off to ride. Blows my fucking mind that he has the kind of dough now, considering his poor upbringing. Knowing where Sage came from and where he was raised, I never in a million years expected his life to turn out this way. A bigtime recording star and celebrity with a million-dollar estate. It’s insane and so incongruent with who he was the last time I saw him.

“You’re sure living the good life and have it made here, man.”

Sarcasm drips from Sage’s tone. “For a fuck-up, ex-con you mean? Or for a kid who once had nothing and now seems to have it all?”

Shaking my head, I take another sip from the hot mug and remain silent. He’s been raring for a fight since last night and I’m not about to give him cause to kick me out. Not yet, anyway. I came here at London’s request to get Sage some help. And hopefully make amends. I’m not about to fuck it up by losing my patience and falling for his bitter attacks.

I try the lighter approach. “Nah, for a guy who sucks at guitar playing.”

Sage knows I’m joking because his lips quirk up at the corners in a smile and he flips me the middle finger.

“Hardee-har-har. You’re so funny for a dumb ex-jock.”

The air turns a little lighter with the humor injected in and we watch London off in the distance riding around in the penned corral. I want so badly to bring up the topic that still mars the space between us, but I’m not sure where to begin.

From the looks of it, Sage hasn’t lost any sleep over it.

I steer the topic to something less brittle for the moment, hoping to save face and ease into our conversation and the apology I need to make at some point.

Over the years, once I realized and hashed out my feelings toward Sage, I’d rehearsed over and over again what I would say to him when the time came. When I got up the courage to tell him that I’d screwed up all those years ago and never meant to hurt him.

But there was always something preventing our reunion from happening. I’d be back stateside for only brief moments while I was enlisted and only had time to visit my parents. And then when my enlistment period in the Air Force was over, I moved to Georgia for a while with Lisa and then decided to go to the smokejumper academy for forest firefighting. I was stationed in several locations until I returned to the Smoky Mountain area.

This career decision was a huge source of contention for me and Lisa and was really the last straw in our marriage. It really didn’t matter what caused it, because the relationship was bound to end sooner rather than later. The only thing that mattered now was making sure Taylor was loved and cared for and we could figure out the co-parenting shit.

And figuring out a way to repair and salvage the relationship that I once had with Sage.

“You’ve stayed close to London,” I hedge, checking out his reaction with a side glance over the rim of my coffee cup. “I’m glad you two could remain together.”

Sage makes a loud scoffing noise. “You’re such a liar, Cam. Get real. You’re fucking jealous that we’ve had a thing all this time and it’s had nothing to do with you. And I bet you’re dying to know whether I fucked her with another guy who wasn’t you.”

I inhale through my nose, counting to ten like I learned so many years ago in my special ops training when working underwater. It helps you to remain calm and in control of your anxiety and fear. Or in this case, my anger.

He’s just trying to get under your skin.

I lift the corner of my mouth in a smirk, rolling my eyes.

“You’re so wrong it’s not even funny. I’m not jealous, Sage. I’m relieved.”

My comment seems to throw Sage, whose mouth gapes open wide in surprise. His face scrunches and tightens in disbelief.

Quirking my eyebrows, I turn in my seat to face him.

“I’m serious, man. I walked away and left her hanging. I was an asshole of epic proportions. And I’m glad that once you got out, she had someone who was there for her. To take care of her and be there for her through everything.”

Sage chuckles and he stands, walking toward the edge of the pool, his back to me.

He looks pretty good from every angle, especially his backside – considering all he’s been through. Still tall and lanky, but bulkier now with tattoos wrapped around his arms and calf. I haven’t seen his bare back, but I’ve heard he has a full masterpiece in vibrant colors across his shoulder blades.

I’m struck with a sudden desire to see him naked and find all the tattoos he has hidden from the world that the casual observer wouldn’t know exist.

“If you think I was the one to take care of her, you obviously don’t know me at all.” He replies heartlessly. He stares off toward London who is now brushing the horse’s coat near the stable.

Sage’s voice turns wistful. Nostalgic. “She was the only one who ever loved me no matter what. And I fucking pissed all over that. She’s a tough girl, though. She knew her mind and never gave in just to placate me.”

He grows silent and bends his head as I stand up and move behind him. Placing a hand at the nape of his neck, I squeeze gently but firmly, feeling the bristle of his hair over my fingers. Unable to stop myself, I tip his head toward me, closing the distance between us.

My lips land at the top of his head and I kiss him once. He resists for a moment, but then gives in with a sigh. It’s my way of telling him thank you for being with her. For his perseverance in digging himself out of the hole that was left behind in his life and making something of himself. It’s a kiss that says, I’m sorry I hurt you and fucked up. I love you, still.

My lips move down the side of his face, over the bristle of his jawline until they land on the corner of his mouth. Neither of us move for a moment, scared of what happens next. Worried it will open Pandora’s Box and the history of our lives will come barreling out.

I cover his mouth with mine, a kiss to say all the things I can’t tell him. His lips infuse with mine and our breaths are labored. There’s no tongue and it’s not overly lustful, but the kiss packs enough punch to prove to him that I truly mean what I say. As I pull away to a wide-eyed Sage, the words to tumble out of my mouth.

“Sage, I’m so sorry for the way I ended things. How I treated you and left you when you needed me the most. You have absolutely every right not to forgive me, but I hope someday you will consider it.” I stop for a moment and purse my lips together tightly. “I was young and stupid and scared.”

“Yeah, fucker. You and me both.”

I swallow, trying to get out all the words that have lived inside my heart for years.

“I know. But I was scared of you. Scared of having you. Losing you. Loving you. It was never my intent to hurt you when you were going through the worst ordeal of your life. Especially when I loved you so fucking much.”

He yanks his head back and out of my grasp, glaring at me with malice.

“You loved me? You’re a fucking asshole,” he spits, pushing me away with a hard shove at my pecs, stepping out of my reach. “You sure had a funny way of showing it.”

I rub a hand down my face with disgust. Sage is absolutely right to resent me for being such a dick to him. I’m just about to say more when London appears and interrupts us.

“Good morning, boys.”

Her megawatt smile washes over us and casts a magic spell, making the last ten years disappear into thin air. “How about I go wash up and meet you two in the kitchen in fifteen and we can make some breakfast and get caught up.”

She waves at us both and heads into the house, turning to give us a flirty wink.

“And don’t you think I don’t remember how good your pancakes are, Cameron Lucas.”

My eyes dart from London’s retreating form to Sage and back again when he pivots and follows her.

“You heard the lady,” he calls over his shoulder, with a chuckle and a shrug. “Better not keep her waiting. She’s a bitch when she’s hangry.”

I guess I’m on pancake duty. And the rest of our conversation will go on the back burner, along with that kiss.