Chapter 26
JEWELS
I wake up wanting—needing—to feel happy. After a week of being wrapped up in my bed sheets, I want a moment where I feel euphoria; I want that passion-filled love that Tyson and I had shared. But I realize that those moments will never be again. Who was I kidding? I don’t fit into Tyson’s world. I’m a country girl who wants a ranch. Not a city slicker who is fine with the corruption, wealth, power, and prestige that Tyson is accustomed to.
I force myself to shower today, putting on jeans, not sweat pants like I really want, and a T-shirt. I go about my morning, grabbing a bowl of granola cereal to sit at my small circular kitchen table.
A knock on the door has me standing up, opening the door. I don’t bother to check to see who it is. I just open. Tyson stands in front of me, looking battered.
“Jewels.” He says my name like relief has sucker punched him in the stomach. He goes to take a step toward me, like he needs to embrace me. I want it, but I would only be hurting myself if I accept it.
I can feel the pressure behind my eyes. “No.” I have to force that word out, my throat hitching.
“No?” he questions, confused, his eyes scanning me over like he is making sure I am the one without wounds.
The words I want to say are at the tip of my tongue but can’t seem to come up my throat.
“I can’t.” I hold onto the door, it being the only thing keeping me standing. My eyes moisten as I try to find the right words to tell him.
“I can’t,” I start again, “give you what you need.” My free hand gestures between us, my heart breaking for the two of us. “I will never fit into your world.” I feel a tear shedding as I fight it back. Each of my words coming out slowly as I fight the waterfall fighting to break loose. “I want a ranch, Tyson.” Shakily, I take in a breath as I fight to finish. “You want to rule this other world you belong to.”
“I love you, Jewels.” His words are strong and he takes my moment of weakness to wrap his arms around me. I can feel both of our hearts beating strong. But never in unison. If our hearts can’t even stay in the same rhythm how will we ever be strong enough to fight everyone else off? Our two worlds fight each other, only leaving me damaged, lost, and broken.
“It’s not enough, Tyson.” I shake my head and follow with a poor attempt to step away from his grasp. “Andrea is the one you seem to constantly migrate to.” My words are a hoarse whisper, my body fighting each word.
“I don’t love her. I won’t ever see her again.” I look up to see his eyes pleading with me. My reflection in them cuts me, as I see my tears in his.
“We know that isn’t true.” A sob breaks through. “She is perfect for you. She has the family, the wealth, the power, the life in your world. And she loves you.” I can see it, how can he not?
“You don’t want this.” He shakes his head like I’m saying the most ridiculous thing ever.
“I can’t love you like she can.” I duck under his arms and out of his embrace. I take his stunned shock to close and lock the door in front of him.
Banging erupts on the other side. “Jewels! Let me make this right,” he yells out, voice strong. He bangs some more and Mandy comes running out of her room to see me fall like a puddle behind the door, crying.
“I won’t let you give up on this!” He bangs again. Mandy sits next to me on the floor, holding me. The same position she did when I found out my dad was gone and never coming back.
My phone rings beside me but all I want to do is sit and cry. I don’t feel like I am ready to be done. But I am stubborn and driven once I put my mind on a task. This is the new me. I choke back my sob, trying to pull myself together. I count to three in my head, it takes three times before I get myself under control.
Just as I reach for my phone, Mandy touches my hand. “You don’t have to pick that up.”
The ringing brings me hope that there might be some good news about the ranch. I need to put myself one hundred percent into something to get over Tyson.
Mandy is right that it’s time I get my ass in gear and start living. I will not allow one setback to put me where I was one year ago. Having her beside me gives me the extra courage I need.
I lift my cell to my ear just as I swipe the call to answer. Impatient thing, I think to myself as it’s still ringing.
“Hello.” My voice is low and unsteady.
“Miss Rogers.” The tone is formal and unnerving.
“Yes?” I wait, feeling like this is an important call.
“This is Deputy Sherriff Rhodes from Three Rivers’s police station. I am calling to inform you that your brother, Luke Rogers, has been arrested. I suggest you find a lawyer, if you don’t already have one.”
I nod, even though I know the other person can’t see me. I can’t bring myself to speak. I try to respond but my words are muffled by more sobs being unleashed. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Mandy’s questioning look of who is calling me. I can’t bring myself to look at her.
I never truly allowed myself to deal with the incidents that forced me to move here a year ago. Instead, I bottled it all up and moved on with my life. Now that I have allowed that gate to open, I have no control. It’s exploding out of me, and I can’t pretend it’s not there.
Slowly, I bring my phone away from my ear. Why does all of this shit have to be happening now? Needing a release that doesn’t involve more tears, which I’m certain is impossible, I throw my phone against the wood cupboards. But that’s not enough. My pent-up anger from my whole last year, last month, and last week hits me like a freight train. Mandy’s gentle touches to my back only infuriates me more.
Picking up my phone that now boasts a cracked screen, I walk over to the kitchen and smash it down into the sink. I wish that is where it ended, but instead I pick it up again, forcefully jamming it down the drain, running some water, then tossing on the switch to the garbage disposal.
The jarring metal on metal sound hits the air before I turn off the switch and water, to only cry more as I go into my room, ignoring Mandy’s calls for me to come talk to her.